Boundaries of Logic
by Jamille Shane
Summary: The continuation of Disgrace and Honor. There are many things that will change. There are other things that will be revealed. What does T'Pau have planned? As a result of those plans, what will happen between Sarek and Amanda?
1. Chapter 1

Pregnant Lady

Sarek awoke at the end of his sleep cycle. The space next to him was empty. His mind immediately checked the marital bond. Amanda was a mere five months into her pregnancy and had developed two very worrying symptoms.

The narcolepsy appeared at three months gestation. The first incident -finding his wife lying in a heap- was alarming to say the least. When he reached her side and checked her, he realized she was merely sleeping. As long as his wife obtained adequate nocturnal rest and several short naps throughout the day, her symptoms were nearly under control. But lately she was not receiving the proper sleep at night because of the latest development in her hybrid pregnancy. As Sarek sat up in bed he suspected that next habit was afoot.

He stood and made his way to the kitchen area. And as suspected, his wife was indeed indulging in the second troublesome symptom. "Amanda, you should be sleeping at this time," he informed her.

"I know," she said around a mouthful of melted Muenster cheese on toasted rye with black olives and garlic pickles. "But I'm hungry, Sarek."

His wife, these days, was always hungry. Five months along and not at all showing, she had also managed not to gain an ounce of weight. But the baby grew. His son seemed determined to swallow every calorie his mother consumed leaving her nearly famished at all times. It was a deep concern for T'Niye, her healer, to see that the mother was losing weight as the child grew. The nutrients she could not provide for the child were being taken directly from her and given to the developing fetus. Amanda, it seemed, literally couldn't stop eating.

As well as the sandwich in her hand, there was a slice of the latest delivery made by Maya earlier that day. Her best friend seemed to have partway become dedicated to making sure Amanda had something high calorie on-hand at all times. Sarek had to restrain a growl when the artificial chocolate confection showed up at his house. There was a sexual restriction on himself and Amanda until she entered her third qua-mester. He had only five weeks to wait until then, but he decided in the meantime to avoid chocolate, even fake chocolate, in case he could not control his reaction to it.

He sat down at the table with his wife. "How much have you ingested today, Amanda?"

"Well the days I go to work seem to be a slight problem. I can't eat during the time I'm teaching. I have to wait for my break. I seem to do better if I can snack constantly, but that would be so unprofessional!" she complained as she finished off the last of her sandwich.

Part of him groaned in want as he watched her dig into the faux-chocolate desert before her. She seemed to realize something then. "I'm so sorry, Sarek!" she said as she swallowed her first mouthful of cake. "Do you want a bite-"

"Amanda!" he said, shocked at what she was about to suggest. The woman had been attempting to seduce him for the past week. She had become sexually aggressive and it was becoming harder to resist her. Even if the chocolate in the cake wasn't real, he couldn't help but wonder what his wife had up her sleeve. He could tell she had had something planned for him. It would be just her brand of mischief to slip a real piece in, just for him, to heat things up a bit between them.

"Sarek, we have no proof that sex will hurt this pregnancy," she said as she continued eating since she could read his true concern coming at her from their bond.

"I do not wish to find out," he said. "T'Niye is of the opinion that perhaps this precaution should be taken and I tend to agree."

"Well until then at least I can eat," she said. But she was clearly disappointed.


	2. Status Quo

Status Quo

Dana's body hurt all over. She had spent the day before partaking in an ancient ritual with Turan. It involved nighttime desert walking with the goal of staying awake (and alive), to greet the dawn together. In the middle of it they had shared cold tea made in the heart of the desert. It was an ancient ritual from pre-Surakian times to signify that two people had decided to face the future with one another and become one. The only things she'd gotten out of the ritual was terribly aching muscles and a stiff neck from when she went home and fell asleep in an awkward position and was too bone tired to move out of it. She'd knew she had also gotten even more respect from Turan out of the ritual, but she was in such misery she temporarily forgot that angle.

He had made it more than clear he was not going to be a strict hardliner for Vulcans ways in their marriage or when they raised their children, but there were certain customs he wanted to adhere to. She could only respect that that was his heritage and that's what he wanted to do, so she'd done the ritual.

She rolled herself out of bed and smiled despite her pain as she wondered why in the world T'Niye of all people wanted to attend her bachelorette party. The old woman was an enigma. She never showed an ounce of anything, but never once did she have the feeling the old woman was judging her. It wasn't a surprise that Demek was from the same family on his mother's side. She knew whatever clan this was that Maya had already promised a future child was going to be in good hands with T'Niye as their leader.

Her comm went off. "Dana here," she answered.

"My soon-to-be wife," said Turan's voice with a hint of something 'extra' in it.

Her face instantly smiled. "What are you doing calling me so early?"

"I wished to hear your voice," he admitted. "Are you suffering ill effects from last night's ritual?"

"I am," she admitted. "My body is killing me and my neck is so stiff."

"I shall help you with that this evening," he promised.

"Thank you, Turan," she said with relief.

"May we share a meal together this evening?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure we can."

"May I bring it and prepare it in your kitchen?"

Her eyes went wide. "You want to cook for _me_?"

"Yes, of course."

Her heart was overflowing with love and giddiness as she laughed. "Yes, you can cook for me tonight," she said as she stopped herself from adding 'anytime you want'. The few times she had used that phrase Turan had shown up during strange times of day with the reasoning that he had been told by Dana he could do whatever it was he wished 'anytime he wanted'.

"I will see you later this evening, Dana."

"See you later," she said and then signed off. She grinned wide as her face blushed. "I'm getting married," she muttered to herself with happy jittery nerves.

####

Maya lay awake in bed that morning. She didn't have to get up for another half an hour. Sokam was lying next to her, having put himself into meditation while lying down. She missed him sorely. He was so close, yet things were heavy with tension between them.

It all began when he informed her that due to his Healer's training there would have to be periods of time when not only would their bond have to be shut down, but they could not engage in any 'compromising activities'. They hadn't had sex in two months. She smiled up at the ceiling. Well at least, she mused, she knew it really was the training and not her. She'd stepped out of the shower the other day soaking wet and had no idea he had been standing right there in their bathroom the entire time watching her silhouette through the closed partition.

"Sokam!" she jumped at seeing him there as she stepped out of the shower.

His eyes were bright with want as they roamed her still wet curves. "Are you in… _need_ of anything, my wife?" he asked.

"You stop that now, sir," she said as she grabbed a long robe and quickly threw it onto her body. "You have exams in less than two weeks and if they detect lingering emotions from any of our marital activities I'm not going to risk your resentment later."

"To resent you for my desires would not be logical, Maya," he said as he attempted to grab her into his arms.

"No, nonononono!" she said rapidly as she squirmed away from him. "You stop right there. You have a goal you're trying to attain and I'm trying to help you by not throwing parts at you all of the time. So don't test me because I'm close to giving in! And then if I do I'm going to feel guilty and you're going to get found out and you're going to have to start this part of your coursework all over again if you give in to this now. Okay? BE-HAVE yourself."

He sighed and folded his arms, trying to keep them to himself. "You are correct, my wife," he said as he reasserted his control. The part of training he was in was taxing him on every level. It was not a known factor, but most Healers had to become, to some extent, emotionally compromised and then rebuilt from the ground up to become the best Healers they could. He was no exception to that rule. And the one form of release he wanted was the one thing he couldn't have. His wife.

Maya lay in bed and thought about it as reasonably as she could. At least she had a packed schedule to keep her mind off of being sexually frustrated. When she wasn't working at the museum, she was either learning better mental controls or studying Surak with T'Niye, researching in Demek's library on Vulcan's past with Dana right across the table looking into his collection of translated Vulcan psychology texts, or baking high calorie treats for Amanda.

She sat up and decided to start her day early. Dana's bachelorette party was the next day and she wanted to bake cupcakes for it.

####

Patricia ran the scanner over herself again. Her heart was broken. "Sorry, Soryn," she said as she confirmed her suspicion. "I'm still not pregnant."

"It has been a mere two years and six months. That does not mean-"

"Amanda got pregnant after less than two months of marriage. We used to think it was because we weren't the same species and that was why, but if she can get pregnant that fast with no interventions that means it _is_ possible and that means something is probably wrong with one or both of us," said Patricia with conviction. "We can see T'Niye! She's already committed herself to helping out if we want it."

"I do not believe there is any reason for us to be hasty, Patricia," he said.

She wanted to grab his neck and choke. "Well fine," she snapped. "Fine! We won't be _hasty_," she said as she grabbed her school supplies and went to teach her morning class.

He knew his wife was now angry with him. "Patricia, please do not leave in a state of anger or distress."

She rubbed away the tears flowing down her face. "Fine, okay? I'm not mad at you, okay? I'm going to see T'Niye _for_ myself and _by_ myself. You don't have to come and get yourself checked out. Although if I do say so myself, I don't know if a middle aged Vulcan male is being reasonable or _logical_ in thinking his swimmers are just as strong at 125 as they were at 25!" she snapped.

Soryn watched his wife leave their room. He felt it was a fortunate thing that _T'Sai_ Amanda had only been hired two days a week. Every time Patricia saw her, now, it seemed to be a constant reminder of them having not yet had the ability to conceive together. He felt they should wait a full three years before submitting to any testing but his wife, for some reason, felt that at 31 she should do it now. He did not understand why it was such an urgent issue for her and that if she simply used logic she would see that having a child might not at all enrich their lives. It would, in fact, complicate things.

He had been married before and had taken every precaution to ensure he never became a father. It was not because he did not wish to become a father. He didn't realize, until he was much older, that the marriage between himself and his former wife had been less than harmonious and as a result he had no desire to produce offspring with her.

If he was honest with himself he had to admit that it would cause joy within him to know his current wife carried their child. But apart of him knew that the pregnancy would hold untold complications for her. Already he saw that Amanda was given to sleeping fits, having to constantly eat, and she was beginning to look as if the food she took in was not at all benefiting her. He did not want to see Patricia waste away during a pregnancy, not even to further his line.

He preferred that, first, all of the things that needed to be determined about Terran/Vulcan pregnancies should be worked out before his wife risked her life on so many unknown factors. He could not help but think that he would lose his wife via such a pregnancy. No, he did not want to lose Patricia, especially not that way.


	3. Bachelorette Party

Bachelorette Party

Mariana had been cooped up in the kitchen all day. She had a headache that was so terrible it felt like her skull was about to explode in a mass of melted brain matter. At least she knew there was enough food to feed all of the guests coming to the party that night.

They were expecting five ladies from Dana's job, the Bajoran woman that cleaned house for Sarek, Amanda, Patricia, Maya and of course, the guest of honor, Dana. Mariana had also invited three non-Terran ladies she knew from her own position at the hospital. Maya was also bringing three female Vulcans with her from her job at the museum, so Mariana felt an obligation to make sure there were vegetarian dishes, as well. She had worked hard to keep the two sets of food separate since she didn't know whether or not the Vulcans, and two other non-Vulcan vegetarians, would be put off at seeing their food on the same table with meat dishes. She also knew T'Niye was coming and so had been very careful in her preparation of everything, tenaciously keeping the vegetarian and non-vegetarian food apart from one another to prevent cross-contamination. She also didn't know whether or not Amanda could even have meat at that point.

Her worry over Amanda was increasing with every week that passed. She had, at the request of T'Niye, gone to the part of the hospital the Healer worked at and allowed her to use her body as a living, healthy Terran female template. She knew the elder Vulcan had also done so with Maya earlier. But as a medical professional, between all of the questions and answers from her to T'Niye and back, Mariana had begun to put together just how much danger Amanda was in due to her pregnancy. The Healer had, of course, recruited Mariana to keep an eye on Amanda anytime she happened to be around her. As a veteran of the medical field the nurse knew to keep all she learned or even suspected to herself. Still, she couldn't help but wonder how many non-Vulcan females going through a pregnancy with a Vulcan child would carry a live child to-term and also actually emerge alive themselves as the carrier of said pregnancy.

It was one of the reasons her head was hurting. Every woman she was close to on Vulcan was married to a Vulcan or -in Dana's case- about to marry one. She had only just met Amanda and Dana, but both women had become like sisters to her. She had known Maya most of her life and now, here she was, married to Sokam and who knew when she would decide to have his child? And then there was Patricia. She hadn't had as much opportunity to get to know her as she would have liked, but she thought she was nice enough and given time she knew the two would probably become very good friends.

She was missing Jhuleem, as well. He had returned to Cardassia Prime to further his education in a special workshop and would not return for months. She knew he was also being called to task by his family for his involvement with her. She hoped he didn't say or do anything that got him disowned. Just one of them being banned from their planet of origin was enough; she even wondered, deep down inside, if he was ever going to come back. It was enough to make her want to drink until she was unconscious. But she had vowed to not go down that path again and had made it this far without overindulging. Maybe she would look into some meds to help combat the craving for alcohol.

The bell rang. Party time.

The moment Amanda walked through the door she was at the food table. Within five seconds she was taking the opportunity to eat one of everything she could get her hands on. "Are you supposed to be eating meat?" asked Mariana with a frown.

"T'Niye said I can. And Sarek, well…he just basically looks the other way. I'm so hungry I can barely get enough of anything as it is. Any food source is a good food source right now," she said as she grabbed a third mini-sandwich. "T'Niye is in the middle of formulating a safe high-calorie meal replacement pill for me now so I don't have to keep eating like this, but it's not ready yet."

As the guests arrived, they found themselves wondering what kind of party it was going to turn into. The Vulcans, and two non-Vulcan vegetarians (one Terran, one not), sort of stayed clustered at the vegetarian table, everyone else stayed at the meat table, and then T'Niye showed up with Maya. The Vulcan females basically took one focused look at her and froze, unsure of the protocol in their current situation. They hadn't expected an elder at this particular social gathering.

Everyone spent the first hour mingling and eating. T'Niye was instrumental in getting the three Vulcan females to mingle with the rest of the ladies at the party. The Healer indiscriminately walked about and made certain to speak with everyone, enquiring after their health since that was her field of expertise.

They spent the next hour engaging in silly party games. Most of the guests wound up in peals of laughter during them and the Vulcan females very good-naturedly participated to the best of their abilities with straight faces, despite the illogicalness of the games. Mostly they were curious about Terran customs and ways and found themselves going along in the hopes of understanding humans better. By the end of the games, though, the three Vulcan females were internally even more confused.

Dana then opened the few gifts that had been brought for her. After that, the party broke up. The guests left happy, full of food and laughing. The Vulcan females from Maya's job, though confused, concluded that it had been a night that brought up more questions than answers; curiosity spiked for a Vulcan was a good thing and they had fuel to get at Maya with question after question on the next workday.

####

When the last of the casual guests were gone, but Dana's core friends were still there -Amanda, Maya, Mariana and now Patricia- the women filed back to Sarek's for their slumber party.

Once everyone changed into their pajamas, Maya pulled out her PADD and called up her music display. "You know what time it is, ladies!" she said as she hooked it up to her tiny portable speakers.

"Oh, come on!" all protested, except for Patricia who had no clue what was going on.

Maya nodded emphatically. "No, no, no, the rest of us didn't get this custom because there was time for us. But come on, we have to dance for the new bride so she'll be fertile!" Maya pressed a button on her PADD and ancient Egyptian music began to play. The percussions made her begin a simple hand clap, then she stood and pulled Dana up with her, "You, dance for your fertility!" she laughed. Then she looked at Amanda, "And you know you should be dancing for your labor! Let's go ladies!"

Mariana was up instantly, dancing. But Patricia stood and, "What exactly are we supposed to be doing?" she asked as she watched Maya and Mariana begin doing hip drops and core isolations to the music. She also saw Dana and Amanda doing shoulder shimmies back and forth at one another while grinning. "Oh my god, you all have done this before!" she said in an almost accusatory way.

They both laughed as Mariana said, "Maya and I started out in class together when we were teenagers. Maya quit for years and then came back again in college." The two girls then split up, and stood on either side of Patricia, showing her what to do.

Dana was holding her own while dancing with a huge grin. Maya had introduced this form of dancing to her and Amanda two years before and they still did it from time to time just for fun, but the fact that they were belly dancing that night, in her honor, made her smile even wider as she danced.

There were five women dancing in his common room, but Sarek was only watching his wife. He couldn't believe that he had known her as long as he had and had no clue she was capable of moving _that_ way. At one point, Amanda took her shirt and tied it up so that her very tiny swell of pregnant belly was showing. As she smiled and did a little round hip circle, she then turned on cue with the music, looked straight at him and put her arms up in a temple position. When she gently punched her hip in his direction he felt his mouth go involuntarily dry. She then went into shoulder shimmies and he found himself saying, "My wife, should you exert yourself this way? Perhaps it is unsafe for the child-"

"It will make my labor easier, Sarek," she said as she carefully, slowly, danced over to him and then shimmied as his eyes remained trained on her hips. That ended things right there as every lady in the room saw the Vulcan's ears go green and they all fell into horrible fits of laughter and couldn't stand up, let alone dance, any longer.

The music was put away at that point and they all settled in and talked while they ate Maya's home-baked junk food in the Common Room in their pajamas. Sarek continued to watch from the other side of the room. After he peeled his eyes off of his wife and forced his mind away from what he wanted to do with her, but couldn't, he wondered at the social customs going on that evening. In the conversation that ensued at that point, it seemed Dana was the subject of jest after jest involving the possibilities of her surviving the wedding night. He raised his eyebrow at Terran humor. One thing was a certainty. He realized that most Terrans that could laugh at themselves usually did quite well in their culture. Self deprecation seemed to be a sign that one did not see themselves as superior to others. If that were the case, he speculated, Dana would go quite far in the Terran world. She was red-faced with laughter by the fifth joke.

Mariana's comm activated. She stood and left the room quickly as all of the ladies continued to chatter. She reemerged and said, "I gotta go to the hospital, girls!"

"Ahhhh!" they all chorused disappointedly.

"I'm fine, I'm fine! I expected it might happen since I am technically on call all weekend," said Mariana as she grabbed her bag. "They've seen me show up in pajamas before, I can go like this. I have to change into medical digs anyway."

Sarek moved from his spot immediately. "It is late, Mariana. I will have Shin accompany you."

"Thanks!" she said as she left.

####

They all retired to Maya's old room after that and as soon as the door closed, Patricia exclaimed, "I can't believe Soryn's let me out of his sight for this long!"

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how ridiculous is your Vulcan husband?" asked Amanda.

Patricia laughed. "Nine point five!"

"Eight!" Amanda shouted.

"Seven…unless another man is anywhere near me that isn't related to him," Maya said.

"And then?" asked Amanda.

"He becomes an 11!"

All of the ladies giggled at that and then Dana's face grew serious. "Guys, for real, can you tell me how bad it is…I mean you know…'it'. Turan's isn't due yet as far as I know, but I am curious about what I'll go through."

They all looked at one another. They knew what she was talking about. "I haven't been through it yet," admitted Amanda. "I am nervous about that, but Patricia and Maya have gone through it."

"Pon Farr is awful," exclaimed Patricia. "I never want to go through it again, but I know I'm going to have to. I have it on good authority, though, that with the right tech installed in you it can be, and I quote, 'the most erotic experience you'll never want to end even as bones are breaking'."

Dana's eyes went wide as she looked at Maya. "No way."

Maya nodded and said quietly, "Way."

The bride-to-be swallowed nervously. "So how about the regular stuff, the non mating-time sex?"

All of the women looked at each other and began to laugh naughtily. "_That_ is the best stuff I've _ever had_!" exclaimed Patricia.

"You're exaggerating," charged Dana with a smile.

And the other ladies began to laugh harder. "Oh, I wish she were," said Amanda. "You're connected to a telepath, you know? He knows exactly what you want him to do before you even realize what it is you want. It's like an itch that gets scratched right when the itch begins and you never even had to ask for someone to help you with it. You're going to be so tired and satisfied you might not be able to get your head off the pillow once he gets finished with you!" She then frowned. "Oh, goodness, I miss sex."

"Where did it go?" asked Dana.

"I'm cut off until the third quamester," Amanda said with a slight pout. "So I haven't had any in weeks. At least I'm not alone in that."

They all looked at Patricia. "Don't look at me. Soryn grabbed me before I ran out of the door to come to your party."

They all then looked at Maya who frowned with a nervous giggle. "His training makes it so we go through huge and I mean HUGE swaths of time with no sex. He can't be compromised in each stage of training for the first year. So I am currently in starvation mode."

"Awww!" they all chorused in sympathy.

"Its okay!" said Maya with a huge grin. "Let's get out the music and dance some more!"

"Dance!" they all yelled and turned on the music again. It was a night of giggling and jokes. And Dana enjoyed every minute of it.


	4. Reflections

Reflections

T'Pau scrolled through the report given to her by the agent. Once again she being told the same thing, that it was almost impossible to get close to the Terran females she was attempting to keep under surveillance. The only one, so far, she had been able to keep close tabs on was Dana. But honestly, this Dana did not threaten her. And this Patricia whom was married to Soryn only marginally threatened her.

It was Amanda, whom was currently carrying the child they had decided to name Spock; she, at this time, was her biggest threat. Who would this child grow up to become under the non-watchful eye and tutelage of this Terran female? The Clan Mother knew he would be turned into a weak and illogical adult and she could not allow that. This child needed someone solid in the ways of logic to raise him. And despite his logic -or in her mind, his façade of logic- Sarek was being led around by the nose by this Terran female. He was not in his right mind concerning her. The beginning of his slide into mental depravity was apparent in the fact that he had bonded himself to this female, this h_uman_, without the express permission of she who was head of his family.

She put down the data PADD as she reflected. She had effective ways to bring about her goals, and she would use them to put a stop to this Terran woman ruining a male, and a child, of her line. Sarek would be reawakened to the proper mores of logic and called to task for his impropriety in wedding this female and being so naïve as to allow her to become full with his heir.

As for the other threat, that Maya- inwardly she scoffed. This _outworlder_ had come along, defied her edict and found protection in the form of another house and future clan mother. The audacity of this female from another world to make the deals she made with this T'Niye, her true enemy. No. This Maya of a nothing house could not be allowed to do this! But in order to prevent any of this from happening, T'Pau knew that Maya could not be allowed to breed under any circumstances. She was still uncertain of how this could be accomplished and knew it was imperative to ascertain the young woman's plans for reproduction. The only thing she knew for a certainty was that if Maya and Sokam were not at all thinking of producing children, it would be the only thing saving Maya's life. As for the future when the young lady decided it was time to bring forth a child, she had plans for that, as well.

####

Demek was sitting in his study, awaiting the presence of the young man he had summoned to him. A servant entered then and announced, "Turan has arrived," and then departed.

In walked the very tall young man with the extremely serious face. He was even more serious than most of his contemporaries. Demek suspected this was because Turan had had to take care of himself from very early on in life. He had not had the luxuries of any level of house or even the regular life that growing up in his own family could bestow. He had survived on his own merits for many years. And now he was in the process of making his own life in his own way by marrying Dana. "You may enter, young man," said the older man as he nodded him into his all-purpose office.

Turan entered fully and wondered why he had been summoned here. It was strange to him that he considered his impending marriage to Dana as uncomplicated and able to move forward without any obstacles. But he knew that Demek was very concerned about his intended and that he would always see to the well-being of not only her, but also that of the other Terran females that he had come to see as without protection since they'd arrived on their homeworld.

"Please, take your seat," said Demek as he offered him the only available chair in front of his desk.

Turan, of course, sat. He had never, in his life, been summoned by an elder male or female. He didn't know what to expect. Before becoming a prison guard to Terran females, he had led quite the colorful life. He had been a galactic bounty hunter for over ten years before becoming a prison guard. And before his bounty hunting days, he had been a miner. Lately he had not been satisfied with his prison job. He was ready to move onto something else. Going back to his bounty hunting days was obviously not an option, not when he was about to embark upon a new life course with his Dana, and he knew he most certainly would never set foot in another mine. No. He did not want to leave her side for weeks and months at a time on high-risk missions to track down fugitives for the Empire or to dig metals out of some asteroid that could go up in flames at any moment. But he didn't know what he wanted to do. And here he sat with this elder male whom was now serving him tea.

Demek poured as he listened to the silence between himself and the young man. "May I ask you a question, Turan?"

"Yes, elder," he answered.

"Why have you found your way into Dana's heart and mind? Was it intentional?"

Turan had not expected such a personal query. "Is the question asked out of concern for the welfare of she who is soon to become my wife?"

"In part, yes," said Demek.

He waited for Demek to elaborate, but after a minute of waiting Turan realized that he was not going to get anymore of an answer. To Turan's thinking, he supposed age gave the older man the prerogative of not needing to answer him. But the younger man did feel a compulsion to tell the truth to the older man in regards to Dana. "I must speak with honesty. Dana chose me with boldness of words. Having overheard the things said about me, and after a small amount of time passed, I realized that the Terran female would not leave my memory; most particularly the strange color of her hair, which is quite rare here. I found it and her personality fascinating."

He hadn't expected the stark truth from this young man. The fact that he'd given it so freely confirmed his previous thoughts about him. "You have a tendency to absolute truth- with occasional shadings in between," he said with no outward bias. "I suspect you have the necessary qualities to protect Dana from trouble I suspect may be coming very soon…and turbulent years that are coming in the future further down the line of time that will affect everyone."

"What is coming that may harm Dana?" he asked, very much concerned.

"As you know, T'Niye and I are related, though distantly. There is a small bit of a genetic strain, a gift or perhaps a curse depending on how you see it, and it originates from the progenitors of her clan. Every few generations there is a child born who is gifted -or cursed- with pieces of foresight, broad or narrow. It does not happen often. There have been rare instances where those from outside the clan itself, members of other clans, but with blood from T'Niye's family, with just a fraction of this curse. Sometimes it seems to hide out for many years and then only manifest itself in advanced age." He paused there, in thought for almost a minute. Finally, "Why I am chosen is unclear to me at this time," seemed to push itself from his lips. "I can see that very tumultuous days are coming for not only the ladies we are so concerned about and our world, but the Empire. If I were to live long enough, I would not survive them. But that is yet many years away. In the meantime, plans must be made to protect those who will be most in need of it. Therefore I need you to make a promise to me."

"If it is necessary, elder," he vowed as he sat forward, "I will do what I must." Whatever helped his Dana was worth supporting.

"T'Niye, she is going to want to protect not only Dana, but also Amanda and Maya. You must help her in any way she sees fit. Bow to her requests. It is the only way that they will all be safe. Even a request that to you seems of little consequence, grant it. She is a healer dedicated to the living, all lives, no matter where they may originate. She is also not Vulcan-centric. We accuse the Empire of being Terran-centric, but how many of us are just as polarized for our own?" He seemed to be staring into somewhere else, seeing some other possible place. "I suspect even without the pressure of the Empire on our society, not only would we be just as Vulcan-centric as a people, we would be even more isolationist, much worse than anything ever considered by us. We would close our world off from everyone and not only Terrans either."

He seemed to come back to himself as he looked back at Turan. "Some of the V'Shar are being used for T'Pau's interests. At least partially. It is only for their own means that they do it for now. I know she has agents at her disposal. But there are still elements there that I cannot see. And no amount of investigation has given me any solid answers as to the things that are coming. Probably because they have yet to be decided…"

Turan realized then that the older man looked markedly tired. "Elder, are you well?"

"I am well past two hundred years. I could live on much longer if that is what I wished. But there is no reason."

"Your offspring, perhaps? Many see that as a legitimate reason to prolong their lifespan."

"My offspring," he mused. "Females birthed to me by my wife that find my fascination with things not of our people foolish and undignified; ones whom I raised from the nearly blank state of infancy who think now to tell me the correct and incorrect way of being. No, they give me no reason to live on. They have not brought me joy."

Demek then admitted, "They are very much like she who was their mother. I was joined to her at seven years of age and we remained together all of this time since, according to her, it was only proper that we do so. She was quite serious and focused in all that she did. It was through her recognizing my strengths and continual urging that I became the head of the Vulcan Science Academy as I am today… We were not suited for one another," said the elder as he looked Turan in the eye. "But initially we did have moments of joy. And though I do not see fit to proclaim untruths about my deceased mate, untruths such as my remaining single to be true to her memory, I know I shall not seek to repeat a marriage bond and that is part of the reason I know I will not live much longer. No male may live past a certain point with no female to anchor him, this we both know."

Turan knew of what he spoke and he bowed his head, giving the elder what little bit of privacy he could. He did not meet his eyes so as not to shame him.

But at his age, precious little shamed Demek. "Do not be downcast for me, young man. I have lived my life and it has been full and better to me than it has been for most in this Empire. Rejoice at my passing, as my katra is passed on to another. And when I am called upon to lend aid, even from that place, I will give it. Remember that I have said that. I will give the aid that is needed."

Turan had no idea what the older man meant, but he looked up at him. "I will remember, elder."

He nodded. "That is good. I will linger another year, perhaps two. It is still unclear to me at this time when I must leave this scene. But you must not tell the young ladies, especially not Amanda. Too much stress at a time like this is not good for her. I will last as long as her pregnancy, that is a certainty. I would not wish to add even more stress to her in addition to the trouble that comes for her household."

Turan was once again confused. Amanda, as far as he knew, was not under any form of extra stress at that time. And then he frowned. Did that mean the lady would be under some form of stress at some point? Was the House of Sarek in danger of something happening to them? Is that why Demek clung to life, so that he would not become the tipping point of something that drove her over the proverbial edge? He was confused, all right. And he did not feel familiar enough with the older man to question him about it. "I will keep these things confidential, elder," he promised.

"Do not be overly concerned. I will speak with T'Niye before long on all these things. She and I have the same gift-curse ability, though different facets of it. And we must resolve what we can in the stream of things so that our people and our ways do not disappear forever."

For the first time since he was a child, Turan felt as if something terrible were about to happen. And he knew there was nothing he could do but weather it, keep Dana safe and hope her friends made it through in the process. "I will do whatever I can to help, elder."

"Do not call me 'elder'. Call me Demek."

"It is improper," Turan found himself saying, more to himself than to the older man.

"I will be the one to worry over the impropriety of such a thing. I have given my permission to you." He finished off the last of his tea. "Your loyalty to the House of Sarek has been noted by him. Does that loyalty extend, then, to his clan and his clan mother T'Pau as well?"

"The only clan mother I hold any form of loyalty for is T'Niye. It is through her graciousness that I will wed the woman of my choice. For that I will be eternally grateful."

He nodded. "Certainly the wiser choice of the two, I must say. And the more logical, if you are looking at things from the lens of correctness. But morality, in this Empire, has been turned on its ear from so long ago. The right is wrong and the wrong is right. And how long, truly, can we survive in this state? We are destined for failure, Turan. And where will we, the Vulcans, fit into that equation when it all comes time to be dismantled and dominated by yet another, far worse foe?"

"Why must we suffer for their sins?" asked Turan, honestly offended.

"Do you not consider that we also have had a hand in unique sins of our own? You are a prison guard. Do you know what the women you guard were held for up until recently?"

He frowned. "I heard rumors from the other guards. But since I abandoned my bounty-hunting days, I have no need of rumor or innuendo. I closed my ears to them."

"No, you turned a deaf ear. There is a difference. Because the alternative was so horrible, so shocking, so unthinkable, you could not bear the truth."

He felt as if someone had kicked him in the chest. So the rumors were true, then? Were the Terran females being given to males during their Time? Was that why some of the guards would look at some of the females the way that they did, as if a female here or there was a possibility if she were needed? And he knew of only one that did choose a female. But he took her home afterward and kept her as his wife. "And this situation has been…stopped?" asked Turan.

"Yes, it has. Through the efforts of Sarek himself, it was stopped. But that is only an infinitesimally small scale of things when it compares to things committed by our people. Even Sarek himself does not know of all that's been done in the shadows." He paused and then admitted, "Even the things I have done and not owned up to to this moment in time. But before my end, the one thing I have not owned up to will be atoned for." He forced himself from his deep thoughts and brightened his countenance. "But you do not be overly concerned. The elders are on this situation. T'Niye will handle all that must be done for our future."

"I will give her my support. And I will keep confidence of what was said here this day," vowed Turan.

Already Demek felt as if a weight was lifted from him. Soon, he would not have to hang on any longer. He could truly rest. Soon.


	5. A Week of Change

A Week of Change

It wasn't a marked difference, but Amanda felt a little unlike herself as her eyes opened one morning. As she sat up and stepped out of bed, she realized her center of gravity had shifted just the tiniest bit.

In the middle of her shower, her hands glanced over her midsection and she realized it was slightly larger and rounder. As she stood there rubbing her expanding belly, before she had time to completely process the extra growth, she felt something she hadn't previously. Movement. "Ohmagoodness!" flew out of her mouth rapidly as her eyes widened.

At first she felt nothing else, but she stood there silent and still, waiting. Her mouth slowly split into a little grin of amazement as she felt another fluttery little movement. The water shut itself off, having met its time limit, and Amanda found herself standing in the tub, hands over the tiny bulge of her stomach as she felt the sensation in her lower abdomen that was something like the fluttering wings of a small bird. "Spock?" she whispered. "Are you talking to your mommy?" she whispered as her smile grew wider.

Sarek entered their bathroom then, concerned. He'd felt the leap of surprise in Amanda's mood via their bond. "Amanda, is all well?"

"I was just talking to our son. He's getting comfy moving around in here, trying to find a nice place to relax."

"Amanda," said Sarek, his tone giving off a 'do not be foolish' vibe.

"You don't believe me?" she asked. "Come here and feel for yourself."

Sarek almost frowned as he stepped forward and put his hand out to touch his wife's abdomen. "My wife, it is much too soon for-" The moment his hand made contact with her, the child began to strain toward him by seemingly pushing outward even more. "He is quite tenacious to communicate, is he not?" asked Sarek with the shadow of pride in his mind.

As soon as Sarek withdrew his hand, the straining stopped and the child returned to his former soft fluttery moves. Amanda wondered, "Why am I feeling movement so early?"

"Will you inform T'Niye that you have experienced quickening?"

"She told me that Vulcan children typically aren't felt until around the sixth or seventh month."

"He _is_ quite early."

"Terran children move this early, though." And she suddenly looked honestly worried. "Do you think this means he'll come too early? I mean, do you think I'll go into premature labor? He might arrive on time for a child of _my_ people, but for yours that will be appallingly early. Do you think he could even survive that?" she asked in a rapid flurry of questions. Now that she had finally felt her son move, the pregnancy progressed to another stage in her mind; active as opposed to passive worry about her baby.

"Amanda," said Sarek as he helped her out of the shower and into a robe. "Our son will be fine, especially under T'Niye's care. Simply follow her directions and all shall go well."

####

Patricia took a deep breath and then finally made that call she'd been debating within about making all week long. As she sat nervously waiting, a very proper older Vulcan appeared on her viewscreen. "How may I help you?" she asked. She wasn't quite at 'elder' stage and she also did not possess the outward regal beauty of T'Niye or even T'Pau whom was still quite striking. This woman looked almost nondescript, plain even.

"I was calling to make an appointment with T'Niye at her earliest convenience," said Patricia with a little smile.

The other woman's chin seemed to raise a notch as she announced, "She is unavailable to new clients at this time."

"I'm not exactly a _new _client," said Patricia while her characteristic full smile broke through. "She knows who I am. As a matter of fact, she offered her services to me. I'm simply letting her know I'd be willing to accept-"

The older woman cut her off. "How would you pay for her services?"

Patricia almost frowned. "Pay?"

"I did not suppose the Terran world did anything for free. It would not be logical to have a business and not charge a fee, would it?"

"Well of course not! She and I could talk about that together-"

"_I_ handle all financial aspects of things involving T'Niye's affairs. She is not to be bothered with such considerations at all."

Her eyebrows rose. "Oh, I see. Well that's fine."

"Yes, I see you do. Well? Payment? What of it?"

This lady was a shark! Patricia tried to smile pleasantly and ignore how much she was really beginning to dislike this woman. "Well how much does she charge?"

She paused then. "What do you have to give?"

That was it for Patricia. "You know what? I'll get to her my own way, thank you very much."

"If you think you can," she answered with a very clear mocking expression of '_sure_ you can' in her eyes.

"Well I _never_!" Patricia found herself saying.

"That would appear to be the case," said the Vulcan shark of a financial liaison as she cut the connection.

The schoolteacher's mouth dropped open as she blustered, "Well!" about three times, back-to-back. Then she picked up her countenance and put in another call. She was going to get to the bottom of this one NOW.

####

Maya was just pulling a sour cream pound cake from out of the oven when she heard the house comm beeping at her. "On!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"Maya?" asked a voice from the unit.

She recognized it as Patricia's. "One second, Patricia. I just pulled something from out of the oven."

"Oh, what did you make today?" she asked.

"Well I don't work for another two hours, so I figured I'd get it in and out and over to Amanda's before I report for duty at the museum." She ran to the screen and realized then she was still covered in flour. "Sorry about the way I look! I was mixing up some dough for later when I come home. What's going on?"

"T'Niye's assistant," she said with a tense look on her face.

"Oh, that old groundhog. What happened with her?"

"I tried to get an appointment to see T'Niye and the woman said I couldn't get past her to see the Healer until I coughed up some money. I mean I didn't mind that, so I asked what the price was and the woman actually sat there and said 'well what can you give?' as bold as day."

"That's T'Mille for you. That lady is a gangster, I don't care what anyone says."

"Well T'Niye offered me her services and of course I can pay, but I didn't expect the reception I got. I thought if you asked someone for a price they were supposed to give you one."

"I'm not surprised at all. She's not exactly a people-person."

"Maya!" laughed Patricia.

She also laughed as she said, "Don't worry, I see T'Niye tomorrow morning and I'll talk to her about you then."

"Will you, really?" she asked, relieved. "Oh, good!"

"So you and Soryn want to have a baby?" asked Maya with a little smile.

She paused at first. "Well we could use a little help. It's been over two years after all."

Maya's face fell. "Really?"

"Really."

"I'm sorry, Pat, I didn't know."

She grinned at the little nickname Maya had attached to her weeks before. "It's been hard, you know. Watching Amanda coming in when she does, knowing she did it so _easily_ and yet I'm struggling along. And then Soryn, he acts as if he doesn't want any children. But I've seen it through our bond, he does want one, desperately. But I can't seem to get him to talk about why he wants to wait."

Maya swallowed back a lump of emotion forming in her throat. "I think you and I are going through the same thing, just in different ways."

"Have you been trying, too?" asked Patricia.

"No, that's just it. I haven't tried at all. I'm still on birth control. But just like Soryn, Sokam thinks we should wait."

"You don't want to wait?"

"I don't mind the waiting, I just don't want to wait 10 years."

Patricia's eyes flew open wide. "Ten years? He wants you to wait ten _whole_ years?"

Maya's hands went up in an 'oh well' gesture. "Well I look at it this way: His reasons were oh-so-logical. They always are, aren't they? So I figured I'd bend to his logic for now and when I get good and tired of it we can talk about it again, maybe renegotiate or something." She thought about it for a few seconds more. "But between knowing Spock is coming along and how I'll probably wind up watching him a lot since Sarek is so concerned he gets as much mental stimulation as possible, and then since you're going to T'Niye when you get pregnant and have one, I figure my hands will be full for the next few years." She made a face that looked fully determined to accept what was happening. "I guess I could wait while I help my friends raise theirs, right?"

"And Dana?" asked Patricia with a grin. "Everyone already knows Dana's going full steam ahead from her wedding night with trying to conceive with Turan."

"Oh goodness, yes, Dana, too. I'll be overwhelmed!" laughed Maya. "But don't worry, I'll talk to T'Niye first thing tomorrow morning about you, okay?"

Patricia felt as if she wanted to cry. "Thanks so much, Maya. It means a lot to me."

"No problem."

"And Maya, I know it isn't any of my business, but it isn't fair for you to have to wait so long."

"I'll be okay, Pat."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise. I'll be fine. I have like over a year and a half of my internship to finish, four years of school to go back to for the next step in my degree, a one year course I'm due to detour over to and finish back on Terra Prime…I'll be just fine."

The two said their good-byes with smiles, but as soon as the connection shut down, Maya's smile turned into a sad one. She wanted a baby now. Not in ten years. But she already agreed that she would wait. She shoved the feeling of want into the back of her mind then went and showered to get ready for the day ahead of her.

####

Dana was a ball of raw emotion. Her wedding day was the next day and she felt as if the world were coming down on her. Certain things were really beginning to worry her. Her family knew she was marrying Turan and was not at all happy about her 'breaking the law'. She knew beforehand that that would be the reaction and wasn't really surprised by it. It was the other complication that had developed.

The information had gotten to her supposed uncle, Cassie's father. He had called her up and stirred the pot of trouble even worse. He'd threatened to leak her story to the press. In a moment of sheer panic she came up with a strategy and carried it out. She'd convincingly made it appear to him that her wedding would be taking place a month after the true date. So if the press showed up looking for a story they'd have nothing.

But she was now worried as she wondered, would the Terran authorities actually set foot on this planet just to come and collect her for marrying a Vulcan? Everyone else's marriages had been basically shielded from the Terran world up to that point. But hers might be the one splashed on the fronts of tabloids. This was just too much! The beginning of an anxiety attack was sitting on top of her, breathing down her neck.

Then she thought of Turan. He was so worth it. She loved him so much more than she ever thought she would be capable of loving any man. Every Terran male she'd been involved with in the past had screwed her over so badly she had sworn off them all over three years before. And now here he was, this amazing person she met in, of all places, prison! Ha! How many people would find_ that_ amusing? He was a freaking prison guard! She couldn't help but begin to feel that her life was turning into a collection of clichés and dime-store novel stories.

She looked around at her bathroom but it felt like the walls were closing in on her. She'd taken the day off from work to do some last minute things for the wedding but truthfully she needed to get out. She immediately called Turan on her comm. His calm face appeared on-screen. "Dana, are you well?" he asked. He knew that look on her face.

"No," she admitted.

"Ashayam," he said with a touch of feeling. "What is the matter? What has happened?"

"Too much and I'm flipping out," she admitted.

He was already familiar with Dana's funny colloquialisms and slang. "Shall I come to collect you now?" he asked.

"Please."

"I am coming now, _T'hy'la_. Wait there for me."

####

She felt much better the next day. Everyone in her life on Vulcan would be attending her wedding. T'Niye, of course, was officiating. Her guest list included Sarek, Amanda, Maya, Sokam, Mariana, Patricia and Soryn, five women from her job who thought 'Vulcan men are hot', Shin, Zurel and of course, Demek. The Bajoran couple that kept house for Sarek would be attending to the outer particulars while Sarek had had the event catered by some unknown Vulcan firm that was trying to make a name for themselves in the business.

A tent-like structure had been erected at Sarek's compound. She was getting dressed in the old place that had been her old dwelling from when Mariana, her deceased cousin Cassie, and she shared it. As soon as she walked into the place that morning, she was assailed by memories of the past.

"You would think that we'd stayed here longer," she remarked to Mariana.

"I know, right?" murmured the other young woman.

They set up shop in her old room, hanging her wedding dress from the tall closet rack in the ceiling. They heard someone enter the home then as a voice called, "Anyone here?"

"Amanda!" they both shouted.

She met them in the room then and said, "How do you feel?" to Dana.

She bride-to-be admitted, "I am so nervous I think I'm going to throw up."

"Have _you_ been doing any of that?" Mariana turned and asked Amanda, concerned.

"What, are you kidding? With this food-grubbing boy? The minute anything goes in, he eats it. There's nothing left to send back," she laughed. "Oh, speaking of that," she said as she dug in her bag and began to chew on a piece of pound cake.

"That smells good," said Dana.

"Maya dropped it by yesterday. Pound cake. This is the last of it."

"Don't tell me you ate that whole cake Amanda," Dana said.

She shrugged nonchalantly. "All right, I won't tell you."

Dana's mouth dropped open. "Do you know how many calories are in a homemade pound cake?"

"Sour cream pound cake," she corrected as she chewed. "Pure butter recipe."

"That's like…"

"Well whatever it is, it keeps him happy. I'm going to have to tell her to make more of it. I can't have any chocolate. No more fake chocolate either since its bad for the baby now. He's passed a certain stage and that sort of stuff affects him. No more meat, no more faux chocolate, I can't have certain dairy products." Her eyes lit up. "At least I can still have peanut butter. Oh god, I love peanut butter so much! I never used to care for it, but apparently it's a wonderful source of protein and I just can't seem to get enough of it, especially the honey roasted one with the chunks of peanuts in it. I've just become an eating machine. If I showed you the stuff I carry around with me all day, every day, you'd laugh. Want to look in my bag?"

"Actually, no, I don't find it funny at all," said Mariana. "It worries the hell out of me."

"Well so long as I keep on eating, I'm fine," said Amanda as she finished off the last of the cake. "Oh, OH! Spock's moving again. Want to feel?"

Both hands shot out and connected with her tummy. He fluttered around a few more times as the trio of ladies began to laugh. She was worried about Amanda during this pregnancy, but Mariana couldn't help but be happy to feel the baby moving.

Maya's voice came to them from the hallway. "Where is everybody?" She stepped into the room. "Oh, there you are!" She saw the hands on Amanda's stomach. "Is the baby moving?" she asked with excitement.

"Yes, he is! Want to feel?" asked Amanda.

"Oh, yeah!" she said as the two ladies moved their hands from the tiny bulge of abdomen. Maya stretched out her hand and touched Amanda. Little Spock began to do the same pushing motion toward her hand, the same way he'd done for Sarek. "Amanda, he's a strong baby already," she commented as her hand moved away.

"I know, right," said Amanda with obvious pride. "This boy already has a little personality. He wakes me up to eat every night at about 2 a.m., Eastern Standard Time back on Terra Prime. He likes his midnight snacks. I think he likes you, Maya, because you're always baking that fattening stuff." She then turned. "But today is for Dana!" she beamed. "Time to get in the tub. Who's drawing the bridal bath?"

"I bought scented oils and bubble bath!" said Maya. She looked at Dana then. "And I'm doing your hair."

Mariana started going into her bag. "I bought my manicure pedicure kit, so after you get out of the tub, I'll do that for you."

"I'll do your make-up," said Amanda.

"Oh no, wait wait!" said Dana as she quickly rubbed Amanda's stomach. "I want some fertility to rub off on me. Okay, let's get moving now."

####

The wedding went off without a hitch. Dana was escorted up the aisle by Demek and passed over to Turan. T'Niye performed the joining of minds. At the conclusion of everything, T'Niye's hand moved from their faces. As the guests looked on in joy, the two were in a world of their own.

_Can you hear me, Ashayam?_ He asked as he looked into her eyes expectantly.

"Yes," she whispered to him.

_Try to answer me with your mind. _He had an amused expression in his eyes.

"I don't know how to," she said aloud as her eyes were locked with his. Their guests were looking at them and she was very aware of that. She wished she could just rest there with him, figuring these things out at that moment.

_Try again._

_I…I want to be alone with you right now…can you hear me?_

He held back his smile, the first smile he had ever wished to make since being three years of age. _I hear…and I agree. Fortunately we need only entertain our guests two hours then we may make our escape._

She smiled for the both of them as they turned and looked out at their guests. "I guess it worked," she said almost sheepishly.

True to plan, the two stuck around only two hours. After a time, everyone realized that they were gone for good. "Guess she couldn't wait anymore," Amanda said in an almost giggling low voice to Patricia as the other woman laughed into her hand.

####

The two made their way to the waiting shuttle. Turan piloted them to the mountain retreat that had been set aside for them by Demek. No one else knew of the place except for the older man and T'Niye. It was a one-story house literally built into the side of the mountain. As the shuttle circled the rock formation, Dana looked out of the side window as the sun began to set and glimpsed just a piece of the half-hidden architecture. "That's amazing," she found herself saying in awe.

He parked the shuttle in an almost hidden section of mountain that was a not-so-obvious opening. As soon as the two exited, Dana saw that the inside of the cave itself, not only the floor but also the walls and ceiling, had been worn down to a smooth finish. The cave was large enough to fit about five shuttles, total. "Wow!" she remarked. "This must have taken some serious work."

"We are sworn to secrecy on the whereabouts of this location," said Turan, finally showing off a tiny bit of a half smile.

She looked up at him and smiled into his face happily. "Let's look at the place."

The semi-darkness of approaching night surrounded them as they passed through the cave and off to the side where there was somewhat of a hidden door. He was given access as soon as he pressed his thumb into a small slot. An automatic door slid open. He took Dana by the hand and pulled her into the door along with him. "Come, my wife. Let us see how things appear on the inside."

They walked into another open space, but this one had a homey feel to it. "It looks almost like a loft," said Dana as the door slid shut behind them. There was a heavy plush carpet covering the entire expanse of floor and it was the color of sand. The walls were also carved smooth sections of mountain. "This is actually in the mountain itself," she said in amazement as she walked away from him and looked up. The ceiling was at least twenty feet high. "It must keep it very cool in the daytime."

"I was told there is a heating unit that engages itself at night, though not to a high extent."

To their backs was solid mountain wall with the door they had just entered and not much else. To their left was a wall that had a broad, wide installment of glass that could be darkened by the flip of a switch. To their right was a wide fireplace and on the far side of the expanse of space there looked to be a door leading to the rest of the abode. The only furniture there was a long, low-sitting sectional looking couch with no back. It, too, was the color of sand. "No children _here_," remarked Dana with a grin. "Kids would tear this place apart in no time. Fingerprints, paint, food…"

He approached the back of her and nearly smiled openly. "Your thinking is very much like that of a bounty hunter, Dana," he said as his hands hesitated to touch her.

She turned back to look up at him with a grin and put her hands on her hips. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"That you would make an excellent member of some form of alternative law enforcement? Yes. You have a very analytical mind."

She shrugged. "I'm a researcher. I think all day in between my research."

"Let us see what is behind that door."

She turned and looked at the door far down at the end of the room. "Yes, what is behind that door?"

It turned out to be a hallway. On one side of the hallway there was a kitchen. They walked further down and at the end of the hall was another door. They opened it and it was what appeared to be a master suite with an attached bathroom. The room was simple in its furnishings because it was quite small. There was only room for a large low-lying bed piled with warm blankets, one large shelf that seemed to be enough for several articles of clothing and the bathroom which contained a deep-seated tub that got its water from deep inside the mountain.

As she looked around, Dana commented, "This place was not made for company. It was made for-" she paused as she turned and looked back at him. He was giving her the most intense eyes she'd ever seen and she felt her heart rate beginning to speed up.

"Come to me, Dana," he said as he beckoned her to his side.

She walked to him, almost shyly, her emotions caught in her chest. Neither was touching the other, yet. "Turan," she whispered. "We're married now." She smiled, amazed.

"Yes, wife, we are married," he answered. The very good looking Vulcan took his Terran wife by the hand. He led her to the bed and sat with her in the middle of it. He raised his hand to her face and then hesitated. "May I?" he asked solemnly.

"Touch me?" she asked, curious. No man had ever asked first after her entering a bedroom with him. She never imagined a husband would be so courteous or formal.

"Yes, but first, I wish to know you from the inside," he said truthfully as his eyes searched hers deeply.

She was caught up in his gaze. "Yes. Teach me, will you?" she asked. It was supposed to be a light joke, but it didn't come out that way. She was slightly intimidated by the thought of them going through one another's minds like it was some kind of old style library card catalogue. She found herself afraid, swallowing back the thoughts.

He seemed touched. "Dana, do not be afraid of me…of us," he said as his hand reached out. His fingers first gently caressed at her face, the strokes light and delicate. "My wife," he said, as his hands continued to explore the skin of her face. "My wife," he said again as his eyes closed. "I have longed to touch you this way." His fingers then settled on the correct points.

She felt her shivers of fear, want and anticipation running through her body as he touched her face. Then she felt him there, in her mind, brushing against the inside layers and she gasped. He was there, truly there! She closed her eyes then and let him lead her along into the both of them.

_ He was there, waiting for her. And he was smiling openly. "Turan?" She almost didn't recognize him with the smile._

_ "My Dana, the other half of my soul, we are joined now," he said as his arms pulled her close to him. "Come closer to me, learn me from the inside so that you may know when it is I that comes to you in your mind night or day."_

_ She found herself giggling as he pulled her even closer to him. He lifted her up into his arms and embraced her wholeheartedly and she embraced him in return. Their level of touch and feeling took them into a deeper part of themselves and they spent she knew not how much time exploring the insides of one another. Any area she was not ready to share, he did not stray. But she knew given time she would be willing to let him touch every part of her._

She emerged from their bond and saw him sitting there with her, face straight. "So that's you on the inside," she said with wonderment.

"That is me. And now I know you truly. We are now one," he said hungrily as he quickly pulled the robes over his head and off of his body. He sat very still as she looked at him then, waiting for her to indicate she was ready to move forward.

She saw the well formed planes of his chest and abs and found herself simply staring. "I didn't know you were this...developed," she joked. But she couldn't help throwing herself into his arms after that. Their mouths became affixed to one another as they began kissing with the ardor of months of pent up sexual restraint.

She sighed into his mouth. Except for the few kisses they'd shared, they had never kissed like this. She was amazed at how quickly she was aroused. And he was glad to finally have the female he had wanted for so long.

They worked one another's clothing off quite quickly, but not as fast as they would have liked. Turan nearly ripped her dress trying to disengage it from her body, impatient with the fabric that was difficult to figure out. "Dana, I am trying my utmost not to remove the clothing from your body with excessive force."

She turned her back to him with a slight smile. "Just unbutton me, then."

He made himself calm down and allowed his fingers to work at the buttons, one by one. He saw the buttons as a form of meditation technique and soon enough found it was easier for him to control his reaction to how close he was getting to being able to see the body of his woman for the first time. When he was finally done, he was faced with the expanse of the skin of her back. There was a tiny collection of freckles spattered across her shoulders and he found himself looking closely at them first, then he was using his tongue to explore them.

She hadn't been prepared for him to do that and gasped, "Turan!"

But he was already gone, nipping and licking his way along her spine, pushing the dress down until her arms were also exposed. "Do not deny me yourself, Dana," he said through his kisses. "Not now."

She turned in his arms as she pulled the last of the dress from her body. "Hell no," she said as her lips met his again and their bodies finally came together, skin to skin. She was glad she had been warned about the Vulcan marking instinct as she felt him fully converging on her mind and then felt teeth in the side of her neck. She had expected pain like no other. Instead, she was overwhelmed with a feedback loop of his/her desire and _pleasure/pain/ecstasy/heated want_!

The night was very long.


	6. Long Live the Emperor

Long Live the Emperor

The event of the wedding came and went. Nearly a month passed afterward as life went on. But things were brewing within the inner politics of the empire that no one saw coming.

####

There was wholesale panic happening on the streets of the Terran section. Mariana found herself rushing, trying to get out of that part of the city. It put a sickening feeling into her stomach, knowing that with every step she was moving further away from her home instead of closer. But she just wasn't close enough to it to make it inside safely.

She still couldn't believe what was happening. One minute she was walking back from the store with groceries in hand and things were quite normal. The next thing she knew, she heard the booming voice of a man in the street shouting, "The Emperor is DEAD! Long live the Emperor!"

"What?" she found herself saying to no one in particular.

Word jumped quickly from person to person as she walked the streets. "The emperor is dead."

"The emperor is dead?"

"There was a coup and someone else has taken his place!"

As she continued walking, talk escalated, one thing lead to another, and then the craziness began with one act of broad-daylight violence. People were running, shouting, some were being openly mugged and beaten. As she passed by, a section of storefronts were being looted. Mariana found herself not at all close enough to her apartment building to make it there in time. She ran as fast as she could to try to get to the outskirts of the Terran section. She noticed, then, that three men were running after her but had no time to panic. She put on the speed and ran faster.

Just then a shuttle set down in the street right in front of her. As the door opened, she recognized it. Out stepped Shin. He raised his hand and beckoned her to him. She ran straight for him as the three guys on her trail continued to give chase.

She made it past Shin, but the men still wouldn't quit. "We saw her first!" one shouted as they ran up to the point of the shuttle.

"I suggest you move away from the vehicle," said Shin in warning as he stepped inside and pressed the button for the shuttle to close.

There was still general mayhem in the streets, but the three guys had become fixated on their target, almost in a frenzy and they were about to try and board the shuttle even though it was already closing.

Shin ran past Mariana into the as she put herself into a seat. Before he made it to the control station, it began to take off. "Whose flying?" she asked.

"Who do you think?" he answered as he turned to check on her.

"Is she secure?" Zurel asked from the cockpit.

"She's fine," Shin shouted back.

"What happened?" she asked. "I was walking home and the next thing I know, I hear there was some kind of coup and the emperor is dead?"

"The emperor was taken out by his nephew. So his nephew is probably going to become the new emperor now."

Her face almost paled. "Oh, no. He didn't-"

"Yes, he did," said Shin, his face almost sickened. "He killed the empress consort, the harem, all of the members of the court…even the damn court sycophants. And yes, he killed the heir. He killed them all."

She sat back, in shock. She knew the practical reasons for killing everyone. But it still didn't feel any less wrong. It was a fact, the child could, and most likely would, grow up someday to get you back and take his rightful throne if you left him alive. Strange how she'd made fun of the now deceased emperor, his wife and that very baby. She found herself laughing bitterly. "It doesn't matter now, really, does it? The baby is already dead. Who kills a baby?"

Shin couldn't answer.

####

Sarek was there when she was escorted into the home. "She is unharmed?" he asked, open worry on his face. Mariana was obviously dazed.

"She was being chased by three men when we came upon her," said Zurel.

"Three?" asked Sarek. "You were not accosted, were you?"

"No," she said, snapping out of it.

"Where is Maya? And have you yet determined how Dana and Turan are faring?" asked Sarek.

"I called Turan. Dana was already done with her day at work and had gone to Demek's compound," answered Zurel. "Turan was already there with her behind their gates when we spoke. I called Maya, too. She was already back from the museum in her and Sokam's home. She is behind her mini compound wall and I believe she is quite safe there. Despite that and the fact that she lives nowhere near the Terran section, just as we were landing Sokam called from school and asked that she be picked up and brought here where he feels she will be safer."

"Please do so," said Sarek. He would be more at ease if Maya were under his roof at that moment just like Mariana.

"Yes, sir," said Shin. The two men left and got back into the shuttle to go and get Maya.

"Amanda is home?" asked Mariana.

"She is resting. I did not wish to tell her what has happened. Not yet."

"Why not?" asked Mariana.

"One of the members of the emperor's court…it was a second cousin of Amanda's. There is not yet enough detail, but I have reason to believe he is dead along with all of the other members."

She found herself sitting down hard on the couch. "And they killed the baby," she said, still hung up on that fact. "Why?" She looked up at him. "Why?"

He said truthfully, "I do not know, Mariana." He saw that she was quite disturbed by that fact and decided to take her mind off of it. "If you would please call Maya and tell her she should pack a few possessions so that Shin and Zurel may extract her that much quicker."

"I'm on it," she answered as she pulled her PADD out of her bag.

####

T'Niye made certain her student was safe before she let her attendants fly her to Demek's. Of course Sarek would take Maya into his home. He still considered her his ward though his duty to her was more than dispensed.

But now things were changing and no one knew what that meant for their planet. Her services would be called upon by the council, this she knew for a certainty. She had been able to pass her ability off for years as a statistician. Perhaps together Demek and she could pull together what looked enough like a passable theory without it seeming to bleed into the realm of possible future seeking.

The moment she entered the room, she saw the spent look on Demek's face. "The vision has sought you, has it not?" she asked as she moved to his side with her scanner. As she checked his vitals, she nodded in the negative. He would die soon if this assault upon his psyche continued.

"The older I grow, the worse it becomes, T'Niye. I would consent to the drug you have offered, if only to have a few peaceful years or as I suspect in my case, months, before the end." She nodded and went to administer it, but he stayed her hand at almost the last moment. "Not yet, my cousin. First I must tell you of what has been seen."

She moved back from him and sat on her legs in the same position she used to meditate every evening. Even while perched on his floor, attending to him in the way that only a Healer could, she still looked regal. "Proceed," she said as she nodded once.

He almost smiled. "Your time has almost come. You will be clan mother soon after the instrument of the future is born. He will come on the scene and someday he will be the undoing of the Empire…but in the process, he will also be the undoing of our people."

She didn't lie about what she thought. "I understand none of this."

"To some extent, neither do it. I only tell you what I have seen. He must be allowed to do what it is he is supposed to do."

"And why must such a child be allowed to live since he will also be the undoing of ours along with theirs?"

"T'Niye, you know as well as I that our leadership is just as guilty as the Terran Empire. We must have a share in their suffering because we have had, and in future will have even more, of an active part in their evildoing. Even now, some of ours sign on and venture the stars with their military, oppress innocent populations…"

"What of the death of the Emperor? Has anything been seen for that? Or must I go and seek it on my own this time?"

"I only saw a portion of that. The moment he died, I suspect, the piece of the vision was given to me. A change is coming. It is the true reason this Emperor has seized power. The one who was on the throne before him was standing in his way…in the way of something he wanted very much for quite sometime, but he would not give it to him. And now he will issue an edict that will change the lives of everyone in the Empire."

She had a feeling that was all he was given. "But you know not what?"

"I know not what. I cannot control the gift…the curse. It controls me."

"Will the edict be positive or negative for our people?"

He thought about her words and said, "Both."

"So I may tell the council that, statistically, this change in emperors will be positive and negative for our people."

"The last emperor, it was all negative for ours. This time, the positive will be immediate, though some will not see it as a positive. The negative…it will be felt years down the road."

She wondered then exactly how she was going to put that to the council. "I must go and research while I still can. And perhaps I will seek a vision of my own."

"Do not, T'Niye," he said. It was the closest to alarmed he'd looked in a long time. "It is—has _become_ quite dangerous. The future is a treacherous place even more so than now. Do not seek it."

She looked back at him. Though distantly related, she had always felt the kinship between them. He was concerned for her. "I will heed your words, my cousin. But you must take the drug I have offered. I would have you live longer and in peace."

"I will take what is offered," he consented.

She pulled out the hypo again. "You will not be capable of receiving visions for weeks after I administer this. If you wish, I will come again whenever the problem resurfaces."

"I will take your aid," he nodded. "There are things I must do and I can no longer be confined to home because of the curse of this sickness. If it is permissible, please return to inject me once again before the visions have a chance to resurface."

She saw something in his face that was not easily read. But it said that he had seen something more, something that he did not wish to share or ever revisit again. "Yes, if it is what you wish, I shall do so for you." As she injected him, she said, "You will sleep for a time. May you receive the rest you very much deserve, Demek."

* * *

_A/N - Thank you so much to the people who've left reviews so far. I want to get around to sending thank you PMs but life really has been hectic for me lately. I will very soon, though!_


	7. The Reasons Why

The Reasons Why

Though it was not the primary planet of the conquerors, even on Vulcan martial law was declared for a time. Everyone was told to remain indoors. The only ones allowed to travel were members of the council, Healers on specific special assignment approved by the clan mother of the member they were going to serve, hospital workers and members of the V'Shar. Everyone else was, as Dana put it, 'on lockdown'.

Troops of the Empire and also troops of Vulcan's own planetary defense patrolled the streets making certain to stop everyone they happened to come across. If their papers were not in order, they would be detained. If they were in order, they could go on their way, but most of the time the troops would most likely escort them to their destination.

Maya was safe at Sarek's and was soon joined by Sokam who had been given time off from school until everything was settled. At one point Mariana was called back to the hospital since they wanted all of their personnel on stand-by just in case anything happened. Turan and Dana remained at Demek's. Amanda and Maya called Patricia to make certain her and Soryn were well. Since the couple did not live near a major city, they were not as restricted as those in or near the cities were.

Amanda was able to breathe again when she learned, within two days of the assassination of the old emperor, that her cousin had not been in attendance at Court that day. He happened to be held up on some other business and had been unable to make it to the traveling palace-ship. Upon hearing the news of what had happened, he ran to Amanda's father's house for sanctuary just in case the new emperor was bent on killing everyone from the old administration regardless of attendance that day. He had been given protection from Amanda's father, his uncle, and once the ruling came down he learned he would not be killed by the current emperor since he was not related to him by blood and had not been on-site for the indiscriminate bloodshed that had already taken place.

Within a week, the new Emperor ascended the throne. On the heels of his coronation the true reason for his assassination of the old Emperor and takeover of the Empire became known. He issued a controversial edict that marriage of Terrans and non-Terrans was no longer an offense against the Empire. The transparency of the reason for this edict was sealed when he married his Deltan wife immediately and installed her as queen-consort.

Of course there was an insurrection attempt because of the edict and the non-Terran wife of the emperor. The new emperor's people were apparently very strong and ready for anything that came their way. The rebels were put down and destroyed instantly. This emperor, apparently, did not have a prejudice against using telepaths in his service.

"You mean to tell me all of this happened so that he could marry _her_?" asked Mariana, obviously shocked. She had finally been released from hospital duty after a few days since the few incidences of violence that broke out in all of the non-Vulcan sections of the planet had been attended to and put down quickly. All of the patients had been treated and were either already checked into the hospital or sent home.

"It really makes me feel awful to benefit from this," said Amanda as she placed her arms over her stomach in an almost hug-like gesture. Her belly had popped out and become very noticeable to the naked eye, even while clothed, almost overnight. "They do all of this and kill that child and now my marriage is legal? I feel awful," she said as her eyes began to tear yet again.

Sarek touched his wife's shoulder and squeezed. She had been as she described herself, a terrible mess, since everything had happened. "Amanda, not one of us in this room wished to have our rights validated in this way. We did not ask for this to come about via these circumstances. There is no reason to feel guilt at this situation since we are not the perpetrators."

She nodded her head knowingly. "It still doesn't make me feel any better, Sarek."

####

A few days passed and each of them registered their marriages and received validation of them from the Empire. Amanda knew, though, that word of her marriage would reach her family very soon, so she decided to simply head things off at the pass and call them up first.

Almost impulsively she found herself going straight to the subspace unit in the right wing of the house. She forced herself, before she lost the nerve, to call her old home and waited for someone to answer. She wondered which servant she would see on the other end of the line when the screen activated. Instead of a servant, however, her mother's face was there looking back at her.

Amanda's mouth went dry. She hadn't seen her mother since the day she had come to court, not as her mother, but as the wife of a general. The general's wife told her how disgraceful a person Amanda was and that she would never speak to her again while her sentence of Thought Crime was on her. She was invisible to them from that day forward and no longer existed. "Mom," Amanda said on a rush of air.

Her mother's eyes widened in obvious shock. "Amanda? You're finally calling us _now_?"

She shrugged in answer. "I thought it was about time."

"Your sentence was lifted months ago! We expected to hear from you then, expected you to come home, but you never did. We were worried about you!"

A pang of guilt sliced through her as she acknowledged, "I know. I just thought that under the circumstances it was best for everyone if I stayed away."

The older woman shook her head with a smile on her face. "Still the same old space-headed Mandy."

She laughed nervously. It should have been a sign to her mother that all was not going 'as usual' with her daughter. Amanda then wondered how badly this conversation was about to explode in her face. "Mom, I—I need you to understand something. I've stayed on Vulcan this whole time and I work here now."

"What do you do?" she asked, honestly curious about her daughter's life for the first time in a very long time.

She swallowed. "I teach. I found a teaching position, part-time and um…I teach colloquial standard to Vulcans, try to help them understand the nuances of the language from inside a cultural perspective."

"Good for you. It's important that those who speak the language truly know _how_ to speak it, right? Improving the understanding of aliens to their Terran betters is important, though you wouldn't know _that_ with the new law that's been enacted," she said with a look of disgust on her face.

"Oh, mom!" said Amanda as her heart began to break.

"I know, I know, I'll reverse what I've said. The Emperor is wise and he's put forth the law for his own good reasons, right?"

Amanda knew what it was she was hearing. Her mother was backpedaling simply because she didn't want to get charged with treason for speaking against the policies of the new emperor. "Mom, the job is not the only reason I've stayed here," she said with a look on her face that was close to dread.

And her mother finally saw it then. Her face turned a shade of pink. "What have you gone and done?"

"That new law you think is no good, it turns out that it benefits me immensely." She decided then that jumping in was better than dunking in her pinky toe. "I'm married to a Vulcan, mom. And now my marriage is legal," rushed from her mouth.

Her mother's face was turning ever redder as she sat there and words failed to leave her mouth. "You…you what?" she finally got out.

"I'm married to Sarek, Ambassador Sarek. And I don't care what anyone thinks."

"The ambassador? Doesn't he come from a family that's very high up on Vulcan?" she asked, totally switching gears.

Amanda forced herself not to let her mouth drop open; from one tune to another in less than fifteen seconds? "Yes, mom, his clan mother—um, the leader of their family, she holds a seat on the Vulcan council."

"So his family is of the ruling class?" she asked. "He's from a High House?"

She still couldn't believe her ears as she nodded, "Yes, mom. He's from a High House."

She smiled brightly then. "Well if you had to get mixed up with that sort, at least you married well. And now with that new law it's perfectly legal!"

Amanda was confused. "Just a few minutes ago you were pissed off that I'd married a Vulcan but now it's okay because he's from a house that's higher than ours?"

"Oh, it _is_ higher?" asked her mother, the opportunist in her more than satisfied. "That's even better than you would have gotten here. Good job, Mandy!"

Amanda decided she may as well tell it all once and threw out, "Well since we're on this subject and I've decided I'm going to tell the whole truth, I think you should know I'm also pregnant with his baby."

Her face fell then, the smile just a memory. "You mongrelized your Terran blood with- with one of _them_?"

"That's what some people like to do when they get married, they have babies with people!"

"You didn't have to _breed_ with him," her mother whispered, trying to keep her voice down so the servants wouldn't hear.

"Oh, mom, you're confusing me!"

"Well how pregnant are you? Is it too late to get rid of-"

"HEY!" said Amanda sharply.

Her mother paused, briefly speechless. Amanda had never spoken to her with that tone of voice before. Finally, "When I talk to your father, he is not going to be pleased about this," she said.

"And unlike you, he's not going to care how high Sarek's family is, either."

"No wonder you stayed away," she sniffed, more than put out. "You know, Amanda, I should have known you would do something like this. You always were the sort that stirred the pot, weren't you?" She then changed her tone and looked pityingly at her daughter. "If you need, darling, you can always come home. Even bring that baby with you. He's half Terran after all and worth something in the scheme of things because of that, right?"

"Worth something?" asked Amanda, finally having 'had it'. "_Worth something_! My _SON_ is worth just as much as any other child in this galaxy, Terran or not. Children are all worth something! And I can say with authority that I don't give a damn what you or father have to say about him since dad has made a career out of killing non-Terrans and even their children!"

"You watch your mouth, Amanda!"

"Oh, no _no_!" she said as she found herself wagging her head in the way she often saw Maya do when she was exceptionally pissed. "You can let him know I took great _pleasure_ in mixing his bloodline with alien DNA!" and then she snapped the connection shut without so much as a good-bye.

Within five seconds, Amanda felt regret settling around her for the way the conversation had gone, for the things she had said to her mother, the things they'd both said to one another. It didn't really matter to her that her mother had said things she felt were unforgiveable. Amanda felt she should have known better about what was going to come out of her mother's mouth and that she should not have risen to the bait. "Damn," she said under her breath and then walked out of the room to find something else to eat.

####

Having just gotten finished describing her shuttlecraft wreck of a conversation to her friend, "How did things go for you?" Amanda asked Dana many days later.

Dana smiled, but there was a frown in her eyes. "Well they already knew about Turan being a Vulcan. They were kind of upset about that, but there was something else they were even more upset about. There was no yelling or anything. My mother's not like that. Actually my dad isn't like that either. But what they said still did hurt."

####

Their faces looked stricken, as if someone had informed them that a dear friend had just died. "Dana, why him?" asked her mother.

"Mom, I love him," she answered simply. "If it's because he's not Terran, the law is okay with that now."

"We've never cared about the non-Terran thing," said her father. "But why couldn't you have married some other form of non-Terran, anything else? But he's a Vulcan, Dana. And a Syrranite, too? What can you possibly get out of a relationship with one of _them_?"

She frowned. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

"They don't feel, Dana, they can't love," said her mother.

"That's not true, mom."

"Can you honestly look us in the face and tell us that this Turan has told you he loves you?"

She swallowed back tears. "Just because someone doesn't say it doesn't mean they don't feel it."

They both looked at one another with knowing looks on their faces and then back at her. "You know that's not good enough," said her mother.

"He's obviously using you, Dana," said her father.

"What? Why? Why would Turan have a reason to use me?" she asked.

"Sweetheart, he's from no house. And even a house like ours, a mid-level house that's not doing so well, it's a better alternative than having no stature, no house at all, in the Empire."

"It's not the same here on Vulcan, dad."

"So you're going to tell me that family is unimportant on Vulcan?" asked her father.

She swallowed back tears. "No, that's not true. It _is_ important."

"And does this young man have any family whatsoever, yes or no?" asked her father.

"No, he doesn't. But just because he's an orphan-"

"A man like that, with no family, and to top that off no _feelings_, he has no reason to marry outside his culture except for the fact that he's looking to advance and no one from his own people will take him," said her father with contained conviction.

She did want to cry then. "Mom and dad, you don't understand what it is when he and I are together. I see into him and we know one another on a level that most people never get to know about a marriage mate. I _know_ him."

"You think you know him," said her mother. "You're talking about that telepathic stuff, aren't you? Now I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear, but you know deep down it's the truth. He's been doing those mind tricks all of his life and he knows how to manipulate you into seeing things that aren't there."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," she mumbled to herself.

"You need to consider it," said her father. "But if you ever need to come home when you're tired of being used-"

"But you've never even _met_ him!" said Dana. "You don't even know what he looks like, what he sounds like. Would you at least meet him before passing judgment like this? Meet him!"

They both looked at one another. "We'll think about it," said her mother. "Take care of yourself, Dana. And be careful, all right?"

She nodded, numb by then. "All right, mom. Good-bye, dad."

####

"That's terrible," whispered Amanda.

"Yeah. I got in the shower and cried after that conversation," said Dana with a little laugh. But her eyes weren't laughing.

"I'm so sorry."

"I wonder what happened with Maya when she told her family?"

Amanda waved that off. "She told them she was married to Sokam months ago."

"Are you serious?"

"Dead serious. Her family is kind of-" Amanda paused. "Let's put it this way. The women in her family are these proud, nose-up, reserved types. I thought they didn't like me the first time I went to a family gathering, they were so reserved."

"But I thought you said Maya's family was from a bad neighborhood? That her sister was crazy?"

"No, Maya and her mother and sister wound up _living_ in a bad neighborhood. Her family, though, is originally from a rural area in the Southern part of the Unified States. Her mother had a falling-out with them about whom she married the second time around, you know, Maya's father, and never went home again. But at least by the time Maya hit her teen years they were on speaking terms again and were going to family get-togethers. And her sister _is_ quite crazy, but she's like the black sheep of the family. They don't at all approve of her methods."

"So they didn't mind she was married to Sokam?"

"I think they were happy she married someone who's even more reserved than they are. She showed him to them on subspace communications and everything. They heard he's in school to be a doctor and he got great-grandma's seal of approval on the spot."

Dana smiled. "At least someone's family is happy."

"Her family could care less about social stature in the Empire. To them, culture is everything. And when her mother married Maya's father and they didn't know who he was or where he was from, it caused such a rift. Ironic that the man dies when Maya's still so young and they still didn't repair things between them for even more years."

"So they were pissed off because_ he_ was-"

"An orphan."

Dana looked up at the ceiling trying to keep track of all of the information. "Wait. Your parents aren't necessarily angry because you married Sarek, in fact they're thrilled he's a higher station—well at least your mom is- but they're pissed off you mixed your Terran blood with aliens. My family is upset because they're determined to believe some orphan boy married their daughter for her flimsy status. And Maya's family is glad she married someone even though he's not Terran, but because he's from an established family and his reserved nature fits in with their perception of how people should be, stature in society unimportant…but meanwhile they were pissed off at Maya's mother for marrying her father because he was basically like Turan, an orphan, and they didn't know who he was or where he was from?"

Amanda nodded as she thought about everything she had just said. "You put it together pretty well."

She sighed tiredly. "People are exhausting," Dana concluded.


	8. More Than Halfway There

More Than Halfway There

Amanda woke up when she was approximately 30 weeks pregnant and realized that if she were carrying a Terran child she would only have about ten more weeks to go. But she was supposed to try her best to keep this child in another 22 weeks instead of just ten? She forced herself to stop thinking about it or else she knew it would lead to another anxiety attack. She had been having them a lot, lately.

She sat up and as she stood up, her stomach was noticeably bigger. It seemed as if she were gaining weight overnight. Her abdomen was just beginning to feel heavy to her and her back, as of a week before, was in constant pain. Her ribs were beginning to feel just slightly compressed and her body image was beginning to take a real beating. While standing, she could barely see her feet anymore. She couldn't help but wonder, "Just how big am I going to get? And how is this baby going to get out at that size?" Labor was something she almost never dwelled on.

She waddled her way into the bathroom to get a shower and that was another thing that was getting on her nerves. She had begun to waddle a few days before. She hated it. She wished she could fast-forward to the end of her pregnancy and finally see her baby's face. Sarek had very logically pointed out that of course her center of gravity had shifted and therefore it would affect her gait. But she didn't want to hear that or anything else 'logical'. She was ready to deliver already but instead of only having two and one half months left, she had over five remaining. She wanted to cry.

####

Demek visited them that day. As usual, the company of the older man was very welcome. He spent his first two hours with them and shared a meal.

When Amanda announced, "I need to take a nap," both men encouraged her to do so.

As soon as the woman of the house was gone, Demek turned to Sarek then and said, "I did not wish to say what I must inform you of in front of your wife."

"There is news of a negative nature?"

Demek seemed to hold in a sigh. He was weary of his existence and the overabundance of bad news. "There were a number of the Terran female prisoners being transported to another facility. They were of the most hopeless cases since none of our Healers could bring them out of their catatonic state, regardless of what technique was used. They were of the ones from the V'Tosh Ka'tur side." The older man paused for a second. "They are now all dead."

Sarek refrained from sitting forward in his seat. "Dead? An accident?"

"Seemingly an accident," said Demek with unveiled disgust.

"You do not believe so?"

"Sarek, if you would please calculate for me the chances that a shipment of the sign of our greatest failure to Heal as well as mistreatment of Terrans should perish, all, in a single accident to the point of disintegration where nearly no evidence is left behind except to show 'this is where they all perished'—yes, it appears that a shipment of female prisoners has simply died in an unfortunate accident. But once the details of who they were and why it was necessary for each and every one to never make it back to true consciousness, it brings everything into the highest form of suspicion."

The ambassador found himself tallying the numbers in his mind. "No survivors," he said to himself since that was the determining factor in his mind. "It appears to certainly be more than a simple accident."

Demek nodded once and looked down at his hands. "I have seen evil in my time. I have seen carelessness and neglect. But this situation is nothing short of the final stages of a cover-up that entails much more than simple carelessness."

"The other females?"

"All of the females that were never misused, there is no reason to discard them. They are all safe. For those who were, only the one time, their bond stripped, their mind wiped of the incident, they are safe. For those misused multiple times and still successfully 'healed'," he scoffed, "also mind-wiped, they present a level of danger. Because at some time it is known that if they leave this world and seek treatment for the holes in their memories, that is the crux of the danger. The truth _may_ be uncovered. It is highly doubtful, but there is always a chance."

"But if their minds were wiped-"

"Terran minds do not operate in the same way as Vulcan minds. One suppressed memory that surfaces for a Vulcan has the potential to leave us permanently brain damaged and possibly cause our death. But for a Terran, they seem to have the ability for their minds to heal themselves, form new pathways. It is the price we pay for being telepaths, this vulnerability of memory and mind. And they, they are not telepaths. And while over 90% of their brains are never used in their lifetime, that leftover gray matter is there in the event that severe damage occurs so that new pathways can be built in the mind. The chances that these females can recover their memories are there. And that is known by our leadership. Consequently, the V'Shar will never allow them to leave this world alive."

"So you believe the V'Shar happen to be responsible for the accident where the unrecoverable ones died?"

He had in fact seen the truth in a vision months before, but couldn't connect what it was he was seeing. Now he knew. "They were ordered by the council to 'take utmost care of the situation'. It was deemed a threat to Vulcan, and so for that reason they did it."

Sarek was disturbed, once more, at the willingness of the council to order such things to be done. "Such casual disregard for life," he found himself saying. "Terrans, Vulcans…it does not seem to matter. It would appear we all have a serious deficiency of decency."

Demek didn't answer. He knew what was coming for them all someday. But now was not the time to speak on it.

####

Patricia and Dana sat at Dana's place. "T'Niye says from her tests there is nothing wrong with my physiology," said Patricia. Dana sat a steaming cup of tea in front of her. The redhead smiled at her friend and thanked her for the tea. "And Soryn is so damned stubborn he won't get his sperm tested. You should have seen the look on his face when I asked him for a sample."

Dana had just sat down at the table and begun to drink. She almost choked on her tea. "I wish I could have seen that look."

"How about you? Nothing so far?"

The blonde sighed with a small grin. "Nope. Nothing so far. Well it's only been, what? Two and a half months."

Patricia shrugged. "I can't help but wonder, how in the hell did Amanda get pregnant so _fast_?"

Dana heard the door chime and said, "I'll be right back." She went and saw Maya on the viewer. "It's Maya!" she said.

"Oh, Maya's here?" asked Patricia eagerly.

"Yeah, I asked her to come."

The door opened and Maya walked in and headed straight for the kitchen. "Pat!" she said with a big smile when she saw her at the table.

The redhead broke into a huge grin. Something about Maya always made her want to giggle. "What are you doing here, Miss Maya?"

"Well Dana said you two were having a Trying to Conceive Pity Party, so I'm here to crash it."

"Sokam still holding you to that terrible a 10-year timeline?" asked Patricia.

"Yes," she answered glumly as she huffed down into a chair. The three ladies sat together sipping tea and talking. "Well I found this old book on human nutrition and reproduction," said Maya as she pulled out her data PADD. "I'm going to send it to you both. I figure even though I can't try yet, no reason for me not to help my friends out."

"I'll take anything I can get at this point," said Patricia as both she and Dana pulled out their data PADDs.

"Oh," said Maya, "and the ladies in my family, they study herbs and stuff like that. If you want, Patricia, I can talk to them and they can tell me what you can put together that will help you."

She smiled at her. "Really?"

"Really. I mean I could probably get T'Niye to do you some new lab work based on what it is they'd ask about you and have something tailored just for you-"

"Are you serious?" she asked in disbelief.

"Well who better to understand Terran physiology in connection to reproduction than Terrans? Your plumbing is working, according to what T'Niye said, right?"

"Right."

"So the answer lies in some kind of hormonal problem or a deficiency. Well at least that's what my grandmother would say."

"Was your grandmother a _bruja_?" asked Dana.

"No!" laughed Maya. "She is not a witch. She just studies herbs and their effect on the body. She has her degree in it and everything. So I can get T'Niye to send your results to her and she can work on your case herself."

"I'll take it!" Patricia jumped at it.

"And me?" asked Dana.

"Girl, you haven't been at it for six months, yet!" laughed Maya. "Give it time."

Dana nodded, "I know, I know. I'm just so tenacious for us to start our family."

Maya finished pressing the last of the buttons on her PADD and then started to put it away in her bag. "Well read the nutrition information I sent you and once you pass six months and if nothing happens—_if_- T'Niye is open to seeing you then. I think she's actually eager to get her hands on the both of you to genetically put a baby together or something since she's had so much fun making sure Spock is put together the right way."

Both Patricia and Dana simply looked at one another and didn't say anything. But Maya caught that look and let her mental shields drop for a few seconds. She was almost shocked at what she detected from both ladies, but particularly from Patricia. The woman was very angry toward Amanda and at the mention of her son. Anger wasn't the predominant emotion, though. She felt helpless, hopeless, frustrated and betrayed.

"Ah, Patricia," Maya found herself saying. "We'll get to the bottom of it, I really believe that."

"I just can't help feeling the way that I do," she said. "All I ever hear about is Amanda's baby _this_ and Spock_ that_ and…I feel so awful for being upset about the situation. And it doesn't matter how many times I tell myself that I'm not being reasonable or that I don't have a right to be upset about this, but I just am. I can't seem to _help_ it."

"You don't have to apologize for your feelings to us," said Dana.

"We both understand," said Maya. "I'm kind of in my own funk about my situation. I mean the man is not open to even_ trying_ for ten damn years. Ten _years_."

"My heart breaks for you," said Dana truthfully.

Maya shrugged. "He's very clear on what he wants to do with his life and how he wants it done. I guess you're going through the same thing with Soryn, Patricia?"

The redhead nodded emphatically, "Yes, yes I am. That man is so stubborn!"

Dana laughed, "They're all stubborn. They say its logic, but I say its stubbornness."

All three women laughed at that. Maya then said, "Well in the meantime at least I can get knocked up vicariously through you two."

Patricia almost spit tea all over the place. "Oh, God, I can't believe you said that out loud!"

Maya laughed and then said, "There _is_ a way you can get his sperm sample without permission. There's this test they used to do back in the day before reproductive medicine was revolutionized. You basically have good times with your man and then as soon as you two are…done…well more like as soon as _he's_ done, you beam to the doctor's and they get you on the table and get a sample from you. This way they see how his guys are doing and at the same time how they're reacting to your internal environment."

"Why would that make a difference?" asked Dana.

"Hostile environment," said Patricia. "I found that out in my research. Sometimes there's nothing wrong with either of you. Your body just doesn't like his swimmers. I could be killing them the minute they deploy to find the egg."

All three women laughed at the military term she'd used. "Deploy! Well it was at least worth a try to mention it," said Maya. "But then again him being a telepath and everything, I don't think you could pull that off without him knowing."

Patricia sighed. "Well, we tried." And then the three of them got silent and simply looked at one another. Before they knew it, they began to giggle again. "Deploy!" they said at the same time and laughed even harder.

####

Mariana was excited. She was going to meet Jhuleem at the space port. He was finally coming back from Cardassia! She saw him exiting the terminal and waved excitedly at him as he approached the vehicle. He smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes.

"I'm so glad to see you," she said as she hugged him.

He hugged her back, quite eagerly, but when she went to kiss him he turned his face away and said, "Let's get to my place. I'm exhausted."

She didn't think anything of it until they were underway. He barely spoke on the ride over to his apartment. Usually he was a chatterbox and she couldn't help but think that maybe he was much more tired than usual. She chalked it up to travel.

As soon as they reached his place, he immediately went to shower and rest. She was a little confused. He was, seemingly, trying his best not to communicate with her at all. She found herself getting angry and then forced herself to calm down. He was probably just really very tired, she told herself. While he was sleeping, she left his place and went home. There was always another day, right?


	9. Shaky Ground

Shaky Ground

Sarek watched his wife packing for her day at work. He was more than concerned about her. T'Niye wanted to see and examine her that evening after Amanda's work day was done. She had already given her job notice that it looked as if she would be, at the least, confined to the house and at the most, on bed rest soon, just as a precaution. She was thirty-three weeks along and her stomach seemed to have enveloped her entire body. He knew that before the end, her stomach was going to become even larger.

"I don't know how in the world I'm going to be able to take much more of this," she remarked. She was responding to what she sensed in his mind concerning the size of her stomach. "And yes, it is starting to feel quite heavy," she answered his unspoken question.

Spock chose that moment to roll over and kick his little feet up as high as possible. She paused at the slight amount of pain. The baby was very strong! She nudged at her stomach with a little smile on her face. "Get your feet out of my ribs, baby boy!" She sat down on her bed with a tired sigh and then popped a meal replacement pill. T'Niye had finally gotten a safe working formula together just for her. Poor Mariana and Maya had been the guinea pigs for all the previous prototypes. It packed a whopping eight hundred calories and had a timed release of three hours. She was supposed to use them only on the days she went to work in between her real meals. She'd had a mini-meal an hour ago and just didn't feel like eating again. These days all of her meals gave her heartburn since the baby seemed to be compressing her lungs and ribs.

"Amanda, are you entirely certain T'Niye meant for you to take the meal replacements while you were not at work?"

"Oh, Sarek, I just ate. And I have to leave in less than ten minutes and the shuttle ride is an hour. I don't want hunger pangs while I'm on the shuttle. Do you want me to get air sick from an empty stomach or my stomach being too full from food?" she asked.

He saw from their bond that she was thinking as practically as possible about the situation. If it were up to him, she would have stopped working the moment she reached the six month mark. He seemed to be on the verge, at all times, of swooping in and declaring that he was going to take over her life so she would remain well. But he didn't. So he did the only thing that helped him cope with not being too pushy in his wife's life. He changed the subject. "I must see T'Pau today," he said out of nowhere.

She turned and just stared at him. She had been dreading this, but the clan mother finally wanted to speak to him, in person. "Oh," was all she said.

"I was summoned," he said with a tone that sounded suspiciously like excuse-making.

She was tired already though the day had only just begun. She knew she would take a nap on the shuttle on her way to work. "You have to do what you have to do, right?" she said. Truthfully, something in the back of her mind was in a panic but there was no way for her to express that feeling without sounding like a paranoid territorial mass of hormones.

He sensed her unspoken dread and wondered at it. She was having, what he remembered her calling it, a serious 'deep-seated instinctual reaction' to this news. Perhaps, he thought, it would have been better for him to simply go and see T'Pau while Amanda was at work. That way she would not have been distressed by the news at all. But no, he never kept anything from her involving the two of them. If T'Pau had her way, Sarek would be returning to Terra Prime only months after Spock's birth and it was only right that Amanda was aware of that.

On the shuttle to work, Amanda's sleep was obstructed. Something inside her was saying that something was terribly _wrong_ with the situation of Sarek going to see T'Pau. But she didn't understand why she felt that way. She only slept half an hour as opposed to an hour, because halfway through her nap, her eyes snapped opened and she gasped, "Sarek!" out loud.

"_T'Sai_," she heard Zurel asking from the front of the shuttle. "You are unwell?"

She thought about his question. She could feel Spock sleeping peacefully inside her and her heart palpitations were finally beginning to subside. She chalked her feelings up to having had a nightmare she just couldn't remember. "I'm fine, Zurel. Keep going."

"As you wish, lady," he said.

But she couldn't go back to sleep after that.

####

"Maya, I'm telling you, he's acting strangely," Amanda insisted. She was in the back of the house on her PADD. She whispered, "He went to see T'Pau today and when I left my job I went to see T'Niye. After that, I came back home and he was here and he just…" she shook her head, confused. "He's not himself."

Maya frowned on the other side of the screen. "Not himself? What do you mean by that?"

Her face screwed up into a grimace and she looked up as if trying to snatch at a memory. "He's just…distant. And-" her face broke into a severe frown as tears appeared at the corners of her eyes. "Amanda he doesn't feel the same in the bond. He doesn't _feel _the same. I don't know who this man is."

"You can't mean that," whispered Maya. "What?"

"Besides not even feeling like my Sarek, he doesn't act like my husband. The Sarek I know, he usually makes sure that I'm all right, makes sure that I'm eating enough, makes sure I'm safe in the shower. Tonight, none of that. He's barely spoken four words to me since I came back from T'Niye! Meanwhile, for the past few _weeks_ he's wanted me at home on bed-rest and now that I go to the appointment that gives me the verdict on that, she's given me the doctor's order to not go far from home for now, he didn't even so much as _ask_ me what she said for me to do."

"Oh hell no," whispered Maya frantically. "Do you think T'Pau did something to him?"

Amanda shrugged. "I don't know! I'm not a telepath. That's why I'm calling you. Could she do something like that?"

"No!" Maya shouted at first. Then she thought of all the times she'd simply 'suggested' to Mariana that she didn't need to drink anything more, of the time in custody when they were about to use the Mind Sifter on her and she 'suggested' that that would not be necessary…so they didn't. "Yes," she whispered slowly. "If I can do it, she can do it. And she can probably do it much better since she's been at this much longer than I have."

"What do you mean you can do it?" asked Amanda, alarmed.

"Only in cases where my life's been threatened…or I thought Mariana was about to drink herself into the hospital, that's when I've used it. There was also that one time, remember when I was afraid Mariana was going to drink too much and spill our plans to Cassie? I've never used it other than those circumstances. Not ever. Not even to get a better grade in school, not even to change my mother's mind when I hit about 17-ish and figured out I could do it." Maya sat there, thinking. "But T'Pau…this is the same woman that tried to maneuver Sokam and I away from one another. Why would she not do something to Sarek to get him to…I don't know, be cold toward you? To drive you away? If I only knew what that woman had planned."

"But Sarek is strong!" Amanda said, clutching at something, anything. "He couldn't let something like that happen to him unless he wanted it to!"

Maya saw her friend was overwrought. "Amanda, you're tired. You just found out today that you have to be confined to your house constantly for your baby's safety. Maybe you're just stressed the hell out and you're seeing more into this than you should be. Maybe she just told him something that distracted him so badly he isn't acting like himself. How about you sleep on this and wait until tomorrow. If he's still acting screwy…"

"What? I should do what? I'm confined to home!" she shouted.

"Shhh!" Maya said with her finger to her lips. "Amanda," she whispered. "Be careful."

"But if she's done something to him, what am I going to _do_?" she whispered with tears streaming down her face. "I love him so much and she might have taken him from me. If he doesn't love me anymore-"

"Amanda, no amount of fooling with Sarek's mind is going to take away the love he has for you. T'Pau may be able to temporarily shield it in his mind, but eventually it is going to break through that barrier, all right?"

She swallowed back her tears. "All right."

"I'll talk to T'Niye about this. She can tell us for sure if a clan mother can-"

"No! I don't want anyone else to know!" insisted Amanda.

"But why?" asked Maya.

"Remember when you and Sokam were on the outs? You only told me what was really going on. I went with my big mouth and told my husband our friends. I realize now I shouldn't have done that. But Maya, this is worse. My husband might not _want_ me anymore. And what if he doesn't want this baby, either? What if she's messed him up so badly that-" Amanda's tears worsened and she wasn't able to speak.

"Amanda. Oh God, Amanda please stop," said Maya as she felt her own tears rising to the surface. She couldn't stand seeing her in this much misery. "You're pregnant, you shouldn't be feeling like this right now," she said angrily. "Damn T'Pau!"

"Promise you won't talk to T'Niye about this," said Amanda.

"Please don't make me promise not to-"

"Promise me!" she nearly shouted.

Maya sighed. "I promise."

"And shield it in your mind when you two meld."

"What?"

"I know you can do that. I know you're talented. I don't want her picking up the echo in your mind. Just don't let her see it."

Maya sort of understood that Amanda was embarrassed about the situation, but she didn't know why. "Why won't you let anyone help you?"

"I have to believe that with time I can undo whatever she's done. I have to believe that that love between us is enough that, just as you said, it can break through whatever she might have put in there. I have to_ believe_ that. At least let me try first, okay?"

Her friend agreed. "Okay."

####

"Please," Soryn was begging. "Speak with me, Patricia. Ashayam…"

Patricia was on the floor of their bathroom sobbing her heart out. She couldn't face Soryn now, not now. The past few days had been a wonderful blur that became a horrible nightmare.

**Five days before:**

She'd awakened not feeling like herself. She was so nauseated. She knew exactly what was going on. "Soryn," she said aloud.

He turned and looked at her. "My wife?"

"I'm pregnant. I know I am."

He could see the joy on her face. He did not welcome the news. "I see," he said after a pause.

"'I see'?" she asked while imitating his voice at the same time. "Oh, you don't believe me, do you?" she asked.

He had to contend, "I do believe you. I simply think that first you should confirm-"

And before he could finish his sentence, she was out of bed grabbing the scanner. She ran it over herself, but when the thing beeped and she looked at the results- Having it confirm what she already knew was more emotional than she thought it would be. "Oh my goodness! I_ am_ pregnant!" she shouted.

He practically snatched the scanner from her hand to look at it for himself. And there it was. Early days of gestation. She was indeed pregnant with his child. "I did not expect that this was possible without T'Niye's assistance."

But she knew him well enough to know what he really meant. "You're not happy about this, are you?"

"Patricia, happiness is an emotion. I am a Vulcan. I do not-"

"Bull_shit_!" she yelled at him at the top of her lungs.

He physically startled. "My wife, you never swear!"

"I do today, you horrible _horrible_ man!" And she was grabbing her things as she dressed as quickly as possible.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm going to T'Niye to make sure this pregnancy is all right, no thanks to _you_."

"You are perhaps being made unreasonable by your hormones, my wife. I do no think it is wise for you to travel in such a state of agitation."

"Oh you don't, do you?" she asked as she pulled her hair up into a loose bun. "Well I should leave the house anyway so I can get _**as far away from you as possible**__!_" she shouted.

They barely spoke over the course of the next three days. Patricia could tell through their bond that Soryn was not at all welcoming toward her pregnancy. She couldn't understand, this was _his baby_. Why was he being so resistant to the idea of it? As far as she knew, it was a duty on Vulcan to produce at least one heir between a married couple. She had her own dark thoughts over why her husband would be this way about this child, but she didn't speak on them, in fact refused to believe them.

On the fourth day, Soryn noted that his wife had ventured into the city. For what reason, he did not know. She had not communicated with him that she was going or why. He only knew because she took one of the school shuttles and piloted herself when she left. The only reason she ever took one of the shuttles was when she ventured into the city. He was not at all pleased with her. His wife knew he did not want her venturing to the city on her own, yet she had done so anyway.

When night fell and she still hadn't returned home, he attempted to contact her through their bond. He was alarmed because not only would she not answer, she then went and shut things down between them. He then tried calling her comm link. This, he thought, was entering the realm of the ridiculous. She should be at home, by his side, as was proper. Someone answered, but it was not his wife that picked up. The face of the healer, T'Niye, was on her screen. "Soryn, your wife would not allow me to contact you. But now that you are the one who has made contact, I have grave news."

"My wife, is she well?" he asked as his heart turned in his side.

"I grieve with thee, Soryn. She has lost the child. She is here at the Vulcan Academy Hospital. I have kept her for observation."

He realized then what she had said at the beginning of the conversation. "My wife did not wish you to contact me about this?"

"No."

He didn't speak at first. "Was anything more said by her?"

"No."

He swallowed. "Is she well?"

"She is in deep distress. She will not allow me to help her with her emotions. She has kept them inside. But I have been in contact with Terrans enough to know that I see the condition of anger building within her."

He attempted again to get to her through their bond. It was a tight, impenetrable shield, the sort he never knew she was capable of producing. The Healer was correct. It was being reinforced by deep anger. "I will come now."

"Perhaps it is best if you do not. She-" the Healer paused. "When I asked if she wished to have me contact you so that you could come here, she said that having you here wasn't necessary or logical."

A kick to his stomach would have felt better at that point. His insides clenched. "I will come nonetheless. She may tell me herself that she does not wish me to be there."

"If that is what you wish," said the elder woman.

When he arrived at the hospital and went to her room, his wife was in her bed balled up in a fetal position. She was hugging her knees to her chest. He expected tears or perhaps even hysterics. But when her eyes lifted and she looked up at him, all he saw was the redness in her face of one who had cried until tears were no longer possible. And anger. Her eyes were full of contained rage…at him.

"Ashayam," he began.

"Don't you call me that," she said as she rolled over and turned away from him.

"My wife-"

"I don't _want_ you here!" she said as she raised her voice slightly. Her voice went back to normal. "I told T'Niye that I didn't want you here."

"I thought perhaps she was mistaken and that I should come and see for myself if this is so."

She didn't answer him after that, only remained curled up in a ball. Then, with one hand, she pulled the blanket up over her head.

"My wife, please speak with me. It might be better if-"

"Go away," she said from under the blanket in a low voice. "Just go away."

His shoulders sagged. It was the most defeated he had ever felt. "I will leave the room, my wife, but I will be just outside. Whenever you need me, I will be here."

He took her home the next day when she was certified as well enough to return with him. She hadn't been rude or much of anything toward him. She simply pretended he was not around. And she still hadn't reopened their bond.

He decided that he should try and speak with her about what was happening between them, what had happened to their child. "My wife, I know you are in deep distress concerning the loss of our child-"

"Our child?" she cut him off as she finally looked at him for the first time in over a day. "_Our_ child?" she asked. "_MY child_!" she shouted. "You didn't want the baby, so it was MINE!"

"Patricia, you do not need to shout," he said.

"No, I don't _need_ to!" she said as she jumped up and ran for their bathroom. She locked herself in. "I don't need to speak with _you_ at all!"

"Patricia," he said through the door. "Please, allow me to enter. There is much we should discuss."

"You didn't want him, _you didn't want him_!" she screamed at the closed door, full of rage. "So he's mine, _mine_! Not ours! _Mine_! Because you didn't want my child! And the only reason you wouldn't want our child is because you don't want _my_ child!"

His heart fell through the bottom of the floor as he finally heard what his wife was thinking about his not wanting them to have a child.

"You never did want my child, that's why you never cooperated with what I wanted. It was always about _your_ thoughts, your opinions, your _logic_! Well you can take your precious logic and stick it up your Vulcan _ass_! Your Terran wife, your _Terran wife_ that you only married because you had no _**choice**_! I should have seen what was _really_ going on! You just didn't want to_ die_! You didn't really want _me_! You just needed a wife and I was the only thing available that you already knew. Always telling me where I could go and not go. I mistook that for love! No, no, no, that was not_ love_. That was trying to ensure your life-ticket until something _better_ came along. Well I don't want _you_ anymore! I want out, I want _OUT_! I don't want a man that doesn't want me or my babies. _ I don't want you anymore if you don't want me_!" she sobbed as she fell to the floor.

"Please," Soryn was begging. "Open the door. Speak with me, Patricia. Ashayam…"

And she was crying like her heart was breaking. "He doesn't want me. He _never_ wanted _me,_" he heard her sob to herself, and yes, she sounded so sure of that.

He was frantic. He could not allow this to continue. He realized what she had said during her very emotional tirade. His wife had declared that she wanted out. She wanted their bond to be dissolved. _No. __**No!**_ Before he could stop himself, he was physically breaking down the bathroom door that stood between them.

As the door crashed inward and he caught it so that it wouldn't hit her by accident, she looked up, shocked that he'd done such a thing.

Throwing the heavy door aside as if it were a piece of nothing, he crossed to where she was at on the floor and lifted her straight up by the shoulders almost harshly. "You _think_ I didn't want you to have our child because I didn't want it?" he said in a most unstable, hard tone. And he was no longer speaking Standard, he was speaking in his mother tongue, his emotions were so thick and charged. "I did not wish for you to become pregnant with our child because I have seen what the Lady Amanda has had to contend with. And I did not wish to lose you, even to have _our_ child! It was your _death_ I saw if you ever came to term with our child and I cannot risk that, even for an heir, I will not risk it!"

Even thought it took a few seconds for her to understand what he'd said, she saw in his eyes that he meant what he was saying. "What?"

"I will not allow you to leave me!" he said, finally speaking in Empire Standard, again. "I will not allow the dissolving of our bond. I will not let you go," he said, his voice full of emotions he should not be having.

"It only takes one, the last I heard!" she snapped back at him without thinking.

He crushed her to him in a hug then. "Please…please do not allow what has happened to come between us. We only need to better our communication. These thoughts you have had, about my not wanting you, they are untrue! Lift the barrier between us and see into our bond, see for yourself, I want no other, Terran or Vulcan. There is only you in my mind and that is how I wish it to remain."

The barrier between them in her mind came crashing down as she sobbed against his chest. He felt the waves of anger wash over him and couldn't believe his wife was capable of such strong anger, especially toward him. "I wanted that baby so badly and I finally had it and now it's gone!" she said as she punched his chest as hard as she could. "Just gone, _**gone**_!" she shrieked and cried.

He held her to him and let her emotions wash through him. Finally his true thoughts on the child came to the surface. He had wanted the child, her child, yes. But he could not pretend he was not relieved that his wife's life was no longer in danger. He held her closer to him. "Please do not fault me for prizing your life above all others. And I do grieve the loss of the child. I do grieve."

Finally her arms went up around him as she cried herself into exhaustion. After a time, finally spent, she collapsed against him. She allowed him to lift her into his arms and put her into their bed to sleep.

_A/N - This chapter put me through the wringer, emotionally. I rewrote it several times._ - J.S.


	10. Pregnant Pause

Pregnant Pause

Mariana had been wondering what was really happening between Jhuleem and her. Since he had returned from Cardassia, she barely saw him. He was always busy with work or studying for his exams that he was soon to return to Cardassia to take from his continuing education course. So she went to his wing of the hospital when she knew his lab partner wouldn't be there.

The minute she saw him, she didn't mince any words. "You want to tell me what's going on?"

"Going on?" he asked, obviously playing at ignorance.

"You haven't been in this relationship since you got back here. You think I don't notice you're avoiding me like some sort of plague?"

He sighed. "Mariana, I've just been busy, that's all."

"Yeah, sure. How about you tell me what's really going on so we can both go on with our lives?"

He looked at her as he sat there. He then stood as he said, "Let's talk about this tonight when-"

"No, I want to talk about it now," she said, holding onto her temper. "My life has been on hold since I've been waiting for you to make up your mind about- something. I don't know what that something is, but it isn't fair for you to ask someone to wait around for you until you decide whatever that something is."

He admitted, "You're right. It isn't fair for you not to know. My family, when I went home to Cardassia, they-" he shrugged. "They gave me an ultimatum. I've been told to marry a Cardassian woman of their choice or I'll be disowned."

"Oh, I see." She was trying to cram that piece of information into her mind, but it didn't compute. "So you're trying to decide if-"

"If I care to live my life in exile." And he was just standing there, holding her gaze and he seemed to be…unapologetic?

She turned, about to leave, but she turned back around and shot out, "You know what? Go home. I wouldn't want you to live a life out of favor with your family. I'm living it now and it really hurts. So go and marry—what's-her-face—whatever her name is, and have a nice long life."

"Mariana, that isn't fair," he said. "If I remember correctly you left me because your family didn't want us together-"

"I left you because it was illegal back then and you would have been subject to execution on Terra Prime! And it hurt to go, but I would rather you have been alive than with me and then dead within days."

"Then why can't you be happy for me now that my family won't disown me?"

"Oh forget this," she said. "If that's what you want, fine, then go on and take it. I hope you're happy with what's-her-face," she finished angrily as she went to leave the lab.

"Don't go!" he said. "I only have three days left here before I have to go home. Let's spend those last days together."

She looked back at him and gave him the nastiest smile he'd ever seen. "Spend them alone, you jerk! I'd rather get used to being on my own again sooner rather than later."

And he watched her walk away from him for good.

####

"What about what you want?" Amanda was asking.

Maya frowned. "What _about_ what I want?"

"Everything is about Sokam and what he wants. He's in school to be a Healer, so your bond is shut most of the time. And you can't have sex because it will compromise his studies. And oh, no kids yet, he wants to wait ten years. What about what _you_ want?"

This whole thing had started because Maya made the mistake of mentioning, offhand, to Amanda that she might have to return to Terra Prime for a year to continue her studies but that she didn't think Sokam would like that. And Amanda had turned to her and asked, "What about what you want?"

Maya hadn't expected the conversation to take this turn. "Well it's not really about that right now. Things are just kind of up in the air for us-"

"For him you mean," said Amanda. "If you need to go to Terra Prime for a year to fulfill the obligations for the next step in your studies, why would he have a problem with that?"

Maya shrugged. "Ah, you know how it is. He'll probably not want me to go at first and then he'll come around. He understands about my education. It'll be fine."

She leaned forward and asked, "Aren't you tired of him doing this to you, Maya?"

"What?"

"He's ignoring you again, I can tell!"

"Yeah, Amanda, it's different this time. It's not like he can help it."

"A husband can always help it. Don't believe he can't."

Before allowing herself to become angry, Maya dropped her mental shields and saw that Amanda was under a large amount of stress. What had happened to cause this? "Amanda, what's going on?"

She swallowed back tears. "It doesn't matter. I don't trust Vulcans anymore. And I'm married to one," she laughed while trying not to cry, "and I'm pregnant with one."

Her heart hurt for her friend. "Is Sarek still…you know?"

"Acting like a weirdo? Oh yeah. We can be in the same room and it's like being alone." She didn't tell Maya about the conversation they had had just the day before.

####

"You want us to what?" said Amanda, trying to keep her voice level. She could barely breathe. She was ten months into her pregnancy and her body was groaning under the pressure. She was being pumped full of drugs and hormones in order to keep her child in for as long as possible. And now Sarek had just said…what?

"Amanda, it is only logical," he answered. He had become overly focused on logic and less focused on the two of them since that day he had gone to see T'Pau. "Since the child will need more than what either you or I could give him in this environment, it is only proper that he be handed over to someone more qualified to teach him in The Vulcan Way."

"And you think T'Pau, of all people, is that person?"

"Yes, logically."

She couldn't believe her ears. Here she was, stuck in bed for the last leg of her pregnancy. Her body and will were being stretched beyond belief. She had been going through the most terrible of health circumstances since becoming pregnant and now here she was carrying a child past what any Terran should ever have to endure. "I'm forty-eight weeks along and this is what I have to deal with right now," she mumbled disgustedly to herself as she lay on her side and covered her stomach protectively with one arm.

Sarek merely stood there, waiting for her answer.

"This conversation is over, Sarek," she said, coolly. "Leave me alone."

"I would have your answer now," he said a little too patiently as he stood in front of her.

She knew it was a low blow, but she decided to say it anyway. "How many children do you need to have taken from you by the women of this forsaken world before you _wake the hell up_?"

He was so taken off guard by the question, he was unable to answer.

####

Maya only looked at her friend and wondered what she was thinking about. "Where did you go?" she asked.

"Memories, that's all," she said as she shrugged. She leaned forward and whispered, "Let's leave our husbands and go back to Terra Prime!"

Maya wanted to laugh since she knew Amanda was mostly joking. But part of her knew her friend was contemplating that very move and it was precisely why she wasn't laughing. She was more than very worried about her. And she decided to bury the words said about her husband since she knew they came from a place of desperation for Amanda. Instead, she found herself saying, "Anytime, day or night, you call me Amanda. You understand?"

She swallowed back tears. "I understand."


	11. Spectator

Spectator

Demek was surprised to see the young Terran Mariana coming toward his home. He called down to his servant to let the young woman in. She was brought directly to him. As soon as she entered his office, he could see signs that she had been crying. Her eyes were red rimmed and she looked miserable.

"What has happened, young lady?"

She swallowed back her tears. "I, um-" She sniffled. "I just got dumped, I think, for another woman and-"

"The Cardassian?" he asked, inwardly surprised.

Her shoulders shook as she put her face in her hands. "I can't believe this! I mean, what the hell? I just can't…I just don't…I just-" She was truly at a loss for words as she sat down, placed her head on his desk and bawled.

Demek's face was rigidly straight, but his heart was breaking on the inside for the young woman. He knew Mariana, out of the other Terran females, was much more vocal and openly emotional. The only time, he knew, she shackled those emotions was when she was in her professional mode as a health caretaker ; which reminded him that the life he had at that time was returned to him by her diligent emergency care earlier that year. "I never properly conveyed to you my thanks for your role in saving my life not so long ago," he said. "Allow me to do so now. I am certain you do not wish to be seen by the eyes of others at this time."

"No," she said as she shook her head vigorously and wiped her tears away. "I'm just so humiliated! I thought that…that maybe he wouldn't do it. But you know what? I'm not even all that mad at him about it. If it were me, what would I do? Would I do what my family wanted and…its better this way," she said. "I don't want his family angry at him because of me."

Her words confused him because Demek did indeed sense her intense anger at Jhuleem. Why did Terrans lie to themselves constantly, he wondered? "Come. I have many available rooms. You may remain here for a time. Do you wish me to call your friends?"

"No," she shook her head emphatically. "I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to-" Her face fell and she was crying again.

Demek called for a servant. The servant had the sense to not look disapprovingly at the Terran puddle of tears sitting in the master's office. "Please arrange for a room to be made for Miss Mariana." He looked over at her. "When do you return to work, young lady?"

She swallowed back a fresh wave of tears. "I'm off for two days but I'm on-call after that for the day."

"Remain here until then," he said. But he knew that this Jhuleem was not at all finished with Mariana. And he decided that if the young man returned, he would have to answer to him before he allowed him to speak with her again. "Go and rest please, Mariana."

She stood and followed the servant. "Thank you so much, Demek."

"And thank you for saving my life those months ago, Mariana. I owe you more than a debt of gratitude. And I shall fulfill that."

####

Maya was more than excited. The true-to life replica of the Ancient Egyptian City of Thebes had produced record ticket sales at the museum. Although her position was a behind-the-scenes one translating glyphs from a company back on Terra Prime and for the Vulcan language, she was overjoyed at the turnout that would pack the exhibit in less than two weeks. She supposed that something about Vulcans, people from a desert culture, were very curious about people in the past from another world whose home was also the desert.

She was carefully looking through a copy of a page of ancient glyphs that needed confirming as far as a translation that had been done a century before. They wanted a fresh translation, not a hand-me-down via Empire Standard. She didn't have a true 'office'. She had been placed in a storeroom area along with everything she needed. Nevertheless she was thrilled to be doing something in her line of work instead of the get-by jobs she often had during her school years.

She heard a knock on the storeroom door. It was still the old type that did not have a chimer. "Come in!" she called as she went over to an assembled hook-up board and began quickly writing down the glyphs she was working on, mumbling to herself in the old language as she wrote each glyph. She had memorized the first page of the ancient copy without realizing it.

The door opened behind her and she heard her boss, a Vulcan named Teahar, saying, "I apologize for the interruption Lady Maya, but someone has come to speak with you."

Maya turned around, her mind still on trying to write down the last of the glyphs, halfway confused. No one was allowed to come by and see her during work hours. But behind Teahar she saw the last person she wanted to see that day or ever. Her senses snapped back into place. _Of course __**he**__ would get in_ she thought to herself. "Agent Stilen," she greeted him as politely as possible.

"I shall leave you to your investigation," said Teahar to the agent.

"You don't have to leave, director," she tried to call him back.

"On the contrary," Stilen intervened. "What I must say to you is quite confidential."

She wanted to give Teahar a pleading look but the director hadn't paused; he couldn't see the desperation on her face. Her heart sank as she realized he was long gone. She then looked at Stilen whom had already walked the rest of the way into her storeroom office and closed the door. He also pressed the button so that it would lock behind him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to remain polite. "What investigation?"

"I have come with information you may wish to have, Maya."

"And what exactly do you want for this information?" she asked. Though her voice was level, her face held contained suspicion.

He didn't move from where he stood or go anywhere near her. "You may wish to know that T'Pau is actively spying on yourself and the Lady Amanda."

She thought about the piece of information given to her and honestly asked, "Exactly what am I supposed to do about that? It's not like I can make her stop." It did bother her to know the older woman was watching her. But she had to admit with a shrug, "Besides, I have nothing to hide."

"Your upstanding ways are commendable. However, what you should determine is how best to protect yourself."

She leaned backward against the topside of her desk that was toward the mid-back of the storeroom. "I guess you didn't come all this way if you didn't have some ideas already," she said as she folded her arms.

He paused, wondered if she were sincere. "Does that mean you are open to hearing them?" He was trying his utmost to respect her privacy and not enter her mind without permission this time.

She shrugged. "Go ahead."

He gave one sharp formal nod and then began, "I know your current bond mate is in Healer training. I am aware of how difficult the training can be, not only for the student but for the spouse of the Healer."

Her insides began to sink all over again. "So?" she said as if it were no big deal.

"It must be difficult for you, a female that originates from a world where so much demonstration of affection is considered customary, even necessary to a marriage. I am well aware of your neglect, lady."

She'd told herself repeatedly that since Sokam needed to keep his mind uncluttered for this first year, it was no big deal. That it was not willful 'neglect' in the classic sense of the word.

The healer in training, throughout time on Vulcan, was not simply a medical student in the classic sense of the word. There was of course the classroom aspect of learning, but in addition to that there was also the separate telepathic mode of training.

A healer had to learn how to enter the mind of his patient without touching unnecessary things, but also without being affected by what he saw in the mind of his patient. As such, the student healer during his training was advised not to allow himself to be influenced by any other minds but those of his mentors so as not to corrupt the beginning of his training. And 'any other minds' also meant bond mates. It was one of the reasons it was not advisable for those in healer training to be actively bonded. It was difficult on both parties to have the bond walled off for such long periods of time. And toward the end of the first year, the student had to enter clinical rotations and begin touching the minds of the unwell and learn to treat them along with the assistance of their mentors. The wall in their mind protected their bond mate from seeing something that could potentially harm them and it also protected the confidence of the mind that was being touched by the student healer.

The first year was always the most difficult. After that first year, the student learned on a more instinctual level how to partition their mind and how to 'keep their work at work'. That was why it was imperative, she knew, for Sokam to have this mental blackout in place at all times for now. Though she knew it was temporary, still, it did hurt. And to have this agent bring it up so casually pissed her off. But she refused to let him know that.

She contained her anger as she said, "Agent, your logic in your mentioning this is starting to seem questionable. How exactly does this fit in with your suggestions on how I can protect myself against T'Pau?"

"You are neglected with your current mate," he said as if the solution were obvious. "If you were to dissolve your bond and marry me, since I am an agent of the V'Shar she could never touch you. But married to Sokam, you are subject to her whims, to whatever she may wish to attempt to try and that you cannot be aware of. If you remain with him, not only will you continue to be neglected, but she will continually attempt to have you removed from her family in any way she sees fit. And given her position, she may do whatever she wishes with whomever she wishes, especially those within her family."

She felt herself wanting to dissolve into the concrete of the floor. He really meant it. He wanted her to dump her husband and roll over to him. "How can you say that so casually?" she asked.

"It has been our way since the beginning," he said as his eyes looked into hers from across the room. "We are betrothed so young and sometimes as we grow we realize that she who was given to us as a wife, or he that was given as husband, is not a proper match. So we find another then part ways with the original spouse."

That look in his eyes, she'd seen it before. She went to walk past him to the door and as her hand reached for the button that would allow the door to unlock and open, he quickly grabbed her wrist. She went to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let her go. "You better let go of me," she warned.

"I must stress to you, T'Pau is most likely planning to kill you."

He was in direct contact with her skin. Despite the fact that her shielding capabilities were much better due to T'Niye's mentoring of her, she could not miss seeing his intentions and feeling the sincerity emanating from him. And he was not lying about a single thing. But there was something else he was not saying. "So what else?" she asked as she tried to yank her arm free once again, but couldn't.

He realized that despite his advanced shields, she had read something in him. "Do not attempt to have offspring with her kinsman. Because then she most certainly will kill you."

Maya felt an involuntary stab of pain to her heart. Not have Sokam's child? Ever?

With that, the agent's hand dropped from her arm instantly. "You do not truly need him," he said in a level tone. She took the opportunity since he had taken his hand from her wrist and tried again to open the door, but he quickly moved in front of her. "Maya, if you would see logic you would know that we would pair better together. And it is unwise for you to not acknowledge that your life is in constant danger. Surely you must understand that? I saw the feelings of neglect you have had since he has begun his training. Please, do not suffer his presence any longer. He is unworthy of you."

"Do you know the meaning of the word 'fidelity'? What about 'loyalty'?" she asked with very angry eyes. "My husband is _mine_ and I will not leave him."

"Lady, that is not logical," he inserted. "Your death is unnecessary under these circumstances."

"The safety of another man's wife is none of your business," she said as levelly as she could. "And if I did leave him for someone else…what makes you so certain I wouldn't leave _that_ someone else for another someone else? And another someone else down the line? How could you ever trust me? And how could I trust a man with no respect for me or the sanctity of the marital bond? It isn't right."

"It is our way," he said simply. "Statistically, over ninety-five percent of those who leave their bond for another remain with that other partner until death severs their bond."

Maya was getting angrier and found herself saying, "You'd better leave, Agent."

"My name is Stilen. You may say my name."

"Get OUT!" she said, worse than annoyed at that point.

He took one last look at her before he said, "As you wish, Maya. But know that I will see to your safety so that you will have no fear. And when that day arrives again less than seven years from now when your husband is in need of you again, once he has spent all of his time and resources pouring it into his career of choice and neglecting you, the one who would save his life over and over,_ I_ will be ready to be your champion at his next Kal-if-Fee. You need only step to the gong before he may strike it. Declare your intention before all and I will be waiting there to take that place as his challenger."

She reached around him and pushed the door open, inclined her head at it in a 'get out' gesture. "Thanks for the info. I really do appreciate you handing it over to me. But Sokam stays my husband."

He nodded once at her and departed. But he was not done trying to win her over, they both knew that. As soon as the door closed, Maya shoved her thoughts and anxieties to the back of her mind and pulled out her comm as she sat down behind her desk. Amanda answered on the other side and asked, "What's going on, Maya?"

"I just got some messed up news. We have a problem."

After a quick rundown of what had just happened- "He claims she's _spying_ on us?" whispered Amanda.

"I just wanted you to watch your back if you ever have to go out."

"Well I can't tell Sarek about this."

"Is he still…you know? Not himself?"

She sighed and nodded. "Yes. So I'm going to talk to the men I can trust right now."

"Zurel and Shin?"

"Zurel and Shin," she confirmed. "And get your butt over here, too, and tell them about this. Your safety matters, Maya."

She shrugged. "So long as I don't get pregnant, things will be fine. And we both know that's not happening for a long time, anyway."

"Still, come by. They're going to want to grill you about what happened. And I could use the company," she admitted.

Maya was supposed to go and see T'Niye that night right after work. "I get off work in an hour and I see T'Niye right after that for more training. I'll show up at your place two hours after that."

"I'll see you then."

As the connection shut down, she wondered if she should tell Sokam about what had happened that day. Didn't he have a definite right to know that another man was actively pursuing his wife? She didn't want to tell him, but she knew he did have a right to know.

_A/N - So sorry I was gone for a few months. 'Life' got in the way of my writing but I'm back now. I'm hoping to post another 2 chapters by the end of this week for this story. Thanks so much for any of the fans of this series that are still interested and come back to read more._


	12. So Human

_Disclaimer: The movie ST:V - The Final Frontier is owned by Paramount and I used one snippet from it in this chapter. I own no parts of it and I'm not making any money off of the one snippet I snipped from it!_

So Human

Amanda actually made it to forty-eight weeks into her pregnancy. T'Niye was very satisfied that this had come to pass. And she was confident Amanda could make it to at least the fifty week mark, so long as her stress levels did not rise.

Despite all of that, Amanda felt like she was 'the size of a bus'. She remarked to T'Niye at her appointment the night before, "Forget being able to see my shoes, I can't even put them on myself anymore." And asking Sarek to help her had become more than just a strain. He was continually not behaving as himself and the man who answered all of her requests these days was still nearly mechanical in his words and actions. Every once in a while she thought she saw the old warmth in his eyes but then within seconds it would be gone. Even their bond had become a shadow of what it used to be. And she still didn't understand what had happened.

Maya had stopped by the main house that evening, before they had gone over to see Zurel and Shin, and she was also struck by the difference in Sarek's personality. To say that she was disturbed by the change in him was an understatement.

Amanda stood to look in the mirror. There she saw herself, seemingly still the same woman on the outside. But her eyes were filled with worry and doubt. She was thinner of frame than she had been at the start of the pregnancy, but fortunately not by too much. A streak of premature grey inhabited the side of her hair and she knew that that had not been caused by the pregnancy. It seemed to have cropped up since Sarek's strange behavior. But there on the front of her was a very swollen midsection filled with her son. She could feel as well as see his movements within her.

Amanda lifted her shirt and saw her round belly, saw grooves and shapes popping through as her son shifted position inside, or as he at least _tried_ to shift position. She knew there was no wiggle room left in there these days and wondered how he was still able to move around. A fleeting smile hit her lips. She was proud of having this baby, already in love with him. But she wished her and Sarek could be experiencing this joy together. The man she knew as her husband was most likely gone, and something told her T'Pau had had something to do with it. She thought of Maya that very evening begging her to get T'Niye involved.

Sarek himself walked in then and saw her looking at herself in the mirror, made a fleeting glance at her protruding belly and remarked, "I do not understand the Terran vanity of looking at ones reflection beyond assessing whether your appearance is acceptable."

She shrugged. "You don't have to do it, so I don't understand how my actions are any of your business."

He heard the quality of her tone but didn't bother addressing it. "I have made a decision."

Fear speared through her heart. Something told her, whatever it was it was not going to be good. "Oh?"

"Spock is to go and live with T'Pau upon his birth so that he may grow to have a proper perspective of logic."

Amanda could barely get the words out of her mouth. "What?" She was literally horrified.

"I do not see the value in repeating myself."

"You listen to me, you cold son of a bitch. If you think you're going to take _my _baby away from me, you're not as intelligent as you appear to be! And especially to give to _her_ of all people!"

"What is your objection to T'Pau?" he asked, eyes honestly askance.

And she knew then that he was not working under his own influence. "I don't know what she's done to you, Sarek, or how you can forget everything that happened with her, but to hand our son over to someone who is so unapologetically _evil_-"

"Morality under these circumstances is irrelevant. She is a model of logical thinking. And under your tutelage and care our son would not learn logical thinking. He would learn pure emotion and that is unacceptable."

Although her stomach was quite large, she crossed the room quickly and with great ferocity as she asked, "How many children do you have to have _taken_ from you, Sarek, before you get the point that sometimes you have to stand up for your rights against someone else? First Sybok is taken from you and now _Spock_?" Her eyes were very angry, very incensed. "What about your right as a parent to this child? What about _my _rights?"

He had never seen that look in Amanda's eyes, not even when he had explained the prison situation to her nearly a year before after they had bonded. But now, faced with the prospect of having her child taken from her… "Amanda, do you not want your son to succeed in this society? Is that not why you made certain the geneticists made him predominantly Vulcan and not Terran? If that is what you wished, do you not wish to complete the process and have him think with a Vulcan mind with Vulcan thoughts?"

"So then I don't exist? I didn't carry this baby and he wasn't formed from one of _my_ eggs from a long line of _my_ people? Do you think I'm going to just sit there while you take away _my baby_?" she asked as she became one step from hysterical.

"Amanda, I would please ask that you remember the health of our son and do not become agitated-"

"You have the nerve, the _gall_ to mention to me that I shouldn't get upset and from the other side of your mouth you have the nerve to tell me that you're going to take my baby away and give him to _that woman_?" she found herself screeching at the top of her lungs without being able to stop herself. She saw her husband's head move backward as if he expected her to strike him. "I should slap the hell out of you if you think I'm going to let you take my baby from me!" She was even more in his space by then, belly pressed hard against him. "You go ahead and try! Try and take away my baby, Sarek! I'll kill you first!" she shrieked louder as she began to hyperventilate.

He didn't doubt she sincerely meant it. Another part of him was fighting to be released, to reassure her that this was not what he wanted, that he would fight for her to keep her son, but that part of him was shackled by something stronger. That other part of him was struck mute as the piece of him that dominated said, "Your emotional reaction is proof that you are not fit to raise a child of this world."

And before she could say another word, there was a pain deep within, something that felt worse than a contraction. It was a tearing, ripping pain… She felt a gush of liquid from down below and found herself doubled over, arms crossed over her belly, holding her son close to her. Something was very wrong.

####

T'Niye was beamed in immediately to check on her. She saw the hormonal levels and at first said nothing except, "She is in premature labor but the child is full-term. Because he is half Terran he is ready to be born now." Transportation was arranged within literally minutes and she was being taken to the cave where all of the children in his family were born.

While they were there at the cave and the contractions were hitting her one after the other, Amanda watched Sarek leave to greet the family midwife that was to assist her. As he left, she turned to T'Niye. "Why can't you deliver my son?" she asked frantically.

"Amanda, what has happened?" asked T'Niye.

"He's going to take my son away!" she whispered through tears as another contraction hit. The indescribable urge to _push_ nearly overwhelmed her, but she moaned and breathed through it, held onto herself. She needed to make certain he would not be taken from her! She refused to allow herself to push him out until she knew T'Pau would not get him!

The healer nodded solemnly and supposed that perhaps paranoia was apart of Terran birthing pathology. "The child is in great need of your milk. He cannot be removed from you, if that is what Sarek wishes, for at least six weeks. He will have to be given a supplement in addition to your milk, but it would not be wise to take away your milk completely. Rest assured, I will make certain your son returns home with you this day if he does not need time in a hospital."

"Are you sure?" asked Amanda as she cried. "Please! Don't let T'Pau take my baby!" she said, the fear in her eyes open to the healer.

"T'Pau?" whispered the elder female. "Sarek has said this?" she asked, uncertain that she had heard correctly.

Amanda answered, "He left to go and see her months ago and when he came home he…he hasn't been the same since. Please, T'Niye, she's done something to him. He isn't himself at all!"

As the midwife and Sarek entered the chamber, T'Niye said aloud, "I will call the hospital and tell them be certain to have a unit on standby just in case the child must go there." Though she did not think that would be the case, she decided she had to make an alternate plan just in case T'Pau herself showed up to take the child. And putting the baby in the hospital for observation would ensure that the clan mother could not come and take him, especially not from there.

T'Niye stood off to the side and allowed the midwife to do her duty. The elder healer remained in sight of Amanda at all times knowing that her presence would ease her mind and enable her to focus on the birth of her child. The labor was hard and in the end the child almost barely fit through the birth canal. But he finally did emerge into the heat of the Vulcan day.

As soon as he came forth, the newborn, on the large side for a certainty, was taken by the midwife and she presented him to his father. "Sarek," she said, "your son."

At first he stood there and watched the screaming baby and said nothing. Then he found himself uttering the words he would wish years later to take back. "So…human."

T'Niye's head whipped around then and she glared at Sarek for all of one second. She forced her attention back to the mother since there was extensive bleeding, but she was able to get it under control quickly. After she was done, she made certain the midwife put the child to the mother's breast first and then the older woman stood quite regally, though covered in iron-based red blood from the new mother. "I would speak with thee now, Sarek," she said in High Vulcan.

Sarek knew to pay attention then. She was not simply speaking to him as a Healer, but as an Elder. They both walked off to the side, out of Amanda's hearing.

"When I first arrived on-site," she began, "why were Lady Amanda's adrenaline levels so elevated?"

He didn't try to hide the truth. "We were in the middle of a disagreement at that time."

"Did you speak words to she who is your wife that induced great emotion and anger within her?" asked the healer.

"She is Terran," was his dismissive answer.

"Despite what she may or may not be, your actions were most unwise. You knew who the woman happened to be upon your marriage to her. Since you failed to use wisdom in your words with her, through your carelessness you could have damaged her or he who has now only just been born. She was in a state of panic that her child would be taken from her."

"Such an emotions are not logical."

She noticed, however, that he had not denied the accusation. "To remove a child from a mother -no matter which place of origin, it does not matter- would induce a state of panic in any female. From the moment of conception our women, for a short time, do not have as tight a reign on logic as they would wish to. How would a Terran be able to maintain such strict logic when our women also do not?" she asked. "And in saying that, I ask you, how is it you think it was wise to say such a thing and induce panic in she who is your wife and bearing your heir?"

The other part of him that was trying to break free was exhausted from the effort and still unable to emerge. But his cold side answered, "That is not my concern."

"I warn you, Sarek, should your wife seek my assistance, I will give it. Do not force this issue. Your son will return home with her until such time as he no longer needs nourishment from his mother. Is that clear, Sarek?" she asked.

"That is clear," he said. "I will heed your advice as her physician."

But T'Niye knew that if it were necessary, Amanda would do what needed to be done. "We will see what the future holds, Sarek." But she had to wonder, what had happened with him? He most certainly was not behaving as himself. She was beginning to have a suspicion as to what T'Pau -and possibly others- had done to him. "Sarek, your wife has said that on a certain day you went to see your clan mother and you returned not behaving as yourself. Can you give an account of what happened that day?"

But Sarek himself was stricken at his core that an elder of his world thought his actions toward his wife unwise and improper. He looked over at Amanda. He had been boxed in ever since that day T'Niye asked him about. He did not answer her, could not, but his inner self that struggled to break free every day remembered.

####

_He had gone to see her, as per her request. Amanda had gone to work that day. She left the house and he left not five minutes after her departure. T'Pau had asked him to come to her place of governance where the other council members met for unofficial business. It was closer to his home and he did not mind meeting her there, as such. He took his personal stand-by shuttle, flew himself there._

_ When he entered her office, he was perplexed. It was not only herself there, but two other Syrranite members of the council happened to be standing next to her. He entered, thinking perhaps they were discussing planetary business. "I was not aware that I had come upon unfinished business. I shall wait outside," he said._

_ "You shall not," she said. "For you are the 'unfinished business', Sarek."_

_ He did not have time to react. The door behind him shut and from a side door two additional council members entered. He attempted to make it to the door, but found it locked. Though most in the room were advanced in years compared to him, two were still relatively quite young, and the combined strength of five against one overwhelmed him._

_ He was wrestled to the floor of her office, all of his movements stopped by the two younger members, one of which owed his position to T'Pau herself._

_ She and the two other members, old and strong of mind, converged upon him, grabbing his head at different psi-points, violating his mind. She implanted a seed of discord between he and his human wife and then cast a shadow over his marital bond. And the two other intruders into his mind augmented his tendency for logic to an unnatural degree…_

_ Through it all he fought them with all of his might, his will, his skill. But from the inside, his internal layers were shredded by them, piece by piece and his will was turned to hers…_

_ His last thought before they breeched his inner will, before T'Pau cast a cloud over his bond- "Amanda!"_

####

From the moment the baby was placed into her arms, he began rooting greedily for her breast. Amanda was struck with love for him. He was still covered in birth fluids and she figured her baby had to be at least a ten-pounder. But still, as he lay there, drinking and looking up at her, she couldn't keep her hands from touching every part of her newborn son to make certain he was all right.

She smiled down at him. He looked just like her brother's newborn pictures! Bald as the day was long, her little Elf's hands were busy, first in his mouth, then trying to grab at her. Soon he latched onto her and relaxed into a state of bliss as his little arms and legs stopped moving around so much and he went into a rhythm of feeding. His body practically melded into hers as he fell asleep.

She hadn't missed what Sarek had said about her son. Despite the ears, he did look quite Terran! "So what?" she whispered to him. "You're beautiful. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You're beautiful. And you're _my _son."

_A/N - Special thanks to the two members who advised me that I should go back in time and tell what happened with Sarek. You two know who you are!_

_P.S. I always wanted to write something based on that scene in ST:V. I know, it wasn't one of the best ST movies out there, but that moment always made me feel ill when Sarek first saw Spock and said THAT. I wanted to take it and make it my own...and yes, FIX IT LATER. Am I selfish? Yes. - J.S._


	13. Don't Lie to Me

(Don't) Lie to Me

The only time Amanda seemed happy was when she took care of their son, Spock. Otherwise, she was withdrawn and kept to herself. When her friends came by to visit and see the newborn she at least answered their questions and tried to interact with them. They noticed Amanda's demeanor and assumed she was undergoing some form of postpartum depression. Only Maya understood what was truly going on and stopped by the house from time to time to make certain Amanda was all right.

When no one else was around, it was obvious Amanda did not trust Sarek. Though terribly exhausted she never let Spock out of her sight and stayed up for so many hours simply to ensure her baby was safe.

Sitting on their bed, she looked out of the corner of her eye at him, having just put their son to sleep in a bassinette. The child was, as usual, on her side of the bed. Since she was unoccupied at the moment, the logical part of him that had taken over decided at that point to broach an important subject. At least that's what he thought he was doing. It did not realize that the **true** part of him that had been chained was manipulating him into trying to be released. "My wife, I think it is imperative that we attempt to repair the breach that has formed between us."

She scoffed openly at him. "Yeah, right. For what?"

"Is there some reason I have earned your wrath?"

She looked at him, full on. "Listen. I've had enough time to really think this over. I don't know who the hell _you_ are, but you are _not_ my husband. That boy is _my_ son, not _our_ son. I don't know where my husband is but until he comes back, I don't see any reason that you and I need to have anything to do with one another."

"So you are not open to us repairing the obvious rift that has formed between us?"

"Why should I?" she asked. "You want to take my baby from me. And I don't know how, but you're letting T'Pau ruin what we had. Why should I heal anything between us?"

"What does T'Pau have to do with what has happened between us?"

"She's the one who wants to take our son and you're actually going to_ let_ her? That's how she's formed a rift, here. And I don't know who you are and how you got in there, but _my_ Sarek would never let this happen, so you are not _my_ Sarek." She looked at him, venom in her eyes. "And Maya has already told me how she's spying on the both of us."

That name…it jarred him. "T'Maya," he murmured.

"I don't know who 'T'Maya' is, but _my_ Maya is being watched by your clan mother, and she's been told that if she breeds she'll get killed, and this came from a V'Shar agent so don't tell me I'm being irrational or illogical or any other word that begins with the prefix 'i'."

He was confused. "T'Maya is in danger again?" Someone from the past with that name…

"Maya…_Maya._ Stop Vulcanizing her. That _can't_ be logical. Maya and I are being spied on by your clan mother. She's also trying to break us apart and you're just letting her."

"T'Pau would never interfere in a marital bond. There is no reason for her to do so, therefore it is not logical."  
Amanda laughed bitterly. "See, now I know you're not _my_ Sarek. Like you'd forget what she tried to do to Maya and Sokam last year. If you're not going to see reason, then I don't see any _reason _to try to 'fix' whatever is damaged here."

The part of him that was his true self broke through and was there, in his eyes, reaching out to her. "Please, do not leave me, Amanda."

She knew for a certainty, she saw him right there! "Sarek!" she said as she stood and rushed to his side.

But then the flash of that familiar gaze was gone. "I am here," he answered coldly.

She sat down hard on their bed and almost began to cry. She didn't know what to do! She had seen him, _right there;_ his eyes were the eyes she remembered, serious but also with a warmth he shared only with her. And then he was…gone again. "I can't believe this is happening to me…to us."

"What must be done so that you will not attempt to leave our union, Amanda?" he asked practically, his inner self maneuvering to be set free. "We are bond mates and this discord between us is not logical."

She sat there, looking at him and thought of how there was a flash of him, the true him, and how it was suddenly gone. She thought of the thing that kept running through her mind over and over _'T'Pau's done something to him…she's DONE something to him!'_ She knew she would have to phrase her request carefully so that it did not seem out of place… "You have to have it confirmed to me, by a Healer of my choosing, that you are functioning at full efficiency."

He had not expected to hear such a request, especially not when it was put in such a logical manner. "I am, of course, functioning at full efficiency. I can understand how you may wish to make certain your bond mate is at full capacity. It would be for the benefit of our family, would it not? Agreed. I shall allow myself to be evaluated by a healer."

"I want T'Niye to do it. She knows you, she's an elder and she's thorough. Is that agreeable to you?"

The reasons were logical enough in his opinion. "Agreed."

####

Mariana reluctantly returned to her apartment in the Terran section. She had just finished a long shift at the hospital, but wanted to pick up some clean clothing to take back to Demek's with her.

As she left the home she hardly used by then and got into the spare shuttle loaned to her by Demek, she could have swore she saw another shuttle way off in the distance that looked familiar to her. No, she told herself, that wasn't possible. Jhuleem was already long gone. Then again, she mused, maybe it _was_ his old shuttle. People sold their vehicles to others every day, right? Especially when they planned on never coming back…

She turned her mind from going down that sad road, again and started the shuttle, achieved lift-off and flew herself back to Demek's place with her suitcase full of fresh clean clothes. After she parked the shuttle just outside his gates, she exited with her suitcase in hand. Before she could reach the opening of the gate, she heard another shuttle setting down very near where she had just parked. The instinctive part of her mind told her whose shuttle it was and even though she couldn't believe it, part of her was very happily amazed. There was a 'lift' in her belly of exhilaration, love and want. But another part of her was angry and it pushed the love out of the way for the sake of self respect.

She found herself practically running for the section of the gate that could open and pushed the button for Demek, for anyone, to answer. But before anyone could answer, she heard a very familiar voice say, "Mariana."

She turned and looked at him. "Jhuleem," she greeted coldly, though she felt anything but cold toward him. She was still angry, but another part of her was screaming on the inside, wanting to go and let him wrap her in his arms. She forced herself to stand her ground and not go near him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her. "This is Demek's mansion." He looked as if he wanted to rush to her, too, but knew better than to go near her.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she threw his question back in his face. "You should be what, halfway to Cardassia Prime by now, right?"

He flinched. "Yes, I should, but I'm not going, Mariana."

"And exactly why is that?" she asked with another thrilling lift in her stomach.

His eyes softened. "I couldn't leave you. I couldn't marry someone else while I was still in love with you."

She turned and put her forehead to the still closed gate. She should have been so very happy to hear those words, and a part of her was. But she turned and looked back at him. "Do you know how much you hurt me?" she asked. "You were such a jerk to me before you left! And forget the rest of it, but my goodness, how bold-faced do you have to be to _think_ that-" she lost the ability to process her thoughts as she was trying to figure out exactly what she was trying to say. All she knew was she was pissed off and couldn't get any words out. "Ahhhh!" she exclaimed in frustration as she looked away from him. "Could you just _go_ now?" she asked.

"No, I'm not leaving," he said with determination. "I'm going to stand right here until we work this out."

"Well then you're about to freeze in the desert night because sunset's in two and a half hours!" she said angrily with one declarative finger in the air. She could see Demek himself exiting the house and coming toward them. The elder was in no rush.

"Mariana, you're not getting rid of me that easily," said Jhuleem with half a smile.

"Oh yeah? You could have fooled me. How about we wave another Cardassian bride in front of you with the prospect of family approval and let's see what happens then?"

"I've already spoken to my family!" he exploded. "And they made it very clear to me that if I go through with things with you they are no longer my family."

"Oh, yeah, _sure _you did!" she said skeptically.

"You don't believe me?" he asked, incensed.

"_No, I do not_!" she yelled back at him.

"I'm here, aren't I?" he shouted.

She then laughed at him. "Well it's great to see you and all, Prince Charming, but it's time for me to _wake up_!"

"I don't even know what that _means_, but Mariana, just think about this for a second."

"No thanks. I spent too much time thinking about you as it is. You've still got plenty of time to make another flight to Cardassia, so run along and get approved of or whatever you call it."

Demek reached the gate just as Jhuleem asked, "Why are you being so _difficult_?"

"May I point out," said the elder male as he opened his gate in an unhurried manner, "that you are most likely both being quite difficult at this time."

They both looked at him sheepishly. "Well he started it," she shot out with a pouty expression on her face.

Jhuleem simply frowned at her and folded his arms. "I'm not leaving until we settle this, Mariana."

"You will leave my property if it is what Miss Mariana wishes," said Demek.

"Mariana!" said Jhuleem, looking hurt. "Do you truly want me to leave?"

"Just go away," she said halfheartedly.

"There is your answer, young man," said the older Vulcan as he beckoned Mariana into his gate. She walked in as he advised her, "You may go and take rest, young lady." As she walked back to the house, Jhuleem watched her leave. But the Vulcan was not done with him. "You, Mister Jhuleem, have not dealt well with her."

"I don't understand what _you_ have to do with any of this!"

Demek achieved an effect he hardly ever used, but the Cardassian felt it as the elder Vulcan glared down his nose at the young man and declared, "You have lost her respect. You have also lost mine. Unfortunately for you, I owe her the debt of my life and as such I will protect her interests above yours. You will earn her respect again, but only if you are wise. How long will it take for you to realize that so much more was within her reach but she instead chose you?"

The Cardassian stood there not knowing what he should say to that. He was beginning to feel distinctly uncomfortable under the watchful gaze of the stern looking Vulcan.

"Do not approach her again until you are prepared to fully respect her. Have I made myself heard by you, young man?"

Jhuleem knew what this meant. Demek had become Mariana's gatekeeper in more way than one. "Yes, sir," was all he said to the elder gentleman.

####

Dana didn't know what was going on, but she knew Maya was looking not like herself lately. Her weight loss was more than noticeable to her friends. She also looked as if she were distracted by something. "Maya, what's wrong?" she asked her, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Huh?" asked Maya. They were both in Dana's tiny home she shared with Turan. It was smaller, even, than the student unit that Maya and Sokam shared. But it was cozy and Dana loved sharing it with her husband.

"You don't look like yourself, Maya. You're getting smaller. Are you under some kind of stress?" she asked.

"Like I couldn't stand to lose a little weight anyway," she joked. "My ass had its own regional code!"

"This isn't funny, Maya! Are you sick and you're not telling anyone?"

She looked up at Dana and was surprised at herself as she felt tears beginning to pool in her eyes. She turned her face and didn't speak for a time. But Dana sat there, waiting for an answer. "If you want the truth, I'm…" She didn't know how to word what she wanted to say. "Can I talk to you like in the capacity of a counselor? I mean I know you took psychology classes and everything, so-"

"Go ahead, Maya. Nothing will leave this room."

"I'm…I'm miserable, Dana," she finally admitted. "I just don't—I don't know what to do." She quickly wiped away a falling tear.

Dana asked sincerely, "Is there something wrong at work? Are things all right between you and Sokam?"

"Work is fine. Sokam and I are fine…technically." But Maya admitted, "I miss being connected to him mentally, that's all. Forget about physically, that's no longer an issue. I guess if enough time goes by the desire dies down and then leaves. But him…I miss _him_. I miss his mind inside mine and being able to reach out during the day and get the reassurance of knowing he's there…feeling his presence in my mind." She sniffled into a tissue that Dana handed to her. "I feel like an idiot feeling this way. I knew ahead of time it could probably get like this. I just didn't know I would feel this badly."

Dana found herself thinking about having that feeling she had from Turan on a daily basis being taken from her and she also wanted to break down into tears. She could only assume that Maya was in agony. But she knew it was good for her to talk about it, so she let her continue to talk.

"It's almost like…like I'm at the beach and I'm drowning not far from shore and I can see the land _right there_ but I can't reach it. And that's what it's like seeing him almost every day, living with him in the same house. He's _right there_ but I can't _feel_ him." Her eyes looked haunted.

Dana sat forward until she was looking Maya in the face, "Have you spoken to anyone else about this?"

"I tried to talk to Amanda once about some things, but I realized that that was the wrong thing to do. So I just kind of…I kind of decided to keep things to myself."

"How long ago was that?" she asked.

Maya shrugged. "A few months ago, I guess."

"Months! You've been going through this for this long and haven't said anything to anyone?" She saw Maya tearing up worse and felt badly for berating her. "I'm sorry, Maya. That's just the 'friend' side of me coming out." But Dana realized what she had said. "What makes you say it was a mistake to talk to Amanda?"

"Since you promised nothing will leave this room, I mentioned that I wanted to go back to Terra Prime for a year and do some schooling and that I knew Sokam wasn't going to be very happy about that. She joked that we should just leave, that we should both get away from our Vulcan husbands and go back to Terra Prime. I could sense she wasn't joking, though. I was shocked. So I didn't say anything else to her about it since I knew she was under a lot of stress with the pregnancy and everthing."

Dana fell back into her chair, the wind knocked from her. How far into marital bliss was she to not notice that two of her friends were suffering this much? "What does T'Niye say about all of this?"

"About me? She doesn't know. When we train together, I shield it from her. At least I think I do. She hasn't said anything to me, so I can only assume she doesn't know."

Dana really wanted to tell Maya how badly she was hurt that she seemed determined to box herself into a hole. But she knew, truthfully, if it had been her she'd have handled it the same way. She'd have kept it inside and started to come apart and still kept it inside. "Maya, you can't carry this alone. You have to tell him."

"For what? Why should I tell him?" asked Maya, eyes red-rimmed with tears. "Then what? What if he decides to stop his training because his wife can't hack it? Do you know how terrible that would be for me to know that I stood in the way of him going after one of the things in life he's wanted most? Something he's just so good at? He's got such a gift. It would be a waste for him not to pursue it. And I hate to think it, but what if-" Her eyes began to tear worse and she found she couldn't get the rest of the words out.

"What if you tell him and he does nothing at all?" Dana finished for her. "Is that what you're worried about, too?"

Maya nodded her head, feeling even worse. "Then does it mean I'm not good enough to- I don't know? That maybe I'm weak and can't handle a marriage to a man who needs years to obtain his goal? Or maybe I'm just…just not good enough to be cared about? I can't say anything to him and put him on the spot like that, especially not over this. I mean I agreed to do this and it isn't fair for me to whine once I've already agreed to do it. So I'm just going to keep on doing it."

Dana realized what Maya was truly dealing with; issues of rejection. "You told me your father is dead."

She nodded her head. "That's what my mother told me."

Dana realized, "You don't believe that, do you?"

She looked at her friend then and asked, "How did you know that?"

"You didn't answer 'yes' or 'no'. You said, 'that's what my mother told me'. Do you think your father left you behind on purpose?"

She took a deep breath as she tried to get her tears under control, but then they came out worse. "I don't know how to explain what I know. But I know he's not dead. I've always known it. But my mother—she never lied to me. She really thinks he's dead. But I just have this feeling inside…he's not dead. He's out there, somewhere, and he left us. He just left us." She sniffled, "Who leaves their baby behind without making sure they're okay? Do you know how hard things were without him around? And the whole time, I'm watching her and she's in mourning for him. But I knew he was not dead. And never once did he come back and let her know or check on me or see if I was okay. And I never said anything to my mother. I still haven't said anything to her about this."

"You don't exactly have any proof, Maya."

"No, I don't have any proof," she agreed as she sniffled. "But still, it's there."

"So do you think that because your father never came back-" she let her sentence trail off.

Maya wiped at her eyes with the, by then, sopping wet tissue. "If he didn't give a damn, why should any other man in my life give a damn?" She sat back in her chair almost exhausted for how much she'd revealed in one sitting. "I haven't talked this much about myself in a long time. I should go to therapy or something," she said with a giggle and a hiccup as she threw the by then useless tissue into the recyclable compartment. "But Sokam…no, I guess I can just deal with it a little bit longer. At least once his first full year is done we'll have longer periods of time where he doesn't have to do this for so long. That's not far off at all, just a matter of weeks now and then I'll be fine, so-"

"Do not wait, Maya," said Turan as he entered the room.

"Were you eavesdropping on us?" asked Dana, halfway outraged.

He simply stood there for all of three seconds deliberating on whether he would answer. Since she was his wife, he figured he owed her one. "Yes."

Maya laughed out loud, "He didn't even try and hide it!" She felt like she should be angry, but she couldn't be at such brash honesty. "Oh, damn. Give me your point of view since you're here, then."

"If I discovered that Dana were suffering so and did not tell me, I would be quite affronted that she did not see fit to inform me of her needs."

"Really?" asked Dana as she looked at Turan and then back at Maya. "Well there you go."

"And then what?" Maya asked Turan. She couldn't help but remember that Sokam was almost as tall as the very tall Vulcan now standing in the room. "There's no way for him to fulfill my needs _and_ finish his first year of schooling successfully. Look, he's only got like a month left and then he has a week off and doesn't have to stay in 'blank mode' on our bond during that time. So I know I'll have him for that week and then…we'll be back at blank mode again. But as far as I know, the incidences of him having to go into that mode will happen less and less as he continues his training. I just didn't handle this first foray in suspended bond-imation that well," she tried to laugh.

"So how long does the next blackout last?"

"Thank goodness after this month is up, he gets a week off, and then after that he's back at it for about four months at a time with a month off each time after each training session."

"So you have to be walled off from him for four months at a time after this?" asked Dana, actually going into panic mode. "Oh my—oh no no! How long has this current mode been going on now?"

She thought back with a sigh… "Eleven-ish months, give or take a few days or something. I lost track of-"

"I'd go _insane_!" declared Dana. "I'd go stark-raving mad if he shut our bond off for that long!" She took a good look at Maya. "No wonder you're so damned thin! I couldn't eat either if-" she grasped at words. There were none.

"So I'm not just being ridiculous?" asked Maya.

"Noooo!" said Dana, exasperated.

"You must speak the truth to him," said Turan. "Even if you wish for him to continue his training, it is imperative he understand exactly what his bond mate happens to be sacrificing so that he may have what he wishes. If you wish to wait until this final month is done, that is logical. But afterward, you must tell him."

"And how are you going to hide that from the bond anyway once it opens again?" asked Dana.

"After much time has passed, Dana, even you will be able to hide things from me. She is a telepath," said Turan. "She is capable of hiding much from he who is her husband."

That made Maya feel even worse to hear it put that way. She thought about it some more. "I'll really go home and think about what you both have said. I promise I will." She looked at Turan. "And your point of view, I never even thought of that, honestly. I'm going to have to give this some serious thought. Thanks for eavesdropping."

"Anytime," answered Turan.

Both ladies looked at one another and could barely suppress laughter, because they knew he really meant it.

_A/N - I edited this thing so many times, I drove myself insane! Hopefully I can post another chapter late next week, maybe in less time if everything lines up correctly at home! I've got some serious decisions to make concerning several of these characters. - J.S._


	14. About Face

_A/N - I forgot to give a special shout-out to LKalomi for being my 50th reviewer! Also, thanks to all of my readers who review. You motivate me to keep on writing even when I think 'maybe it's time for me to throw in the towel on this one', lol!_

About Face

Mariana always knew she would have to go home eventually. After a month at Demek's, in her opinion, it was time for her to stop hiding out from the world. Her close friends now knew of the problems between herself and Jhuleem and how she had, basically, broken up with him. They all felt badly for her. Dana and Maya had even offered to hunt him down and 'cut him'. That at least had made her laugh.

Since that day she had seen him outside Demek's home, she hadn't seen him again. For what felt like the millionth time, she wondered where he was and what he was doing. She knew he was still working at the hospital in the lab, had seen him several times from afar, so she accepted that maybe he truly wasn't going anywhere after all.

After getting back into her apartment, she went into the kitchen to put away the groceries she had just bought. The moment she opened the unit the smell of something that had gone bad hit her in the face. She heaved a tired sigh and got down to the task of cleaning it out.

She was in the middle of cleaning out the refrigeration unit when she thought of Jhuleem's unit in his apartment and how it had that problem with- _Oh, goodness, stop it about him and his stuff and just…HIM already!_

Once she was finally done with everything, she sat down at her kitchen table. No matter how hard she tried every train of thought lead back to the Cardassian. She more than missed him. Having nothing left to do since the unit was now clean and all of the groceries were put away, she looked down at her arms resting on the kitchen table and felt tears spilling from her eyes. Her heart felt like it was being crushed, over and over, every second she was away from him.

Her PADD went off and she wiped the tears from her eyes as she wondered who was calling her on her private line instead of her home. She went to answer it and saw it was not a call, but a message. She also saw the message had come from Jhuleem's. She activated it eagerly, her heart jumping in her chest. It had been nearly a week since the last time she had seen him from afar at the hospital.

His face appeared on-screen. "Mariana, I decided to send you a message instead of calling you this time. I didn't want our conversation to degenerate into another argument like the last time we saw one another." He paused and sighed hard, as if he needed to get something huge off of his chest. "See, you were perfectly _right_ in feeling the way that you did and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't acknowledge your feelings. I'm sorry about what I did. It was wrong of me to not tell you the truth from the beginning about what my family wanted me to do. It was also really wrong of me to be so cold toward you. I admit I was trying to get you to leave me. But through it all, please believe me when I say that it hurt me to hurt you. And I should have known that I wouldn't be able to leave you so easily. I'm sorry I put you through all of this. You're in the right if you never want to speak to me again.

"So now, if you don't mind, I'll give you a day or so to think this over. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're good and sweet and just so damned…decent. That's hard to find. If I let you go, I don't know when I'll ever meet someone like you again.

"If you're open to it, please come and see me at the lab. I'm on morning duty this week, so if you don't mind coming by whenever you can just to let me know, will you give me another chance?"

The message ended and Mariana's eyebrow's were high on her forehead by then. She hadn't expected that _at all_. But she knew she needed to figure out, did she even trust him anymore?

####

Sarek was willing to submit to the examination of Healer T'Niye for one reason only. His wife would depart not only his home, but most likely his home world, if he did not. He did not think there was anything wrong, truthfully. If anything, the truth of all things had become clearer to him and logic had become paramount in his mind. But if an examination by a healer could put his irrational Terran wife's mind at ease, then he would do so. The healer arrived in the late afternoon and the two Vulcans promptly went into a prepared part of Sarek's office with incense and floor pillows.

Afterward, the door closed and Amanda stood in her Common Room for hours, pacing back and patting Spock's back gently, trying to soothe him. He could sense his mother was tense and had become uncharacteristically fussy. Finally after the first two hours of the Healer being sequestered with Sarek, she was able to settle Spock into his daily nap by feeding and then rocking him in her new rocking chair.

She looked down at one point at her sleeping newborn son. She was told because of his Terran half he would sleep less and less as the weeks went on. As it was, he only slept four hours over the AM, one hour in the early morning, two in the afternoon and one in the early evening. Usually, she would be taking the time to get in a two hour nap now…but no. She was too nervous right now. Because what if there really was nothing wrong with Sarek and he'd simply taken a turn for the worse, personality-wise? Maybe something weird happened to Vulcans when their wives became pregnant? Maybe they thought becoming more logical ensured the survival of their offspring? She was grasping at straws, trying to prepare herself for the eventuality that T'Niye would most likely not be able to fix her husband.

But, she thought to herself, if he was supposedly 'fine', why was that meld going into nearly four hours, now?

Just then, Spock's little face screwed up into a grimace as he awoke and began to fuss. She lifted him, held him in her arms and fed him one of three bottles of supplement he could not receive from her breast milk. He sucked noisily at first and then slowly settled down. Then he did that thing he always did when he ate; his little eyes looked up at her and began to focus. For a second or two he stopped sucking and simply stared into her eyes.

For the first time, however, she felt a lift of pure love and true goodness on a wave of innocence and realized it was coming from him, her baby! She was in awe as she realized her little man was projecting emotions at her. She smiled down at him as tears touched her eyes. "I love you, too, Spock. Never forget that. Mommy loves you so very much."

He spit the bottle from out of his mouth then and began to root for her breast. "He! Hehehe!" he vocalized, "Huhuhuhu," he threatened to cry as his little arm closest to the front of her shirt moved rapidly trying ineffectually to get to the source of what he wanted.

"Young man," she said with a smile at the infant. "Finish this bottle. You're almost done and then you can have some food from mommy."

She tickled his now closed lips with the nipple of the bottle, tried to get him to open his mouth, but he clamped his tiny lips shut even tighter and gave her a determined face. He wanted his food from mommy! She couldn't help but to laugh. This baby was the only light in her life right now. And she would be damned if T'Pau would take that away from her!

She opened a flap in the side of her shirt. "You're finishing that bottle later on, Spock."

All he knew was he was getting what he wanted. Milk from mommy.

####

T'Niye was exhausted beyond words. It was one of the hardest cases she had worked on in all her years as a Healer. And still, she didn't know exactly how to tell Sarek what she'd found in his mind. There were still things she could not understand as far as what she had been able to unravel in his mind.

But the difference could already be seen. The light of recognition had returned to his eyes. He looked at T'Niye with a clear expression, not with the hood over his eyes she'd seen before. "What did you discover?" he asked. "Because I know that I speak now, unfettered."

"Tell me of your thoughts before I entered your mind?"

He searched his memory. "It was as if a thick cloud inhabited my thoughts and the only thing that shone as a beacon was logic. No other thoughts or intentions were permitted to come through. From time to time I was able to see past the sensation of being enveloped in cloud, but when I would try to speak at those times, it was as if my words were held back and I could not. Particularly having to do with my wife and he who is my son," said Sarek as guilt sliced through him. For the third time in his adult years, he wished to bring forth tears.

She knew he was, to the standards of Syrranites, mentally off-kilter. "I see fit to warn you, for a time you shall be very unstable, Sarek. You must journey to the monastery of T'Velm and have the ritual of Kae'k'akkayam instituted. You will return to your former self in days if you do so. However, if you do not perform it at all, it may take weeks, perhaps months and you will be vulnerable to another attempt to subvert your thoughts. If you choose to perform to ritual and merely complete it at home, you must remain in seclusion and I will come every other day to start you on a proper round of meditation. You must spend half of all your days this way for nearly three weeks if you wish to complete the ritual but do not wish to journey to the monastery."

He looked at T'Niye with stark honesty and confusion. No, he was not yet truly himself. But he felt the effects of having whatever it was removed from his mind. He was free! "What was done to me?" he asked in an almost rash way.

She did not take exception to the tone of his words since she knew he would be an unpolished version of himself until he fully recovered. "I went forth into your mind to discover if your wife's claim was valid. And what I found was quite…" she paused and finished with, "disturbing. The only reason it cannot be considered a crime is because you gave she who is your clan mother permission to enter your mind."

"So T'Pau _has_ done this?" asked Sarek, obviously a step away from becoming openly angry. It was through sheer will that he held onto logic.

"The only way it can be phrased is a seed of discord was placed within you. Your inner self, the part of you that could not be touched, fought back and as such you were able to hold onto your true intentions even if you could not voice them…they were simply obscured from view. Logic was allowed reign in all areas with your mind in that state. It was the only part of yourself that was not tampered with. As to the area of your bond with your wife, a shadow was placed on it so that even she could not fully reach you in that way. The memory of the event was, seemingly, wiped from your mind and I was unable to access it. I have, however, cleared a way within your mind so that the memory will return to you, perhaps first in dreams. It may be distressing for you and it will most likely return while you are still in your unstable state. But I have made certain the memories returning will not harm you mentally. Lastly, your wife is open to you again. Even now, she should be able to tell that you are accessible to her."

"I must go to her now!" he said as he stood hastily.

"Sarek!" said T'Niye.

He turned, looked at the healer. "Yes, lady?" He expected her to chide him for showing his emotions so openly.

Instead, "Use caution with T'Pau from now on," she advised. "I did not ever think she would do a thing such as this, but I was wrong to underestimate her methods. Do not allow yourself to be caught again by her snares."

Sarek thought back to a time in his life when another close to him had warned him against T'Pau and he had not listened. Guilt sliced him anew. That relative was gone now. "I must see Amanda!" he exclaimed and then rushed from the room.

####

Amanda was sitting on the floor of the Common Room, Spock on a blanket in front of her, arms and legs flexing and bending madly. "Oh! My baby! Oh!" she was saying in a playful high-pitched voice. His face broke into a brilliant grin just then and her mouth dropped open in amazement. "Your first real smile!"

Out of nowhere she became slightly dizzy and she was struck by a sudden headache. She found herself putting her arms behind herself to brace her seated position on the floor. A feeling in her mind as if something had been ripped away shocked her senses and she could feel the flood of _Sarek!_ within her mind.

She gasped as the instant headache slowly began to ease off. Whatever was happening now, she could feel the thoughts of her husband again. He was no longer a vista that had been blocked off from her examination. She sat there, unable to contain her joy as she realized it was not only her joy, but that of her husband.

Nearly half an hour later, he was emerging from the hallway, rushing toward her as she picked up their son. "Amanda, Amanda!" Sarek was saying over and over as he actually embraced her to him openly while T'Niye followed behind him.

To feel his arms around her again, to breathe him in… Amanda was delighted by the open display of affection, but still—"You were supposed to _fix_ him!" she said as she turned to look at T'Niye.

"Fix me?" asked Sarek with a tiny slanted grin.

"You know, put him back the way he _was_!" said Amanda to the Healer. That other man had not been Sarek, but then again neither was this one!

"I have only just finished removing and then repairing the damage left behind. He must do the rest." The Healer then looked at Sarek and warned, "Do not venture out into public this way, Sarek. Your actions will be seen as shameful."

"I will not, healer," he reassured her.

"I will return the day after tomorrow to begin the Kae'k'akkayam with you."

"What's that?" asked Amanda.

"Mind retraining," said T'Niye with a small twinkle in her eyes. "It is the only way he may be 'fixed' or put back to the way he was before all of this began."

Amanda looked at the elder woman and smiled at her. "Thank you so much for helping us."

"I am simply doing my duty," she said, though truthfully she was gratified to be able to undo harm wreaked by T'Pau, yet again. The Healer let herself out by that point and left the little family to themselves.

Sarek then looked down at his son in Amanda's arms and was finally allowed to feel the emotions that had only cracked the surface when the child was born. The little infant was simply there, in his mother's arms, staring at the man that up till then had nearly ignored him. "My son," he said as he looked at the child. His hand reached out and a small smile appeared on Sarek's face as he stroked the baby's cheek with his finger. Spock began to wriggle and his mouth formed into a definite smile as he continued looking straight into his father's eyes. Not able to help himself, Sarek lifted the baby up into the air and smiled up at him. "My son…_my son_!" he said as Spock began to make an 'ah ah ah_ aaah_!' squealing sound.

Tears coursed down Amanda's face as her husband turned to her. He tucked the baby into the crook of his arm and she realized then that up to that point he had never once held their child. "Who are you now?" she asked, happy but slightly apprehensive.

"I am your husband," he said with half a smile. "Do not worry, Amanda. I am here. I will not leave you again," he promised with deep feeling. He pulled her into a hug with his free arm and then looked back down at their infant son. "And our child will remain with _us_, Amanda," he vowed as his jaw clenched in almost-anger at what T'Pau had done to take the child away from them.

####

Mariana sheepishly walked down to the lab section of the hospital. She had had an overnight shift and was about to go home and figured she could just stop by to see how Jhuleem was doing before she left.

She saw he was indeed there, bending over a microscope, studying something. And she just stood there and watched him, brow severe, long lean body she had never had the chance to know.

"Jhuleem?"

He startled as he turned to look at her. "You came," he said, surprised. "I didn't think I would see you, not really."

She only stood at the door remembering that the last time she'd been standing there, they had broken up. "I got your message."

"I know," he said as he walked closer to her, but still kept his distance. He stopped far enough away so she wouldn't see the need to run out on him. "What did you think?"

"About?" she asked, still not ready to fully let him off the hook.

"Do you accept my apologies?" he asked.

She took a deep breath, then exhaled. "I do accept your apologies, yes."

"So can we stay together?" he asked hopefully.

"I don't know," she said truthfully. "Things feel different for me now."

"Tell me how," he asked, at a loss for words.

"Before I…I was in love with you and I thought you felt the same way for me-"

"I did—I do!" he jumped in.

"Let me _finish_!" she said. "I just don't know if someone who really loves me would hurt me like that. I just need some time to figure out what I want now."

"I know I want you," he said. "Do you still want me?"

She swallowed back her tears as she admitted, "I don't know. I really don't know now."

He exhaled heavily. "I deserve that," he said with a nod. "However long it takes, I'll wait for your answer."

She shrugged. "How about we put it on trial for a while?"

"Trial? Like we see each other and-"

"Yeah. We see each other and see where things are, but like…we're not in a solid relationship. We're just dating."

"So I'm being demoted?" he smiled sadly. "I guess I deserve that, too."

She felt different, like she had grown up overnight. "Yes. I guess we both had some things to learn." She turned to leave.

"Can I call you later?" he called after her.

"Tomorrow is fine," she answered. "But not today."

####

Just as Maya was leaving their home, Sarek emerged from his study. He had been in a series of meditations for the past week, trying to reconcile himself and have his former control restored. But there were still pieces of himself he was having trouble putting back together again. It had even gone so far as affecting his memories of the past.

"I'll come back in a few days," Maya promised Amanda as she kissed the cheek of the infant in her friend's arms. Baby Spock giggled and tried to grab at Maya's river of black hair but she moved back in time. "That boy's hands are lethal!" she joked as Amanda laughed.

"You are leaving now?" Sarek asked as he walked into his Common Room.

"Yes, I have a lot to finish putting together for work tomorrow," Maya smiled. She saw Sarek was almost back to his former self and was so happy for Amanda.

"Travel safe and well, my sister, T'Maya," he said and then continued on to another portion of the house.

Maya and Amanda looked at one another. "Sister?" Amanda asked.

"Um…you said he's been slightly confused lately. Maybe that's just another piece of…confusion trying to get straightened out?"

Amanda nodded, but her curiosity had been spiked. "If you say so."

Maya left then, but Amanda wondered, did Sarek have a sister? If so, why had she never met her?


	15. Deja vu

Déjà vu

When Patricia woke up that morning, a feeling of dreadful euphoria sat in the pit of her stomach. Soryn and she had had a long road to recovery, and not simply because of the loss of their child, but also because she was still so very angry with him for a long time afterward. It had been roughly four months, since then.

He was able to concede that he had been very restrictive toward her for the majority of their marriage. Once she understood that it was not because of his mistrust of her, but because he had allowed his instincts to overtake him, she was better able to forgive him. And he was willing to try his best to work on the instinct to keep his wife with him at all times. He knew he would have to do so once Patricia stated, "You're being illogical, Soryn." His jaw clenched and from that day onward he put forth extra effort not to block Patricia's movements.

Because they had made so much progress over the past few weeks, Patricia found herself that morning lying awake in bed not wanting to face the facts. She had had 'that' feeling again for the past two days and knew without a doubt she was pregnant. She knew Soryn was already attending to his duties for the school. It was not a day she ordinarily worked, so he would not expect her to be up and about so soon. She was not ready to face the changes another pregnancy would bring to their relationship, but she knew she owed it to her child to make it to T'Niye as quickly as possible to make certain they were stable. She got up to get herself dressed to face the day and the suspicion she had.

####

It had been another good day at work. Maya wasn't looking forward to the fact that her time at the museum was going to be up soon, and then she was going to have to restart her education. She was sitting in T'Niye's inner chambers, a place few had ever seen. She was only just beginning to understand how close the future clan mother had allowed her to become with her. There was some secret there that she had a feeling the lady would share with her soon. But the elder seemed to be waiting, biding her time for something…

"What did you engage in last night?" asked the Healer, out of nowhere.

They were both on their data PADDs. Maya was compiling a line of glyphs from memory and she presumed that perhaps T'Niye was working on some important case from the hospital. "I went to a club with Shin and Dana," she answered, offhand.

"A habit you indulge in far too often," chastised T'Niye with a straight face, while still working on her PADD.

"I just go to dance," she shrugged. "I don't even drink alcohol when I go."

Putting down her PADD, the Healer asked, "May I ask what you would do if someone decided to take advantage and put something illegal in your non-alcoholic drink, young Terran?"

Maya rolled her eyes but didn't say anything in response.

The Healer knew she didn't like it when she referred to her as 'young Terran'. "You are young and you behave quite Terran, of late," continued T'Niye.

Maya then put down her PADD and turned toward the Healer. "All right. So you're-" she paused first and then continued, "-in the neighborhood of upset with me even though you won't say it. May I ask why? I don't go out with other men or anything. I mean, I don't even dance with other guys or anything. Shin's my security guard and I've never even danced with _him_ one-on-one. And like I said before, I don't even drink, I just go to dance. I do it all the time."

"Precisely. You do it far too often!" snapped T'Niye. "You should not go at all. Someday you will bear the future of my house. It is time I conveyed the thought that that activity is no longer worthy of you. I suspect it never was."

Maya felt awful hearing it put that way. "I am sorry, _Saven-su,_" she said as her head drooped in shame. She remembered, then, that her grandmother back home also never approved of her going out clubbing. Funny how both women had never met but were so much alike.

The Healer stood, put her data PADD in its proper place. "I also do not think it wise for young people to bond and then become Healers," T'Niye continued on her own tangent. "You would not be the first spouse of a healer in training to become distracted and pull away from he who is your mate."

Maya realized then that T'Niye was only partially upset with her; the other half of her annoyance lay with Sokam. She swallowed back her fear. "_Saven-su_, I don't do this because I'm 'distracted'," she said in a soft tone of voice. "I dance because…because it makes me feel better. It helps me to-" she paused. She was about to say 'it helps me to cope'.

"This has to do with the lack of attention from your husband," said T'Niye with a knowing nod.

The young woman just kept herself from cringing. Since she never kept her shields up around T'Niye she always had the stark mental impression from her mentor that she was displeased with Sokam's decision. But she had never gotten the impression that T'Niye knew she felt lonely for him. "Healer, it's not his fault that Pon Farr came for him so early."

T'Niye went and sat directly next to her student. "It was not at all 'early', young one, it was precisely when it should have been. If he wished to pursue what he wished to pursue the time was ten years ago…not now," she said.

"I know that, but he had some serious_ issues_," Maya reminded her. "My husband…my husband is my husband and he wants to be a Healer more than anything else. As far back as I can see into his memory he has wanted this. I can't begrudge him that."

"And you think that for this reason you cannot tell him the truth of your emotions?" asked T'Niye. Her posture was stiff, her words formal, but her eyes were the eyes of a mother.

"How do you know what I feel?" asked Maya, confused.

"I have birthed four children and currently have five grandchildren and one great-grandchild with another grandchild on the way at this time. I trained them all. I train you on a weekly basis, young one. I know what I see inside your mind. Even without my trying, your loneliness reaches outward. Without your active Mind Shield, you would have attracted another mate long ago. You must tell your husband of your thoughts."

Maya admitted, "What's the use? The only reason I would be telling him is so that he can do something about it. And that 'something' would be for him to drop out of the running to become a Healer. It would be wrong of me to do that. What if he told me I can't pursue my study of Egyptology? I've wanted to do that since I was seven years old and I can't just let it go. It's the same thing for him."

"_Your_ studies do not entail you shutting down the marital bond," said T'Niye. She studied her charge for a moment, wordless.

Maya took a deep breath and shook her head. "So clubbing makes your house look bad?"

"As well as Sarek's House and T'Pau's clan."

Maya sighed. "I care about you and your house, your clan. Your clan mother accepted me and she had only touched my mind for a moment the day of Sokam's Kal-i-fee. And I do care about Sarek's name. So for you and for her and for him, I'll stop. But T'Pau? I don't care what she thinks," she admitted with a frown.

Gently turning her face to look back up at her, T'Niye advised, "You must get your anger at T'Pau under control. Your anger, though perhaps understandably warranted, is negative and illogical. You would do better to channel that energy into mastering your emotions concerning her."

"Why?" asked Maya.

T'Niye saw her student was not being belligerent. It was moments such as this one that the innocence of this girl shone through. "Because it will take you away from the True Path of Logic. And it is a path you have already given yourself over to studying for the rest of your life."

"Yes, _Saven-su_," answered Maya with a humble nod.

"I also advise, wife of Sokam, inform your husband of your thoughts. It is only correct that he is aware of his wife's isolation. It is improper for a husband to not see to his wife's needs. That is not the Vulcan way and he should be aware of your needs at all times, even if he is unable to see to them."

"That makes sense."

"Then since you agree that it is the logical thing to do, you will speak with him."

She swallowed back another wave of fear and finally said, "Yes, I will find a way." Maya stood, ready to go home then, wondering exactly when and how she was going to do this.

Before Maya could make it out of the door, T'Niye said, "And Maya, if you must dance, join a class. There are plenty on this planet."

She smiled over at the woman who was becoming like another mother to her and knew a veiled joke when she heard it. "Yes, _Saven-su_."

####

Patricia lay on the examining table as T'Niye adjusted the instruments taking the readouts over her abdomen. She was scared to death. The last time she had been here, the Healer had informed her that her child was already gone. But this time—

"This child is flourishing," she informed her. "I have only had to make modest adjustments to the code of the child, but this time the child looks well and quite strong."

She found herself covering her face with both hands, but it was of no use. Patricia never was any good at holding back tears. And this time, she was delighted and scared to death at the same time. In short, she was overwhelmed. "I don't know how to feel this time," she admitted. Apart of her was wary toward the pregnancy.

The healer asked, "Why did you not ask your husband to join you today?"

She shrugged. "I didn't want to—I don't know. I wasn't ready to admit to him what was going on this time. I just…the last time we had so many problems that stemmed from me losing the baby and I'm just not ready to deal with that again right now."

It made T'Niye wonder, what was it in the Terran condition that favored them not facing issues head-on? "And how long do you surmise you will you be able to keep your condition a secret from he who is your husband?"

The redhead giggled nervously. "He'll realize it by tonight when he directs his full attention at me when his day of work is through, that's how long." She sighed tiredly. "I didn't even expect to get pregnant again this soon. But I guess those herbs Maya's grandmother told me to take did their job too well."

"And at that time when he focuses his attention on you?"

"I'll have had enough time to process all of this," she said. "And then I can deal with whatever his reaction is this time, you know? I need to be prepared for whatever he says, good or bad."

T'Niye then realized that Maya was attempting to do the same thing, except her student was not yet ready to face whatever her husband said, negative or positive. "You will return home now, Patricia," said the Healer. "I ask that due to the high-risk nature of your condition that you continue your life, but only on half duty. Cut your days in half, rest and eat very often. This fetus will take a lot from your system. Journey here once a week so that I may check the child and you. And be prepared to call me at all times, day or night, if something does not seem well."

"I will," promised Patricia. "And now to deal with Soryn," she said with a sudden attack of nausea biting at her.

Just as she expected, Patricia was sitting at the dinner table with her husband when he suddenly stopped and looked at her with a focused stare. "You are pregnant again."

"Uh…yeah."

He saw she was suddenly unable to meet his eyes. A complex mélange of emotions passed through him quickly. "You have seen the healer?"

"I have."

"And this pregnancy?"

"Appears to be much more stable than the last. She only had to make a few adjustments to the baby and-" She dreaded his reaction, but decided to come out with everything, "-she told me to be very careful and I'm only to do half of what I normally do now."

He nodded. "Very well. You will no longer teach at the school, Patricia."

"Soryn!" she snapped.

"And," he said as he raised a finger at her, "you will not increase your blood pressure via strenuous activity, anger or rapid movement."

Her mouth dropped open. "The baby will be fine, Soryn. T'Niye says that-"

"My concern," he continued, drowning out whatever it was she wanted to say, "first and foremost, is for you, my wife. And the child cannot be well if the mother is unwell. You will heed my concerns."

She folded her arms. "I've already told you I've had about _enough_ of you telling me what I can and cannot do!" she snapped.

His eyebrow rose. She was angry with him. "My wife, it is simply for your-"

"I'm not a child, Soryn! How would you like it if I _told_ you what to do?"

"I am not in need of such a service. My logic sustains that need."

"Oh, and mine doesn't?" she asked, arms still folded as her eyes squinted angrily at him.

He had found that instead of answering in situations like these, it was best to remain quiet. So he didn't bother to answer. But he remembered to let her know one thing that she obviously needed to hear this time around. "I do very much want our child to live, Patricia. Therefore you must live."

She was afraid of the answer, but she had to know. "Are you telling me you want this baby, Soryn?"

He looked her in the eyes and allowed himself to say with feeling, "Yes, my wife. I want our child very much."

She sighed, relieved. "That's more than good enough for me." Then she sat forward, "Now, about this not working at the school anymore…"


	16. Revealing Things

Revealing Things

"So I figured I'd come to you and find out what's going on, you know?" said Dana with an anxious look on her face. "I mean it's been awhile, you know, and I'm not pregnant yet and I thought maybe… maybe… well, you know?"

T'Niye watched the statuesque blond sitting across from her. "I have read the results of your tests and according to the scans you are normal."

She sighed in relief. "Normal? Like everything's where it should be and hormonally my body is doing what it should and I'm releasing eggs and-"

"Yes, quite normal."

Dana smiled and then found herself beginning to frown. "So why am I not pregnant yet?"

"As you are aware, it took Patricia quite sometime."

"I know, but her husband wasn't exactly cooperative…" Dana shrugged. "I know he's older too and that can be a factor. I mean, Amanda got pregnant so _quickly_-" She was at a loss for words. "Turan and I are both still relatively very young, especially him!"

"You must understand, Dana, wife of Turan, that Amanda's case was a statistical anomaly of interspecies reproduction. Things such as that do not happen quite often."

"I understand, but…it's been _months_."

"You must accept the fact that without intervention it can take years."

"_Years?"_ She was openly horrified.

"There are several alternatives we may discuss at this time."

"Assisted reproduction?" asked Dana, eagerly.

"Yes, however, first I would suggest you await your husband's next Pon Farr. The chances of your becoming pregnant will soar at that time. I will also make certain to inject you with certain drugs to ensure more of a successful event."

"Next?" asked Dana. "There hasn't been a first. He's never Pon Farred."

T'Niye's expression almost faltered. How was it she never asked that one question? "Am I to understand that Turan has not yet had his first Time?"

Dana shrugged. "No. He said some men don't get it until as late as 50, though he mentioned 31 is the late-norm. I mean he turns 31 in a few days, so maybe I won't have that long to wait."

The healer realized the Terran did not understand how the Vulcan reproductive cycle worked and therefore she had never thought to ask her such a question. "You are not pregnant, at this time, Dana, because it is impossible for you to become so."

She frowned, confused. "But I thought you said I was fine?"

"And you are. Turan, on the other hand, since he has not Pon Farred for the first time is not yet fertile."

"Wait a minute. It can't be that he's only fertile during Pon Farr."

"No, that is not the case. However, without the first Time and the initial release of the catalyzing hormone, the Vulcan male does not yet produce sperm capable of penetrating an egg. And particularly during Pon Farr, the chances go up substantially that the sperm will find the available egg and fertilize it."

Dana wanted to smack herself in the head. "You mean all this time I've been letting him well… more like _we've_ been going at it like rabbits and he's been shooting _blanks_?"

It took the Healer several seconds to decode what she had just heard and then she said, "Yes, I suppose one may put it that way."

"How in the world did we have such a huge miscommunication on this?" she wondered. She realized then that they had had the conversation about having children. "Turan probably assumed I knew he couldn't reproduce until that first time," she realized. But she had to wonder, had he simply allowed the misunderstanding to continue in order get all of the action out of his wife that he possibly could? If it had been any other Vulcan, she would never believe that. But this was Turan. Anything was possible. "I really did marry a scoundrel," she remarked. She only barely registered the raise of T'Niye's eyebrow.

####

Amanda had just bathed Spock, fed him and laid him down for bed. She knew he would sleep good and long after that nice warm bath. He'd fallen off the breast three times and then finally hadn't latched back on. She knew he was ready to be put down for the night, then.

Laying him in his bassinette, she saw that he was growing at an alarming rate. He would be too big for it in about a month's time, she could tell. She smiled down at her gorgeous raven-haired baby, watched his little lips and tongue still suckling though deep in sleep. His little hands and fingers were curled up at his face and her heart melted all over again looking at the sweet child she had made with the man she loved.

Sarek walked into their bedroom then and she looked up and smiled over at him. He was able to fight back his smile, that time. He was still not back to 'himself' yet, but he was working on it every day. Soon, the Healers said, he would be back to normal.

The two of them sat in bed together and Sarek put his arms around his wife, settled her back against his chest. She was so glad to have him back again, even if he did let a smile slip occasionally. "How is our son?" he asked as he peeked past his wife at the sleeping infant. That time, he couldn't contain a slight smile.

"He's fine. Persistent as ever when he wants what he wants, but he's fine," she smiled.

Sarek then turned his attention to her directly, pulled her even closer. "Amanda, I wish to speak with you about something of great importance."

She was so satisfied just to be lying in his arms again. She reached up and gently caressed his face. "Yes, Sarek?" He looked as if he were very troubled.

Visibly frowning, he began, "I have had sufficient time to assimilate all that has happened. And I wish to apologize with deep sincerity for the things you have had to endure, especially during the period of time you were carrying my child. My wife, it should never have happened." His haunted eyes looked into hers.

She knew the look of guilt when she saw it and she could feel it through their bond, too. Her heart bled for him. "Sarek, no, it wasn't your fault."

"And yet, I should have been more vigilant when in the company of T'Pau." He pulled her closer, until his mouth was to her ear, his eyes closed tightly. "There is something I must tell you of what happened that day. The memory has finally resurfaced of what took place."

She sat back from him a little and tried to look into his eyes, but he could not meet them. "You mean you remember now?"

His eyes were open again, but he still found he could not look at her. "I have always 'remembered'. A thing such as that cannot be truly forgotten unless it is intentional. It was believed, at first, that T'Pau hid the memory from me. But no. After time and meditations and study by the Healer referred to me by T'Niye… the memory was too much for me to bear and it was in fact _my_ mind that obscured it."

Amanda was receiving an echo off of their bond and as such a sick feeling was rising in her stomach. She could read his body language, saw how he still couldn't look her in the eye. "What did she do to you, Sarek?"

He shook his head. "I will not go into detail, Amanda. It is not something you should have to-"

"Then meld with me, give me the memory."

He moved away from his wife as if burned, sat up, feet on the floor next to their bed as if he intended to flee. "No!" he said forcefully. "I will not violate your mind in such a way!"

"Violate my mind? Dammit, Sarek, what the hell did that woman do to you?"

At first he sat there and couldn't speak. The seconds ticked by and she realized that whatever he was about to say was hard for him, so she didn't say another word. Finally, he turned and looked her in the eye. Despite all of the control he had mustered, to date, he could not hide the sheen of tears in his eyes though the tears did not fall. He at least had that much control by now. But he admitted, "Amanda, I do not know how else to describe what happened to me. So I shall say it plainly. I was physically held down by two stronger, younger men while several minds, T'Pau's included, forced their way into mine. They put their agenda…their will, into me, shackled my thoughts, my wishes, my ways…my words for you."

Even though he did not want to, a piece of the attack transferred itself to her via their bond and Amanda's hand shot to her mouth as tears sprang to her eyes. "Sarek… Sarek that's… that's a form of rape," she whispered.

He looked down, away from her. "It is, Amanda. I have only come to terms with that. That she who I have trusted my entire life could do this to me. She is my clan mother. She should not have used her power this way."

She pulled him backward into her arms and cradled him to her as she lay back. He nestled himself within her welcoming arms and buried his face against her neck. He turned more into her as his hands held onto her body hard. He exhaled heavily against her. This woman whom he needed above all else, whom had been treated so abominably, she had stayed with him though she had not known what it was making him behave the way that he was. "My Amanda," he whispered. "_My Amanda_, can you forgive me?"

She halfway laughed, though she didn't find the situation at all funny. "Forgive _you_? Can you forgive _me_?" she asked as her fingers gently coursed through his hair.

He looked up at her, obviously confused. "For what reason do you have to seek forgiveness?"

She thought it was obvious. "I was so angry with you, Sarek! I was planning on leaving you and taking our son with me. I was going to go back to Terra Prime."

He shook his head. "No, Amanda, you must not think of that. You were only protecting yourself and our son. You would have been within your rights. I was, at that time, the vessel of T'Pau and I could not protect you. I failed in my duties as your husband-"

"No!" she said as she pulled his face close to her, looked him in the eyes. "You were bullied, dominated into that! I don't care what you say, you don't owe me an apology for that, Sarek!"

"In fact, I do."

"When they did that terrible thing to you, did you fight them?"

"Of course I did!"

"Then you did everything you could have done, Sarek. You can't apologize for something that wasn't your fault."

He shook his head yet again. "No, Amanda. I should have known better about her. I should have remembered what she was capable of."

She grew silent for a moment. She didn't want to pry, but she needed to know, "Is there something in particular, something else that T'Pau did in the past that makes you say that?"

He nodded, his face grimacing once in pain. "I… I find I cannot speak of it in this state. It will cause my emotions to overwhelm me. But someday I will tell you of it."

"Sarek, what she did is most certainly illegal and-" She saw the look on his face. It was the look of a man that felt lost and in over his head. "What?"

"You do not understand the power she wields, the rights she has. Can your emperor be held accountable for the things he does, good or bad?"

"No, of course not," she shrugged. "He's the emperor. He can do whatever he wants."

"She is a clan mother and she is a councilmember. Theoretically, she may do whatever she wishes with the backing of the V'Shar. I know your mind, Amanda. But it is impossible. There will be no charges pressed, let alone filed. I am a high member of our clan, but not high enough. She would openly crush my House, denounce me as a traitor. The rest of this planet, as onlookers, would pronounce her just in her decision."

"How is that possible?" asked Amanda, outraged.

"She is the model of logic. If harm was brought to me in some way by her, her reasoning was based on pure logic, not emotion. And since she is, in effect, the equivalent of a monarch over me, there is truly nothing that can be done without some form of strong reprisal from her. I can, however, be vigilant and ensure this cannot be repeated. She will be given no rights to touch me mentally again. The only right she will have to touch our son, mentally, is at his betrothal ceremony at 7 years of age when she links him with his female companion for life, and that takes but a moment. To inflict any form of damage, she would have to touch his mind for much longer than that. I will also not allow her to train him. I shall undertake that task," he said as he looked at the sleeping infant in his bassinette. A serious streak of parental protection overwhelmed Sarek. "She _cannot_ have him."

"But how are we going to be able to protect him like this here?"

"I shall perhaps have to hire more security. And I will have to consider something I thought I would not do again."

"What's that?"

He looked over at her, knew she was not going to be pleased with what he said. "To protect our son perhaps we should give thought to returning to Terra Prime while he is so young and vulnerable. She has been looking for me to retake the mantle of Ambassador to Terra Prime. I shall probably receive the order from her very soon, especially once she realizes I am no longer her puppet."

Her stomach sank. The last thing Amanda wanted to do was face the judgment of her entire planet for marrying Sarek. But she knew it had to happen sometime. She sighed heavily. "If it's what I have to do for the safety of my son, then it's what I have to do."

They both looked down at his sleeping face. Would he ever know or understand what they were willing to do to protect him?

####

Maya visited with Amanda the next day. The moment she stepped into the room, the baby was all smiles and hyper excitement. She went straight for him with a big grin on her face. "Hi, baby!" she said in a high-pitched voice as he squealed in delight.

"Oh, he _likes_ you," Amanda laughed. "That one's going to have all the ladies in love with him!"

Maya lifted him up into her arms and found herself inhaling the child. "Oh God, I want one so badly!" she admitted as she felt tears trying to break free.

Amanda found her heart hurting to hear her friend admit that. "You can borrow Spock anytime you like," she said as she yawned.

"When's the last time you slept, Amanda?"

She shrugged with a grin. "I had a nap last night. Spock slept two hours and Sarek kept him for the next two hours after that. But by then he'd had his bottle of supplement and it was time for me to feed him again."

"So you've had a whopping four hours of sleep. When's the last time you fed him?"

"An hour ago. He gets a bottle in about an hour and a half of that supplement."

"And then when does he eat after that?"

"About an hour after that."

"Why don't you go take a nap and I'll watch him until he has to feed from you next?"

Amanda's face broke into a very tired grin. "Are you serious?"

"I'm dead serious. My clubbin's been cut by popular demand, so I might as well throw myself into something worthwhile." She looked down at Spock's sweet face studying her while she spoke. "And this little man is worth my while," she said as she smiled down at him.

Amanda showed her where all of Spock's things were, where his bottle was and how she needed to heat it up. Maya, though, had watched countless children through the years growing up and even two babies. "Go get a nap," she said. "If anything, I'll just improvise or something. Go and get some sleep."

Amanda didn't complain. She went straight to bed.

Maya found herself putting Spock into a sling at one point since she needed to take care of some of her work for her job. But the moment she sat down and began to look at her data, he began to fuss by smacking her forehead and trying to put her hair in his mouth. She put her PADD down and looked at him. "Are you trying to tell me you want my undivided attention?"

He gave off a hilarious loud breathy laugh and then blinked up at her as he grew serious. She found herself sucked in by the babies gaze and was suddenly overwhelmed by feelings of love and want. The love was from the baby, the want was all hers. She wanted a baby. The feeling was becoming terribly overwhelming. But now was not the time.

"In the meantime," she said as she looked down at him, "I've got you, kid." She paced him up and down the living room for a time and sang him several songs as he put his chubby arm around her neck and gummed at her chin.


	17. Averting Disaster

_A/N - Bit of a long chapter. Sorry about that! But some 'issues' needed to finally be addressed.  
_

Averting Disaster

Having had enough time to think things through, Maya had already decided exactly how she was going to approach Sokam about all of the things on her mind. Since there was so much there that needed to be addressed, she knew it would take her a few days to finish up her idea, but then the two of them could have a true and honest dialogue. Since she had decided exactly what and how she was going to do what she needed to, she felt as if a weight were lifted from her shoulders. It showed in everything she did over the next couple of days.

She went shopping and began wearing clothing that was a little more form fitting than usual. Her look was not at all provocative, but along the lines of retro-chic. Her make-up and hair were also almost vintage pin-up in nature. She had even pulled out all of her designer heels that she'd accumulated over the past few months but had not yet worn. Seeing the lady in the mirror each morning all dressed, coifed and manicured, she honestly felt good about herself and a confidence she didn't have before began to flow from her.

Having Spock to look after, from time to time, had also really enabled her to put the baby-blues on the backburner. Taking care of him truly was enough to her for the time being.

Her husband, however, took her changed mood to mean something else entirely.

####

Sokam was having difficulty concentrating on his studies that day. While he stood in the dome just before they activated the latest leg of his studies, he was grateful it was not one of the days he was required to be in mental contact with one of his mentors. They would chide him for not controlling his emotions. But he could no longer ignore the change in his wife.

She had been noticeably happier for the past few days, obviously more content. He saw she had been taking extra care with her clothing and hair. She even wore perfume and cosmetics. Under ordinary circumstances Sokam might not have put everything together, but after having read a book in his course-load on Terran psychology, he thought he recognized the signs of what he had been warned about when he undertook to become a healer while married. An enlivened mood and extra care to ones attention was one of the signs- his wife was either cheating on him or attempting to attract a new mate.

He had taken the time the day before to make put in a call to one person and also to have a personal visit with another.

####

"Hey!" said Shin to Sokam as he looked at him on the view screen. "I never expected to hear from you…well ever," he joked. "What's going on? Maya okay?"

"I have called you to ascertain that very matter."

Shin was a very able-bodied man in the ways of martial arts, but the look in the Vulcan's eyes made him distinctly afraid and he wasn't even in the same vicinity as him. "O—kay. A little less cryptic, a little more explanatory, please?"

"You are privy to my wife's daily activities, are you not?"

He shrugged. "If she needs to go somewhere unusual, I go with her. That's Sarek's orders."

"And has she gone anyplace out of the ordinary lately?"

He frowned. "Well no. I mean, what do you mean? She had a dig she had to go on last week with the museum, but I didn't go with her on that. That was job-related and she refuses to let me tag along on anything that's job-related."

Sokam's mind began to put together all of the little clues and then formulated his next question. "Would you say Maya has required your services more or less over time?"

He shrugged again. "Well less. I figured as she got more confident here she feels like she needs me around less and less."

"I see," said Sokam. "Thank you for your time."

Before Shin could ask him anything else, he'd already discharged the call. "What the hell was that about?" murmured the Terran bodyguard.

####

Turan was on his way from an interview and paused outside his home, about to enter. He noticed, then, Sokam approaching. "Sokam, live long and prosper," he saluted.

"Peace and long life, Turan," he returned the _ta'al_. "I have come to enquire of something."

"Of what nature?"

"My wife visits with yours quite frequently, does she not?"

"She does."

"And has she mentioned anything out of the ordinary she has begun engaging in lately?"

Turan had the impression he was being asked something indirectly, but what that was he didn't know. "Is there something in particular you are looking for?"

"There has been a change in my wife's mood. I am simply attempting to ascertain the reason behind it."

"There is a concept I have already advised Maya of and that she obviously has not yet done."

"What have you had occasion to advise my wife of?"

"I have advised that she speak to he who is her husband and tell him of the things within her mind. I would also advise you to do the same. It is obvious information is missing and she is the only one who can supply you with it."

"Are you in possession of information vital to the state of my marital bond?" asked Sokam.

"Perhaps I am. But what was stated was said in strictest confidence to she who is my wife, and as I wish to maintain a harmonious home I will not risk her anger by divulging that which I know."

He understood then. "That is logical. I will trouble you no more."

And Turan wondered what was in Sokam's mind to make him ask such questions? He had heard Healer training was difficult and caused undue strain, but he did not know how much until then. He hoped Sokam did not break under said pressure and in the process strangle his marriage.

####

After his work was completed for the day, Sokam was still thinking of his enquiries from the day before. He left his class that day and went straight home. He knew his wife would return from work soon and decided to do that which he should not do in the time he had left until then. He was going to read her journal.

####

Patricia was five minutes away from punching Soryn in his eye.

"—therefore I do not think it wise for you to venture into the city at this time, and those are my very logical reasons," he was finally finishing his dissertation-like explanation with the same cool demeanor he always possessed.

She had a headache and was nauseated. She felt that way all day, every day. And the incessant hunger never let up. "Soryn, I just want to go into the city and buy myself some food from the Terran section I've been craving."

"Cravings are a thing of the mind, Patricia. It is only a psychological placebo to take in food that is not nutritious and unnecessary, therefore it is illogical."

There was that _word_ again. That word that made her want to punch him in his eye even more! "Soryn," she said, hand on her hip and anger rising, "it is none of your _business_ what I put into my body! And furthermore, I don't care if you think my need for chips and onion dip is _illogical_! And might I remind you that's not the only thing I want to get! I want to pick up sweet potatoes and coconut milk and other Terran fruits and vegetables. _Those_ are nutritious!"

"I do not understand, Patricia, if you find the need for increased caloric intake, why do you not simply ingest more _plomeek_ soup?"

"Because if I eat another bowl of _plomeek_, I really _will_ throw up!"

"Such a slang expression is unbecoming of you, Patricia."

She forced herself to sit down in a chair and began to count to ten in three languages. She was not supposed to become overly angry while she was pregnant. But boy was he _pushing it_…

"I see you are attempting to control your emotions. I commend you for the effort. However, it would be more effective if you meditated-"

That was IT! "Get out!" she snapped.

"Patricia," he said, confused. "My wife, I was only attempting to-"

"If you don't get out _right now_ I'm going to get really _really _angry!" she said as she stood up out of her chair and pointed at the door.

He paused for a split second, saw that his wife truly was worked up into a state of increased anger. Her face was almost as red as her hair and her eyes were blazing. He did not understand, once again, what it was he had done to provoke her wrath. Pregnancy did not become her. "As you wish, my wife. However, may I remind you that you should not attempt to venture into the city on your own. I have locked out our vehicle to your commands."

And then he was gone. She dropped back into her chair and simply sat there as her lips trembled and the tears began.

####

Amanda was feeding Spock, half awake. She was exhausted. But her little man was latched on and happy as a clam at the moment, not crying. She didn't know what trick that was Sarek did where he would calm Spock down empathically, but he assured her that over time she could learn it.

She heard the house comm going off and walked over to it. She saw the number and activated it quickly. "Hey, Patricia! I heard the good news! Congratu-" The woman's tear-stained face registered then. "What's the _matter_?" asked Amanda, truly concerned.

The entire story tumbled out of Patricia's mouth as she could barely catch her breath. "And now," she finished, "I feel like such an idiot, crying over this. Crying over everything lately seems to have become my new job. And I can tell my husband thinks I'm even more of an _idiot_ than he used to!"

"Oh, Patricia, your husband doesn't think you're an idiot," she tried to comfort her. "I think he just thinks you're…illogical." Amanda cringed as the woman on the other side of the screen cried even harder. "Well let's be factual here, we're all illogical compared to them. You, me, Dana, Maya…we're all illogical compared to our husbands. To them, life can be cut and dried, black and white…well at least for those on the outside looking in it can _appear_ that way. Soryn just- he just doesn't understand this new you, Patricia, that's all. He doesn't understand how to relate to this new woman who has food cravings and cries at the drop of a hat and-"

"And who's angry as hell all of the time!" she added.

"And is angry as hell all of the time," Amanda nodded. "He thinks that if he controls you as stringently as possible he'll get a handle on the situation. But really, it shows how nervous he is about all of this. The pregnancy, your health. He's scared, too, and he's trying to control it."

"And that's _logical_?" scoffed Patricia.

"No. It's not logical. As for him trying to keep you safe at all times- It's dumb, but he thinks he's doing the right thing by keeping you inside."

She sighed tiredly. "So what should I do?" she asked.

Amanda smiled. "First of all, you make a list of the stuff you want and I'll ask Maya or Mariana to go and get them. Actually, Mariana lives in the Terran section and I don't know when she has off from the hospital, but-"

Her face lit up. "You really think Mariana might do that for me?"

"Oh, are you kidding? We all love you so much! We wish we could see more of you!"

She felt like starting to cry all over again. "You and the girls are just so awesome, Amanda."

"And Dana and I can come visit you soon with Spock. See Spock up close and personal and then you can have that reminder of why you need to stay calm, Patricia. You want your baby to come out healthy and well, right?"

She looked at the infant on the viewscreen drinking eagerly from his mother. All she saw was a shock of black hair and the sweetest little hands and fingers flexing and grabbing at everything he could touch. "I do," she admitted.

"So do two things for yourself and your baby. Try not to get so angry with Soryn and be a little more understanding. And if you get angry, take his advice and meditate."

"Take _his_ advice?" she asked, outraged.

"Yes! This way he can't claim you never take his suggestions. So when you go to him later with your thoughts composed and list your logical grievances, he can't ignore them."

Patricia thought about that piece of advice and had to admit, "Oh, I'd never have thought of it that way on my own."

"So don't worry, okay? We'll take care of this stuff for you. Okay?"

Patricia sniffled, feeling a lot better than she had at the start of the conversation. "Okay."

####

Sokam went home, thoroughly intent on violating Maya's privacy. He knew reading a journal was just that, a violation of trust and privacy. But since he did not have access to her mind, he reasoned, reading her thoughts this way was practically the same.

The moment he entered their home, however, he was struck by a curious looking thing sitting on their freshly made-up bed. He found himself frowning slightly as he picked up an envelope with his name on it in his wife's writing: _SOKAM_.

He opened the envelope and sat on the bed, wondered what dreadful news awaited him within those pages.

_My Husband,_

_As long as I can remember, I've had problems talking without getting my emotions jumbled. When I start to talk about something that's close to my heart, I do something embarrassing like crying. I don't want to cry when I talk to you, not about this._

_I know you'll say 'that is an illogical thing to convey' but I am so proud of you and your goals to become a Healer. You're a gifted man and I admire you for that, too. I think you absolutely should continue your training, but I need to be truthful with you about some things._

_Since you have begun your training there's this feeling I have inside that we've drifted apart. I know that's not what either one of us meant to happen. I think the both of us don't know how to handle being married without 'being bonded'. I think we need to figure out how to stay married without being connected 100% of the time via the marital bond._

_And now for emotions I'm too embarrassed to admit out loud:_

_I've been devastated by the loss of the feel of your mind inside mine. I was pretty much depressed even though you're right there in front of me. I didn't say anything because I sincerely want you to become a Healer since that is the goal you set for yourself so many years ago. The loneliness became so difficult at one point I wound up doing some things I'm not proud of._

Sokam put the letter down at that point, not knowing what he would read next. Did his wife engage in an extramarital affair because they could not be together the way she had needed him? He forced himself to go on:

_I guess the best way I can put this is: I lied to you. I've lied to you every day since you've started your training. I pretend every day in your presence that I'm all right when I'm not. But the truth is I've cried at the oddest times. I have intentionally overworked myself, and ran around doing so much for this or that person just to distract myself from my situation. I went out with my friends a bit too often 'clubbing'. I didn't do anything scandalous while there, but still, as T'Niye has conveyed to me, my behavior was unbecoming of the wife of a man of your clan, the one whose future child would join with a child of her clan. I didn't want to hear that at first, but she was right. It was stupid of me to seek such endless recreation on top of too much work in the first place._

_On that front, I've also been upset since I can't have children for so many years. I told you I was fine with that, but I'm not. I don't just want children. I want your children. I'm not going back on my word about that, either, I'm still willing to wait. I just should have told you the truth from the start and I'm sorry that I didn't._

_Lastly, I should have told you about Agent Stilen._

Sokam put the letter down again and saw a haze of green at the man's name being rendered in his wife's handwriting. He continued reading:

_When I was given the warning by him that T'Pau was watching us, he told me what he's learned as far as a piece of her plans are concerned. If I have your child, she will arrange to have me killed. And his solution was that I should wait until your next Pon Farr and at the moment of Kalifar, I should call for a Kal-i-fee and allow him to be my champion. My reaction to that? HELL NO! My answer is still the same. Hell no, I don't want him._

_I just needed you to get all of this without my losing track of my thoughts because my emotions would get in the way while I told you. I love you with all of me and I've missed you terribly. So like I said at the beginning of this letter, is there a way we can find to be still married though not connected via the bond?_

_Parted From Me And Never Parted,_

_S'Chn T'Gai Maya_

He hadn't expected to read anything she had written in the letter. He sat there, brow furrowed and realized her words were true. They had drifted apart the year that their bond had been consciously shielded. Since when was it acceptable to assume that his Maya might possibly be cheating on him? For him to go and look for evidence as if it were a thing he would actually find? He knew his former self had reared its head. His obsessive and jealous nature had attempted to reassert itself and he had almost given it complete control of him.

He stood. There was a way to make this right with her. And he set about taking care of that immediately.

####

Maya returned home early in the evening. Fortunately, it was not a day she needed to visit T'Niye or look after Spock. She was able to help Mariana go shopping on behalf of Patricia for all sorts of nutritious foods in the Terran section late that afternoon, but she also made certain to add a small note to the newly pregnant woman assuring her that some of her high-calorie baked treats would soon be on their way to her house! In the meantime both girls made certain to purchase a couple of 'empty calorie treats', as Shin called them, for the sake of her cravings.

Shin dropped Mariana off first and then Maya. On her way out of the shuttle, right in front of her gate, he asked, "Hey, one thing more before you go?"

"Sure."

"Have you spoken to your husband since yesterday?"

She shrugged. "No. By the time he got home I was already asleep." He wondered what in the world was waiting inside for her, remembering the strange mood Sokam had been in the day before asking about Maya's whereabouts lately. "Are you okay, man?" she asked him.

He snapped back to himself. "Yeah, um…I just…I spoke to Sokam yesterday and he was asking some questions about you."

She frowned. "About _me_?"

"Well you are his wife, right?" joked Shin.

"Yeah, but why would he ask _you_ questions about _me_? Like, what kind of questions?"

"Your whereabouts lately, stuff like that."

She frowned. "What in the world does _that_ mean?"

"Well lately, you do look kind of-" he stopped right there and then tried to escape. "Good night. I have to take this stuff over to Patrici-"

"Oh hell no, you _don't_. I know you've got five minutes to spare! What are you talking about? Lately, what? I look what?"

"Well you know, lately you do look kind of…" he shrugged. "Well we've all noticed this past week, even Sarek noticed, you've been, you know, all scented and wearing make-up and high heels everywhere. I mean, case in point, you _never _wore your hair like that before or dressed like that. Like ever."

"Like _what_?"

"You're a really good girl and that's always shown. But lately you've been looking-" He cleared his throat. "-intentionally sexy?" Before she could bite his head off he continued with, "Sometimes a man might assume you suddenly start acting and dressing that way because, well, you know…"

"Well, you know what?" she prompted him.

"You know," he said.

For not the first time during the ridiculous conversation she wished she could get over her ethical concerns, drop her mind shield and just take the information from Shin's mind. "What!"

"Because she might be cheating on him!" he finally blurted out.

There was a delayed reaction at first and she just stood there, numb. Then her mouth dropped open and she began to sputter inarticulately, "What the—who the—how in the – oh, _HELL_ NO!" she shot out. "I gotta go into my house like right now!"

"I'm sure maybe I'm mistaken!" he called after her as she put her hand into the register panel to open her gate.

"And if you're not, I'm going home to bite my husband's pointed ears off!" she shouted.

She entered the house, ready to read Sokam the riot act and then… She paused. The kitchen was lit by candlelight. And she realized she could hear music? In the background? "Sokam?" she said, confused.

He exited the kitchen then and put a glass of something into her hand, eye looking deeply into hers. "This is for you, _k'diwa_."

She was taken aback as she accepted the wine from him. He hadn't looked at her like that in…well in a while. Thinking of what Shin had just told her and also remembering the letter she'd left for him, it all fell into place in her mind. Before she could speak, he took her by the hand and led her to the kitchen. "Have you eaten, yet, my wife?" he asked.

"Um…no," she said, surprised yet again.

He prepared a plate of pasta tossed in vegetables and covered in some form of white sauce then set it before her. "I have prepared a meal for you this evening."

"Sokam?" she asked, still shocked. He'd never done this before.

"Your letter was correct. You and I have drifted apart. And I wish very much to correct that. But first, may we partake in a meal together?"

She felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes. He kneeled down next to her, and looked up into her eyes, saw the tears there about to fall. "My wife?" he asked.

She tried to take one bite of food and instead dropped her fork and fell into his lap, her arms around him, holding him tight. She felt the beginnings of wholeness as he held her and stroked her back.

After dinner, Sokam cleared the dishes and wouldn't allow her to help. Then the two sat together on their bed as he admitted, "My wife, due to your recent change in appearance I ascribed behavior in my mind to you that is not only unworthy of you, but a testament to how out of sync we have become with one another."

"You thought I was cheating on you, didn't you?" she asked, able to smile at him about it.

He nodded only once and then asked, "How can you see humor in that admission?"

She sighed. "Have you ever heard the expression laugh so you don't cry?"

"No, I obviously have not."

"I do that sometimes. I joke around about things that just aren't funny in my life. It helps me to…insulate myself, I guess, from what's really going on. So when I smile at something like that, it's not because I think it's funny. It's because if I dwell on it too much, I might try to rip your spleen out."

He knew she was only halfway joking. Strangely enough, it aroused him. Why did the thought of his wife inflicting violence on him- He stopped in his tracks mentally and knew those thoughts would only lead them to intimate congress. "Your letter…it mentioned several things of concern. There must be a compromise so that we do not drift so far apart again during the times I must close our bond."

"I agree. And I should have said something to you about the way I was feeling a long time ago. I'm sorry."

"There is no reason for apology, my wife. You were attempting to be what you thought a proper wife should be. One who suffers on her husband's behalf. But I do not ever wish for you to do so again," he said almost fiercely as his eyes blazed. "I wish to know your needs at all times."

She found herself swallowing back desire. When was the last time they'd- ? She pushed that from her mind and instead said, "All right, Sokam. I'll tell you what I need from now on."

"I have a suggestion to make."

"What's that?"

"I will no longer have to hold back on our bond as of three weeks, five days, fifteen hours and 53.02 seconds from now."

"I know," she giggled.

"Perhaps an excursion may be planned," he said. "I have a week off from my training. Something can be done during that time, if you can obtain sometime off from work."

Her heart was touched. "I'd like that."

"Then it is what shall be done, my wife."

"And in the meantime," she said as she looked around their little house, "let's do this again every week. Next week I'll cook for you and we can sit down and talk about our week, what's going on in our lives."

He agreed. "That shall be done, as well, my wife." He reached out with one hand and threaded his fingers through hers. "I assumed if the two of us maintained minimal contact, it would perhaps make things easier. May I say to you that I was wrong?"

"And I was wrong not to speak up sooner," she admitted.

"I will not allow us to drift apart again, my Maya," he said as his body came closer to hers.

Her stomach jumped and she wanted him with everything inside her. But she knew they couldn't, not yet. "You can't!"

"May I not simply kiss my wife?" he asked. He was already in her space, pulling her in closer to him via her hips with one hand, his other hand in her hair, face converging on hers. After one light kiss, he whispered down into her mouth, "I will delight in re-marking she who belongs to me mere weeks from now."

His eyes held hers and she found herself blushing. In a strange way she felt like they were in the dating stage again and thrilled within that that spark had reignited in them both. "Until then," she said almost breathlessly.

But he was not done with her. She was given a deep, dizzying kiss by him, filled with his desire. "Until then," he said, as he reluctantly released her.

**_A/N - I'm going to post again, most likely on Friday. Thank you all so much for your reviews. I appreciate them very much and they make all of the editing, double-checking and rereading worthwhile!_**


	18. Turanimaniac

Turanimaniac

Dana didn't know what had overtaken her husband. Though always amorous toward her, he suddenly stopped. He had also never been an overly strict adept at meditation. He made certain to do so every evening before bed and that was usually it. But lately it seemed to be all he did whenever he got home.

"Turan?" she asked him that day as she walked into their shared bedroom. "Do you want dinner tonight?"

"No, my wife. I will not partake of nourishment this evening."

This was the fifth night in a row he hadn't eaten! "Turan, you can't go on like this without hardly any food in you!"

"In fact I can, Dana," was all he answered as his eyes closed again and he drifted back into his meditative state.

That was the last straw for her. She turned and walked out of the house, went to visit Maya. She caught Maya just on her way out of her home about to go and visit with Amanda. So the two tagged along with one another and went over to their mutual friend's home.

####

Amanda smiled as she stood in the doorway. Sarek was sitting on their bed. Spock was lying on his back between his father's legs kicking at his chest incessantly. Sarek would mouth a sound and Spock would try to imitate him. "Ahhh," he said.

"Ah_hh_!" the baby squealed back with a delighted smile.

"Ohhh," said the father.

"OHH_hhh_!" Spock squealed back with an even bigger smile while still kicking his legs rapidly.

Then Sarek put one finger to the child's temple. "And now that I have your full attention, you may relax, my son. Calm your actions. Focus on my words." Little by little, the baby's legs and arms calmed and his big dark eyes became focused and attentive to his father. "We may resume our lesson from yesterday, my son. We shall continue your oral studies in Relativistic Physics.

"In the Terran year of 1905 Albert Einstein published his Special Theory of Relativity. It was a thorough and semi-complex hypothesis, though still quite simple, that made a number of assertions that were seen as novel to most of humanity at that time. The first assertion was that-"

"What in the world are you teaching that _baby_?" Amanda found herself saying, shocked.

Both father and son looked at her as if she were the crazy one. "Amanda, is it not important that our son receive the best education available?"

"Yes, but relativistic physics? He's three months old, Sarek!"

"Yes, I agree, I am quite late in the beginnings of my education of our son. But rest assured he shall soon catch up."

She realized he was dead serious and simply backed out of the room and closed the door. At least, she surmised, the baby looked as if he were actually enjoying himself. Then she began to laugh. Her laughter then turned to light tears of joy. Just two months before Sarek had never even held his son, let alone had a one-way conversation with him about relativistic physics!

_I don't care what you say, Sarek, those little vocal scales you do with our son are constituted 'singing' and 'playing' where I come from._

There was a pause at first. …_I see no need to insult my style of educating our son, my wife_ he answered through their bond.

She giggled as she reveled, once again, in the beautiful closeness of the marital bond. As she continued on into the living room, she was so grateful that she had her husband back again.

####

Dana and Maya arrived for a visit less than an hour later. She hadn't expected to see Dana that day and was pleasantly surprised that the woman had come by with Maya. But Amanda realized a short time later that Dana was just sitting there, barely speaking. "What's the matter, Dana?" she asked.

Maya had also noticed. She, too, looked over at Dana and wondered if their friend was going to say anything.

"Um…no," she said, as if startled that someone had spoken to her. "I'm fine." She smiled. But it wasn't a real smile.

"Dana," Maya said, "you would want to smack us if we did that to you! Come on. What's going on?"

She swallowed back a small bit of fear. "I think Turan is sick. I'm trying to think of a convincing way to get him to go and see T'Niye."

Both ladies said, "Oh, no!" almost at the same time.

"Is he hypothermic?" asked Amanda.

"No, he actually seems to be even warmer than usual. His body temperature has gone up! I don't know how that's possible, though," she said. "And he's not eating. He meditates all of the time and…" She shrugged. "He hasn't said anything to me. He's trying to pretend he's all right, but I think he's really sick and he won't tell me."

Amanda frowned, clueless, but Maya's eyes widened. "Has he stopped, you know… _touching_ you?"

Dana nodded hurriedly. "Yes, he has. That's not like him at all! He _has_ to be sick."

"How long has this been going on?" asked Maya.

"All this week he's been this way. But he started acting strangely last week." She picked up her teacup and drank as she thought about the week before. "I went to the store and when I got back home he-" she paused and remembered.

####

Dana rushed into the house and straight to her tiny kitchen. She put away the Dolosian heavy cream so it wouldn't curdle in the heat of the day. She looked up at the chronometer and sighed in relief. She'd made it home within the proper time-frame. She could make the frosting for the cupcakes Maya was putting together for the girls Friday movie night.

Turan seemed to appear from nowhere, then, eyes practically staring her down. "What?" she asked him. He was making her slightly nervous, the still way he was standing in the doorway as if he were about to jump her. But this wasn't the way he usually came onto her.

"Is there a reason you were watching the chronometer?" he asked.

She laughed as she put her bag away into a tiny alcove. "I got the heavy cream home in time. I want that frosting to be the best thing that's ever been-"

He was on her heels, turning her around by the forearm arm to look up at him. "Where have you come from?" His expression was quite fierce.

"The store! Turan, what is _wrong_ with you?"

"And whom did you meet there?" he asked, the tension in his jaw unmistakable.

"You're working on humor again, aren't you? Well this just isn't funny." She angrily removed her arm from his grasp and stepped away from him.

"You will not walk away from me until I determine the reason for your prolonged absence!" he stated as he went to stand in front of her.

"Turan, I didn't go to meet anyone! I went to pick up heavy cream! Do you want to go into the fridge and check?" she asked.

"I do not know who has captured your attention, but I shall make it so that you do not think of him again!"

She wondered what the hell was wrong with him as his mouth crashed down onto hers and she was rapidly backed up against the wall. She was familiar with this side of him, but was once again confused when he dropped to his knees and began to obviously take in her scent as his hands roamed her lower body. "Whoever it is has not claimed you, yet," he concluded. "And he shall not!"

Before she could protest and say she didn't know what he was talking about, he rapidly stood and pulled her up against his tall frame while she was sandwiched onto the wall. He placed both his legs between hers and ground his pelvis against her midsection. She felt their bond flare to life as he mentally sucked her in and then began to physically touch and bite her every place he knew she couldn't resist…

####

Her face colored up as the memory of their intense lovemaking trailed through her mind, remembering what they'd done that night, how rough it had gotten. He had been so rough she'd awoken the next morning with bruises on her hips and thighs from the heavy imprint of his hands branding into her skin. And though he had always had good stamina, he seemed to last for _hours_ that time.

"-he kept asking where I had been and what I'd been doing," she shook her mind free of the memory, "who I'd gone to meet. Isn't that just strange? Maybe his job is just too much. I mean, Vulcans can have breakdowns, too, right? I know he wants to leave the job and has been trying to find another one, but I didn't know it would get to him like _this_. The next day he wound up meditating every available minute whenever he wasn't working and has been doing that ever since. I don't know what's going on."

Amanda commented, "Um…I think you need to get to T'Niye as soon as possible, Dana."

Maya commented, "Yeah, it sounds like he's probably trying to meditate through his first Time."

Dana choked on her tea. "What? You think Turan is- _already_?"

Amanda said, "That does make sense. I heard they get very territorial, the temperature spikes, they stop eating and start meditating a lot. What if it is his Time?"

"I better get to T'Niye as soon as possible, then," she agreed. "But I don't understand, I thought he'd be all _over_ me now!"

"He's afraid of hurting you," Maya said. "He's going to try to meditate through it first. And the longer he waits, the worse it'll be when it finally breaks loose."

"Is that so?" said Dana as the wheels in her head began turning. "I got things to do to then, I guess."

Both women looked at one another. What was Dana planning?

####

Dana went home that evening and Turan was practically the same. When she went to bed, he was still meditating. She felt him enter their bed that evening, but he stayed as far away from her as possible. She tried not to feel hurt, tried to remember what Maya had said about him not wanting to hurt her wives, but she did feel hurt and just a trifle rejected.

She awoke the next morning to find him in deep meditation, again. She got out of bed and said to herself _that's it! It's time for me to end this._

Sokam, she knew, had been able to hold out for weeks because he'd been an adept at a monastery for all those years. But Turan, she knew, had had no such benefits. He had always had impeccable self control, like any Vulcan, but at this time she knew all she had to do was apply a little pressure and he would cave. She decided to do a few things to get ready ahead of time like visit T'Niye and have that tech installed that she knew she would need just to survive.

She launched herself into her day fully intending on waving red in front of the bull by night's end.

Dana went to T'Niye and spoke with her. After briefly touching Dana's mind, she saw that yes, her mate was indeed experiencing the Time of Mating. "You may use my family's cave. Turan is without family, but he is not in disgrace or outcast, therefore there shall be no objection. Also, none of our young men reach their Time during this time of the year."

"Cave?" asked Dana, deadpan.

"It is his first Pon Farr. Do you not wish the formalities?"

She remembered what he'd told her about wishing to adhere to logic, but not wanting to be a stickler for Vulcan ways. "I don't think he cares for that sort of thing."

"Very well. I attended your betrothal and cemented you together. You will not need the presence of an audience, then, to let others know of what is happening. I surmise you have decided to forgo Kal-i-far?"

Dana shook her head quickly. "I'm not interested in anyone else."

"That is fine," she said as she began installing the tiny pieces of tech in Dana's body, one by one. "However, I can reassure you, the cave for at least the first time is a necessity."

Dana found herself wanting to laugh out loud, but the pinch from having the subdermal time released pain med device made her jump instead. "Well _that_ hurt!" she laughed nervously.

"That small amount of pain will keep an even larger amount of pain from interfering," said T'Niye. "I will not activate the artificial aphrodisiac for six hours."

"Aphrodisiac?" She was shocked.

"It was Amanda's idea. And according to Maya, it made the experience more than simply bearable."

Dana had to admit, "I _am_ really nervous about this."

"And yet you seem quite eager," observed T'Niye as she calibrated her instruments and the tech she had installed within Dana.

"Well I'd rather not be a widow, you know?"

"It is a fine thing, to meet a fear head-on that one does not wish to in order to preserve the life of another."

Dana sighed tremulously, jittery nerves going through her once again. "So what do I tell my job?" she asked, trying to distract her mind from what she was about to voluntarily put herself through.

"You do not have to inform them. According to our laws and customs as your Healer I will send them an official form quoting the applicable section of law that will give you nine days off. It will be co-signed by she who is my clan mother. This will be submitted to both yours and Turan's places of employment. No questions will be asked."

She sighed. "Okay."

She handed her a hypo. "And since you are quite keen to begin your family, take this and inject it into the fatty tissue of your lower abdomen on the third day of mating. It will optimize conception."

Dana's eye opened wide. "Thanks!" she said as she eagerly took the hypo spray from the Healer.

"He will resist you initially since he will no doubt wish to avoid harming you."

Dana smiled wickedly. "Oh, I have a way to fix _that_."

"I will have the cave prepared with the things you shall need. It will be ready in four hours time. I will activate the implanted technology within you in approximately six hours. And I have one last piece of advice."

"Yes?"

"Do not approach him to take him to your destination with a male at your side."

Her eyes went wide. "Why?"

"He will not see one whom is helping you. He will only see a rival. Bring him on your own or send the males to pick him up while you remain out of sight."

Dana couldn't believe she hadn't thought of that. "Oh my goodness, thanks for the reminder!"

####

Amanda was grinning like a madwoman. "My wife, what is it you find so amusing?" asked Sarek that evening.

"Turan is Pon Farring for the first time and Shin just left with Zurel to take him to the cave."

The ambassador found himself inordinately pleased. "Perhaps they may start the family that Dana has so keenly wished for."

"Maybe," she said as she finally placed Spock into his new bed. "I gave the baby his supplement and my milk right after it, so hopefully he'll sleep the full four hours," she said as she reached her arms over her head and began stretching from side to side, trying to loosen up her back.

Sarek went over to where his son lay and placed his fingers to his psi-points and projected extra calm into him. He agreed, "Yes, he shall sleep long and well, Amanda."

She sat down on their bed, fully tired. "I'm so glad Maya comes over two times a week to watch him. I don't know what I'd do without her help." She continued trying to stretch out her back by bending side to side and then rolling her shoulders back and forth.

"Patricia is now with child. And if Turan and Dana are successful, you may have to share Maya's services as a child minder," he said as he placed a privacy screen in front of Spock's crib. "Lie down, my wife. You appear to be suffering from the effects of spinal discomfort."

"Yes, I am! Carrying that big baby did something to my back," she said as she lay down on their bed. She sighed in relief as Sarek began systematically kneading her muscles.

"Perhaps, Amanda, I may reach your troubled areas better if you remove your shirt."

She did so eagerly. "You give the best massages."

His eyebrow rose. "I would hope, my wife, that where you are concerned I give the _only_ massages."

She laughed and realized he had been in a wonderful mood all day. He would of course deny it if she ever brought it up and maintain that there was no reason for his mood to shift, but she knew her Sarek well enough to know that he truly was back to his former self.

He could not help but notice, as his eyes scanned her body, he had yet to mark her again. He didn't know if she was ready for such a thing since taking care of Spock seemed to tire her out a great deal. He was attempting to be a considerate husband but—

A topless Amanda rolled over, breasts bobbing invitingly, sat up and grabbed Sarek by the front of his robes. She pulled down on his clothing until it exposed his bare chest. He gave a sharp inhale as she bit down hard on his chest. He was almost past the point of consideration by then and found himself grabbing her by the waist and pulling her close against his body. "You do not know what you play at, Amanda," he warned as his insides were already singing with arousal. Surely it was too soon for her to engage in sexual relations!

She gave his chin a feathery light kiss and then bit it. "I don't?" she asked, as she artfully kissed his mouth and then coaxed her tongue in between his lips.

Weakening to her advances, he admitted, "I do not wish to overwhelm you, Amanda. I am aware of your state of exhaustion-"

She pushed Sarek back onto their bed and lay on top of him, moving her hips invitingly. "What was that, Sarek?"

He flipped her over and his robes were then removed rather quickly. "It is not logical to turn away what is offered so eagerly!" he said with a gleam in his eyes.

####

Turan had been taken to a cave by Shin. He had seen Zurel but briefly and knew that though Dana preferred himself, had the Vulcan male come near him he might have attacked. His control was all but shredded and the meditations were no longer working. He had failed.

Here in the cave, he saw, it was harder for him to ignore the call in his veins. He wanted his wife, wanted to touch, explore, conquer… He turned from the thoughts and tried to once again meditate. He found it difficult to even do that now. Why couldn't he reach a state of meditation?

His head lifted, sniffed at the air. What was that familiar scent? He could smell her, but could not see her. His hungry eyes scanned the cave as he stood and began to stalk the source of the inviting scent.

He heard the shuttle lifting off to leave, wondered why his wife had sent for him to be placed here. Didn't she understand that he did not wish to cause her undo pain? That she could be terribly damaged by him in this state?

"Turaaan," he heard her lilting call him from deep within the cave.

Despite his trying not to, his legs propelled him forward. He went deeper into the cave against his will. And she was there in a lit section, waiting for him. Something about her was…different. He couldn't think straight enough to know what that was.

"Come here," she crooked one tantalizing finger at him. The Orion aphrodisiac was making her much more bold than usual. She knew she would know pain these next few days and was more than ready for it. She was looking forward to it. She could feel the burn in him and wanted to satisfy him. "Come to me," she said again as she leaned back against the wall of the cave. Even that felt blissfully hot to her skin. "Come here," she coaxed lightly with a smile on her face.

"I do not wish to harm you, my wife," he was able to bite out. He saw she was there waiting for him, sensed her readiness. It was making it that much more difficult to—

She began undressing slowly as she stood there and looked him boldly in the face. Then his Dana looked down at her body, caressed herself invitingly in the middle of removing what little attire she wore… she didn't make it past the first article of clothing before she felt herself being tackled, lifted and help up against the wall of the cave.

He was breathing heavily, out of control. She had never seen him this way! She knew without the effect of the drugs in her system it might have scared her as he began to pull and rip the clothing away from her body. "I can see into your mind," he said almost harshly as the last of her clothing was ripped from her. "And I will give you everything you wish for!" he said as his mouth hastily began to taste and bite every exposed part of her he could reach.

There were no more civilized words between them from that moment on as Turan's fingers wound themselves into his wife's blond locks and yanked. His blood sang as she screamed one last thing. "Oh, Turan, _YES_!"


	19. Clan Mother

Clan Mother

"I do not understand. You have not provided one logical reason to have ceased taking the medication," T'Niye commented as she looked at her medical scanner.

Though someone who did not know her would not be able to tell, Demek knew that tone of voice. He was being scolded. He couldn't decipher what part of her was speaking as his kinswoman and what part spoke to him as his Healer. Even lying down, Demek was in a near-constant state of vertigo. "My time approaches and I shall not fight it."

"It would not be your time if you listened to my suggestions. You seem to have forgotten how important you are to our people, Demek. Perhaps if you were to begin taking the medication once again-"

"T'Niye, your concern is cherished by me. However, I have seen it. I shall not continue for much longer and there are still visions that have yet to be completed."

She sat down in a chair next to him and acknowledged, "It is your right if you wish to no longer partake of medical intervention. However, my cousin, I do not see the need for this. These visions will shorten your life considerably, I am certain you are already aware of that. Why must you allow your life functions to cease?"

"I find I can no longer muster the strength to continue. The medication itself has side effects that I am no longer willing to contend with. Therefore, the time is now."

She sat still for a few moments, not wanting to face the possible true reason she had been sent for. But she never was the type to hide from the truth and so came out and asked, "Since you are aware of what shall happen should you choose not to continue the medication, for what reason have you summoned me here? Is someone in danger?"

"Someday soon all will be in danger. I wish to warn you about the completion of the one possible future that was received from before. When this empire falls, it will bring our people down with it."

She seemed to accept his words too quickly. "I am aware of that. It does not take one who may touch the future to know this. It is the logic of cause and effect."

"You must plan accordingly," he warned her. "Even this measure of freedom we enjoy now planet-wide, it will not survive the fall of the empire."

"The change shall be that all-encompassing?" she murmured, surprised at least by that. "Then I shall see to making plans for that possible future."

"The instrument of that future has been born. It shall become more of a possibility with each passing year."

"I will heed your words, kinsman," she reassured him.

"Then you must also know that the closer a possible future happens to be, the more certain it becomes. It is the other reason I have called you here today. I am aware of a change that is mere days away."

Her eyebrow rose. "Shall you speak of it?"

"I must. It directly concerns you, your family. Your clan mother, she shall succumb to the illness that has taken her. It shall only be a matter of days now."

No one but she and the current clan mother knew of the illness. But a bittersweet feeling overwhelmed T'Niye. She found herself sighing heavily and slowly closing her eyes. It was the first major lapse of control she had had in years. She knew her meditations that night would have to be long and deep.

The woman who was her clan mother had practically raised T'Niye from the time she turned seven and was betrothed to her grandson. Back when the clan mother was not so old, she decreed to the other elders of the family when T'Niye was but fifteen years of age that she would groom the young woman to take up the mantle of leading their clan after her death. T'Niye herself had not known until literally ten years later, after she had graduated Healer training at the Vulcan Academy of Sciences.

To hear that that woman who had become a second mother to her would soon leave them did indeed trouble her deeply. "Then I shall carry her _katra_ to The Hall of Thought on Mount Seleya," T'Niye said almost to herself. She at least had time to come to grips with the situation at hand. She looked down at Demek. Was she to lose two important parts of herself so very quickly?

_It is what it is. And there is nothing to be done for it. I shall meditate these thoughts into their proper places._

####

Days later, T'Niye marveled at the unfamiliar sensation of carrying the _katra_ of she who had been Clan Mother. Whenever she wished, she could access her memories and benefit from them. But she knew to carry a _katra_ for longer than a certain amount of time was more than unhealthy. Some could carry for as long as one year and be unaffected, but usually that sort of thing was only done by monks from some form of discipline that knew the deep nuances of the mind very well.

She was a Healer and as such was also one that could carry a _katra_ for an extended amount of time, and still she thought it was not right to do so.

Her attendants trekked behind her and her bodyguards through the desert in a single line. It was, of course, extremely hot and almost uncomfortable for the entire party. They had been traveling for days, by that point.

Finally the foot of Mount Seleya could be seen in the not too far distance. They would arrive in less than two hours. An escort ship circled overhead from time to time. The V'Shar would keep a keen eye on her from thereon out because she was a Clan Mother now. She also knew that within days of her returning to her home a V'Shar agent would go to her residence to recruit one of the children or young men into their ranks. It was a distasteful thing, in her opinion. The only thing that made it palatable was young Seikar had already stated his wish to become an agent not too long before. She would hand the telepathically gifted young man over to them. But the V'Shar, she knew, saw it as their duty to protect her from hereon out. And T'Pau would be unable to do a thing to her personally now. They were equals.

They stopped for a rest. Anytime they stopped, no one bothered her. She would only speak to those she wished to speak to when she beckoned them forward. Four strong men with hoods covering their noses and mouths carrying _lirpas_ stuck close by her at all times. It was going to take some getting used to.

She looked over at Maya. The young Terran had changed much over the past year. Not once did she hear a complaint from the young lady though she knew she was tired and the heat was overly strong for one of her kind. The young woman was stronger than even she knew and the next few years would test her strength. It was her duty now to bring out that strength in the young woman. Because though T'Pau could not touch T'Niye, she would seek to touch her student instead to get to her…

Maya did not know it, but T'Niye had taken it upon herself to have several conversations with her grandmother on Terra Prime. The older woman had a keen understanding of Maya and had clued her in to several things about Maya's past. Though not a telepath, the woman knew her granddaughter extremely well, knew her strengths and weaknesses. She also understood the things that motivated Maya and T'Niye would play on those things to force the strength within her to the surface.

"Young Maya," she called the Terran to her. "Step forth to me now."

It had been days and Maya was grateful that T'Niye had allowed her to keep the time-released tech with tri-ox implanted within her for occasions such as this. Walking in sand was a hard occupation and already she felt as if her strength were waning as of the day before. But she did everything she could to not show her weakness to those around her. She went forward, one foot in front of the other, forced her posture to remain upright.

She moved out of the formation of the line and went to where T'Niye was resting. The guards allowed her to pass.

Maya stood to the front right of T'Niye, as was proper, and announced herself in formal Vulcan, "I am here as called, _Saven-su_."

"Come close to me, young one." Maya did as she was commanded. For the first few minutes, nothing was said. Then T'Niye asked, "Has the journey been difficult, young one?"

Lying, she knew, was pointless. "Yes, _Saven-su_," she admitted.

"You shall become used to duties such as this," she almost decreed. "You must." She let that sink in before she continued. "There are things we must discuss, Young Maya. We shall be at the foot of the mountain soon and we will camp there overnight. Tomorrow morning my guards and I shall ascend the steps of the mountain to hand over the _katra_ of our Honored One to the Hall of Thought. Whether you climb with us is solely your decision."

Maya knew she was missing something, but she didn't know what. "The other attendants will not also climb?"

"No. They shall not. They shall wait at the foot of the mountain."

She thought of why T'Niye would tell her this and tried to think with logic. "I must have a reason to climb, then."

"You are correct."

"I will accompany you if it is what you wish."

T'Niye's expression became mischievous then. "It has more to do with what _you _wish, young one."

Maya never could stand it when T'Niye became a sphinx. "Of course I want to come with you. I've come this far, I can at least see that everything is completed."

"Yes, you have come far. And yet you have so much further to go."

She didn't answer as her mind puzzled over what T'Niye was trying to tell her. She just didn't get it. "I have improvements I know I need to make, _Saven-su._"

"In more way than one. Tell me, young Maya, how far do you intend to take your study of Surak?"

"He is not of my world. He was a wise man and I think his way was correct for his people. But I am not a Vulcan and it would be foolish of me to pretend otherwise."

"You have married a Vulcan, have you not?"

"I have."

"And you shall have Vulcan children, will you not?"

"I will."

"Dana's husband has conceded that when they have children -if they have children- they need not follow Surak so staunchly since they will be half Terran. Sarek, of course, will raise his son in the Way of the Vulcan and Amanda has agreed that that is so. However, Maya, you promised to allow your firstborn to be given over to be betrothed to one of my direct line so that there may be a marriage alliance between the S'chn T'gai and my clan. Before your children were born you already put yourself onto the path of Logic by putting yourself within my tutelage. Do you not understand who you shall become, Maya?"

"I am to be the grandmother of one of your clan?" she asked, not wanting to face what was about to happen. She knew the rabbit hole was about to become deeper. An uncofortable feeling was beginning to form in her stomach and beneath her feet, like the earth was shifting, a foreboding that things were about to change for her, for better or worse.

T'Niye had to contend, that was factual. "Amongst other things, yes. But I have been remiss in my duties. I did not tell you who your child shall become to my clan."

The pieces of the puzzle all began to fit together. And she didn't care for the image. "Is this why T'Pau wants me dead if I attempt to make that child?"

"She does not wish one of her line to be given to one of mine. And worse yet, the child of your innards will become either the next clan mother or the parent of the next clan mother. It is inconceivable to her and it is improper. Even now, the fact that I have brought you along on this trek is a sign of who you truly are, not only to her, but to all of Vulcan."

Maya actually felt like passing out and for once it was not the trek or the heat. "Why would you accept my child, a Half-Terran for-"

"You also forget you are not full Terran. However to answer that question, she who was my clan mother saw something in you, as I also see something within you. You are quite capable of deep logic, Maya, yet you do not allow logic to reign within you. You must allow it to become your compass. You must study Surak and learn to think with a logical mind and you must do this for so many reasons."

Everything else fell into place at that moment and Maya was almost overwhelmed by the realizations. If she didn't learn to use logic in everyday life, the smallest slip on her part could get her killed someday while she was pregnant with the child she wanted so very badly. She saw then that waiting several years before doing such a thing truly was wise. It would give her time to grow into this person she did not want to become in the first place.

She also acknowledged something else. Her lifespan was going to be longer than that of her friends. She'd refused to think of that up to that point. It wasn't something she found appealing. To continue to go on as those around her died? She turned from the thought. "I'm going to have to do it to survive here- to more than survive, but to raise my child strong and logical in thought."

"You must also cement your following of Surak so that T'Pau cannot attempt to remove the child from you once it comes along. Because if you survive the pregnancy and she does not succeed in discovering that the child exists until it is already born, she will not attempt to kill the child. She will simply attempt to take the child from you as she attempted to take Spock." Even then, T'Niye believed she was still making plans to remove the child from his parents. But she saw fit not to distract Maya with that information.

The implications-! "If I climb those steps, I'm going to have to change everything about myself, the way I think, the way I do things…" Already she was entering a state of mourning for the person she might have to leave behind.

"Do not forget, my student, it is to your advantage to take up the mantle of Surak. As you grow your telepathic gifts will spiral out of control if you are not in full control of every part of you, especially of your mind and your emotions."

Maya sighed heavily. "I needed that reminder," she acknowledged.

"You must decide then, between now and tomorrow morning, shall you climb the steps of Mount Seleya with me? Or shall you remain behind with my attendants? The choice is yours."

For some reason, in between her thoughts of what she should do, Maya's mind kept straying to Arwen in The Lord of the Rings. She didn't understand why thoughts of Elrond's daughter intervened on her decision-making process. But when she finally fell asleep, she had a forlorn dream that evening of Malorn leaves from now bare tress covering the last vestiges of who she was. She awoke the next morning from the nightmare and, though in grief and uncertainty, climbed the steps of Mount Seleya.

* * *

_A/N - It was time this chapter happened. It's a small chapter, but I felt like it needed to happen now. Lastly, heavy, HEAVY LOTR reference at the end there, the book, not the movie! (In particular, the appendices.)_


	20. GoodBye

_A/N - I know this update is on the heels of the one I just added. But this chapter was 'burning a hole in my pocket'. If it ain't good enough, let me know. I will take this badboy down and rewrite it with the quickness. I hate posting substandard stuff. Last but not least, I know not own Star Trek and I don't profit from posting these stories..._

Good-Bye

The council convened that day, but not all in attendance appreciated the fact that they had been summoned for the semi-emergency session. "For what reason have we been called here?" asked Kemel, a V'tosh Ka'tur member in the process of converting to Surak. He was one of the 'forced conversions' who was doing so simply so that his son would have one of the stockpiled brides from the Syrranite side.

T'Pau stood and declared, "Several points of interest have arisen. As a result, the post of Lead Ambassador to Terra Prime needs to be filled. I have called this meeting so that we, the council, may discuss the most logical option to undertake this important position."

"Was it not your kinsman that abandoned his post?" asked another V'tosh Ka'tur member. "Why can he not resume the role?"

"Yes, that is a most logical option," Temis, a Syrranite member, added.

"How is that?" asked T'Pau, surprised that it was not herself that needed to bring forth the motion to return Sarek to his former position.

Temis was the one who continued, "It is only logical that he be the one to retake the mantle that he forsook. He should see to fulfilling his vow to this council. Also since he has married a Terran it is conceivable that his dealings with them will go much more smoothly; he may now more fully understand how better to deal with the Terran mind as a result."

T'Pau agreed, "Yes, that is conceivable. Is there a motion on the floor to order Sarek to return to his post within three months time?"

More than enough within the chamber agreed. The motion was put forth and then passed. It was sent on to the council secretary to be drafted into an official notice and passed on to the House of Sarek. With the exclusive logic within Sarek at that time, she knew, he would conclude that it was only proper for him to leave Spock with herself to be trained properly while his parents left Vulcan to attend to his ambassadorial duties. After all, was not a wife's place at her husband's side? She would wait for him to receive notice and contact her. She would be waiting.

####

It was most certainly logical that Demek would request the members of the House of Sarek attend him now. There was a rumor that the elder was dying. Zurel hoped not. The man was a close friend of Sarek's and all of the Terran females and would therefore be sorely missed. What Zurel did not understand was why _he_ was also to accompany everyone else up to the dying elder's room. Sarek had specifically said, "Your presence is mandatory at the bedside of the elder, Demek. It is his request." It made no sense to him. It was not, in his opinion, logical.

Shin was flying the shuttle that day and Zurel flew co-pilot to his pilot. In the back of the shuttle were the members of the House of Sarek: Sarek, The Lady Amanda and the infant, Spock. Lady Maya had been able to meet them earlier. They were on their way to pick up first Sokam from the VSA, Mariana from the hospital, and then Dana along with her husband Turan.

No occupant present in the shuttle looked eager or joyful. But for some reason Zurel could tell that his friend Maya looked as if a weight were on her shoulders. She appeared to be very withdrawn, almost deep within herself, thinking…incessantly thinking. He would have to speak with her soon and determine if she were still being harassed by the very persistent V'Shar agent.

He remembered the last time he saw Mariana, she also had not looked well. But hers was much more out in the open. Her eyes were red-rimmed and sadness seemed to be pouring off of her. He wished to speak with her, but knew that she was not his concern and that he should no longer consider her in his thoughts. And yet he did consider her. His logic, where she was concerned, was never solid. She provoked thoughts and feelings in him that he knew he should not be having.

He often wondered if it were too late to reveal his true thoughts to her. But he could never seem to get the words out.

####

After picking up the last of their passengers, they went on their way to Demek's residence. Once they finally arrived at his home, all disembarked and entered. His servants knew who was coming and happened to be waiting for them. Refreshments were offered, but no one accepted. This was soon to be a house of mourning and the Terran females, especially Amanda and Mariana, appeared to be holding onto their emotions with the proverbial tips of their fingers.

T'Niye came down to greet them, then. "Thank you all for coming promptly at my kinsman's insistence. I am here in the capacity as his Healer, but I am also seeing to his- wishes. He wishes to see you all, including you, Zurel."

Zurel found himself even more puzzled.

"If you would all follow me," T'Niye said and then turned and strode out of the room, knowing they would follow.

Shin took baby Spock from Amanda. The baby squealed in delight to see the smiling face of the security man whom he had already learned to trust. Shin paced the baby back and forth like a pro as everyone else followed T'Niye up the stairs. Zurel, however, looked back at his comrade as the Terran man simply shrugged at him.

The confused bodyguard followed the company along with T'Niye. He did not understand why he was being summoned. Demek had, of course, been nothing but kind to him in the past. Being Outcast as he was, he expected kindness from no one of his race. But why was this dying elder interested in him? Some pieces of something…something at the edge of his consciousness was stirring. Was it not Demek that had referred him to Sarek for the job he had? And was it not Demek that seemed to make certain he completed his education from his youth up?

They all entered the sickroom and was shocked at the deteriorated condition of the elder on the stone bed. The Terrans wondered, why was he not lying someplace more comfortable in his last hours?

"Step forward, Zurel," said Demek. And his voice was still unusually strong for one who would die so soon.

Zurel stepped forward to him and sank to his knees when Demek indicated he should do so. The younger man looked down into the still clear eyes looking up into his, even more confused as to why he would be the first person the elder asked to speak with out of everyone present. But Demek would not make him wait for that answer.

"There is a confession to be made before I die. Not because I see the need to unburden my soul and not because I see the need to seek forgiveness… Not more than thirty five years ago I found myself thrown into the company of a female not my bond mate. She was from the V'tosh Ka'tur side. She, too, was bonded. Her husband was often away from home in the Imperial Service.

"It is not unknown that my wife and I were an improper match, but I never saw fit to dissolve our union. Neither did she. It was the folly of both our lives to allow a union to continue that did not suit either one of us, simply due to duty and perceptions of honor. Toward the last few decades of our marriage, I found myself in the company of this other female on a regular basis. It was unwise on my part." He paused but a few seconds and then rushed on. "A most illogical thing took place and I produced a child not of my union."

Zurel felt something in his side skittering to a halt. Was he hearing what he thought he was hearing? "Elder?" he almost whispered. He could barely get the word out.

"Do not refer to me as such." Demek's strong, deep eyes stared up at him. "You are my son. I am your father."

Zurel was shocked into silence. "You?" He never thought the head of the Vulcan Science Academy… his head was swimming then and he found himself needing to move from the position on his knees to sit fully on the floor. "If I may ask, for what reason do you see the need to tell me this? And why now of all times? It is too late…" he said, his mind barely able to get around what he was being told. But now things were beginning to come to him that he never acknowledged before. They were almost the same height, their eyes the same measurements width apart… he looked down at the elders hands. He saw then he had his father's hands.

"I was not allowed to legitimize you as my son. And yes, I very much wished to. My daughters are all married and they may as well be mental clones of she was who was their mother. They have barely visited these past few years and saw fit to see solely to their lives and not mine. You are my son. I acknowledge you as my son from this day forth. You are no longer an Outcast. I accept you and give you my name, my title, my properties. The threat given me by my clan mother cannot be carried out since I will no longer be here."

Zurel found that his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. He couldn't get a word out, didn't know what to think or say. Logic failed him at that moment as he looked down into the eyes of the man he had forced himself not to think of his entire life.

Demek looked over at T'Niye. "Come forth, kinswoman, now the Clan Mother of her own clan. I give you my son as a subject and cede all my lands and titles and property to your clan since they did, in fact, belong to it originally. My lands were given on conditions to my current clan mother upon my marriage to she who was my wife. That clan mother is unworthy of them and kept me separated from he who was my son and as such upon my death she shall not have him or my possessions." He looked over at Zurel. "My son, accept my kinswoman as your Clan Mother from this day forward before these witnesses."

Zurel looked over at T'Niye. She was another one that had never been dismissive of him. He wondered if she had known all of these years… "I accept her as my clan mother," he said, his voice almost on automatic, but his mind filled with questions, so many questions!

Demek then looked to the group waiting in the background, all of them shocked at what they were hearing, but also all of them trying their best to act as if they hadn't heard what they'd just heard. He found the other young man he was looking for. "Young Turan, I urge you to accept T'Niye as your Clan Mother, as well. It will protect she who is your wife, in future. But I shall not press you on that matter any further. It is something I give you time to consider and discuss with she who is your wife."

"I shall consider it," Turan answered honestly.

"Come to me, all of you," said Demek. "There are things I wish to say."

Everyone surrounded his bed, kneeled down and waited for him to speak. "My old friend, Sarek, keep close watch on she who is your wife, and he that is your son. You have been a constant friend to me all of these years."

"And you as well, old friend," Sarek acknowledged with a straight face.

Demek looked at Turan and then Sokam. "Pay attention to your wives. Unlike the union between my wife and myself, you have chosen your brides and you are well matched. Do not take them for granted nor treat their concerns as trivial, even their illogical concerns. They have given up much to shackle themselves to you for the remainder of their lives and have faced the Shame of us All on your behalf in order that you may live. They shall also face the greatest of ridicule and scorn as a result from their own people."

Demek then turned and looked at the Terran ladies, one by one. "I have always had an illogical weakness for females. But my weakness for you four has been of the purest kind and there are no regrets attached to it."

At this point, Amanda and Mariana could no longer hold it back and both became a ball of sniffling tears as they looked down at the older man. Maya felt the tears beginning to break free and finally looked away from him and off to the side as they did so. But Dana refused to meet Demek's eyes at all.

"Dana," he addressed her first. "It is no great weakness to be whom and what you are. Do not be ashamed."

She finally looked over at him and felt tears traveling down her face. Dana felt Maya's hand reach out and squeeze hers and then withdraw. Turan's two fingers, then, wended their way into hers and she was suffused with comfort. Amanda and Mariana, however, were hugging one another, crying piteously by that point.

"Maya," said Demek as his eyes turned to her. "You will not lose yourself in our ways, I promise you that. You will still remain who you are. And I will come when I am needed by you." She frowned, wondered if Demek's mind was going as he died. How could he come when she needed him if he were dying? She only nodded her acknowledgement, her heart breaking as the silent tears tracked down her face. She could feel Sokam drawing ever nearer, felt his presence warming her back. It was enough.

"Mariana, you must always follow what you believe to be true and correct, never forget that. If you stray from that, it will lead to your ruin."

Mariana nodded at him furiously. "Okay," she finally breathed out between sobs.

He then looked at Amanda. "You, lady, are a model of what a Terran should be. Never let the words of another convince you otherwise."

Poor Amanda couldn't even answer. Her face was red and covered in tears. Words wouldn't pass the lump in her throat.

He looked over at T'Niye. "My favored kinswoman, you have been kind to those who needed it most with no thought of repayment or accolades. May you live long and prosper for that alone." He closed his eyes for a time as if he were mustering his strength. There was one last thing left to say. Eyes still closed, he beckoned Zurel to him one last time. "Step forward, my son."

"_Sa-mekh_?" he answered as he stepped forward.

"My biggest act of illogical folly produced the most logical and righteous of beings this galaxy has ever seen. That is not an irony that is lost to me," he said as he opened his eyes and looked into his son's eyes one last time. "Come and touch my mind. Take the last of what I am for a time."

Zurel held fast to his control and leaned forward, put his hands to his father's face. He had to rely on his father's abilities, however, since he was practically psi-null.

His father's words passed into his mind. _My son…you must go and try to reacquire she who was your wife. I have touched the future and I know that The Fires shall descend upon you in four years time and you must not be without a mate. If she shall not have you, you must speak with Mariana so that you will know that you have done all you can to attain her, if it is what you wish. You now have something to offer her… Do so._

_ Yes, Sa-mekh! I shall obey._

_ Take my katra now. Carry it within you for a short time until the proper time has passed. Only then shall you deposit it within The Hall of Thought._

_ Father, I am unworthy to carry your katra. It is improper for me to—_

_ Kroykah!_ He chided his son. _I shall determine who is worthy and what is proper. It is I who happens to be unworthy to ask you to carry my essence for a time. I failed you in life. But I shall honor you with my death. Am I forgiven by you?_

_ There is nothing to forgive, Sa-mekh._

_Take what I am now, my son_.

Zurel felt as if something in his mind was being peeled away, like a place was being made to tuck something away. A great repository of light, air, thought and knowledge was deposited in the available space. There was a sound within their conjoined minds akin to the shattering of glass becoming sand and then turning into mist upon the wind. A stiff breeze blew into Zurel's nostrils as Demek breathed his last.

The young man opened his eyes and looked at everyone else in the room. "My father is dead," he announced, straight faced. His insides felt heavily dense.

T'Niye rushed forward, checked Demek's vitals and psi-points. Then she turned and put her hand forward, beckoning Zurel to her. He kneeled before her, his new clan mother, and she checked his mind. "The transference was completed. Deliver his _katra_ at the correct time, son of Demek."

"Yes, _Maat Ko-mekh_," he addressed her by her title. He looked around the room at everyone there with almost new eyes. His father's consciousness lay there, just beneath the surface, not intruding. It was contained and separate from his own but he would meditate later to know that mind better. "The fact that you have come shows your care and concern for the person he was," he said to them all.

"You shall, of course, not be expected to remain in the House of Sarek as my security man," Sarek informed him.

"I am sorry, sir, but old loyalties cannot go by the wayside simply because of newfound fortune," Zurel said. "Your family needs me and I shall not abandon them. I will remain with you."

"Then you shall remain as my head of security and manage the new people I bring in," said Sarek. "And now we shall leave you with your father to observe the rituals."

Everyone filed out of the room to leave T'Niye and Zurel to observe the proper rites. Mariana found herself turning back. She looked at him with tear filled eyes. "I'm so sorry about your father," she whispered to him.

His eyes searched hers deeply and something different lay within them. "I truly thank you, Mariana," he said, not wanting to let go of looking into her eyes. But she turned and left after all and he wondered at attempting to get back his old wife. Should he not, he thought, perhaps go directly after Mariana? T'Nitha was gone. Would it not be logical to simply move forward and pursue her with everything he had?


	21. News

News

Dana was sitting in her little home, waiting for her husband to return. She was bristling with positive energy and happiness. She had dinner waiting for him, something she hardly ever did. Usually Turan was the cooker in their relationship. But this evening she wanted things to be special, as close to perfect as possible.

She went to the stove and stirred the vegetarian stew she had made from a recipe given to her by Amanda. Then she took out the three-green salad and tossed it one last time and placed it on the table. She used to enjoy eating it in her later college days when she was watching her weight. Lastly, she took out the yucca boiled in salted water and topped with pickled onions, a Latino Terran recipe from Mariana, and put it on the table next to the salad. Maya had dropped off a chunk of spiced carrot cake with raisins earlier that day, the rest of which was on its way to Patricia's. Dana was now ready for Turan to come home since she knew he was almost always meticulously on time.

As expected, soon thereafter he walked in the door. Her heart swelled as he took one look at the food on the table and another look at his wife. Before she could get one word out he cast into their bond and found the information she was dying to tell him. "I am to be a father?" he asked with an almost look of amazement on his face. He was also suddenly very territorially mesmerized by the woman standing in front of him.

"Tura_aan_!" she shouted, as her face fell. "_I_ wanted to be the one to tell you!" And she smacked at his arm hard.

"I apologize for speaking ahead of time, my wife," he said as he was quickly walked into her space and pulled her into a very deep, agreeable embrace. "My wife…_my wife_ is carrying _my child_," he said, as if to himself. His arms squeezed just a fraction tighter as he pulled her in closer, placed his face into her hair and breathed the smell of it into his lungs.

She pulled back and looked up at him, saw the expression on his face, saw a very clear partial smile where none had ever been except those weeks ago when he had been swallowed whole in the pits of Pon Farr in that deep, hot cave where they'd conceived. "You're happy?" she asked him.

"Beyond any words that can ever be uttered," he said. Then he quickly ushered her over to sit at the table. "You must take rest, my wife. It was unnecessary for you to strain yourself so and make such an extravagant meal. I could have done so for us both."

"I wanted to," she laughed as she allowed him to sit her down.

"You must eat, my wife, and eat often. Vulcan children require much sustenance as they grow, especially, I have noticed, when they are within Terran women," he said as he began putting large quantities of food on a plate for her.

She looked at the plate he placed in front of her. "Actually, I'm not that hungry," she admitted.

There was an almost shattering clatter as he dropped the serving utensil he'd been using to serve himself, and he was on his feet fast. "Something must be awry," he said. "We must speak with T'Niye at once. I shall call her this instant!" He was about to rush out of the kitchen and to their house call unit.

"Turan! I didn't say I wasn't hungry at _all_! I'm just saying this is a lot of food you put on my plate!"

He paused in his tracks, doubled back and sat back down at the table with her. He forced himself to take a deep breath in and out. As he closed his eyes, "I seek forgiveness," he said with a bowed head.

She saw his bowed head and sensed that her husband was apologizing for more than just overloading her plate. "Why, sweetheart?"

He lifted his head and his deep set eyes opened and rested on hers. "My reaction was not logical," he admitted. "I do not at all wish to become the way that I have heard he who is Patricia's husband has been. Though I admit sometimes the instinct to do so is overwhelming, I shall never shackle you to our home, Dana, you must believe me," he said with contained feeling.

She admitted to herself that she had been worried about that instinctual part of him since realizing she was pregnant. "You mean you can control that?"

"Did not Amanda continue to work during her pregnancy until T'Niye placed her on confinement for the sake of the child? Therefore Sarek must have controlled that part of himself. Therefore I know I, too, am capable of controlling that part of myself."

At first Dana said nothing as she sat there thinking about what he was saying. She picked at her stew, took a bite and thought some more. Finally, "Are you trying to tell me that Soryn's logic is faulty?"

He did not ever want to speak on matters between another man and his wife nor bring up questions on the logic of another Vulcan, but this conversation was between himself and his bond mate, no other, therefore he spoke the complete truth. "Yes, I find his logic faulty. And furthermore I see disaster on the horizon if he does not learn to quell his instinct."

She swallowed back a knot in her throat at the thought of a marriage breaking up. One thing she had certainly been was more emotional than usual, lately. Crying at Demek's bedside had not just been because he was dying; her tears had also been hormonal in nature. "What makes you say that?"

"Are you not a student of psychology? And am I not a guard of female Terrans day by day? There are things we both know from our respective studies of the female of your species. And one piece of information I have gleaned is that, particularly when the female is quite independent, at some point when things become unbearable she will break free possibly never to be seen again."

He took her hand in his. "You are competent in managing your life, your schedule, and you are independent and have a will of your own. It is one of the reasons I found you so compelling. You came to a strange world because of a crime of conscience. Then when given the opportunity to be free, you found your way here and made a life." He shook his head. "To treat you as if you did not know how to take care of matters involving yourself and our child and cause you to want to be free of our union? I would not drive you to that eventuality between us. My instinct to keep you near at all costs is always tempered by the reality that should you so wish, should you—tire of me," he bit the words out, "you will leave."

She was out of her chair in an instant, placing herself on his lap. "Turan, I would never leave you just because I was 'tired of you'. There would have to be a real and true reason that I never saw coming, something life-shattering. And even then, I would be more inclined to try to work it out than to walk out forever! But tire of you? I'll never tire of you! I'm more worried about _your_ growing tired of _me_!"

"And why should I?" he asked as his hands pulled her close.

She looked down into his eyes, lightly stroked his strong chest with one hand, felt the solid sureness of his lap under her body. "I am the one who will grow old fast in comparison to you. And one day you'll look at me and realize…I'm not beautiful anymore. You're the one who might tire of me…"

He took her graceful, long-fingered hand resting on his chest, pressed it to his lips. "No, Dana, carrier of my child. I shall not." His eyes held hers, entranced by them. "I shall not," he said again as he pulled her in close to deliver a soft kiss to her lips.

She put her head down onto his shoulder and hugged him tightly. As soon as she sat up, though, he was holding a forkful of food to her lips. She smiled at him and let him feed her.

After dinner, they settled down in their tiny Common Room. "Can I talk to you about something?" she asked.

"Yes, _adun'a_?"

She cuddled up next to him and snuggled into his side. "Are you going to join T'Niye's clan?"

"Is it what you wish?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I think it would be good for our child to have some cousins…and things being as they are with my family, he or she isn't going to get them there back on Terra Prime."

He gave her words some thought. "I was not aware that joining a clan was important to you."

"Not really for me, it isn't. I'm thinking of the baby, Turan. It is our place to make sure he or she has the best they can. And not having a clan or connections here is difficult for a Vulcan, isn't it?"

He sighed as he realized his wife's words were true. He did not want his son becoming a prison guard or a bounty hunter. And he did not want his daughter- he couldn't even think of the possible options his daughter would face growing up with no clan. By then, he knew, the shortage of females situation would most likely be resolved. But here on this planet, a female with no clan had absolutely no power. And he could not, in good conscience, leave any possible daughter he had to that fate. "Then we shall join," he said to his wife as he ran his fingers through her honey colored hair.

Dana squeezed him and buried her face into the side of him. "I love you…so much," she said as she looked up into his eyes.

He was caught up by the look in her eyes and pulled her close to him by the hips and kissed her deeply. "Are you not mine?" he whispered as he pulled her up to sit astride his lap.

"I'm carrying your baby," she whispered back, her face in his. "I'm more than yours."

His strong arms practically crushed her to him. "And I am yours. More than yours."

####

Amanda stood there behind Sarek, reading over his shoulder. The day they'd both dreaded had arrived. He was being officially recalled to Terra Prime to retake his mantle as Ambassador. "Well we were going, anyway," said his wife with a nonchalant shrug. But they both knew that deciding to go and being _told_ to go were two very different things. Spock was fastened to her in a sling and began to fuss a little. She gently rocked the infant in her arms until he quieted and then began pacing the floor of Sarek's office to keep the baby as content as possible.

The ambassador watched his wife with their child pacing back and forth, once again feeling a secret thrill of satisfaction that he was able to simply look at them on a daily basis. "You must realize that this is only a part of her plans. She will still wish to keep Spock."

She frowned. "How the hell does she think I'm going to leave the planet without my son?"

"She is still under the assumption that I continue to be under her influence. If I do not call soon enough, I shall be called to her to discuss her taking Spock into her custody."

"Can she do that?" asked Amanda, worried. "I mean, take custody of him?

"She is my clan mother, but I am still Spock's parent. Strangely enough, the law of our land protects that status over minor children. I can decree what I wish concerning my child since you, as his mother, will not give permission for her to take our child from us."

"Well what are you going to do?" she asked, becoming even more worried. "I wouldn't want her to try to do the same thing to you again that she did before."

"We shall not tell our friends yet that we are leaving. Since we will not be spreading news of our departure, she will assume I have spoken to no one since I have decided to take up my duty again, as is logical. And why issue good-byes to friends and others when I should still, according to what she is aware of, be distant from those around us? We are not obligated to go until three months from now. Also, do not forget, I have been in the process of taking on new security members. Zurel is now head of security and Shin is his second-in-command. They are in the process now of interviewing new members."

"So you're going to go into her office with security this time?"

"Yes, and they shall not be of my clan and will feel no obligation to leave should she tell them to. To coin a phrase borrowed from your people, I will not go there without backup."

She burst into spontaneous laughter and baby Spock looked up at her with a delighted face and squealed at her happiness. "You've been hanging around Maya too much!"

"I do believe Mariana was the culprit of that particular piece of slang, this time," he admitted.

There was a glint of mischief in Amanda's eyes. "And _speaking _of Mariana-"

"Amanda," he said in a warning tone.

"Well I'm not _suggesting_ either one of us _do_ anything," she said with a huge grin. "But do you think Zurel will take this opportunity to, you know?"

"No, I do not 'know'."

"You know! Do you think he'll speak up now?"

"What of Mariana's Cardassian?"

"Oh, you didn't get the memo, did you?" she asked, going into gossip-mode.

"Memo?" he asked, blank-faced.

"There's trouble there. They broke up and everything, but now they're just at 'seeing each other' phase and he's not her official boyfriend anymore," she filled him in as Spock pulled at her hair and tried to put it in his mouth.

Sarek frowned. "Am I to understand that Mariana actually went to the trouble of putting together a memo and circulating it to her friends about the status of her relationship with Jhuleem? Is this how things are reported between Terrans as far as their relationships are concerned?"

Amanda's laughter was instant and her face turned a wonderful shade of pink in her hilarity. She often forgot the literalness of his understanding and had to calm herself down when she saw his deepening confusion. "No, no, no, that's just an expression! Mariana did not make a memo and circulate it! We don't do that! 'You didn't get the memo?' is just a saying we use. It just means 'oh, you haven't heard the latest?'"

"I see," said Sarek. "Then exactly what is it that Zurel is supposed to fulfill?"

"Oh, come on!" she said. "It was obvious to everyone within a ten foot radius that he wanted her and never spoke up. He was Outcast but he's not anymore! And he has a lot to offer her and- I just think he should speak up now, fast, before her and Jhuleem get back into another heavy romance."

"Amanda, I fail to see why the state of Mariana and Zurel's relationship, or lack thereof, is any of our concern."

She shrugged as she sat down in a chair and placed Spock on her lap. "Because Mariana's a good girl and Jhuleem…don't get me wrong, I liked him. But in the end, he treated her really badly. And this is just pure opinion, not my business I know, but I don't think a virgin should settle for less in the sex department than to get deflowered the right way by a Vulcan that knows what he's doing from the inside out, if you know what I'm saying."

Sarek's mind almost imploded. He suddenly understood, to some degree, the appeal of gossip. "You mean to tell me that Mariana is still-"

"Remember? She had five older brothers. Are you surprised no one could get near her?"

Sarek said, "I remember that fact. I think they did their duty admirably. However I would have assumed that since she was with the Cardassian things might have changed."

"Oh, no, no!" Amanda nodded. "She was with him, but she was never '_with_ him'. Not her. Not without a ring."

He was confused. "Such morality is unheard of amongst Terrans these days."

"When you come from a low level house sometimes that's the only thing that gets you where you need to be in the world. Having brains and being untouched? It opens a whole new pool of mates that previously might not have even considered marrying you."

He suddenly understood then what Maya had been robbed of so many years before by her attacker. He also understood the invaluable insights into the Terran mind he could get simply from being married to Amanda and being associated with her close friends. "You have provided me with an angle on the Terran condition I would never have considered," he admitted. "I thank you, my wife."

"Just doing my job," she said with a grin.

He was confused once again. "Your job?"

She looked over at him with a suddenly soft smile of forgiving remembrance. "I am…attending you."

He was assaulted by the same memory then of a particularly nasty disagreement between them the year before when he'd imperiously told her to 'attend him' instead of seeking work outside the home. He crossed the room to her then, kneeled before her and a now very sleepy Spock. "My wife," he said as his two fingers reached for hers.

She met his outstretched fingers and felt complete all over again, face to face with the man she loved, holding their child between them. "_A'dun_."

####

Over a week before he was finished with his mental coursework, Maya became aware that Sokam's eyes followed her everywhere she went in their home. She would catch his eye and he would stare boldly at her, then lean forward in his chair, arms on the table or on his knees, wherever he happened to be. He would then sweep his eyes up and down her figure. His eyes and the obvious change in his breath pattern were promising her many things.

She was shy about it, at first. They had not been together sexually for so long. But her heart would quicken and she would look away with a little smile on her lips. Her features would light up with breathless anticipation when she would walk past him at night before getting into bed. He barely spoke, but she knew what he was thinking of.

After several days of that, "How is it you can get that past the mental scrutiny of your mentor?" she asked him out of nowhere one evening. She was openly teasing him while standing at the sink adding dishes to the dishwasher mechanism after they'd enjoyed their weekly at-home dinner date. He had prepared a V'Tosh delicacy from his childhood and it had been very satisfying to them both.

"There are things I have learned to mask, as is apart of my training," he said, knowing automatically to what she referred. Her back was to him and he was enjoying the view of his wife occasionally bending over to add more dishes to the mini unit.

"Oh?" she asked as she turned back and looked at him. "Like what?" She turned back around, continued adding dishes.

"As an example, I have learned to mask the mental picture of what I have already decided I am going to do with you the moment I am allowed to-" he paused for effect, "penetrate the bond between us once again."

Her eyes widened as arousal traveled through her body. She turned back around to face him, saw his eyes had gone soft and hot. "You mean you've-"

"Thought about it?" he finished her sentence. "Numerous times," he said as his burning eyes swept up and down her body again. "In fact, I think it appropriate to inform you that you are quite fortunate this evening I cannot unleash upon you my most recent thoughts."

She found herself laughing. "Yet there you are and here I am, and we can't do a thing. What a shame!"

"Are you baiting me, my wife?" he asked, enjoying this new game. "There shall be no laughter from you in several days time."

She knew exactly how to dig the knife in. "Yeah, right!" Then she twisted the verbal knife in even deeper. "I submit, sir, that I believe you are not going to do _anything_ to me."

Half a smile found his mouth. "Have I been challenged?"

"I think you _are_ challenged to actually state you're going to get something done here," she charged with false nonchalance. On the inside, though, she was quaking with anticipation as she continued trash-talking him. "I think you might have even completely forgotten _what_ to do with me," she said, eyes holding his, hard and steady.

"Is that an accurate representation of your thoughts?" he asked, as he stood and slowly made his way to her across their tiny kitchen.

She shrugged, once again hiding her arousal. "I guess so. For instance, it's been so long since the last time we were together, I barely remember anything we've _ever_ done."

As he went and placed either of his arms on the counter behind her and leaned in very close to his wife, he restrained himself from touching her directly. He would not be able to contain himself if he did. Apart of him knew she was teasing him relentlessly. It made the wait so much more…enticing. "We shall make new memories."

His face was in hers and she was having the hardest time not showing her true feelings. She held in her nervous laughter of anticipation as she waved him off casually. "Yeah, sure we will. I doubt that highly. I'm going to take a shower now," she said as she looked up into his face with attitude as if she were about to kiss him. She veered away at the last second, ducked under his arm and walked away.

His smoldering eyes followed the petite brown woman who had seen fit to wave taunting words before him. He would enjoy showing her what happens to his woman when she dared teasingly wave a long awaited meal before a starving man.

* * *

_A/N - Thank you so much for those of you who have read this far. I appreciate the readers and I really appreciate the reviews. It gives me a clue as to what's in your minds and what I maybe need to give more or less attention to. Keep them coming, please, since reviews are the only form of payment us fan-writers get!_


	22. Finally

Finally…

Zurel stood on the outskirts of the large tract of land. This meeting could have been a risky venture for them both but for the fact that he had brought Shin and Amanda along with him. The three companions stood together, waiting.

"Zurel, I don't understand, why exactly do you need to see her?"

He looked at Amanda and answered, "Do you not have the concept of 'closure' in your culture?"

She admitted, "Yes, yes, we do."

He almost frowned. "T'Nitha was taken from me against both our wills. I would make certain she is well-treated and not in need of someone to attend her next Kal-i-fee with he who is her current husband. I must know first that my duty to her has been dispensed, before I allow myself to-" His words did not continue.

But his friends knew what he was going to say; 'Before I allow myself to think of pursuing Mariana.' "Yes, now I understand," Amanda said solemnly.

Both of his companions suddenly looked past him to see not only a female Vulcan headed their way, but also a male accompanying her. "Go on, brother," Shin waved him forward. "Go get that closure."

####

She was a tall, well-built female with dignified eyes and sharp features. Those features warmed the slightest bit as she approached him. He remembered that face very well, those eyes. The male with her stopped just far enough away that they would have that bit of privacy for the spoken word. But it was obvious that he kept a watchful eye for all that happened.

Unsure of how to address her, Zurel simply raised his hand, "Live long and prosper, T'Nitha." He had stopped far enough away to show the other male he was not attempting to get close her physically.

She also returned his salute. She saw that his companions also stood far enough away so that the two could speak. "My former husband," she said to Zurel with a deep nod. "Know that what transpired—the breaking of our bond, it was not wanted by me. It was a forced situation."

"I am aware, T'Nitha," he said as the memory of their bond being ripped apart assailed him. Her mental cries had been the last things he heard in their former bond. "I do not place any blame on you."

"And yet what was done to us both was worse than wrong," she acknowledged, only her eyes blazing. She turned and looked back at her current husband. "He would never have allowed that had he have been his true self. But he was deep in _plak tow_ by the time I was placed in the cave with him." Her eyes cast downward as if reliving that bereft moment of being unable to escape.

"I wished to see for myself that you were well before I put things to rest concerning you. I did not wish to truly do so until I knew for a certainty that I was no longer needed by you."

Warmth filled her eyes. "Zurel, you were a good husband to me. But I must be factual when I say that Scalos has also been a good mate."

"I am not needed by you as a challenger in the near future?"

"No," she assured him. Drawing on her former knowledge of him, she spoke what she assumed the true reason was for his being there that day. "And may I assume you have found another you wish to pursue?"

"Yes."

"Ever loyal, Zurel." She almost sighed, but didn't. What they had had was unparalleled and it was curious to her that she had found that again in the form of Scalos. Perhaps it was as Scalos had said on more than one occasion, that she was simply a very agreeable person? She didn't know. She only knew that that piece of herself that had been very concerned for her former husband concerning his first Pon Farr, whenever it was, could now finally let that go. "Then you must pursue her. Pursue life."

"Then I shall," he assured her. "Life and peace to you, T'Nitha."

"And you, Zurel, live long and prosper." She looked down at the hands that used to reach out to hers, the fingers that would encircle hers, mourned that for one last time. "More logical than the most logical, Zurel."

He bowed to her at the waist. "Lady."

"I would ask one last thing of you."

His brow rose. She looked back at Scalos and her husband nodded once at her. She turned back to Zurel. "If you marry, perhaps our houses, our clans, could ally to one another."

It was confirmed to him then, everyone knew now that Demek had claimed him before death. "Your child and mine?" he asked, surprised.

"Your child and mine. Scalos suggested it and I approve. He thinks, perhaps, it is the only way what happened can truly be atoned for."

"I shall consider it," he said.

####

"What now, brother?" asked Shin as they lifted off in the shuttle.

"I'll tell you what now," Amanda answered before Zurel could open his mouth. "He's going to go and tell Mariana to dump that damn Cardassian and get with _him_."

"Lady!" Shin chided with a big grin. "Language, _language_!"

The two Terrans laughed, but the Vulcan was beginning to feel the start of something along the lines of true uncertainty. He was free now to leave the past behind, to pursue the woman that had caught his eye so long ago. But how exactly did one go about pursuing a Terran female? "I think, perhaps, I may be in need of some assistance," he found himself confessing.

####

It was the fastest dinner party Amanda had ever put together. It was easy, she supposed, since it was simply her usual circle of friends that were attending. The unspoken guest of honor, Mariana, had no idea what was in store for her that evening.

"Amanda, I am not at all satisfied with you attempting to interfere in the romantic lives of others, once again," Sarek said to her that afternoon. They had given Spock over to the Bajoran housekeeper who had insisted on holding the baby so that Amanda could get ready.

"Oh, come on, Sarek. Stop being such a stick in the mud! I'm not 'interfering'. I'm just helping things along by putting them both in the same place at the same time, that's all."

He, however, was still caught on the expression 'stick in the mud'. "How, Amanda, can my honest concern be considered a piece of wood lodged in dirt that has been waterlogged?"

She just stood there and looked at him for all of five seconds, not knowing how to take that assessment apart. She also forced herself not to laugh as she waved off his concern. "I promise, Sarek, I'm _not_ going to interfere!"

"If I remember correctly, Amanda, you have a history of interference in the lives of your friends where their relationships are involved."

"Oh, come on! You're still upset that I manipulated you last year into calling Sokam when he was being a dumbass to his wife? Just from that one little incident?"

"You dressed my ward in an immodest garment," he reminded her of her true transgression. In his mind Maya was still a participant that had been manipulated.

"Maya's a grown woman. She wore the dress of her own free will."

"There was also the incident where you called Turan on the night of Cassie's death to have him go to the hospital for Dana."

"Well that was a _good_ thing! She needed him!"

"There was also the promise you made to Zurel to find him a bond mate before Pon Farr."

She shrugged. "I'm not apologizing. That's what friends do."

"There was also the incident where you contemplated matching-making Demek and T'Niye together without realizing they were related via his mother's family."

She floundered for only a few seconds. "Well that was all last year! I have not 'interfered', as you put it, since then and I'm not interfering tonight. I'm just having friends over for dinner! What's the big deal? We do this with our friends all of the time."

"The big deal, as _you_ have put it, is that Mariana is still in some form of relationship with Jhuleem-"

"No, no, _no_! Not according to Terran standards she isn't, not _really_. He lied to her and was worse than a jerk and she demoted him to a guy she dates from time to time. He no longer has the title of 'boyfriend'. That means they are no longer exclusive. That means she is free to find someone else if she so chooses."

"I do not think I care for your version of things, Amanda. Is your estimation not a slanted one due to your personal involvement? Mariana is your friend, not Jhuleem. You will naturally see things more from her point of view."

"Well Sarek, the bastard should have treated her better."

"Amanda!" he said, openly shocked. "That is none of our concern."

"Look, I promise, I won't interfere tonight. I won't be a go-between. I won't put words in his or her ears or mouth. I won't-" she floundered for the best reassurance that she could. "I won't do something like beg anybody to fall in love with anyone else. My friends are just here tonight for dinner. And besides, Zurel asked for my help and this is the only way I knew how to help him without getting in the middle of things. Just trust me, okay?" she asked.

He gave her one last look of warning. "I shall trust you, Amanda. But do not go back on your word to me."

####

Dana and Turan arrived first. "How've you been feeling?" asked Amanda.

"I'm okay. No morning sickness, no incessant hunger…nothing."

Amanda frowned. "You sure you're all right?"

Dana shrugged. "I saw T'Niye day before yesterday and everything is fine for now. I have a piece of tech installed to keep readings on things and that's about all that can be done for now. But the kids are fine. I do hate the crying all of the time. It's awful!"

"You? Crying all of the time?" Amanda asked, shocked. But something about what she'd just said simultaneously went over her head and stuck in her mind…

"I can't help it, either. I could hold it back before no matter what it took. But now at the drop of a credit, at the stupidest thing, I'm crying."

Maya, Sokam, Shin and Zurel arrived then. Though he was as serious-faced as ever, they could all tell Zurel was a nervous wreck. Ordinarily he was the most relaxed of Vulcans. But not that night. He wouldn't sit down and he refused all beverages offered him.

"So have you figured out what you're going to say?" asked Dana. The rest of their Terran friends were smiling at him, waiting.

He swallowed once. "I think I have."

"Is this considered normal in your culture?" asked Turan.

"Helping a friend get the woman he wants?" asked Maya. "Yes, it is."

"If Mariana were a Vulcan," said Zurel, "this would not be difficult for me."

"Well what's the difference? What would you do if she were a Vulcan?" asked Dana.

"I would simply state the logical reasons she should consider me as a mate. I would enumerate each reason and state the probabilities that our union would be successful in terms of common goals and the rearing of possible children. That would be enough. However, since she is Terran, I did not think that would be enough."

"Well what _are_ you going to say to her?" asked Maya with an eager smile on her face.

"If I may practice?" asked Zurel.

"Oh, go ahead!" Maya agreed nonchalantly. "Pretend I'm her and just have at it."

But no one expected him to practice exactly what he planned on saying. Zurel stood in front of Maya, very close to her, looked down into her eyes and said, "I have wished to speak with you for so very long. And now that I may, perhaps you and I will have the opportunity to discuss what we may become together. My mind is waiting for yours and I wish to fill it with all that is you."

Maya's mouth dropped open. "_Daaamn_," she found herself whispering breezily as she continued looking up at him. "That's ro_man_tic, Zurel." She then felt Sokam's hands pulling her away from the other male as she was being placed directly behind her husband whom still hadn't said one word. Maya burst into a tiny fit of laughter.

They were all surprised to hear Dana sniffling. "What's the matter?" asked Amanda.

Dana pulled out a handkerchief. "That was just so beautiful!" she blubbered.

"I do believe, Dana, that the strain of carrying the children is leaving an imprint on your emotions," said Turan.

Amanda remembered the expression that she had missed before as it came back to mind then. She had said 'the kids are fine'. "Dana? Are you having more than one baby?"

Dana couldn't answer since she was having an honest to goodness boo-hoo into her kerchief. "Yes," Turan said with just the tiniest hint of pride as he went to stand by his wife. "We have produced a set of fraternal twin boys."

Everyone standing there looked honestly shocked. "Mazel tov," Shin laughed.

"Special note to whom it may concern," Dana said as she dried the last of her tears. "The natural state of things is enough, if you know what I mean. Don't add a boost shot on that third day like I did or you _will _wind up with multiples."

"As for myself," said Turan, "_I_ am quite pleased."

"That's because _you_ don't have to carry them!" said Dana, truly cantankerous, then.

Amanda, Shin and Maya tried their best to hide their laugher as Turan looked confused.

####

Mariana arrived for dinner not too long afterward. Everyone milled around, talking. Then, one by one, the guests migrated into the kitchen. Pretty soon, Amanda, Sarek and Mariana were the only ones left in the Common Room, talking. "I wonder what happened to everyone?" asked Mariana. "Weren't they supposed to just be checking up on dinner?"

But Amanda looked over at Sarek and smiled. _See, I haven't said a word and I'm not going to. It's all up to Zurel from hereon out._

Sarek gave her a 'you had better not' look and she found herself wanting to laugh at him.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen area, Maya and Dana were pushing Zurel toward the door. "Go in there and talk to her!" Dana whispered frantically. "She's practically alone!"

"Yes, I shall do so at once," he said with a determined nod. He strode out of the kitchen with purpose.

Amanda and Sarek were speaking to one another in hushed tones as Zurel entered the Common Room and went straight up to the woman he wished to speak with. "Mariana, you are well this evening?"

She smiled up at him. "Yes, I am."

And then he simply stood there. "I-" he paused, then began again, "I have wished to speak with you for sometime now and-" She was looking up at him with those big expressive eyes. Did they always have those flecks of green in them? He lost his train of thought. "Perhaps dinner this evening shall not take much longer. I will go into the kitchen and ascertain the estimated time of arrival of the meal."

Shin, Dana and Maya were listening from the kitchen and all three of them sucked in a communal breath of disappointment as their mouths dropped open. "_Nooooo_!" they all whispered collectively, exasperation clear in their voices. Both Sokam and Turan had never seen the like and continued watching the proceedings with fascination as if it were a sporting event. They both began snacking on exotic cheeses as they watched.

As soon as Zurel entered the kitchen, he was assailed by the three Terrans. "Get your ass back out there _right now_ and ask that woman to be your…whatever you want her to be!" said Shin. "If I have to sit through one more chocolate soymilk induced speech binge about Mariana and missed chances-"

"Your point is well taken," Zurel said hurriedly. "I shall endeavor to try again." He turned and exited the kitchen with renewed determination.

"Chocolate soymilk?" whispered Dana as the three Terrans once again peeked out of the doorway and watched Zurel enter the Common Room. "That sounds really really good right about now. And so does vegetable dip and carrots…"

Turan's eyebrow rose. Perhaps his wife had spoken too soon about not having the incessant hunger.

####

Zurel did not give himself time to think. "Mariana, if you would please allow me to speak with you outside…I should like to walk with you in the night air."

She hadn't expected that at all. She smiled up at him. "Okay."

She had forgotten how dark it could get out in the desert territories at night. Whenever she got off duty at the hospital and it happened to be dark, special sensor lights came on in the parking lot and remained lit until she was safe in her vehicle. But here, there was nothing. "I'm going to have to rely on your eyes until mine adjust," she said.

They had already walked a few meters away from the main house. "If you need to, we may sit awhile and wait."

She smiled up at him. "Thank you. I'm used to the gravity now, but by this time of day I'm so tired." She sat down on the sand.

"What do you do when you have long shifts at the hospital?" he asked as he sat across from her. He could tell her eyes were indeed still adjusting to the level of darkness around her. But he could see her very well and used the opportunity to look at her features freely.

She shrugged. "I don't know," she laughed. "Coffee helps if a shift is too long."

He found himself wondering if his words would be seen as laughable to her. "I am certain you are wondering why I have wished to speak with you outside out of the company of the others."

Mariana found her stomach jittery with nerves. The darkness was receding as her eyes finally adjusted and she was finally able to see his face. And his eyes were staring deeply into hers. She liked his face. A lot. "Yes, I guess so," she admitted.

"Before I proceed, I wish to ask the status of something that I will admit is none of my concern at this time- at least, that is the way you may see it."

"What's that?"

"Your relationship with Jhuleem."

She found herself wanting to laugh out loud as her nerves doubled. "Honestly, I don't really know what's going on with us now." She sighed on an exhale. "You know, I just- I just don't trust him anymore," she admitted. "And if you can't trust, you can't have a relationship. So we're kinda-sorta dating now, but barely. I'm wondering why I haven't just officially broken it off already, you know?" Then she wondered, "Why am I telling you all of this?"

"You were treated quite carelessly by him," said Zurel.

"Yes, I was," she said with a nod. "I forgave him and everything but I'm not able to forget and- I don't think I can go through that again. But why do you care?"

"If you were to choose a male that is constant, would you be open to perhaps having a new relationship?"

She laughed. "Someone who is constant. Does that exist? I thought it was just Terran males that treated their women like crap, but now I see it's everywhere."

"I would never treat you as such!"

Her mouth opened to say something but then it closed. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? "Zurel? What does that mean?"

He was briefly disappointed in himself for the flare-up of anger and resolved to meditate on it later. "It means that I think perhaps you should consider something that I recently have."

"And that is?" she asked.

He swallowed as his eyes continued to stare into hers. "I was held by the past, by a loyalty I no longer needed to adhere to. Perhaps that is your situation as well?"

She looked away from him as she nodded. "That was pretty much the situation. I was in love with him from so long ago that when he popped up in my life again I had to give it a real shot, you know? I didn't want anymore 'what if's' where he was concerned. Do you understand what I mean? When you love someone you have to give it all you've got to try and make it work."

Already he was not at all pleased with her using that word in connection to another male and she was not even his! "I understand," was all he said.

She saw he seemed upset about something, but nothing about his outward appearance had altered. But still, she noticed something about his body language was different. "You don't like Jhuleem, do you?" she realized.

"He has casually thrust aside a female that he was not worthy of in the first place."

"Ouch!" said Mariana. "I don't think it was exactly 'casual'-"

"Do not speak in his defense!" snapped Zurel, not able to stop himself.

"Well why are you so upset about the way_ I_ was treated?" she asked. Ordinarily, she would have been quite angry to have a conversation of this sort with a man. But she had a soft spot for this sociable Vulcan and found herself feeling a sort of patience with his probing questions. "I don't understand why it would be a big deal to you."

"You deserve to be well treated. You are intelligent, industrious and more than very aesthetically pleasing," he said in a soft tone.

She swallowed back another set of nerves. "Oh?"

"A woman such as yourself should not have to be concerned with the loyalty of your companion."

She sat back and leaned on her hands, an almost feeling of relief sweeping through her. "Oh, I see! You're just concerned about a friend?" She laughed. "You're so sweet, Zurel."

"No, I am not simply concerned about a friend," he said. "I, too, was locked in the past and I have decided that I shall move forward into the future."

"I guess I can move into the future," she said as she shrugged. "What choice do I have? I have to."

"Would you consider doing so with me?" he asked with what sounded like boldness, but was really him trying to force it out before he could change his mind again.

Mariana was shocked into silence and precious little did that to her. She felt a slight wave of dizziness. She wasn't certain she had heard the right thing. "Are you asking me to-" she didn't know how to put it.

"I am asking you to consider breaking off whatever may be left between you and him. I am the better male. I am the correct one for you," he declared unabashedly.

Was that arrogance she detected in him? She found herself inexplicably turned on. By a Vulcan? She felt suddenly blindsided and was filled with fear. "Oh my goodness," she said as she stood quickly and began to return to the house.

He stood and pursued her. "Mariana, will you not speak to me? Give me an answer?"

She stopped walking and turned back around to look at him. "Are you_ serious_?" she asked.

"Why should I not be?" His eyes held hers steadily and even in the darkness their intensity projected his intentions.

"He's serious," she said almost to herself. She had always detected an almost-'like' from him toward her, but she often thought she was imagining things. "I don't know what I_ should_ say."

"What is it you want for your future?" he asked. "Do you wish to continue with someone whom you have admitted you no longer trust? Someone whom is unworthy of even your thoughts much less your Terran concept of 'love'? Truly, what can such a person do for you?"

Was he…angry? "Zurel, are you okay?"

"No," he admitted. "I am not 'o-kay'."

Her eyebrows rose. She sat back down in the sand and ordered him, "Sit." When he did so, she said, "All right. I'm sorry I tried to run away from you. That wasn't exactly a very mature reaction, I just didn't expect to be having this kind of conversation tonight…with you."

"Is it because I am a Vulcan?"

She admitted, "Yes." Mariana shrugged. "I thought all my friends were crazy for marrying Vulcan men. I didn't see what-" She thought of the bursts of emotion she had observed in him during their short conversation. Emotions she had previously thought did not exist within him let alone any Vulcan. "So, you do have feelings?"

"No."

She was confused. "But you very clearly get angry every time we speak about Jhuleem!" She saw his jaw clench. "See, I said the guy's name and there it is again! That jaw clench thing!"

He forced himself to unclench his jaw and breathe through his negative instincts. He was finally able to say, "You must understand that 'feelings' and 'emotions' are two separate things. And I admit to the emotion of anger at a male that is seemingly holding the affections of a woman I wish very much to make mine. I shall meditate through those emotions this evening before I retire so that they do not fester and become negative feelings that prompt me to do something I aught not."

She admitted, "You know, I never knew that...about feelings and emotions not being the same thing." A lot of things began to open up to her realization. If he could feel emotion, that meant… he could feel something for…her? She looked at him with new eyes and saw more than just a very handsome man with eyes that sucked her in. "Oh..." She thought about his words some more. "So since you're serious, I should really think about what you've said and-" She folded her arms against the night chill.

"You are cold. We shall return to the house at once," he said as he stood.

"Wait," she said as she also stood. "I don't want you to become 'rebound guy' or something, okay? If you give me some time to just—I don't know, get over Jhuleem and get past all of that stuff that happened, can we just be friends until then and then after that we can really give this a try?"

He was not at all satisfied by that answer, but he knew that to push in this instance could cause damage between them. "If you think it is necessary, I shall wait." Then he remembered. "I must return to Terra Prime. I will not come back to Vulcan until at least one year's time, perhaps two."

Her heart lurched. "When are you leaving?"

"In about three months. I have not yet told anyone else." He didn't want her to know that he was going with Sarek and Amanda, did not want to reveal their plans, so he made it seem as if he were going alone.

"I won't say anything," she said to him. "And I guess that'll give me plenty of time to, I don't know, get myself together the right way."

"May we correspond while I am absent?" he asked.

She smiled. "Yes, of course."

"Let us return to the house now. You are being affected by the cold of the desert." Before he could continue on his way, Mariana pulled him down to her by the lapel of his new house robes with T'Niye's clan insignia and kissed his cheek. His skin was much warmer than she thought it would be. After kissing his cheek, he did not stand fully, but remained leaning over into her space, face to face. "Why did you do that?" he whispered at her. She was so close to him now and he was memorizing everything about her down to the smell of her skin.

"I—I wanted to do that since the day you lost your father." She shrugged. "But I couldn't, not there in front of everybody else. I thought maybe you might be offended by me doing that. So I didn't then."

Something leaped through him and he found himself, for once in his life, not thinking as he grabbed her by the waist, pulled her close and kissed her with the full strength of his controlled emotions for her.

Mariana was fighting back shock as she got a kiss she never anticipated getting and even more than that was way better than she ever expected it could be. It was over just as she was about to melt and lean into it.

"I seek forgiveness," said a shaken Zurel as he stood to his full height once again. "I did not respect you," he said, angry with himself that time.

"Hey, don't apologize to me for that," she said as she looked up at him. "I'm not angry with you, not at all."

"You are certain?" he asked.

"I'm certain."

They returned to the house then. But it took all of her strength not to display a large grin at the kiss she had just received.


	23. Now You Know

Now You Know

Maya sat at her desk in the museum storeroom thinking about how soon her tenure there would be over. It had been a nice place to work. She knew she would give the King Tut Exhibit a final walkthrough the day before she left, but that was still weeks away. She had already overstayed the length of time she was supposed to have originally worked there, but Teahar seemed to like her work and had asked her to stay on an additional three months. Soon that time would also be up. Her mind turned to being able to begin the graduate portion of her training via correspondence. She was excited about that, at least.

She forced herself back to looking up the information stored in her PADD. That old file on the obscure symbol she was researching had to be somewhere in there!

_Maya_ whispered Sokam's voice, as if he were standing right behind her. She gasped and startled as the feeling of _him_ flooded her mind.

Her arms were instantly covered in gooseflesh. "Oh my goodness," she whispered to herself. _You're done with your coursework?_

_ Yes, my wife…_

She relaxed back in her chair, grateful her office was an enclosed one. Her eyes fluttered shut as the starving parts of her that had been wanting, _needing_ this contact so badly, soaked it up. She found herself smiling as she sat back in her slightly uncomfortable chair. But she didn't care about her comfort level. She had him again, in touch with her mind. _I've missed you so much._

_ And I have more than craved your presence, my wife!_

Both reveled in the enormity of the emotions passing between the two of them. And then she felt something happening she hadn't known he was capable of doing. A sensation began to drift down her body, as if hands were passing over her, physically. _What are you doing? _She asked, suddenly panicked. And the hand drifted ever lower.

_I wish to touch you…_

Oh no! She sat up quickly, tried to concentrate the feeling away, but it was no use. A sensation was building, building deep in the low part of her, between her… oh, oh, OH, OHHHH! _SOKAM!_ Her mind screamed as she put a vice grip on the sides of her desk preventing herself from screaming out verbally as she shook and gasped.

_ I will be there in less than ten minutes…_

_ I can't believe you did that to me while I was at work! And you can't come here __**now**__!_

_ I plan to do much more with you today, my wife. And it begins there. There is a way I know I will gain access to you. And you will allow me in._

She felt the sensation of his lips pressed to hers and then he was gone. She collapsed backward, shaken, a silly grin on her face. Then she jumped up to make it to a mirror to make sure she looked her best.

####

Sarek sat in his shuttle on the way to T'Pau's offices at the Council's Syrranite headquarters. Shin flew this time. Zurel remained behind at his office since he was no longer charged with taking Sarek anywhere. But surrounding Sarek were the new guards hired by Zurel and Shin. There were a total of eight males, all with good qualifications and all approved by the security duo.

As soon as they landed, Shin remained inside the shuttle. But Sarek and all eight guards spilled out. One guard remained at attention just outside the shuttle as Sarek and the now remaining seven entered the Council building. There was one direct bodyguard next to Sarek, two in front of him, two in back and one on either side of him and his direct guard.

As he passed through the halls of the Council building, impassive faces showed the slightest vestiges of curiosity at to why Sarek saw the need to have so many guards about him there. But some knew why and simply looked at one another as if to say 'things have perhaps changed'.

They walked into T'Pau's office and her secretary did a double-take at all of the men with Sarek. Two remained just outside on either side of the door, so she only saw the five that entered. "How may you be helped, Sarek?" she asked, though her eyes held many questions. Two of the men now stood just inside the door on either side, three still with Sarek.

"I have been summoned by T'Pau."

"One moment, Ambassador," the secretary said with a curt nod as she connected to the Clan Mother.

Sarek did not see the need to stand directly in front of the desk and instead went and sat down to wait. His direct bodyguard sat next to him. The other two guard remained standing on either side of them looking forward, at attention.

"T'Pau shall see you now," informed the secretary. "But I am certain you are aware the security men are unnecessary."

"I shall say what is and is not necessary for my own protection," responded Sarek as he walked to the inner door that gave him access to T'Pau's inner office. He did not wait for the secretary to protest any further. He allowed his personal guard to open the door for him.

There was one guard in front and one guard behind him and his personal guard. He knew it was a sad testament to the fact that he could longer trust his own clan mother. He looked around at the shadowy corridor about him, remembered the last time he'd come here. He had been unsuspecting, trustful, still naïve to the true ways of his clan mother. But now he knew better.

"For what reason hast thou brought these men to my office?" were the first words out of T'Pau's mouth the moment they entered her room.

He was not impressed by her reverting to Ancient High Vulcan as if to stress her status to him. Though he knew it was embedded in his DNA to generally obey her wishes, he was no longer impressed by her at all. "I have reason to believe my safety is at stake and so have hired men to ensure my protection. We would not wish anything to happen to me before I retake my mantle as Ambassador to Terra Prime, would we not?"

"If there is a threat to thy safety, perhaps it may be arranged instead that-"

"No need," he said graciously. "I have given over my welfare to my trustworthy staff and as always they have done more than sufficiently well. I would not wish to inspire discouragement of their duties by displacing their care to outside sources."

"And this threat to your person?" asked T'Pau. "From what source does this come?"

He realized then that T'Pau did not yet know that he had been rescued from her attempt to subvert his will and his bond. She truly thought he had guards for some other reason. It brought home the fact to him that though she was older and more logical, she could not see every angle at all times. "It would not be logical to burden another with my concerns. Simply know that it has been taken care of and we may move on to the reason I have been summoned here."

She sat down behind her work station and acknowledged, "Very well. I have summoned you here to enquire of your departure date to Terra Prime."

"As I was apprised by the council, I am to leave within three months time. And I shall do so."

"Excellent," she said. "And what of the Lady Amanda?"

"A wife's place is by her husband's side. She shall, of course, accompany me to Terra Prime."

"Of course," said T'Pau. "And what of your son, Spock?"

"A child's place is with the mother. Since my wife shall come with me, he shall accompany us to Terra Prime."

She said, almost imperiously, "It would be more logical to leave him in the company of one who may train him properly in the ways of logic. Your Terran bride is not well versed in such and so should not be the one to undertake his training."

"Yes, that is true. She is not well versed in the ways of logic," Sarek nodded as he formed a steeple with his fingers as if in deep thought. "However, if I may be truthful, I possess more than enough logic to train my son. I shall keep him with us and train him in between my duties."

T'Pau's face seemed slightly stricken for all of a split second before she recovered quickly. "That will be unnecessary. You will not be able to devote full attention to his formation of logic during your heavy duties as ambassador, therefore you should leave him with one who is not as occupied."

"You are a clan mother and a member of the council," said Sarek with an almost silken tone, "there is no doubt that you are the more occupied of the two of us. Besides which, Sokam's older master has agreed to accompany us to Terra Prime to instruct the child in logic and control. He is an adept with training from Mount Seleya and the student of a line of masters that come straight from Surak's school of reasoning. Surely you must agree that this is more than enough."

She saw then that he would not give the old master's name. She knew them all, but also knew who they kept as students was always confidential. She knew Sokam had studied with one, but had never found out the identity. It had never been important to her to discover in the past and so she had not done so. The only way she could discover his identity now was if she spoke with Sokam himself, and the only way Sokam would divulge his identity was if the master himself had given Sokam permission to speak his name to T'Pau. It was a matter that could take weeks since tracking down old masters was often a hard thing to do. They were also protected by the V'Shar. The old masters were a few of the only ones the council members could not control directly. It was by the grace of the masters that the hyper-telepathic V'Shar members received such stringent training. Without their support, the V'Shar would crumble.

There was but one thing left to do. "Sarek, I do believe it would be the most proper of actions on your part for you to deliver the child to me before departing Vulcan. It is the logical thing to do."

"Yes, it may be, however I and the master shall train my son. That is also quite logical, you must acknowledge."

"Sarek shall you disobey your clan mother?"

He cocked his head to one side. "I was not aware that I had been given a direct order. Please, clarify what it is you are requesting."

"I am telling you to deliver the child to me before you depart this world."

"And according to the laws of our world you do not have the jurisdiction to order me to deliver my son over to your care against my will or the will of she who is his mother."

She stood quickly, eyes blazing. "This logic is unheard of! You ask for the direct order and then speak thus to me?"

"I did not say I would carry out said direct order, I simply asked for a clarification of it. And now that I am aware of it I have stated the truth of the law of our world. What more can be spoken on this? Is there some other reason I have been summoned here?" he asked as he brushed aside the matter of his infant son.

T'Pau sat down again, eyes narrowing. It was clear that somehow, some way he had been able to throw off the correction of her influence. And she suspected she would never know how. He had brought security with him, she saw now, directly because of _her_. And yet not once had he called to confront her about what had been done to him. No, he was much more logical than she initially supposed he was. And she knew there was only one way he could have come from under her direct influence. Only a healer could undo what had been done. And that healer had to be T'Niye. And she could no longer do a thing toward her since she was now a clan mother in her own rite. "You may yet change your mind on this matter, Sarek."

"That is well and true, T'Pau. It is logical to acknowledge that many things are possible, are they not? And yet as things stand now, my son shall come with my wife and me to Terra Prime." He stood then, ready to leave. "If that is all?"

His audacity was also back in place, she saw. He was dismissing himself! "Yes, that is all," she waved him away as if his leaving were her idea.

As he left her office with the members of his security, she squinted. This issue was not closed. There was more than one way to take custody of a child.

####

"Maya, there is someone here to see you," said Teahar as he entered her office.

"Oh!" she said as if she were surprised. "Who is it?"

"He who is your husband," answered Sokam as he walked through the door.

Maya looked askance at her boss. She knew he ordinarily did not allow personal visits during the workday. "Sir?" she asked.

"It has been explained to me that there is some form of family emergency. As it is none of my concern, I shall leave you two to speak of it," he said and then quickly departed.

As soon as the door closed, Sokam initiated the locking mechanism as his eyes held hers. "Emergency?" asked Maya as her husband stepped closer to her. And his eyes looked distinctly pleased.

"Yes, that is the word I used to gain access to you. I also reminded Teahar that I was aware that only recently did he allow a male not your husband to visit you personally in your office. I also informed him that though that male was a V'Shar agent, he was also my direct rival. I warned that I could very easily believe he was sanctioning another to pursue my wife if I were not allowed the same privilege to speak with you in your office. Fortunately, Teahar is in possession of a bond mate and saw things my way."

Maya's legs were practically shaking below the desk, but she was still trying to hide that fact. "So you conned your way into my office?"

He decided not to mince words. "Yes."

"Family emergency?" Maya reminded him as he stepped around her desk.

"She who is my wife is in need of my touch and I am in need of hers," he said with quick heated words as his hands pulled her face to his. The kiss he gave her left Maya even more weak in the knees than she already was. "This _is_ an emergency," he said afterward.

"But I'm still on duty-" she gasped in between kisses that he was now beginning to press down the side of her neck.

"Teahar is aware that due to the nature of our family emergency we may have to leave for the day and will not be able to return for at least three days time."

She gasped again as he dropped to his knees before her chair and began kissing her legs. His face progressed slowly up her inner thighs. "But yet we're still here," she teased on a gasp of breath.

"There was one thing I wished to do for you before we departed."

She read what was in his mind and her eyes snapped open wide as she tried to get out of his grasp. "Here!"

His hands held her by the waist tightly and would not budge as his face continued to kiss and nip up her inner thighs. "I warned you, Maya, that there were things I wished to do, plans I had already made. And this was one of them. First I will give you this gift and then we will depart, yes?" he whispered as his face disappeared beneath her skirt. He bit into her inner thigh, marking her for the first time in over a year. She collapsed backward on a deeper gasp and let him continue his gift to her.

* * *

_A/N - This is the first chapter I'm uploading this week. I want to put up two more before the week ends. As usual, I will beg for reviews anytime I can. My virtual cap is in my hand and I am panhandling for them without shame, lol!_


	24. How to Train Your Vulcan

How to Train Your Vulcan

Sarek was attending to things in his home office when he was overwhelmed by deep feelings of sadness and loss. It was much too late in the day, late enough that his wife should have already been asleep. But the feelings were coming from her. _Amanda?_

_ I'm fine, Sarek._

That could not be factual. If she were fine, she would not be experiencing such turmoil. And what was she experiencing this turmoil about? Ordinarily he would allow Amanda to work through her issues on her own since he knew she didn't like it when he would 'try to logic her problems away'. But she seemed to be in a state of serious distress and it all but called to him.

He stood, left his office and went directly to their room. She was sitting in front of the fireplace seeming to attempt to drain as much warmth into herself as possible. She had drawn her knees up wither her arms encircling her legs. He entered their room and stood behind her, trying to give her space. "Amanda?"

"I told you, I'm fine," she said, trying to sound like herself.

He looked over at the crib and knew that Spock was most likely sound asleep. "You should attempt to rest while our son does so, Amanda."

"I tried to. I—I just couldn't sleep." And that was all. She said nothing else to him.

It disturbed him that she was not at all as communicative with him as she ordinarily was, and yet she had stated that she was 'fine'. She most certainly was not. He crossed the room cautiously. "Amanda?" He tried to get her to turn and look at him, but she wouldn't turn around. "What is it, _ashayam_?" he asked quite tenderly.

She then appeared to be wiping tears away rapidly. But the way he had spoken to her, his tone so soft and caring, it touched something deep within her and she wound up crying even worse.

"_K'diwa_, what has happened?" He sat on the floor beside her and pulled her into his lap, wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"Sarek, I'm sorry!" she said as she continued trying to wipe away her tears as fast as possible. "I didn't mean for you to know! I just-" But she couldn't speak anymore. Instead she cried even harder.

"Your sadness is of deep concern to me, Amanda. You will tell me now what has caused it. Has someone said or done something to you that I should know about?"

She looked up at him. His eyes began searching hers eagerly. "No, Sarek. I just- I've gotten so used to my friends and I'm going to have to leave them behind, all except for Shin and Zurel. I mean that helps me a little that they're going to stay with me, but my close friends? I have to leave the girls behind and-" Her eyes began forming new tears and she was only able to whisper as she almost choked out the rest of her words. "They're the best friends I've ever had! I didn't have friends like this back on Terra Prime." By that point, she was sniffling heavily. "It's just hard to think of going on without them, that's all."

"But it is necessary," he reminded her.

"I _know_ that, Sarek. I know what's at stake and I know I have to go. But it doesn't make it hurt any _less_. And I'm not looking forward to telling them that I'm going. It's going to break Maya's heart to be separated from Spock like this. And I really wanted to be there for Dana when she-" She couldn't go on. When was the last time, she wondered, she'd had a crying jag like this one?

"Maya _is_ quite attached to our son. And I know you wished to be there when both Patricia and Dana gave birth. I know you also wished to see the dawning of things between Zurel and Mariana."

"So I just have these moments where I'm overwhelmed by all of this and," she sobered up slightly as her expression grew more serious than grieved, "I also know what's going to happen when I get back home to Terra Prime and everyone gets to see our family in the light of the Terran media. It may be legal now to be married and reproduce with you, but that doesn't mean they're going to take it well. I'm just working through all of that ahead of time so when I get there it's not so bad to deal with."

She swallowed back her tears as she told him what she'd realized. "An entire planet is going to condemn our relationship. I'll be the subject of scorn, ridicule and bad jokes. We will become a punch line in joke after joke just for the sake of making others giggle. People will speculate about things between us that is more than simply none of their business. We will be watched for the smallest of things, every little thing said and done dissected and analyzed to within an inch of reason. And it would all be bearable but for one thing, the worst thing of all, in my opinion. My son will be called names and tormented as he grows up." She broke down into tears, again. "My son is going to have to absorb all of this and show nothing. And I won't have my friends there who understand us and why we happened and why it's possible for us to be together like this and…" She shrugged. "I just wish I could take them with me."

He pulled his wife ever closer to him and gently stroked her legs and arms the way he knew she preferred when she was feeling this way. "My Amanda, am I not enough for you?"

She looked up at him and smiled, then laughed a little as more tears fell. "And they say you don't have a sense of humor!"

He picked his wife up as he stood and then placed her into their bed. "You must rest." He pulled the comforter up to her chin.

"Do I get a vote in this?"

"No," he said as he lay next to her.

As they lay there face to face, she was comforted by his close proximity. "Don't you have work to do?"

"Yes."

"Then go and do it, Sarek. I always feel much better after I get all of this stuff out. Go back to work."

"No."

She realized, "You're going to stay with me?"

"Yes."

She looked at his face, feasting on his features with her eyes. Sometimes she still couldn't believe they were truly together. An answering call of awe within their bond brushed against and then mixed with hers. "I know you can't say it, but I know it's there. I feel it." She touched his face, watched his eyes flutter shut from the touch of her hand.

There were so many conflicting emotions washing through him, so much he wanted to say. He would meditate later… "Wife of my body," he whispered, "mother of my child." He stroked her face lovingly. "It would much gratify me if you would sleep now, Amanda. Sleep."

She snuggled in close to him, her face to his neck, and inhaled his reassuring warmth and smell and felt suddenly tired. "I'll sleep now."

####

Patricia was so excited to see them all! They had come despite the fact that Soryn felt having so much company would be 'a strain to her system'. She had been feeling terribly lately and not just physically.

She needed to eat constantly. She was only just beginning to show, a tiny swell of the belly, but still it didn't feel real to her that she had actually produced the baby she'd wanted so much. So she continually wondered, 'why am I so sad?' An incessant negativity had also been following her around like a cloud and took up space in her mind with an extra bitchy commentary of everything she saw and experienced. And it was in full effect as she greeted each of her friends.

Patricia smiled broadly as she saw each of the ladies enter her home and hugged each in turn, greeting them one by one. "Oh, Amanda!" she said as she hugged her and looked down at her infant son, all eyes and eager smiles. (_And when_, she wondered, _will that little Elfin smile disappear to have him become a replica of his stick-up-the-ass father?)_

"Dana!" she said as she hugged her. She was pregnant now, but not showing of course since she was not as far along as Patirica. She didn't look sick at all, either! She wondered, what was her secret? (_And exactly when will Turan start to crack the whip on her? He actually let her out of the house for now? How noble of him! Hmm. Let's see what happens in a month or two!)_

"Maya!" she greeted with a big hug. (_And this poor little lady is on a timeline for when __**she**__ can get pregnant because her damned husband has some set rules about when and how __**she**__ should become a mother. These Vulcan men and their damned__** logic**__ and pre-set __**RULES**__ that really amount to so much bull__**SHIT**__!)_

"Mariana!" she said as she hugged her. She had eluded her Vulcan…up till now. It looked as if he would get her soon. Would she be as miserable as Patricia was feeling lately once they did get together? (_I'm actually wondering if maybe this one would have been happier, after all, with the Cardassian. Run, girl, RUN!)_

They sat down all together and ate and talked and simply socialized. Then the jokes began. "Maya, you look so tired? What's going on in your life?" asked Dana with a mischievous grin.

Maya held back deep laughter as she simply smiled a little and said, "Oh, nothing much."

"Didn't you and Sokam just get back from vacation or something?" Amanda continued the teasing as she bit into a coffee cake.

"Oh, that? Yeah," she nodded in a very matter of fact way.

"So, uh…where'd you go?" asked Dana, her grin getting bigger.

"Away."

"And what did you… _do_?" asked Dana.

Maya's face broke into a huge grin. "Oh some of this and some of that," she tried to say casually. "You know how vacation is."

"I bet you did a whole lot of _that_!" laughed Amanda as the rest of the ladies finally burst into laugher.

"Leave me alone!" Maya said with an even bigger grin. "Sokam had some time off from school and we took advantage of the lull and went on vacation together, okay? Couples do that, right?"

"Yeah, I'm sure you took great advantage of it!" Mariana joked.

Maya gave her an 'oh YEAH?' look as she said, "Well what about your little 'talk' with Zurel outside last week? Hmmm? What was _that_ about?"

Mariana's face turned crimson as the focus of attention shifted to her. "Oh…uh…oh that?" she laughed.

"Yes, that!" said Dana. "I've been dying to ask what happened with that!"

She shrugged. "Well I'm considering a few things right now," she admitted.

"If you've got any questions," Amanda said in all seriousness, "feel free to ask me."

"I extend the same invitation," said Dana, also serious.

"Me, too," said Maya. "Call me anytime, ask me anything."

Mariana looked over at Patricia whom seemed shocked back to the present. "Oh, sure," said the redhead. "I'll tell you anything you want to know." _Like maybe you should run while you can! This could become the biggest mistake of your life!_

The young lady reflected for a few seconds and then said, "Well since we're all here anyway-"

"Do ask away!" Amanda said enthusiastically.

Mariana collected herself and tried to condense all of the questions she had. "I don't want to seem- well, snobby or anything, but when I saw all of you marrying these guys, one by one, I thought you were all nuts."

Everyone else started to laugh but, "I currently _am_ nuts," Patricia volunteered. They all had the uncomfortable feeling that she was not joking; all of them except for Mariana who was a little preoccupied in her own confused monologue.

"Seriously, I never saw Vulcan men like in a sexual way. Like I never saw a Vulcan and said to myself, 'I want to be all over that!'" As the laughter flared and then died down around her, she admitted, "I thought that- I thought they _couldn't_ feel. It wasn't until I came here, you know, that I realized that yes, they can, they just won't…or don't? I don't know how to put it, but I understand it now. When I spoke to Zurel, every single time I said 'Jhuleem' or he said 'Jhuleem'…" She thought back to the memory and couldn't hold back her laughter, "he would do this thing where he would like get really still and quiet and his jaw would clench up and I could see this vein pulsing in his forehead! And I realized, oh my goodness, he's like really jealous!"

"Oh yes, the jealousy factor and Vulcan men," Dana said. "I was nearly banned from talking to Zurel for a time because Turan, for some weird reason, thought… well I don't know _what_ he thought back then. It wasn't until he finally touched my mind that he saw I was not into Zurel one tiny bit that he let the whole issue drop."

"So that's normal?" asked Mariana.

Maya put in, "They have to fight it constantly, but yes, they do seem to have a tendency to jealousy and somewhat of an obsession problem. But you have to remember that here it is a woman's _right_ to ditch her husband and get another one if the current one isn't making her happy. The new guy just has to fight for her first, that's all, and if he wins, she's all his."

Mariana looked as if something in her brain had imploded. "What? You mean Vulcans fight for their… What? What _century_ is this? They're an enlightened species! Way more enlightened than ours, anyway."

"Oh, yes," Amanda said as she lay Spock on the floor and began pulling out toys to put into his eager hands. "They will fight to the death for the woman they want. But the problem the guys forget—well the ones with the _unrestrained_ jealousy issues—is that their jealousy issue is the very thing that will push their woman to another man because he is damned overbearing and she just wants to get _out_ and will take an out anyway she can get it."

"That's a perfect summation why a female might choose The Challenge," Dana added. "Of course, human women don't quite handle the jealousy thing the same way…well they usually don't. At least not the healthy ones. I've known plenty women in my time that left their overbearing man and went directly to another man just to realize they'd opened a new can of worms. But on Vulcan, apparently, this has been done for thousands of years and for them it works."

Mariana sat backward in her chair, positively gutted. "I'm only just beginning to scratch the surface of Vulcan culture, I think, and I have no idea if I'm cut out to be with him."

"Don't stress yourself out too much. It's not so bad when the man has control of himself the way he should. For starters, do you even like him?" asked Maya.

She thought of Zurel's handsome face and his reasonable demeanor. "I _do_ like him. Actually, I like him a lot. I think he's handsome and stable and I think he would never do anything mean to me on purpose. But I keep wondering, what if his logic is bigger and more important to him than I am? I mean would he use it against me? Does that make any sense to any of you? What if he realizes I'm just not logical at all? Because I have no illusions about myself. I'm not logical, not one bit. I know I'm not. I try to be, but I'm really emotional and sometimes I've got a big mouth and to add onto all of that, I have this really bad temper and…I don't see any reason to be any other way. I am what I am and that's it. Wouldn't he think, after a while, he's just with some childish person and want 'out' of the relationship?"

Each of the ladies looked at one another. "Have you spoken to him about any of this?" asked Dana.

Mariana shook her head. "I've still got a lot on my mind and I decided that I didn't want to get with him right away, you know? I know about the rebound effect, so I told him that after some time goes by and I'm able to get past everything that happened with Jhuleem, we could give things a real try, you know? But for now, I need to get my head on straight."

"That was very mature of you," said Amanda. "Maybe you're not giving yourself enough credit for how logical you can be."

"I just didn't want to jump right into something with him and hurt him. I don't want to hurt him. Even though he would never admit to being hurt or whatever, I know if I got with him and had feelings for someone else that would more than hurt him. And realizing that and trying to prevent it…that's not being logical, that's being considerate for a really nice guy that deserves to have a woman who can give him her whole heart, not just pieces of it."

"Then you're doing the right thing," Amanda said.

"So I figured between now and then I could get my head together and figure stuff out about Vulcans and Vulcan men and this man in particular. And now I'm finding out all this stuff about them and jealousy and…is it just me, or are they really possessive?"

The ladies laughed. "They _can_ be," said Dana.

"Here it is, all of these years I avoided dating a machismo guy because of the possessiveness thing and I wind up being attracted to the most possessive thing I could get?" she asked, borderline upset.

"If they trust you, though, and if their logic is on straight, they'll always remember that you're a good woman and would never do anything like make them mistrust you," Amanda said. "And besides, the marital bond really works in situations like that. You can't exactly hide what's in plain sight."

Mariana paled a bit. "I forgot all about that, too. That thing about having your mind linked with someone else. Oh my goodness, guys, I think that scares me to death!"

"And sometimes," said Patricia out of nowhere, her voice unmistakably testy, "despite the bond _and_ the fact that you're an adult, they still treat you like you're a child they can't trust who can't think or act for yourself."

All of the ladies in the room looked over at her and the sudden quiet was overwhelming. "Pat, are you all right?" whispered Maya.

She looked down at her hands. They were trembling. Fat tears began to slip down her face as she looked at her friends. "No. No, I'm not all right," she admitted in a defeated tone.

"What's wrong?" asked Mariana.

Patricia tried to wipe her tears away but they came even faster, pushed out by stress and desperation. "I didn't realize it until now, but I think my relationship has become an example of 'when Vulcan men go bad' in the area of possessiveness. Soryn just…he just doesn't seem to _understand_ or _care_ that I'm an adult and I have the _right_ to determine where I can go and what I can do and…" The tears were falling harder then as Mariana went and sat next to her.

"I wanted this baby _so much_ and now that I'm growing her, Soryn's turned into such a jackass!" she complained. "What I eat, how much I eat, where I go, what I do, how much rest I get! I can't take it anymore!" Her face blanched and she seemed suddenly distracted as she looked off to the side. "Shut the hell up!" she shouted out of nowhere as her friends jumped.

"That was just _him_!" she explained, as she looked at all of them, obviously pissed off. "And he said he can tell I've become _up__**seeeet**_!" She looked off to the side, "Mind your own damned business!" she snapped.

"Now, Pat, you shouldn't be getting upset like that right now," said Mariana. "I did your prelim work with T'Niye and I know that you have to be very, very careful."

Patricia nodded at the reminder. "Okay."

"I have a prenatal yoga program I can send you," said Amanda. "I did it while I was pregnant with Spock. It can really help you with any stress you might be undergoing." She pulled out her PADD and began searching for the program to send it to Patricia.

"You mean it will help me deal with my asshole husband," Patricia corrected.

"Can I get that program, too?" asked Dana, trying to diffuse the sudden awkwardness in the room.

"Sure," said Amanda, also trying to get the negativity in the room under control. After she found the program and sent it to both of her friends, she looked over at Mariana. "Is Pat really in trouble if she doesn't keep the stress down?"

The nurse nodded emphatically. "Yes, she is. This is not an ordinary pregnancy. You remember how it was, Amanda. Your life was in a lot of danger, too, when you were pregnant with Spock. But on top of everything else, Patricia seems to be experiencing extra physical sickness. Any extra stress is going to put the child in danger as well as herself."

Dana frowned. What was in store for her, she wondered? She was carrying two hybrid children!

Just then, Soryn entered the room. All eyes turned to him as Patricia asked, quite harshly, "What are _you_ doing here? I asked you not to come while my friends were visiting. Afraid I was dancing on the tabletops or something?"

"I sensed your anger, Patricia. I wished to see what the source of that anger was." He looked around the room full of females as they looked back at him. Each of their faces told a different story.

"That's because I'm generally annoyed by _you_," she answered. "They made me calm down for the sake of our baby."

The discomfort level in the room rose as Soryn said, "Perhaps you have had enough diversion for one day."

"Oh, so you want my guests to _leave _now?" she scoffed.

Maya's shields dropped quickly, assessed Patricia's state of mind and she was blinded, instantly, by suffocating rage and anger. She snapped her shields shut again and couldn't believe what she had just felt. She also couldn't believe what she was about to do, didn't even know if she was capable of it, but she found the mental pathway used with T'Niye and broadcast to her teacher. _T'Kehr… _she used the formal title. _May I address thee?_

There was a general feeling of confusion as the call was answered, _Maya-kam?_

_T'Kehr, I seek forgiveness for this intrusion. There is a situation I must bring to your attention_ she continued in formal honorific Vulcan.

_Speak, my child._

_She who is Soryn's wife…there is a rage within her toward he who is her husband. I do not understand the full source since I am no Healer. However, since you are her Healer and Mariana has stated that if she does not calm down her life and the life of the child is in danger, I thought it best to inform you of her state of agitation._

_I am coming this instant. I am in the air on clan business and am less than five minutes from their abode…Inform he who is her husband that I shall divert from my business for a time to come now and inspect the reason for this rage._ And the connection snapped shut. Maya could tell her teacher was not at all pleased. The displeasure was palpable as she had spoken with her mind-to-mind. She could tell it was not directed at her for contacting her. She couldn't tell, however, whom it was directed toward; Patricia, Soryn or both of them.

"Did you just fly away or something?" asked Mariana. "Talking to Sokam?"

"No," she said. "He's back in coursework. But I did inform T'Niye that Patricia seems to be under a lot of stress and she wants to come and take a look at her."

"You mean now?" asked Patricia. "Right now?"

"Now," said Maya.

"Well why did you tell her that?" said Patricia, honestly confused.

Amanda said, "I don't think you realize how angry you've been getting, Pat."

"Is it really that bad?" asked the redhead.

"Yes, my wife, it is," said Soryn.

"Only when you're around," she snapped at him, obviously pissed off all over again, "or if someone says so much as your _name_!"

The other ladies in the room began to fidget in their seats. But little Spock hurled his toy across the room first and then began to wail. Amanda picked him up and held him close and he clung to her in a way he never had and rubbed his face into her. "Baby, what's wrong?" she asked her son, very concerned. "He's never acted this way before."

"My wife's mood is projecting onto the child," said Soryn. "You should remove him from the home at once."

"Maybe it _is_ time for me to go," said Amanda. She was a little bit upset herself after this experience.

"Oh, please don't!" said Patricia as tears began to run down her face again. "I never see anyone anymore and…" she snapped her mouth shut as great big sobs tore from her and filled the room.

Mariana said, "I'm making a medical decision right now on behalf of T'Niye until she gets here." She looked at Soryn. "You have to walk away for a few minutes until we can take care of your wife."

Only a flicker of emotion passed his face and then he was back to his impassive self. "She is my wife," he stated. "_I_ will attend her."

"Not right now, you won't," said Mariana calmly as she stood in front of the Vulcan that was much bigger than her.

A stormy look began to overcome his face. "Step aside," were his only words.

Mariana planted herself to the spot. "No."

Maya's eyes grew large as she exchanged looks with a very worried Dana and Amanda. Amanda was attempting to shush Spock as she bounced him up and down. Maya stood between Soryn and Mariana. "Soryn," she said to him, but continued in Vulcan, "May I remind you of several facts at this time?"

He was jarred by her use of the language with him, was not aware she even knew how to speak it. She had only ever spoken to him in Terran English. "You may."

"If T'Niye asked you to vacate the room while she examined your wife, would you do so?"

His brow rose. "Yes, of course I would."

"And yet you will not do so for the one who is assisting in your wife's case?"

"She has given me no logical reason to step aside."

"Would you question Healer T'Niye's logic?"

"I would not."

"And yet you question the logic of another medical practitioner who happens to be intimately involved with all of the facts of your wife's case?"

He at first stood there and said not a word. Then he nodded once. "I shall go for now." And he stepped out of the room after that. They could hear him walking out of the home, could hear the door shutting behind him.

"What did you say to him?" asked Mariana.

"Nothing important really."

T'Niye arrived shortly thereafter. She met Soryn outside and spoke with him briefly. She then entered the abode and was greeted by all of the females there.

None of these females had the same issues regarding their mixed marriages, but Patricia and Soryn concerned her the most.

She ran a scanner over Patricia for but a moment and then nodded once. "I would ask you to please go and lie down briefly, young lady," she said to the mother-to-be. "I will examine my findings and then speak with you again. You must rest."

"Yes, Healer," said Patricia as she left the room to go and lie down in her own bed.

As soon as the door closed, T'Niye faced the other ladies. "Please advise me of what has happened. I did not wish to bring it up and have Patricia worked back into a state of high emotion."

They recalled what had happened from the time that Patricia became very upset about Soryn speaking to her through their bond and went on from there. T'Niye noticed that Amanda, Mariana and Dana filled in the blanks in an almost nervous stream of words, one on top of the other. But Maya said nothing. "Thank you," she said to them all. "I wish for you all to retire to your homes at this time."

"We want to make sure Pat's okay first," said Dana.

"I shall apprise you of her condition as soon as it is feasible," said T'Niye. "But young Spock should not be here. And Dana, you must protect your twins. I shall examine Patricia now. Mariana, you may stay. Maya, I will see you tomorrow for our lessons."

Everyone dispersed after that and the three ladies got into Amanda's shuttle, leaving Mariana with T'Niye.

####

Later on that day, Patricia was admitted to the Vulcan Academy Hospital for 'testing'. "But T'Niye," Mariana whispered to her. "I saw the scans. She's fine. Why did you put her in the hospital?"

"Because the situation between Patricia and her husband has become critical to her condition and he needs time to consider things without her there."

Mariana shook her head. "I don't understand any of this."

"There is a reaction Patricia is having to he who is her husband because instead of allowing her to find her way, he has decided that he shall force his logic onto her."

Mariana was honestly taken aback. "But that's not logical. I'm not logical at all and _I _know that isn't right!"

"No, it is not. But there is something you should know, young Terran, before you enter a relationship with a Vulcan male."

Mariana listened fully to whatever this wise woman had to say. "Yes?"

"Amanda, Dana, Maya…they all at the beginning of their relationships established their will. They established an unwillingness to allow the logic of another to override them. Though they fully allow their husbands to be who they are, they let them know under no uncertain terms they, too, will continue to be who they are."

The nurse frowned. "But Patricia seems very sure of who she is and-"

"Her relationship with Soryn did not begin in the same way as the others. It was-" T'Niye tried to find a way to phrase it. "It was a marriage of convenience. It is the only way I can state it without breaking her confidentiality. But since the marriage began that way, she did not have time to build a relationship with Soryn first. Maya and Sokam began almost in the same way, but shortly thereafter Maya broke away and established that she would not accept anything less than respect from he who was her husband. Patricia did not have that opportunity, did not have either the resources, the will or the help that Maya had. And a pattern of behavior was established and became worse over time. Now Soryn is so deeply entrenched in the illogic of what their union has become, he cannot see that it is leading to the end of things between them."

Mariana frowned. "But there's a baby involved now!"

"Yes, there is. And that truly makes much worse. But take heed, young Terran. Establish what you shall and shall not tolerate from the beginning. Compromise has its place, but if you are forthright and honest, it will go much more smoothly for you both later."

"So that's how you train your Vulcan man?" she halfway joked.

"No," said T'Niye with a knowing expression on her face. "That is how you train your mate, in general. Species and sex does not matter."

* * *

_A/N - I'll try to post again Saturday night. I'm in the process of moving and they're taking my computer away Sunday morning! Ahhhh! I won't post again until late the next week or even the week after that._


	25. Shock

Shock

Sokam was occupied with coursework, that day, in mental contact with his mentor, Stekar. He was doing quite well until he began having some difficulty concentrating during the last few moments of his session. There was an inexplicable impression within him that something was very wrong. Something was beating at his locked mental defenses, trying to access him…

Finally, the elder healer's hands dropped from Sokam's face and he regarded him with an expression of cautiously contained curiosity. "This form of distraction is quite unlike you, Sokam," he remarked.

"I do not understand it myself, Healer Stekar," he admitted. "Perhaps there is-" His words trailed off as he was hit with a wave of searing pain. But it was not coming from him.

He found himself doubled over, hands clutching at his head, trying to tear at his mind. "_MAYA!_"

####

Swimming in a haze of unconsciousness, he could hear people around him speaking. What they were saying, though, was indecipherable. He was in a black fog, deep and thick, suffocating, choking him. And he was actively looking for his wife's mind, unashamedly frantic to find her. But he could not.

As Sokam returned to the upper layers of consciousness, he could finally hear one of the voices was Healer Stekar. "—imperative that someone go immediately and check at the residence of Sokam. I do believe something has befallen his bond mate and the psychic shock has rendered him unconscious."

Sokam forced his eyes open, sat up quickly though his vision was still hazy. He was then attempting to stand, his intention to run straight home to her. But the moment he stood, not only did the hands of his fellow healers in training reach out to grab and pull him back, he was assaulted by another blistering wave of mental pain. Despite it, he fought his classmates that much harder. The only reason they succeeded was they happened to be superior in numbers over him.

"It is unwise for you to travel in this state," said Stekar in his calm, reasonable tone. "I have just finished speaking with the authorities as well as your Clan Mother."

Sokam fought even harder then. "NO! That was the _wrong person to call_! You will contact Ambassador Sarek, at once, and Healer T'Niye," Sokam all but commanded.

Stekar did not understand the full reason for Sokam's loss of his control. It was not unknown, however, for a Vulcan to go temporarily insane at the death of their bond mate. And he suspected that due to his loss of control, Sokam's mate was most likely dead or injured beyond repair.

####

Both Sarek and Amanda hastened to Sokam's residence. It was not only because Maya was beloved by them, but also because it was the day she happened to have been watching young Spock for them. Their hearts were in their throats as Shin and Zurel got them there as quickly as possible. They lived quite close to Sokam and Maya's domicile since they were not so far from the city and so reached there before even the authorities.

Since he had been her sole bodyguard in the past, Shin was the only other person authorized to access their gate. But as they all jumped out of the shuttle, before Shin could even attempt to input a code to gain access to the gate, they all saw that whoever it was that had perpetrated whatever had happened had used some device to blast through it. The remains of the old gate happened to be crumpled and blackened and still smoking in a hiss of debris that littered the ground about them.

All four of them ran through the threshold of blasted out rock, careful to go around the bits and chunks of crumbled gate, horrified at what had been done, not understanding who would do this. As they rushed in and passed through the inner courtyard leading to Sokam and Maya's home, they could hear the muffled plaintive wailing of a baby. "Spock!" shouted Amanda as she picked up speed.

Zurel immediately grabbed the lady, not wanting her to go inside. He did not wish for her to see whatever it was that had happened, but he also did not know what danger still lurked inside. But the lady, where her son was concerned, found a strength she never knew she possessed as a burst of adrenaline kicked in and she pushed the Vulcan off of her with extraordinary force as both she and her husband rushed for the open front door.

All four of them entered the abode. They were confounded by the scene before them.

The water in the kitchen was still running as if Maya had been at the kitchen sink when this had all begun. Shin realized, as they passed through the kitchen area, that there was something along the lines of blast shock ribbons on the walls and ceiling, but they were on the_ inside_ of the home, the support beams bending _outward_ as if someone had melted things from the inside of the place. Though it looked blasted, it was not at all charred and blackened the way the outer gate had been. Whoever had gained access to the home, it hadn't happened the same way as they had gained access to the gate. This was the work of someone or something else. "What the hell?" he murmured.

As they walked a little further in, they could hear Spock's distressed cries as they came across a body on the edge of the kitchen that lead to the tiny living space. Sarek quickly grabbed Amanda to hold her back until Zurel had a look at whoever this was.

The body was barely recognizable. It seemed to be almost melted, the skin molting in a strange way while it still retained its natural coloring. Green blood was pouring from what used to be the orifices of the ears, eyes, nose and mouth. They all realized it was too tall and too large to be female, besides which, the blood was green, not red. "This cannot be Maya," Zurel said, the most calm of them all.

They were all pushing themselves onward as quickly as possible. But Amanda already felt the shakes hitting her. There was another body. Who was that lying there? Was that Maya? Was her friend dead, as well?

As they came closer, they saw it was indeed Maya lying in a heap on the floor. She, however, was still very much herself, her body and skin intact. But blood was coming from her nose and ears. Zurel checked her as the other three people dashed further into the little home with Shin taking point. It sounded like Spock was crying from the area of the bathroom.

Shin opened the door and saw that there he was, sitting inside the bathtub, wailing, fat tears spilling down his face. It looked like Maya had placed him in there with all of the bedding she could grab and then shut the door. From the time they had received the call from the Vulcan Academy from Sokam's mentor to then, a mere eight minutes had passed. "It's clear!" called Shin.

Amanda rushed in, scooped Spock up immediately and took him out of the bathroom. "Maya?"

"I have tried to rouse her. I believe that she cannot hear you now," said Zurel. "And I do not have enough of the telepathic skill and no healing gift to discern why she is unconscious."

Sarek went to touch his ward's mind, but Shin grabbed his arm and stopped him. "That's not a good idea, sir," he said. "We still don't know what happened here. Leave that to a Healer."

Sarek knew Shin was correct and nodded his ascent as he stood to take Amanda out of the house with their baby. "I want to know what happened to Maya!" Amanda was protesting as tears coursed down her face. "Is she all right? Is she alive?"

Spock was finally quiet, his face pressed into his mother's shirt.

"She is alive," Sarek assured his wife.

####

The authorities arrived at the scene soon thereafter. The body was taken to the morgue to be examined and Maya was taken and admitted to the Vulcan Academy Hospital. Sarek stipulated that no healer was to do initial work on her except for T'Niye or whoever she approved to touch her. They also had Spock looked at while they were there. The four of them that had been first on the scene gave statements to the authorities.

T'Pau herself arrived at the hospital. "I was called by Sokam's mentor," she said. "Is his wife deceased?"

Sarek realized, then, what it was that might have happened in the house, but he said nothing. He allowed himself to give the impression of ignorance. "No. She is alive, but unconscious."

"Alive?" asked T'Pau. "From the description given of Sokam by his mentor, I assumed his spouse had either died or suffered permanent damage. And what of your son, was he not also in the home with her?"

_How is it that T'Pau knew my son was there with my ward? _"Spock is fine. However, there was the body of another in their home. We do not know who he is at this time," Sarek informed her as he watched carefully for her reaction.

The clan mother frowned. "Body?"

"Yes," he answered. "He was dead."

She said nothing else as Sokam himself finally entered that wing of the Academy Hospital, his mentor walking beside him. "I was not able to have him mobile before now," said the elder Healer to all present.

All Sokam knew was that the bond between he and his wife was left wide open, a gaping hole in his mind, just as the door to their residence had been left open at the scene of the incident. It felt to him as if she were there, but not there. "Where is my wife?" asked Sokam. He was controlled again, but he looked like a lost man.

"She is in with the Healers now," said Sarek.

"I will go to her."

"It is perhaps better to first allow them to work, Sokam," said Stekar.

The young man swallowed back the angry words threatening to make their way to the surface of his mind as he looked at the door where he knew his wife lay.

T'Pau then said, "Your wife yet lives, Sokam. Take comfort from that knowledge." And then she departed from the hospital.

All eyes were on either Sokam or T'Pau. So everyone, except for Amanda, missed the look of unveiled anger directed at T'Pau by none other than her Sarek. She frowned. _Husband, what is the reason for your anger?_

_ My anger is not logical. I will master it later, my wife. I promise you. But I must say, _she_ is behind this. I have no proof at this time, but she is behind this._

_ Not that I don't believe you, but what makes you say that?_

_ This is not the first time a strange circumstance seemingly in her favor has coincided with her wishes. But this time it has backfired on her._ And he said nothing more.

Sokam was sitting, by then, looking at the door where he knew his wife was being examined. He was continually trying to reach his wife's mind, but he could not. Only the fact that she was alive kept him from bursting through the doors and attempting to force her awake, force her to populate his mind again.

As the day wore on, confusing pieces of the puzzle began to fit together. Zurel came to them over an hour after they'd arrived at the hospital and pulled Sarek aside. "The DNA scan has returned from the body at the scene," he said in a low tone. "The male was of your clan, in particular one of T'Pau's henchmen. She has been called in for further questioning by the authorities, but so far she claims she gave no such command for him to storm the home."

"T'Pau was trying to take my son," Sarek said in confidence to Zurel. The ambassador had gone exceptionally still and was forcing himself to remain standing where he was at.

"That is not all that has been discovered," Zurel said with a curious expression. "It would appear that the henchman was taken apart and killed _from the inside_."

Sarek was genuinely confused. "What exactly is the meaning of that expression, 'from the inside'?"

"They suspect that Maya detonated some form of mental attack against him. That is no small feat. The henchman sent to take your son was apparently a hyper-telepath."

He was worse than distressed as he stated, "That man was sent to dispatch with Maya and take my son."

Zurel agreed, "It would appear, at this time, that he was sent to either incapacitate or kill her and retrieve the child. But the battle grew fierce in a way he did not anticipate. When the scan on the body was performed, they remarked that they have never seen psionic damage such as this. The body was melted from the inside. The veins themselves also melted, burst and bled out leading to massive internal hemorrhaging. We have had Vulcans with pyrokinetic abilities, but their damage was more along the lines of boiling the blood in their victims bodies and causing the hearts to burst. Maya is not a Vulcan and it is logical that her abilities do not coincide with ours. That is explicable. But she seems to have gone into a form of shock and for what reason, they still do not know."

"What have the Healers said about her damage?"

"The full extent of the damage to her is still unknown."

They both looked over at Sokam whose gaze had not once left the door he knew his wife was behind.

* * *

_A/N: So sorry to leave you all hanging here, but they Mr. Computer is leaving for now, lol! I'll hopefully post again this week coming or the week after that. Thank you so much for all of you that have continued reading this story and submitted reviews. I appreciate your words more than you'll ever know._


	26. Little Sister

_A/N - Sorry it took so long to get back here. I don't exactly have a writing friendly space, yet. I'll try to update again within the next few days.  
_

_Special shout-out to Jackiemack916 for being my 100th reviewer for this story!  
_

Little Sister

Spock had been returned to them after his exam by the Healers over an hour before. The baby was still quite shaken up by the events of that day. As soon as he was handed back to his mother he nursed immediately and then promptly fell into a deep sleep, his hand clutched in the fabric of her robes, exhaustion on him like a thick blanket.

Since Amanda was no longer so deeply focused on her son, she was able to turn full attention back to her husband. But Sarek, seemingly, had not a word to say. She was no stranger to his pensive side and had known him long enough now to understand that what he needed when he got that way was space.

But to watch Sarek begin his process of introversion as they sat in the hospital waiting room section was almost frightening to her because this time something felt different. The man she loved, and still struggled to understand from time to time, this man whom had done so much to teach her the ins and outs of the mind and control of ones emotions for the past few years, he was at that moment not the master of his emotions. He was, it seemed, on a journey of some form of regret.

As she sat wondering why Sarek would have reason to regret anything in all that had happened that day—every supposition she came up with was immediately discarded by her- a Healer came out and informed Sokam, "You may enter, now."

Sokam quickly stood and made his way past everyone and into the room where his wife lay. The door closed behind him.

Amanda placed herself directly next to Sarek in the seat formerly occupied by his cousin. As she sat down next to her husband with their sleeping son, he turned and held his hands out for the child to be given to him. Since the two occupied places within one another's minds, she could tell he was holding it together for now. But in the place of his normally serene, relaxed visage, there was now a closed, hard look. As she unlatched the carrier sling with Spock in it and dislodged the babies hand from her robe, she had to know… _A'dun, what is it? What's wrong?_

He turned and surveyed his wife as he held their child close to him. Having now transferred the baby to him, Amanda made herself busy attaching the sling to Sarek and waited for him to say something. "I did not protect her in the way that I should have," he verbalized in an almost low whisper.

She knew to whom he referred. Or at least she thought she knew. "Sarek, you didn't know that this was going to happen."

"I should have realized the possibilities," he admitted. "It is logical to consider the past as a possible pattern for future events." He looked down at his sleeping son as he continued speaking of someone else. "She was- she is so like her in some ways. How could I not see the possible true reason T'Pau found her distasteful? Perhaps I did not wish to see the parallel, to dredge up a past I did not wish to relive."

Amanda frowned. _So like whom?_

Sarek stood without saying another word and gestured that his wife should follow him. He then escorted Amanda behind an available privacy screen. They were not only there for impromptu examinations by Healers, but also for reasons such as this one; emergency melds to share critical information as quickly as possible.

The ambassador shifted their son more securely in his carrier. With his hands now free, Sarek placed his fingers at the correct points on her face. "It is the only way I may convey this…" he said as if in apology.

_They were in the past together, standing side by side._

_She could also see walking not too far away from them, the Sarek of the past. A softer, fresher quality inhabited his face and from it she could tell he was quite young; he was in his late teens at the least, in perhaps his early twenties at the most. And he was not alone. Walking with him was a small brown girl, one much younger than him. She was no bigger than a six year old. Her delicate eyes bespoke the calm of any other Vulcan child and her face held the unmistakable features of one destined to become a very lovely young woman; but at that time she still very much possessed what Terrans would call a baby face. She was silent as he escorted her to school._

_The affection that Sarek of the past possessed for the child was unmistakable since he unnecessarily grasped her two little fingers within his; she briefly gazed up at his face and they held eyes for a few seconds. There was the tiniest hint of hero worship in the look she directed at him, and the returning gaze was one of supreme protection. That quickly, the moment between them was over. Their gazes faced forward as they continued walking._

_That look directed at Sarek by the little girl struck Amanda's heart. She had seen that adoring stare on the faces of younger siblings on her own world. She had given that look to her own older brother on more than one occasion in her younger days. She knew instantly who the child was. "T'Maya?" whispered Amanda._

"_Yes," confirmed Sarek. "That is—was she who was my sister."_

_Amanda was confused. "But you said your parents had you and your brother. You never mentioned your parents having a third child."_

"_T'Maya and I did not share the same biological mother. She is the child of my father via his second wife."_

_Amanda turned her attention back to watching the two walking by in the memory. It seemed that they were no longer walking at regular speed, but seemed to slow down, bit by bit, until they were going in almost slow-motion._

"_She followed me everywhere it was possible for her to follow…" the present Sarek said as his eyes watched the child from afar, obviously heartsick. "Initially, I discouraged her. It was not logical to be curious of my actions. I encouraged her to look after the actions of herself. But then after a time, I admit, I took her with me willingly. Since I was much older I was charged with seeing to many of her needs, more so than I had ever had to do so for my younger brother." He paused, seemed to struggle to get the last words out. "For a time, she became my life," he said, unable to hide the emotion in his voice._

_Amanda felt fear growing within her, but the emotions of dread and shock also pressed onto her from an external source. "What happened to her, Sarek? Where is she now?"_

The meld snapped to a close. Amanda was almost sick to her stomach at the abrupt break-off. But she noticed that Sarek was having his own hard time. As his hand dropped from her face, it was trembling. He obviously could go on no longer. He seemed to be insulating himself from the memory by staring down at his son, his face much straighter than it had been within their minds within the meld.

_She was a gifted telepath, but they were very different abilities from our current Maya. As a result of those abilities, a strong clan wished to have her bonded to one of their sons. Father agreed with the match and so did T'Pau. The two children reached the age of seven and then it was done. They were betrothed to one another_ he conveyed to her mentally, unable to speak out loud.

He seemed to be swallowed by the past as he continued to remember. _What was __**not**__ previously agreed to was that my sister should go with them from that day forth. She who was my stepmother did not wish it… I did not wish it. They were half a planet away, not far from the V'Tosh Ka'tur side. But T'Pau would not relent. T'Maya was to go with them. This is done, from time to time, a child that is seen as gifted, particularly girl children, are handed over to a clan once that child is bonded to one of their sons. Ordinarily, the new clan is not so far away from the old one._

Amanda was confused, but she was starting to understand that T'Pau wanting to remove Spock was no isolated incident. _Why would T'Pau do such a thing as take a full Vulcan child away from their parents that-_

_I have never been able to ascertain her true plans in this matter. Perhaps T'Maya was somehow a threat to T'Pau. I still do not fully understand what threat my sister could have posed. But I should have detected earlier that our Maya, from her name to her enhanced abilities, was a reminder of what T'Pau allowed to happen, in some ways caused to happen, to my sister in the past._

Amanda asked out loud, "Sarek, tell me or show me, what happened?"

His eyes finally met hers. And though he was still quite controlled, his eyes were deep, dark and sad. "My sister died attempting to return home on her own via the desert. I still do not understand why she thought she could travel such a distance on her own. At that time I assumed that if T'Pau simply allowed the child to remain with her family, as was reasonable, it would not have happened." He looked back down at the sleeping baby in his carrier and continued to speak with his wife mentally. _I did something I ought not to have shortly after her death. But I did not care. I was young and not as controlled then as I am now. I hacked into T'Pau's system, trying to find something, anything, to implicate her in my sister's death. I did not realize back then that it did not matter what I found. She was virtually untouchable. I was foolish and still did not truly understand the deeper machinations of malice and the political mind. I also did not realize that my actions were being tracked._

He carefully put his hand to her face again, still apologetic from the abrupt letdown from before, and they were back in the past.

_The memory was noticeably darker, not as vivid as the other. Amanda instinctually understood then, this was the part of Sarek's mind right after his sister had died._

_The two watched from afar as his younger self walked up to a door. Before he could enter, young Sarek heard two voices talking. He stopped and listened…_

"_- you not allowed T'Pau to insist on the child being sent so far away she would now be living," said T'Mani, his step-mother, her voice contained despite the words that had exited her mouth._

"_That is an emotional reaction," Skon, his father, answered quite calmly._

"_My child is gone. What would you have me do? And I have stated a fact. Had you not have allowed T'Pau to interfere in our parental decisions-"_

"_I have two children still living. Sarek and in particular Silek are in need of you at this time. Will you attend to them instead of useless blaming?"_

_T'Mani at first said nothing. Her voice lowered a fraction as she warned, "I am aware of her treachery, Skon. She does not deal well with the living relatives of those who cross her. I shall allow this unmentionable act to pass for the sake of your children who are yet living."_

"_You have no proof of T'Pau's alleged involvement in our daughter's demise."_

"_I assumed before that perhaps you were blinded by her machinations because she was your clan mother and you owe her your allegiance. But I begin to wonder, now, what is it you gained from the arrangement?" she asked Skon. Young Sarek realized then that his father, and not just T'Pau, was being blamed for…for what? "What were you given to sell my child so far away? And what did _you_ gain from her death?"_

_There was the sound of Skon standing and beginning to walk away in order to leave the room. "I shall not remain here and have these insults and accusations hurled my way. Regain your logic. When the veil of grief has passed, you may speak to me then."_

_Before his footsteps could reach the door, Skon had one last thing hurled at him, but still, ever calm, "If I discover that you were complicit with T'Pau on this, our bond is forfeit. I will never again share bodies or grow another child for you. Your last Time was most certainly our last time together."_

_ The Sarek of the present turned to Amanda then as the scene slowly faded. "So many questions have been left unanswered concerning my sister's death. I know no more now than I knew back then…"_

The meld ended properly then and they both felt the side-effects. Amanda was not only heartsick for Sarek, she was still slightly sick to her stomach. But she thought of the brief reflection of the child she had seen via the meld. Smooth brown skin, long raven black wavy hair, sparkling eyes and placid features. "She was _beautiful_."

"Though not a logical thing to observe," he said, "that is most certainly true."

She stood there thinking for a few moments as time and silence stretched between them. It gave her an opportunity to digest everything from the meld and to get past the post-meld nausea from receiving such a chunk of facts via mental media. "Is that why you latched onto Maya so hard, took her in as your sole ward without taking in the others in the same way? Is it the reason you brought her into the House of Sarek directly under your protection and into your home? Is that why you didn't want her bonding with Sokam, at first?"

Sarek wished he could honestly protest and tell his wife her questions and suppositions were not logical or reasonable. But he had decided long ago not to lie to himself or his spouse. "Yes. She loosely resembled my T'Maya in some ways. And I admit, initially, I did not wish her bonded to Sokam. I did not think him worthy enough of her at the time.

"From the moment you mentioned her to me, I could not help but note the similarities of their names. And though she has proven very much that she is in no way like she who was my sister, there is an illogical aspect within me that continually-" He paused for but a second and then looked at Amanda with his honest thoughts shining through the windows of his eyes. "I replace the face of one with another," he confessed.

Her heart bled and she tried her best not to break out in tears having felt Sarek's emotions toward his younger sister for herself. At least some mysteries were finally being solved within Amanda's thoughts. "Is that why you don't speak to your father till this day?"

His signature stubbornness reared its head as he turned his face away. "He allowed the other clan to take her. His word could have stopped T'Pau. But he would not listen to myself or she who was my second mother. And there was always a suspicion that he allowed what happened to happen. My stepmother was not from a clan as strong as ours and so their words had no weight and added to that complication, she was far from home. T'Maya was removed from our care and then within such a short span of time, she died. The bond of he and my stepmother was dissolved not too long thereafter. She would not tell me since it was not her way, but I believe that was because she discovered he was in fact complicit in some way in T'Maya's death. My father and I have barely spoken since then."

"And T'Maya's mother?"

"I have remained in contact with her through the years. We speak from time to time. She remarried and had one more child, a son. He approaches adulthood now. She almost died in the attack on our skies, but was one of the last few saved by the cure made by our scientists."

Amanda's face fell and at that point she couldn't stop the tears that sprang to her eyes. There was so much death and despair in Sarek's past. He'd lost his mother first, then T'Maya was taken from him so early on in life, his step-mother leaves possibly because his own father was complicit in his sister's death, then him being denied custody of Sybok and now T'Pau attempting to take Spock from him. And now this last complication; Maya, a surrogate almost-sister being caught in the crossfire, possibly brain dead and gone from him for good. He was, in a way, losing his sister twice. How was he still functioning?

"I am so sorry," whispered Amanda. She shook her head as she watched her husband standing there holding their sleeping son to him in a way she had never seen before. His face was pressed closely into Spock's hair as he breathed the child in. He needed to hold onto someone right now, and it was more than safe for him to hold the baby in public.

"Sarek, it doesn't matter what you think. You had no proof of T'Pau's involvement with your sister's death back then and you still don't now. So how can you even think to judge yourself, that you didn't do enough, that you couldn't see what was coming to help either Maya in your life? Who could? You have to let those thoughts go. Who would be so bold as to enter someone else's premises through these means? Not even her. She's smarter than that. There's something more going on here. We just don't have all the answers yet."

He gently stroked Amanda's cheek with his fingertips. "When did you become so logical?"

She gave him worshipful eyes of her own. "I had the best teacher."

He stopped himself from telling her that that was not at all logical, that Surak would have been 'the best teacher'. But this wife had also been an effective teacher for him. She had taught him the art of tact and in some cases, saying nothing at all. "Let us go and see what they have discovered concerning Maya's condition."

####

T'Niye was confounded. "It appears," she whispered to Sarek, "that Maya was unaware of exactly what she was doing. It seems that she knew she must place the child outside of the room, but she was acting on pure instinct—both by removing him from the room and in giving off the psychic wave- in order to protect him."

Having finally gained access to the interior of Maya's hospital room, Sarek watched Sokam sitting at his wife's side. The young lady was in a deep state of- they still didn't know what it was. From time to time Sokam would attempt to access his wife empathically by placing his warm fingers to hers. There was still no response.

"She is there," T'Niye continued, "beneath the surface of her conscious mind. Her presence can be felt, but she is unable to respond. She is trapped deep below consciousness and I cannot reach her. I am yet living and to go in to bring her out would possibly dislodge my _katra_."

"She is that deep within herself?" asked Sarek. Such a thing was unheard of.

"Yes. She is beyond a state of coma. She has placed herself so very deep that none may enter to extricate her that wishes to continue living."

"And your prognosis?"

"I can only hope that Maya's mind has placed itself in this state in order to heal." She paused for a second, as if wondering if she should say what she was thinking. She decided to do so. "I suspect the shock of killing another has done this, but I cannot be certain since I cannot access her directly. I am going by personal knowledge of her mind from so many accrued hours of training sessions. I can only hope that given time she will forgive herself and emerge on her own."

"And you have no way of knowing how long that may take?" asked Sarek.

"Weeks, perhaps years? It is unknown at this time. But she is strong. She may emerge sooner, yet. I have decided to give her mind more time to heal along the outer layers before I attempt to go in with a team to heal the damage deeper within. Such healing may pave the way for her emergence."

####

Their friends drifted in and out of the hospital that day. None were apprised of the attack or the true nature of how bad things looked for Maya.

There was one who came late that night who was more than not invited.

"What are you doing here?" asked Sokam to the rival male who had been caught attempting to enter his wife's room. Sokam had left for but a moment and had returned much sooner than expected.

"I have come to see to Maya," said Stilen. "I have enhanced abilities and I may yet be able to ascertain how to give aid to her."

"She is in no need of your assistance," said Sokam. His eyes had already changed. The haunt of one who was suffering the futility of not being able to help their spouse was upon him.

"In your illogical need to keep me away, will you perhaps not acknowledge that I may be able to help her?"

"I will accept help from the V'Shar and will give full permission for a different agent to be sent in your place, but you have no place within my wife's mind."

"And so now that damage has occurred to she who is currently your wife, you have found time to attend her?"

"And you allege?"

"She will awaken, someday, to realize your unworthiness of her and she will cast you off."

"That may be," said Sokam. "And perhaps I would be deserving of that judgment by her. But if you assume you will be the chosen champion, you are incorrect."

"Lying to oneself is not logical," Stilen said. "But this is not a new thought pattern for you, V'Tosh Ka'tur."

Sarek and Zurel appeared as if from nowhere and stood between both men. They had been there, watching, waiting and listening for some time. A murderous look had overtaken Sokam's eyes and they knew what he was contemplating. "Not here, kinsman," Sarek admonished Sokam in his even tone.

"You are not invited here," Zurel said to Stilen. "You may leave now."

"No," said Sokam. "The hospital is the place he should remain for what I wish to inflict upon him."

"You will cease and desist, Sokam, or I shall have you sedated," Sarek threatened.

"And _you_ will leave," Zurel directed at the agent, "or I will report you to your superiors."

Stilen backed away. "I shall leave." The three men watched him back far enough away and then turn and walk further down the hall until he disappeared from sight.

"I grow tired of his continued harassment of she who is my wife," Sokam said, his face finally straight once again.

Sarek agreed. "In ancient times there were ways to take care of ones such as him."

Zurel's eyebrow rose. He had communed with his father's katra long enough to know that Maya was vital to the future of his clan. She could not be taken away by this Stilen. "Yes, there were ways."

The three men looked at one another knowingly, but for the time being shelved what was in their minds. They had to see, first, if she would survive.


	27. Clarity

_A/N - Warning, long chapter!_

Clarity

It was late in the evening. The hospital was quiet and the lighting recessed. Mariana sat down next to Sokam. He was continually stationed next to his wife's bed and he barely ever moved from the spot.

_Why did it take this incident to happen for me to realize just how much he loves her? All I ever saw was that he didn't show anything on the outside. But since this has happened, he's been here, faithfully, every day. Is this what it means to be loved by a Vulcan?_ It was so obvious to Mariana, he was waiting until his wife opened her eyes. "T'Niye has gone home for now," she said. "She'll be back early in the morning, though."

The only sign that he'd heard what she said was a single nod. He had barely spoken since everything had happened.

"You should go home and rest," encouraged Mariana.

"No," he whispered as his eyes never left his wife.

An emotion was sitting in her gut and it swelled as she watched him as he refused to move. Mariana swallowed back a surge of tears. "It's been three days," she said as her voice cracked. "You should get some rest."

He finally turned and truly looked at her. In the past he had not cared for his wife's association with this overly emotional Terran. But this woman had been his wife's friend for many years and she certainly felt the Terran emotion of love for her. An appreciation filled him for who she was to his spouse. If Maya awoke again, he would not be as judgmental of her association with her. "You have been here for just as long, Mariana," he observed.

She smiled through her loose sheen of tears. "_I_ went home and went to bed last night. _You_ did not."

He turned his face back to she who was his wife. "If necessary I can forgo physical sleep in excess of four days."

"But you can't give up meditation and I won't have you having some kind of breakdown. She needs you to be 'you' when she wakes up. All right?"

He sighed tiredly and at first didn't answer. He pondered the logic of what she had just said. "You are quite correct," he finally said, after a short time.

Having gotten him to admit she was right gave her some 'push' room with him. "Go home," she asserted her bossy side. "I'll stay with her."

Zurel entered then, having heard the last of the dialogue between them. "Do not be concerned, Sokam. I shall also watch over she who is your wife."

"It is unnecessary-"

"She is of the House of Sarek and I have pledged my life for them. Go home and return in the morning. Shin or I shall be here. I give you my word on this."

Sokam looked back and forth between the two o f them and then relented. He stood and hovered over his wife's form, placed his forehead to hers, took her fingers into his, attempted to project his presence to her. But she could still not be reached. He stifled the rising feelings of discouragement and left the hospital room to go home and finally fully meditate.

As soon as the door closed, Mariana saw Zurel stand by Maya's side and observe her comatose form. "The first time I met her, her consciousness reached out and tugged at mine. She did not realize what she was doing. Only because I am a lower order telepath did I not possess enough of a mind shield to keep her out."

"And what did you think of her?"

"Fascinating. Sarek, too, was fascinated in much the same way that I was. We were instantly concerned about what she would attract to her in this state, having no shield for her mind. As a result she was forbidden to leave Sarek's compound until she learned to erect one. But Sokam…" Zurel sat down next to Mariana. "Sokam's fascination was of another sort," he said. "From the moment he saw her- she did not tug at his consciousness, she beckoned invitingly. That is the way he phrased it. He never hid his intentions concerning her."

She saw no smile on his face, but she felt a smile in his words.

"It was an illogical pleasure to watch the two of them from afar," he continued. "To watch him pursue and watch her push back. I admit, it is a thing I have always enjoyed beholding, watching the pursuit of one for another."

"Sokam is your friend?"

"He was one of the few Syrranites that did not treat me as Outcast from the moment we met. I suspect it is because he did not grow up on this side. He has had to learn to put on logic like a set of outer vestments. I gave him the fundamentals of information elementary to us whenever Sarek was unavailable to teach him. He was a fast learner and he became my Brother in Logic, much the same way Shin is my Brother in Arms. Sokam fights, day by day, to maintain that logic. It is good that you encouraged him to return home and rest and meditate. It is vital for one such as him."

She looked over at Maya and admitted to Zurel. "I feel helpless, looking at her like that. Do they know what happened by now?"

"No," he said.

She sighed tiredly. "Did I ever tell you about us as kids?"

He looked at her and saw this was a chance to learn more about this woman that he didn't exactly know how to go about pursuing. "No, please do so."

Mariana smiled as the memories came, one by one. "She moved in like two floors down from me when we were kids. She was always weird. The other kids would make fun of her because she always looked distracted, like she was listening to something else. And they always made fun of _me_ because I never had money or new clothes. I wouldn't steal them either, like they would. It's not that I thought it was wrong back then. I was just too chicken to do it. Funny, but I think it's wrong to steal now. So anyway, her and I- we just wound up together as outcasts, you know? And the first time she came to my house, she just fit in."

Mariana's lips began to tremble. "My mother would look out for her a lot because her mom had to work and her sister was just out of her mind by that point, running the streets, doing whatever she felt like doing." She laughed. "We would do the dumbest things together, things that kids do. Swooning over some idiot boy on the latest 'net video. Our favorite was crushing on General Terel's eldest son. Oh man, he was so cute! And that guy had this _body_ that just didn't quit! He was this reality star back then who-"

"I am aware of the tyrant's son," he snapped, not wanting to hear about any point in her life she looked at another man's body with arousal.

She totally missed his jealousy and she laughed at another memory. "We tried to sneak into the gladiator games once, but we were intercepted and got kicked out by the guards," she continued laughing through her tears.

"Minors should not attend such a bloody event."

"We didn't get kicked out because we were minors we got kicked out because we didn't pay. Minors attend all the time on Terra Prime. Funny thing is I wanted to get in at that age. But I'd never let _my_ kids do a thing like that now. I didn't realize until I got here and wasn't so surrounded by the constant blood sports and the lists of executions and their pictures in the papers and the series of political purges where one party wipes out another…" she nodded sadly. "That stuff isn't normal," she said as she looked at him with dawning comprehension. "And why am I realizing that just _now_?"

"Tell me more about your past," he said.

She looked at him with a fresh sheen of tears in her eyes as they fell slowly, one by one. "I just need her to wake up, okay? Sokam needs her and I need her and- I need her to wake up." She put her elbows on her knees as she sat forward. Placing her head in her hands, she let herself cry openly. She'd spoken to Jhuleem two days before to let him know what was happening but he hadn't come up to see her once. She felt utterly lost.

Zurel's insides were compelling him to do something he hadn't done since the days of his being married. He reached over to Mariana and gently lifted her from the chair, placed her in his lap, allowed his tiny bit of telepathy to wash over her. As he projected warmth and comfort into her being, she quieted after a time and allowed him to hold her close. Snuggling her face into his chest, she fell asleep.

The weight of her in his arms was such a gratifying thing to him. He didn't know where time would take them, but he had that moment.

####

Mariana awoke sometime later to find Amanda and Shin smiling devilishly at her. She jumped up quickly, sleep still clogging her brain while saving Zurel's reputation sprang uppermost in her mind.

"Too late, young lady," Amanda laughed, intuiting why she'd jumped out of the Vulcan's arms so quickly. "We know _all_ about your tawdry hospital love affair."

Mariana was still half asleep and looked horrified. "I would _never_-"

"She's pulling your leg hard, Mari," said Shin with the huge grin still pasted on his face.

Mariana looked over at Zurel whom didn't seem to be bothered one bit by their almost gloating demeanors. "She is mine now," he stated matter-of-factly to the onlookers.

Her mouth dropped open. "Well, Sir _Bold_!"

"Do you deny it?" he asked. "Here when a woman is held in a man's arms, she is his. Therefore it is logical to deduce that you are now mine."

Heat rushed to her face. He was saying this in front of other people? _He must really want to keep me!_ She turned and looked at Amanda and Shin. "If that's the rule, then I guess I'm his," she shrugged, trying to act as if it were an everyday thing to place herself in the position of being a possession. "If you will all excuse me, I'm going to my locker to clean up and get ready for my shift."

####

T'Niye's hand dropped from her student's face. "I continue to remain unable to reach her." The clan mother was deeply grieved on the inside. This student of hers had come along at an unexpected time and provided her with an interesting case study of Terran telepathy as well as a case of hidden hybridism in her DNA. But as time wore on, she had become more than that to T'Niye. And now here she lay, unresponsive and worse yet, unreachable.

"It would seem the outer telepathic layers of her mind have healed themselves as I initially expected they would. And we have been able to heal the mid layers. However, I can only see as far as I have been allowed to go. The deeper recesses of her mind cannot heal if she will not emerge and attend them. She has, seemingly, barricaded herself behind them."

Sokam was there as well as Sarek and Amanda. Mariana had gone on duty in another part of the hospital, but Zurel was still there. Shin had gone to the lobby on stand-by.

The V'Shar had sent a different representative to see if they could help since it was requested that Stilen not be the one to come along. Zymak, the agent from the year before that Sarek had determined meant well to his house, had come in his place.

"May I?" Zymak asked permission of both T'Niye and Sokam.

"Please do so," said Sokam. He did not mistrust this agent.

T'Niye consented, as well. "Your form of discipline is different from mine. Perhaps you may ascertain something I have been unable to uncover."

Zymak closed his eyes and cast into Maya's mind. He did not even need to touch her. He frowned as he revealed, "She is there…deep within. I can sense her. But she is…" He opened his eyes. "It is as you say, Healer. She has barricaded herself from within. But I also sense that she is changed."

"How is she changed?" asked Sokam.

"There is but so much I can tell. She will allow none to approach."

Zurel, then, felt a stirring within his mind. _It is time, my son. I am needed. _He spoke up then. "The reason I continue to carry my father's_ katra_ is now revealed to me. He has asked that he be the one to directly assist Maya."

T'Niye's eyebrow rose. She had wondered for sometime why Demek had insisted his son keep his _katra_ for a time. She knew her kinsman was given to flights of illogic. She initially assumed it was an illogical display of sentiment on his part to want to remain within his son for a short time. She then remembered his deathbed words to Maya. 'I will come when I am needed by you.' She understood now, he had seen this possible future and knew he might be needed. It was a reminder to her to not assume she knew every angle before they presented themselves.

"How is that possible?" asked Sokam.

"He says that I would deposit him within her mind and allow him to go to her. He is already a soul without anchor and may walk the inner terrain and find her," said Zurel. "But even I was not aware that this was possible. The mental disciplines are not my area of specialty." He then said, "Afterward I am commanded by him to collect him again and then I may bring him to The Hall of Thought."

Sokam looked over at Zymak. "I will assist," assured the agent, "if it is what you wish."

"Do it," said Sokam. "I give permission."

Sarek, whom had been mysteriously quiet through everything, asked, "Will she be well when she emerges?"

"There is a chance that she will be damaged permanently from this experience. We cannot tell at this time," admitted T'Niye. "We must first attend to the difficult task of speeding along her healing and extricating herself from within." She looked at Zurel. "Place yourself at the head of her bed. Myself and Zymak shall access her on either side."

Sarek and Amanda stood back to let them work and watched as Zurel went to the head of Maya's bed and placed one hand on her available psi-points at the front of her face, his hand forming a cage over her features. Both Zymak and T'Niye placed one hand each on either side of Zurel's head and one hand each on either side of Maya's.

Sokam knelt down at the food of her bed and watched intently for any sign of change.

####

Mariana walked into the lab section of the hospital on her lunch break. Jhuleem was there. She was glad he was. There was something she needed to take care of.

"Hello!" he said with a welcoming smile as soon as he spotted her. "How's Maya?"

"No change," she said as she stood just inside the doorway and leaned on it.

He shook his head. "That's too bad. How long are they going to wait?"

"Wait for what?"

"You know she can't stay on life support forever."

Mariana never before felt the urge more in her life - "If you weren't across the room, I'd punch you in your face right now."

"What?" he asked as he came close to her. His hands attempted to rub at her arms.

"Get away from me!" she said as she shook off his hands as if his they burned her skin. "Don't touch me ever again. And by the way, thanks for _not_ giving me any support this entire time my friend's been in the hospital."

"What difference would it have made if I were there?" he asked. "It wouldn't make her wake up and it wouldn't make her any better, would it?"

She just shook her head, thinking of how a man who suppressed his emotions held her until she slept the night before. "Jhuleem, things weren't working out between us and I don't think it's a good idea to even see one another anymore."

"You've already taken away my boyfriend status," he smiled coldly. "How much worse can it get?"

"How about we're not even dating anymore? We're officially over."

"I still love you, though," he said as she turned to walk out of the door.

"You have a funny way of showing it," she shot back.

####

Patricia was stopped at the door by one of Sarek's guards. "I'm here to see Maya? Maybe Sokam?" she asked.

The guard nodded and then opened a communicator. "There is a Terran female here by the name of-"

"Patricia," she supplied.

"Patricia," he spoke into the communicator.

"Send her in," she heard Sarek's voice through the device.

"You may enter," the guard informed her.

Patricia walked into the hospital room and frowned. Sarek, Amanda, Sokam and Zurel were there as well as another Vulcan male she did not know.

"T'Niye just left," said Amanda as she went to Patricia and gave her a big hug.

"How long has she been this way?" asked Patricia as she looked down at Maya.

"Over three days now," said Amanda.

The redhead felt tears threatening to break to the surface. "I can take a shift with her, if you'd like," she offered.

"You should be resting," said Sarek.

Patirica smiled and touched the growing swell of her belly. "I'm fine. _We're_ fine."

Zymak's head turned and he found himself staring the Terran up and down. "I am Zymak he introduced himself."

"Patricia," she said informally as she smiled at him. She didn't feel his light probing at her mind. But she did notice his strange hair color, an almost blondish that was borderline red. How many redheaded Vulcans could there be, she wondered? He was the first she had ever seen. "Nice to meet you."

"You should perhaps sit and rest as the Ambassador has already mentioned," he said.

She laughed. "I already have one Vulcan in my face every day about resting, all I need now are two more."

But Amanda noticed Patricia's mood was much lighter and happier than she had been since the last time she saw her. "How did you get here?"

"I snuck out," said the redhead with a very mischievous grin. "When I found out she was here from T'Niye, I couldn't _not_ come."

"Your presence is most appreciated, wife of Soryn," said Sokam.

"You are bonded?" asked Zymak. But he knew she was. He simply wanted to hear her speak again, particularly to him.

"I am," she said as she looked at him again. "Are you a Healer?"

"No. I am a student of the mental arts but also an agent of the V'Shar. We have tried an unknown technique and are currently awaiting any indication of change in Maya's condition."

They had implanted Demek's _katra_ within her over an hour before. They saw no outward change, but her brain scans were beginning to show a slight difference.

"Return to me," Sokam found himself saying as he looked down at her face.

####

The room was dark and she could barely see. She had scrunched her body up into a fetal position and stuffed herself into a corner. The room was not cold or hot. She didn't understand it and didn't want to understand it. She didn't feel a need to attempt to leave the room, either. She only wanted to continue sleeping.

There was a knock at the door. Always, someone was knocking, wanting to enter. But no. No one was allowed in! She rolled over onto the other side and blocked out the sound of knocking, tried to go back into a state of sleep.

The only time she wished to stand and go to the door, open it, was when a very familiar voice called out to her… "Maya, please, return to me! I am here, waiting…return to me, _adun'a…_" But when she would try to come out of the fetal position and stand, she was assaulted by a terrible feeling of foreboding and self-loathing. She did not deserve to return to him…whoever he was. So she did not bother to try.

After an interminable amount of time had passed, an energy that showed up as light passed through the door as if it were not there. Her eyes openedand watched the light descend, land just in front of her. She watched in amazement as it coalesced into solid matter. It seemed to be forming into…a person?

She sat up quickly, moved even further back into the corner, as far back as she could go. No one was supposed to make it in here! NO ONE!

The body and face finished forming, and he was sitting crossed legged in front of her now. He looked very familiar. "Young Maya," he said with the slightest of grins. "It is good to see you again."

"Maya?" she whispered, confused. She thought about that a little bit. "Is that me?"

"Yes, it is you," he said with a nod. He made no move to go toward her and she seemingly relaxed.

"Why does everyone want to come in?" she asked the man.

"It is not that they want to come in, it is that they wish for you to come back out."

She thought of going back out there, wherever that was. "No. I can't. I can't go back out there."

"And do you know why?"

"No. I just know I can't. I shouldn't."

"Do you remember who I am?" he asked.

"No."

"I will not tell you for now, but I also want you to know that I won't leave you until you're ready to come out."

She found herself sobbing. "I can't. I'm- I'm dangerous. I killed someone."

Demek frowned. "That is all you know at this time?"

"What else _is_ there to know?" she asked. "If I'm dangerous, then I shouldn't be with others, should I?"

He seemed momentarily distracted. "I will return in a moment." He reformed into light and went past the barrier of the barricaded door.

####

Zymak frowned as he received what little bit of news he could from Demek's _katra_. "He has found her. She is alive and intact. But it is as I suspected. She is not herself."

Sokam's extremities felt suddenly cold. "How is she changed?"

Zymak answered, "He says she does not even truly know who she is…who he is. But he can tell she trusts him. He must lure her out, but first he shall attempt to heal her from the inside. A sense of deep guilt and self-hatred has overpowered her. She says she has killed is dangerous. But she cannot at this time remember who, how or why she did so."

"The henchman in the house," said Sarek.

"Oh, Maya," Amanda said, her face pained.

"He is returning to help her at this time and will apprise us of any change. But he has asked that we not call to him for now. He must do extensive work with her from within."

"If it's going to take a while, I'm going to go with Patricia downstairs to get something to eat," said Amanda.

Patricia agreed. She was always hungry these days.

"Yes, it is going to take some time," said Zymak.

The two ladies left for the time being.

####

As soon as he coalesced, she was able to sit up and look into his eyes. "You are Demek," she said with a tiny smile. "I think I remember you now."

"And what else do you remember?" he asked.

She frowned as she tried to bring things together. "Not too much. I know that I love you. Are you my father?" she asked very innocently.

He was very pleased on a deep level to hear those words. "No, little one, I am not your father. But I would have been very gratified to have offspring such as yourself."

"Oh…" she said as she thought about that. "Then who is my father?"

"What can you remember?"

"He's supposed to be dead, but he's not. I feel him somewhere out there."

"What else do you remember?"

She shook her head. "The man who keeps calling me, I feel love for him, too. But not the same way I feel it for you. I want to be with him…I want to go to him. I'm sad that I can't." She said nothing for a few seconds and then she looked at Demek eagerly. "His name is Sokam! He's my-" she paused. "I don't remember who he is to me. But he's special- different. I feel him from inside me. Why do I feel him from the inside?"

"If you stand up for me and stretch a little, then come and help me put this room to rights, we may talk about that as we do so."

She looked around and saw that the dark room was not so dark anymore. But it was a mess! "Okay," she said as she stood and began helping the man put everything back together.

####

Zymak watched Amanda and her friend eating from across the cafeteria. He had gleaned seriously important information from the woman known as Patricia. She was suffering in a stifling bond. He who was her husband dictated everything she could and could not do. He often wondered about females such as herself, how often they decided to leave their mates or have their bonds dissolved. It would be interesting to monitor things from afar concerning her situation.

"Soryn's called me like three times since I've been here," said Patricia as she snapped her PADD shut and placed it back into her bag. "He even suggested I start carrying a communicator for the times he can't reach me on the PADD," she laughed.

"But you look so calm compared to the way you were before!" Amanda noticed. She was shocked since she knew that just like her, Patricia had quite the temper on her.

"Shin came by the house and gave me lessons in T'ai Chi for a month and he left me a telecopy to follow along with. It really goes a long way toward calming me down and _keeping_ me calm. I also do that prenatal yoga you sent me every night. So I get something in the morning and in the evening. And if the day is _really_ bad, I meditate in the afternoons. T'Niye taught me how."

"I'm glad that's working out for you."

"I had to do _something_. I don't want to hurt my baby girl," she said with a smile. "I need to be calm for her. And already, she's such an active little thing. Oh, she must know I'm talking about her! She's moving. Want to feel?"

"Yes!" Amanda said happily.

Patricia took her hand and placed it on the side of her midsized belly. "There it is."

Amanda smiled widely as she felt kick after kick. "Wow! She's going to play sports!"

The redhead laughed as she continued, "So we're naming her one thing but I think we're going to wind up calling her two different things, you know."

"How's that going to work out?"

"I wanted to name her Suzanne, so he says we should call her T'Zanne. I told him he could call her whatever he wanted, her Terran name is going to be Suzanne and I'm calling her Suzy while she's a baby. But in the records here she'll be T'Zanne."

"Oh, Suzanne. I love that name," gushed Amanda. "No one uses it anymore! I'm glad at least someone will."

"So I try to stay calm. And I do a little work on the side."

"On the side?" Amanda frowned. "Define 'on the side'."

"I may not be a telepath, but I've figured out where to store things in my mind that I don't want Soryn to know. I found some tutoring jobs on the 'net. I get my money deposited into an account every month." She shrugged. "It's nice to have my own money."

Amanda blinked three times. "Are you planning on leaving him?"

Patricia laughed. "No! Of course not! Why would I do that?"

She didn't want to say anything, so instead she took a long drink from her beverage and then changed the subject. "When's your next appointment with T'Niye?"

"Not until day after tomorrow."

####

"Wow, it's so clean in here!" Maya exclaimed as she looked around the room. It was now bright and well put together. She also no longer felt the debilitating need to sit in the corner with her arms wrapped around her legs. "Thank you so much, Demek."

"And now I can do what I came here for."

"What's that?" she asked as she sat down in an available chair.

He, however, remained standing. He looked over at the door. "You must go and open the door."

She stood and went toward the door. The closer she came to it, the more overwhelmed by anxiety she became. She shook her head emphatically. "No. No, I can't."

"You can," he encouraged.

She shook her head again. "I don't want to. I don't want to remember."

The elder Vulcan stood next to her. "You must. It is imperative that you remember all that you can and then go through that door. I can walk with you if you need my help."

She stepped backward at first and took several deep breaths. She kept thinking she couldn't do it, but then forced herself to stand on top of the fear. "No. I'll do it myself." She took each step slowly. And with each step, she reclaimed more and more of her past.

Entire years came rushing back at her. From time to time she faltered, fell to her knees with remembrance. It was a long, arduous process. And Demek stood there the entire time, waiting for her to ask for his assistance. At the last moment as her hand went toward the door she was assault by the memory of what had led to this moment…

_Spock was in a sling on the front of her. As usual, the baby thought it was funny to smack her in the forehead and wait for her reaction. She would lightly tap him with a finger on his forehead and he would laugh hard and wriggle around. Sarek did not want him to play this way, but she always fell back into these silly baby games when it was just the two of them._

_ "Let's go fold Auntie Maya's laundry now," she said as if it were an exciting event._

_ She unlatched him and placed him on the floor, sat down next to him with the clean laundry. She began folding blankets and sheets and Spock would intentionally roll over onto them, grab them and mess them up. He would then laugh at her mock exasperation he lay there watching her. "Um, bay-bee!" she would joke, hands on her hips. "What are you DOING? Do I have to fold this stuff again?"_

_ After the laundry was finally done, she went to the kitchen sink and began separating and washing down Plomeek stalks. She didn't like eating it but she had learned how to make it for Sokam._

_Suddenly, she had an odd feeling. Quickly looking out of the window at her house gate, she had the nagging feeling that something wasn't right…_

_ Her house gate blasted inward! The sound was horrifying. And now someone was coming in! A male-_

_ She turned and snatched Spock up. He was panicked now, crying. "Little man, auntie needs you to be good and sit in the tub, okay?" She grabbed all of the bedding she had folded up before and dumped it into the tub, made it as cushioned as possible and then quickly placed the baby inside. He was able to sit up on his own but still couldn't stand and he wailed for her to come back to him!_

_ She closed the door behind him just in time for the male, whoever he was, to kick in her door. Involuntarily, she felt herself mentally scream '_**SOKAM!'**_ And then the man was there, in her home._

_ "Give me the child," was all he said._

_ "No," she answered quickly. She felt him there, attempting to enter her mind, trying to suggest to her to go and get the child for her that they could both hear crying. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked him as anger built inside her. "Stay out of my head and GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"_

_ "You __**will**__ give me the child," said the Vulcan male. He seemed taken aback that he couldn't influence her mentally, but he was not giving up easily._

_ A feeling was collecting in her gut…a buildup of intense energy and anger… And she was afraid now, but not for herself._

_She felt suddenly nauseated like she needed to vomit and found herself trembling. "Get out while you can," she found herself trying to say, but it only came out on a whisper. The strange feeling was beginning to take over. "Get out while you can…" she choked the words out louder that time as she could barely breathe._

_ He stepped closer to her and she stepped backward several times, found herself a few feet away from the bathroom. He couldn't get anywhere near Spock! "Hand him over and I will not harm you," he said._

_ Something in her broke. It wasn't the sensation 'snapping'. It was a literal breaking. And the temperature in the room suddenly rose as energy… a wave of it came together from deep within and pulsed off of her, hit the man standing in front of her. He was still trying to probe into her mind while it happened._

_ She felt him die, felt him melting on the inside and out; his throat was constricting as he fought to breathe, his eyes melting in their sockets, his eardrums bursting, felt the septum in his nose explode, the tide of blood rushing through him from the inside that was no longer contained by veins and arties…felt him die. And then there was blackness._

She was standing in front of the door, fully herself again. She knew who she was. She knew Demek should not be there, but he was. The mystery of how he could be there was overshadowed by that one fact-

"I killed," she whispered. "I _killed_ someone." Her eyes turned to his. "How can you stand to be here with me… in my mind after what I did?"

"After what you did? You saved a child from being taken from his parents. You saved yourself from possible death."

In regular life she would never have done such a thing, but she found herself putting her face to Demek's chest and sobbing. The older man put his arms around her and held her. "Child, you could not avoid what happened. On some level it was pure instinct. You attempted to warn the intruder that he should leave while he could. He did not listen. He, in his arrogance, assumed he could force you to do what he wished down to the very end. What happened is on him. But you must learn to control your feelings, your thoughts, so that this cannot happen again. And you can do it."

"Is Spock safe?" she asked. "Is he alive? Did I hurt him, too?"

"No, no," said Demek. "The child lives and is unharmed."

She collapsed against Demek, relieved at that news. He decided to let her rest for the time being. They'd waited four days for her to emerge. They could wait one more.

####

It was very late that night when Zymak and T'Niye assisted Demek's_ katra_ back into his son, Zurel.

As soon as his hands dropped from Maya's face, Zurel said, "I will take what is left of my father now to the Hall of Thought. I will set out in the morning."

"Thank you for your assistance," Sokam said formally.

T'Niye waited for Zymak to move away and then pressed both hands to her student's face. Her expression had been one of strict firmness since the entire incident had begun. But suddenly the old healer's face relaxed. She looked up. "She is simply resting. She will awaken when she is ready. But Demek has coaxed her out of hiding."

"So now we wait?" asked Sarek.

"Now, we wait."

####

"I bid you good-bye," said Zurel. He had tracked Mariana down to her locker in the hospital.

She looked up him and smiled, disregarded the funny looks thrown at her by her fellow nurses passing by. "You're leaving soon?"

"I must go now. It is time."

"I'll see you when you get back?" she asked.

He paused for only a split second and then walked as close to her as he could without touching her. "What do you think?"

"I will, I guess." She shrugged, nervous and wanting to smile but not doing so. There was a tiny lifting sensation in her stomach and she found herself unable to suppress a shaky exhale.

"Most assuredly, you will." His hand lifted as if he were about to touch her. He remembered himself at the last moment, balled his hand into a fist, put his hand back down. The look on his face was undisguised.

And she realized then the intensity of things from him, just how strongly he truly felt for her. "I'm not ready for that," she found herself admitting.

"Then it is just as well," he said as he forced himself to his task. "I will return. Good-bye."

"Bye," she said as she watched his retreating back. She shook off one last nervous exhale and finally broke into a grin. "Man, he messes me up!" she admitted to herself.

As she continued on her way in the opposite direction he had just gone, she did not notice that Jhuleem had been standing not too far away in the hallway, watching, simmering, growing indignant with anger.

####

It was quiet, once again, and all but Sokam had left the room. He could scarcely believe it as he started to sense her presence much more strongly in his mind. Her eyes slowly opened. She was at first disoriented, confused, as Sokam stood and looked down at her. "You are awake!"

"Soka-" She couldn't speak his name. Her throat closed up on her. She was thirsty. She felt him there, in her mind, anticipating her need.

He held a glass to her mouth and urged her, "Slowly…drink slowly, my wife."


	28. Isolation

Isolation

T'Niye was not a frequent visitor to the House of Sarek, but when she did have occasion to do so she always sent word that she was coming well in advance. This time the healer had dropped in with no notice and that was odd. "I have cause to be concerned with she who is Soryn's wife," exited her mouth almost the instant she entered the home. She had barely finished partaking in the customary refreshment offered to all guests.

"The last time I saw Pat," said Amanda as she sat down with T'Niye, beverage in hand, "was at the hospital when Maya was there. I was surprised because compared to the last time I saw her, she was looking really well. I mean she was relaxed and everything! What happened? Has she been getting angry at Soryn again?"

"She has managed to contain her stress levels and continues to do so. Despite that, the pregnancy has caused a potentially dangerous condition. She has developed the Terran ailment preeclampsia. We cannot use any of the medications that are ordinarily used on other Terran mothers since it would harm the half Vulcan child. We also cannot use any of the Vulcan medications since her blood is iron based and they would harm the Terran mother which would in turn harm the child. We have been reduced, in this situation, to enforcing extreme rest. As a result, Soryn does not wish for her to work at the school. She has expressed the thought that this is putting undue strain on he who is her husband and still feels compelled to help him somehow. He has also quite illogically promised her he would not seek your assistance, however I have not made such a promise. Could you, perhaps, begin teaching again for a short time?"

"Define 'short'."

"Two months, at the most. That is when a relative of Soryn shall become available."

She knew that she would be leaving not too long after that and figured if she could do one last good deed she would jump at the opportunity. "Let me clear it with Sarek first and make arrangements for Spock on the days that I work, but I don't think he'll have a problem with me helping out a friend in need."

"I will also take this opportunity to mention the situation of Patricia's isolation. She is not a Vulcan and she does not see introspection in the same way that one of my race would see it. As it has been explained to me, too much reflection can cause a form of temporary insanity for most Terrans. If it could be arranged that you would spend some extra time with her during her confinement-"

"Yes, I most certainly will. I remember how_ I_ felt." The shadow of past memories crossed her features. "Funny but when I look back on it I remember how our marriage was almost on the rocks at that point."

The healer looked lost for a split second. "'On the rocks'. Is that not the expression given to an alcoholic drink pertaining to the preference of the additive of frozen water? How can a marriage be mixed with a frozen substance?"

Amanda conceded, "I guess that would make sense when you think about it. Coldness. The warmth is gone. I always thought about that expression more along the lines of how the ocean can take something with its waves and smash it against any rock formation jutting out from beneath the surface of the water, breaking the item almost beyond repair. But now that you put it that way, about the ice, you could also think about being 'on the rocks' as frozen."

"A double meaning for an already overly stretched colloquialism. Fascinating."

Amanda shook her head with a light laugh and then returned to the previous subject. "I'll talk to Sarek as soon as possible about this. I'll give Soryn a call tomorrow evening so I can start as soon as possible."

####

When she finally did begin teaching again, Amanda went to look in on Patricia and saw how truly miserable she was. "Oh, Pat!" she said, wide-eyed.

"I know! I look as bad as I feel," said the smiling redhead. She was terribly pale and looked as if she were simultaneously bloated and wasting away. "I'm weak almost all day and I can barely lift my head off the pillow for the first hour every morning. To add insult to injury, I've got this horrible red nose every time I look in a mirror. My hands and feet are so swollen. Look at my feet!" she said as she stuck them out from beneath her house robe. "They look like pig's feet!" It was obvious she was worse than embarrassed about it. "But every time I feel this baby move," she said with a soft smile, "I just feel like it's all worth it."

"Oh, I know the feeling."

Patricia seemed to be swallowing back something terrible as she said, "I have a—well kind of a confession to make."

Amanda wondered what she could have to confess to her of all people. "Oh?"

"I'm just going to spit it out. I had some negative feelings toward you last year, Amanda. And I'm sorry for that."

"Negative feelings? For what?"

She shrugged as she sat back in her reclining chair. "I was angry. I'd been trying to get pregnant for literally years and then here you came trotting along and were married to Sarek for what? Weeks? And you got pregnant," she snapped her finger, "like that!"

Her mouth dropped open. "I had no idea."

"I was just so _jealous_! And every time someone said your name or even mentioned your baby I had this angry reaction on the inside. I knew I wasn't being rational and I knew it wasn't anybody's 'fault' that you were pregnant and I wasn't, I just- I just couldn't get the irrational thoughts out of my head and I'm sorry for that. You've only ever been a great friend to me and-" Patricia's tears began, "-and here you are _now_ to help out my husband at the _school_ and-"

"No, no, Patricia, please don't cry! You don't have to do this," Amanda tried to reassure her.

"I _do_. I do have to do this. I don't deserve your help, but I'll take it for my baby's sake. But I wanted to make you a promise from this day forward."

Amanda wrinkled her brow in a 'What's that?' gesture.

"I'm going to work harder to be a less petty person, to be more like you."

Although she was very flattered by what had been said about her, "You're fine the way you are!" Amanda waved off the words.

"No, I'm not. And I know I'm not. And I'm going to try and fix that. I want to be a better friend, not just to you, but to all our friends. And I want to be this way not just in my actions but in my thoughts. I want to be a better person so when I have this baby I can be not just a mother, but a _good_ mother. I want to lead by example and not only with words."

Amanda smiled over at her. "You've had a lot of time to think about all of this, haven't you?"

"I have. And I've realized so much more." Patricia sighed tiredly. "I don't know why I feel like confessing all of this, but I was really angry with my husband about a lot of things. And they weren't even all his fault. If I'm angry with him about all of these things, it's because I never addressed so many things over the years that just built up and went on and on and-" she seemed to be stuck in the words. "I never took care of it. That's only halfway his fault, right? I should have stood up for myself, I should have said _something_." She threw her hands up and declared, "So between that and realizing that I needed to stop being such a bitch in my mind-"

"Patricia!"

"If only you could have read my mind even just a few weeks back before Shin and T'Niye started teaching me stress management techniques. The negative things I thought about others!" She shook her head shamefully. "But I decided that I was going to try harder. At first it was all about the baby, but then I asked myself what kind of person I wanted to be. And I've been really trying to work at it. Soryn's noticed a difference, even though I'd learned to shield a lot of those thoughts from him by then. And I've been working hard at not getting angry with him, even when he really pushes my buttons!" she laughed. "I'm having his baby now and I've got to do everything I can to make this marriage work."

"You almost sound like you had one foot out of the door already."

"I did," she admitted. "But that's no way to bring a baby into the world. I'm his wife and I'm going to keep working on this as much as possible."

Amanda had to ask, "Well have you talked to Soryn about any of this?"

"Yes. Well, no, not really," she admitted. "It wasn't for lack of trying, either. He's decided he doesn't want me engaged in any form of conversation he thinks is going to heighten my stress level," she said as she rolled her eyes and then laughed. "So I'll wait until after I have the baby and then we're going to have some serious talks about improving things between us."

Although it sounded rational to Amanda, something about it truly bothered her. "So all of your issues are going to be left on the shelf for what? The next four to seven months?"

"It's the only way I guess it'll get handled since he insists on not talking about these things until then."

Amanda nodded. "I see. Well you just wait until then I guess. When the time is right, stick to your guns," she smiled. But she wasn't smiling on the inside. She couldn't put her finger on exactly why, but she was deeply troubled.

####

Sarek and Zurel were waiting in the study that used to be Demek's but now belonged to his son. Initially, his three half sisters had attempted to block his occupation of the residence, but an old Vulcan law was in effect. Since the sisters had neglected to even set foot within the residence in nearly five years, they had abandoned their aged father in his later years. Zurel had seen the older man more often than his legal daughters had in the days leading up to his death. Due to the fact that he was the one that was present at the time of his death in order to collect his _katra_, Zurel was therefore awarded all rights to his estate.

"I am not certain this is wise," Zurel cautioned about the meeting that would take place shortly. "Members of the V'Shar are not easily bargained with."

"I understand your ambivalence," was all Sarek said.

And Zurel understood what that meant. It meant 'acknowledged, however I shall nonetheless proceed'.

A servant, a new one handpicked by Zurel, entered the room then. "Agent Zymak is here."

"Show him in."

~#~

Zurel stood by and said nothing, simply watched from the sidelines as Zymak stated, "I cannot at this time name my full terms."

"I find it difficult to make my request when the price for my request is unknown," said Sarek.

"Actually, I do not wish anything monetary in nature. I also do not wish any form of act. I simply wish for information of my own in return and I will also make you a promise that I shall keep."

He was more than wary now. "Information for information?" Sarek clarified.

"Yes, that is so."

"Do not accept these terms, Sarek," interjected Zurel. Though he did not think the agent was vindictive in any way, he had not become a security chief for no reason. Because of his lesser mental ability he always relied on established solid facts that he could see with his own eyes.

Sarek frowned. He knew Zurel's caution was correct. "It would be unwise of me to ignore the thoughts of my security chief."

Zymak looked at Zurel and nodded once. "Under ordinary circumstances I would say that you are more than correct in your instincts. Only, consider this: The information I wish to have, it will not involve betraying your house, your clan or your friends. The information I wish to have is personal to myself. And there is the eventuality that I may not need the information from you. If the opportunity ever presents, I will be able to retrieve it myself."

"Then you face the possibility of giving me information for free?" asked a now extremely skeptical Sarek.

"For what I wish to know, I am willing to take that chance."

Sarek had an instinct of his own then. Zymak was telling him the truth. He looked over at Zurel.

"Whatever it is you wish to do, I shall support the decision," said Zurel.

"And I have one additional request," said Zymak, "to show my trustworthiness. It has to do with the promise I shall give."

"What is it?" asked Sarek.

"Certain factions within our government have begun to encroach upon the V'Shar. Even within our ranks, there are – adversarial factors. I do not think I can tolerate my position as an agent for longer than the next two calendar years. I may not possess the gift your father seemed to have," he said as he looked at Zurel, "but logic has shown me a pattern that has been set in motion and I see that soon there shall be a purge. There will be no choice but for me to remove myself from its path if I wish to continue living. I have more than served my allotted time. If it is acceptable to you, I pledge myself to the House of Sarek under the leadership of Zurel as your Head of Security if perhaps a place can be found for me once I tender my resignation as an agent."

Both Sarek and Zurel looked at one another as each had their separate thoughts. But one thing was certain. A hyper-telepath on his security team would change things drastically for Sarek and Zurel.

Sarek said nothing for a short time. And then, "I wish to know all that you can determine about the death of my sister and also the attack upon she who is my ward."

"That may take some time," said the agent.

"Understood," said Sarek.

####

Amanda felt very satisfied to be working again. It was a mere month in, though, when she went to visit Patricia and things changed drastically.

They were having cooled tea and relaxing outside as the sun set. It had been a semi-late day for Amanda. She only worked at the school three days a week, but they were long days. Because of her command of the Vulcan language she was able to take over a large chunk of Patricia's duties.

"So how was today?" asked Amanda.

"Boring!" Patricia exclaimed with a smile. "There's but so much I can knit and crochet in a day." At least she looked and felt happier. "Yesterday Dana called and we spent an hour gossiping. And this morning before she went to work, Maya dropped by with this no-sugar, zero sodium dish. It was high calorie, too, can you believe it? I don't know what she did with it, but it was delicious! It didn't even have a bad aftertaste those special diet dishes usually have."

Amanda felt the slightest twinge of guilt. "How did she look?" She hadn't been able to see Maya nearly as much as she wanted to.

"Sokam came with her. She looks like she's finding her smile again but she's still a little bit quiet. And he just _hovered_ over everything she did," said Patricia with a grin.

"Soryn's just as hovering with you, Pat!" joked Amanda.

"I know." Her smile faltered just a bit. "But for some reason I get this feeling that it's just not the same, you know?"

"Ah, Pat, it'll be okay," she reassured her.

The redhead smiled. "I know," she laughed. "I'll be positive, I promise!"

Amanda bent down and went to look in her bag for something. "I thought you might like to see-" and as she sat up again, Patricia suddenly looked just a tad out of sorts. "Pat?"

"I feel a little -strange."

"Strange? Strange how?"

"Why are you so far away?" she asked as she lifted her hand, fluttered her fingers in an odd gesture and simply stared at it.

Amanda wasn't certain if Patricia was speaking to her or referring to her hand. Though she had no medical training, she had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. Quickly pulling out her communicator, "Soryn, I think something's wrong with Patricia!" tumbled from her lips in an almost panic.

Even as she looked at her as if she were already halfway in a dream state, Patricia slurred out the words, "I'm fffffinnne."

_Sarek, call T'Niye to Patricia at once!_ She shouted within her bond. Sarek acknowledged her words. Things took a turn for the worse, then.

####

Patricia was shuttled to the Vulcan Academy hospital in the middle of a grand mal seizure. Amanda and Soryn both stayed with her throughout the horrifying experience. Amanda was terrified, and though he did not outwardly show it, Soryn's pinched expression indicated that he was merely holding onto himself by the strictest measures of Vulcan discipline.

Soon afterward, Amanda found herself sitting in another waiting room in the Vulcan Academy Hospital for yet another friend. "What is it about this place?" she muttered to Sarek. "I hope the Terran belief that this stuff happens in threes isn't true, because if it is, somebody needs to call Dana and warn her to watch out for herself."

Even he could not help but notice, "Our presence at this hospital seems to have become mandatory."

"How is Spock?"

"He is with Zurel at his home."

She breathed easier. The safest place for Spock, safer even than their home, was at Zurel's estate. She'd briefly considered moving there after the attempted kidnapping, but Zurel himself had assured her that not only would he make their home as safe as possible, but that Maya would also be kept safe at all times.

Amanda paced back and forth. "I hope she'll be okay," she said as she worried about Patricia and her baby.

"Come, Amanda," he held his hand out to her. "Sit with me." She sighed tiredly as she placed her fingers in his and allowed him to project soothing emotions at her through their mutual touch. "T'Niye is a more than competent Healer. I am certain she will do all that can be done for Lady Patricia."

####

They wound up having to go home that evening. By then Patricia's seizure was over. But the next day, things looked very grim as Mariana filled them in on Patricia's condition with Soryn's permission.

"She's on some serious drugs to prevent another seizure. Another incident like that could kill the baby. And since the object is to keep the baby alive, they had to put her under kind of deep. They think her body is trying to reject the placenta since it's intertwined with the DNA of the father and to top that off, her body isn't handling the hybrid pregnancy well. If they can get the baby to 44 weeks gestation, they're going to take her out then. But there's this paradox going on. The baby is killing the mother so the mother's body is trying to kill the baby. T'Niye is trying to keep both from killing one another…" Mariana rubbed at her tired eyes. "Every time I wonder why I left the medical field something like this happens. I just feel so useless to help anyone when things like this go wrong."

"That's exactly what I felt when I saw her going into that seizure. I didn't know what was happening, what I was supposed to do, what I should have done. I just stood by and watched."

"You did exactly the right thing. You got medical care to her as fast as possible."

Amanda nodded in the positive, but she was still suffering from feelings of futility.

* * *

_A/N - I have some time on my hands these days and I'm going to try and update this story as often as I can while I have the time. Thank you all so much, for those who have continued to follow and for those who review._


	29. Before I Go Away

Before I Go Away

Amanda wasn't feeling particularly great. She was sitting with Dana whom had no idea of the announcement that was about to be made. They had gathered as many friends at their home as they could. Everyone was mingling, speaking with one another.

"I just feel terrible," Dana said in a low tone. Her little waistline was already expanding. "All I've had to do is eat more than usual, but I haven't had morning sickness, any unusual developments, nothing. But poor Pat is still in the hospital, you had _narcolepsy_… I'm carrying twins, I should be having more trouble than this by now, shouldn't I?"

Despite her feeling of trepidation for what was about to happen, Amanda couldn't help but to laugh. "So you feel guilty because you should be more miserable?"

Dana thought about it. "Yeah, I guess so. I should be having all sorts of health problems and I'm not. I can't help but wonder, why is that?"

"Well what did T'Niye say?" asked Amanda, trying to take her mind off of the announcement they were about to make in less than an hour. Her eyes strayed to Maya holding Spock and there was another stab of pain to her heart. After all that had happened, this was going to hurt Maya even more. But she knew her friend would understand that they were taking Spock away mainly to protect him…

"T'Niye said I basically have the body type and the genes to just produce children like crazy anyway. Who ever knew I'd turn out to be a breeder?" she laughed.

She laughed with her, but no matter how much she tried to put herself in the moment, Amanda couldn't shake the sadness.

The time had come. They called their friends to them to let them know the reason for this gathering at their home. Everyone looked around, askance at one another. Sarek and Amanda had an announcement to make.

She looked at her husband and motioned her head toward him in a 'go ahead' gesture. It was always best to allow Sarek to speak when you had to rip the bandage off quickly. "I have been recalled to Terra Prime for my ambassadorial duties and we shall be leaving within the month."

At first, everyone stood there, mouths agape, not able to speak. And then everyone was speaking at once.

"But…but…but _now_?" Dana was saying.

"You're _all_ leaving?" Mariana was asking. She had been warned in advance about Zurel's departure, but hadn't been aware the entire family was moving!

Zurel was instantly at Mariana's side. "I did not think it prudent to tell you of their plans."

"No, you're totally _right_ not to tell someone else's plans," she reassured him.

"We shall, of course, look forward to seeing you back here again," Turan chimed in, his mind already on the future.

There was chaos as everyone spoke to one another. The only one not speaking was Maya. But Sokam was whispering to her, "My wife, you have no words at this time?"

She looked at him with the slightest of smiles. "I'm fine," she whispered back.

"Well when are you leaving?" asked Dana.

"In less than three weeks," said Amanda. "We already started packing up what we're taking with us today. I've been ordering things to have delivered to the embassy so when we get there we're not totally bereft of furniture and places to sleep. Sarek didn't exactly make the living quarters at the embassy a home," she laughed. She had had only two occasions to see his personal space there back in her intern days and they left much to be desired.

While the commotion was on, Zurel beckoned Mariana out of doors to speak with her in confidence.

####

Whenever they wound up alone, it felt as if there were an envelope of silent air pressure surrounding them. They both seemed to be waiting for some bubble to burst and for words to rush out of both of them. Mariana shrugged. "Here we are again."

"Again?" Zurel asked.

"You know," she giggled, "outside, in the dark, waiting for my eyes to adjust."

He drew closer to her. "I am grieved to leave thee."

His words were so formal though he stood very close. He didn't make the mistake of trying to touch her too soon like he had done that day at her locker. She smiled up at him. "I don't want you to go, but I know you have to. I know your job is important to you and I know doing it well is important to you…"

"So, you understand."

"I understand. I'll still miss you, though," she said with a tiny smile that wasn't really a smile. She had only just gotten used to the thought of 'him' in her life and now he was going. "Isn't that just like me?" she muttered to herself.

"What is the meaning of that sentence?"

She sighed tiredly. "It isn't until something -or someone- is gone that I realize how much I…" She was feeling too much at one time. She had the overwhelming urge to strike out in anger and hit something or someone. "I'm terrible at this," she admitted as she felt the slide of tears down her face. "I'm so stupid!"

Her self-deprecation forced him to move even more into her space, his fingers then trailing in her hair. His hands cupped her head and forced her to look up at him. "You will not speak such words about yourself again. Is that clear?"

Her eyes had adjusted enough to see that he meant business. He didn't like her speaking badly about herself. "Yes."

His forehead met hers softly. "No one is free to speak ill of you, not within my hearing. May I be assured by you that your words to yourself will be kinder in future?"

She sniffled as more tears trailed down her face. "Yes."

Because his hands were still grasping her skull, he could feel every emotion coursing through her, every emotion about herself, about him…about another. "And what of your Cardassian?" he nearly whispered.

Sheesh! They weren't kidding about that jealousy factor, were they? "He's not 'my Cardassian' anymore," she said.

He sensed she truly meant it. She no longer felt any obligation toward the other man. "Then I am assured you will stay clear of him while I am not here?"

She sucked her teeth as she wiggled out of Zurel's grip on her and then delivered a sharp smack to his arm. "If you have to ask, then you shouldn't be with me!" she shot out at him.

He found it delightful that she could pivot so quickly between emotions. Sokam was correct in his assessment that Mariana was truly a volatile personality type! But Zurel found that exciting. "I agree," was all he said.

####

Sokam admitted to himself that he had entered the emotional state of 'worried' for his wife. She had not been herself since the attack. He had taken two months off from school to keep an eye on her. Due to the special circumstances, her boss, Teahar, allowed him to accompany and remain with her throughout the entire work day.

She had slowly been experiencing an upswing in emotion, ever so gradual. And then Sarek and Amanda announced they were leaving and, of course, taking Spock with them. Though she assured him that she was quite well, after that her emotions dipped to an all-time low. He decided that he couldn't allow it to continue.

"My wife, may I please speak with you about your state of being?"

She looked up from the work she had brought home from the museum. "Yes?" she asked. She had been exceptionally timid, as well. She seemed afraid to become animated or angry in any way.

"Have you been to see T'Niye as of yet?"

She nodded quickly. "No."

That confirmed his other suspicion that she was avoiding everything having to do with the mental arts. "Maya, you shall not overcome the effects of the attack by not dealing with them."

She simply sat there and watched his lips moving, but was there any sound coming out? "The University of Cairo says I can do a year's long-distance correspondence, but I have to be physically present for that second year of my coursework. If I don't do the year at the school, I won't get my next degree."

He wondered at this tactic she seemed to use lately, that of changing the subject whenever she didn't want to speak about the attack. "Maya, you cannot pretend that it did not happen."

"I know it happened!" she snapped at him.

He cautiously moved closer to her. "My wife, I only wish to assist you."

She swallowed back tears of hopelessness. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."

"If it is what you wish to do, to go to Terra Prime in one year's time when your work at the museum is finished-"

Something within her stirred as she looked at him with awe. "You'd let me go?"

He sat directly opposite her. "Yes. It is that which you have striven your entire life for, is it not?"

She nodded profusely as tears threatened to spill over. "Yes, it is."

"Then it is what you must do," he said as one hand softly touched her face. "In the past, I would not at all have been open to the idea," he admitted. "I believed if I kept you here, it would minimize the chances of your slipping from my influence…or my slipping from your thoughts. But I know now that it does not matter how closely one holds another. Something—anything may happen to take them from you without warning."

Finally seeing him for the first time in so long, a wall of grief welled up in her and she found herself gasping in pain as her tears began. "Why did you say that to me?" She tried to get up and exit the conversation by exiting the room.

"It is true," he said as he moved to hold her to the spot. His hands held her arms and prevented her from moving. "There were two people here, in a battle. But it was possible for only one to emerge alive. And the victor was you. Would you have rather I sat here, at this same time in the stream of things and mourned your passing? Would you have rather I lost my mental footing and went on a vendetta to find the henchman? For it is not logical, but I would have found him and I would have killed him in your name."

"Sokam!"

"I am not ashamed to admit that I would kill for you. It is my nature."

"Well it's not mine!"

"Then do you judge me harshly?"

"Why should I?"

"Because I have taken the life of another in my past."

She looked at him, shocked. "You?"

"You forget I did not grow up on this side of our world. And things are very different on the other side."

She found herself adjusting to that information on the inside. "How many times did you have to do that?"

"It was only the once and I do not regret my decision."

She swallowed back her shock to get out the question, "Why?"

"Why do I not regret my decision? Or why did I kill?"

"Both."

"It was simple. Either I would emerge dead or alive. And I emerged alive. I was able to continue living to meet you, to join with you. I cannot regret that."

"Did it have to do with the mating urge?"

"No," he admitted. "You were my first Pon Farr. And yet I was no virgin when we joined. Vulcans have always, from time immemorial, killed to keep a mate. And I thought, at the time, that the female I fought for wished to keep me. But within a year of my victory, of proving I was worthy and able to keep her safe, she had moved on to someone else. As a result, my obsessive nature began to assert itself. Instead of allowing me to walk that path, she who was my mother made certain I became bonded, and that was when I decided I would come to the Syrranite side to minimize the chances of my being put into that situation again. I do not regret killing or emerging alive, but it is not something I wish to do again. And especially not for a female that is unworthy of the honor. You are worthy of that honor."

Maya found herself strangely touched, in a morbid way. _Girl, you knew the guy was on the nuts side when you married him. Now is not the time to get squeamish on him…_ "Is there anything else I should know about your past?"

"I admit there is much to tell. But know that I have never and will never lie to you about it."

She took a deep breath in and out. Felt herself starting to expand on the inside again, wanting to seek things out, wanting to know… "I'll go to T'Niye."

"And I shall accompany you."

"And one more thing."

"Tell me."

"I can't live in this house anymore. It's just a reminder of… I can't live here," she admitted.

"Then we shall leave immediately," he assured her. "We shall go this very moment."

####

Amanda was finding more and more creative ways to hide her tears. He often wondered why his wife thought it necessary to hide things from him. But he had to respect that she did want to keep it private, so he did not approach her on the subject.

Late one evening, he found her and Spock pacing the Common Room. The baby was in tears. And so was she.

"Amanda, what is it?" he asked. "Are you overly fatigued? I will take the child for now. You must rest."

"I can't sleep again, Sarek."

He didn't say anything for a second. The fact that she realized that he already knew her sleeping had been poor told him his wife had a gift for hiding key facts…just as well as he did. "My wife, I have noticed your distress since our announcement to return to Terra Prime."

She cried worse as she handed the crying baby over to him. Then she sat down in the rocking chair that had been ordered especially for her while Spock was still this tiny. "Well are you surprised?" she asked.

He looked at her closely and realized, "You do not wish to return home."

"No! My people are _crazy_! I didn't realize just how crazy they were until I went to the embassy and started working with you years ago. And then I come here. And I have to stay behind a compound wall all day because of the wife shortage thing- and then the female prisoner situation and with everything here that's gone wrong, with all of that drama, still, it is nowhere as horrifying as my planet can be!"

He knew to what things she referred. "Amanda, the embassy grounds are considered apart of the planet Vulcan and the madness does not extend there."

"My planet, my family, my _people_…" she said miserably with tears coursing down her face. "As much as I don't want to think about it, as much as I try to turn my back on them, I'm apart of them. And there's some part of me that-"

Sarek couldn't make sense of the cacophony of emotions jumping off of his wife. She was truly a few steps away from hysteria.

"I can't breathe," she was saying. "I can't breathe…"

He stood next to her, knelt down and asked in a clear, precise voice, "Amanda, are you experiencing a panic attack?"

Something about the moment pushed Amanda over the proverbial edge and she found herself laughing through her tears. "Ohhh! Your straight face while asking if I'm 'experiencing a panic attack'," she mimicked his tone of voice.

Both Sarek and the now quiet baby looked at her with questioning faces. "I see no reason to insult me, wife," he said.

Amanda knew if she was just being addressed as 'wife' and not 'my wife' that maybe he was a bit insulted. She forced herself to calm down. "I'm sorry, Sarek. I'm just having a very hard time thinking about taking him there and exposing him to-" She drew in a shaky breath. "The only Terrans I like are here, on _this_ planet. Not on that one."

"Amanda, do you dislike your own people?"

She thought about his question and said honestly, "Yes, I do." She shook her head knowingly. "And if you experienced them the way that I did my entire life, the things I saw growing up, the things I went through, the things we all went through, especially females, you would ask yourself why you mixed your bloodline with one of _them_."

####

Zymak was acting on pure instinct. There were things he wished to know and there was only one way he could find them out.

He gained access to the Vulcan Academy Hospital via his credentials. He found the correct floor and then found the correct room. Once it was ascertained that there was in fact no one present, he slipped into the room he was seeking and confirmed, yes, it was empty save for its occupant.

He moved closer to the bed and surveyed the sleeping occupant, Patricia, wife of another. He saw the swell of life in her abdomen growing larger by the day. He would only satisfy his rampant curiosity and do nothing more, he assured himself. Though he did not need to, he reached out one hand and put it to the side of her face…


	30. Descent into Madness

Descent into Madness

Amanda arrived back on Terra Prime, in her opinion, at the best time of day. Nighttime. Since their return was confidential, no one was the wiser about the ambassador returning with his Terran wife. But their confidentiality did not last for long.

Zurel made certain the embassy was secure from danger, but there was one thing that could penetrate the embassy without effort.

The third morning home, Amanda turned on the news report to be greeted by a picture of her face on the side of the screen and a panel in the middle of a discussion about her, of all people.

"—according to what we've determined, the General's daughter married the ambassador before it was legal to do so. It would also seem, digging into her past, she was initially in disgrace and sent off-planet for a Thought Crime of some sort-" one of the male members of the panel was saying.

"Well it's obvious," interrupted another male member of the panel, "we know exactly why _she_ married_ him_."

"Well do tell!" piped in a female panel member with a skirt so short you couldn't ignore the skin of her mid to upper thigh region. "Because you couldn't get _me_ to marry one of _them_."

"It's obvious," said the member who had interrupted the first panel member that had been speaking before. "He's rich, he's powerful, he comes from a family that's just as strong, if not stronger than hers-" he said as he ticked off the reasons on his hand.

"That's just treasonous," said the first member. "There's no way one of their families is politically stronger than any of ours."

"You know that is not what I meant!" protested the second member who was by then obviously quite angry. "My _POINT_ is she married him because she was in some seriously deep trouble and he was able to get her out of it."

"I don't care how much trouble you're in," said the first member. "That's not a good enough reason to breed with them! And the fact that she bred with this man shows this was not just an 'I'm in trouble' situation. She might actually be in love with him."

"Well why would she be?" asked the female panel member with the skirt that seemed to be getting shorter by the second. "Okay, I can qualify my opinion. I love my computer, but I don't_ love_ my computer!"

"Like you don't have some mechanical device at home that's getting some of _your_ attention!" joked the second panel member as they all burst into raucous laughter.

The door opened and Amanda quickly shut off the newscast. She didn't understand why she felt a slight bit of guilt and why she was trying to hide what she had just seen, but it was already too late. Her face was also red with humiliation. Sarek stepped into the room, took one look at her and commented, "I see you have stumbled upon the newsfeed."

She sighed tiredly as she put a pillow over her own face. "I actually thought I'd escaped notice, that it would just be a blurb on the news somewhere. They had an entire _panel _discussing my choices and my life, as if they know me!"

"Unfortunately, Amanda, it was merely a matter of time. And while we are on the subject, perhaps you should also be apprised that your picture is on the top page of many major periodicals, paper and electronic."

She pulled the pillow off of her face and scowled. "I hate this city."

"It is for the entire planet, Amanda," he thought he should clarify.

She gave him an acidic look. "Oh, gee, thanks for that extra information! And what about the ones that don't have my picture on the cover?" she halfway shouted.

"It is either our picture on the cover or only my picture. The stories with just my picture are much more sinister in nature. They assert that through you I plan to ascend the Emperor's throne someday through he who is my son. A preposterous assumption since I have no ambitions on the Dilithium Throne."

The day had just begun and Amanda already possessed a pounding headache. She tried to remind herself why she had returned here. It was to keep her son safe and out of the hands of T'Pau. She would do anything to keep her baby safe. Anything. Even endure this humiliation. "On with the day," she murmured as she forced herself up.

####

"I miss you already!" Mariana said to him through the screen.

Zurel was uncertain how he should respond to such emotional words, so he said the only thing that made sense to him. "If you were here, I could touch your fingers."

Mariana had a feeling that meant 'I miss you, too'. But she wished he could tell her that. She was going to have to talk to Dana about this non-emotional double-speak and how to decode it. But still, thinking of what happened whenever he touched her fingers made her insides melt. Then she understood what he'd meant. "Ohhh," she whispered.

He wished he could smile at the dawning comprehension on her face. "Precisely."

She was blushing then and found herself taking her long curls and putting them up into a loose bun to cool herself. "How's things been those first few days back? I don't envy Amanda one bit. The media must be all over her like a cheap suit."

He never understood that expression and figured that would be his next discussion with Amanda as far as the connotation of the meaning of 'the cheap suit'. "Yes, they have been quite harsh. I do believe it is taking a toll. However, I have called to speak with you solely about us. Sarek shall attend Amanda, as is proper."

She was blushing again. "For a guy that can't admit to emotions, you keep making me hot in the face."

He leaned forward into the screen, his face more serious than usual. "It is not the only place I wish to invoke warmth within you," exited his mouth.

She gave off one squeak of surprise and spontaneous laughter as she covered her face. "That's just criminal!" she halfway shouted. "You know I'm a good girl!"

"That can change."

####

Amanda pasted a grin on her face, took a deep breath, exhaled quickly and pushed the 'receive' button. "Hello, mother!" she said. But her face changed as soon as she saw the face on the other end. It wasn't her mother. It was her childhood nanny. She gasped. "Nanny Marta?"

"It's me," said the woman. She was older, a little bit heavier, but she still looked about the same. "How have you been, little lady?"

This time tears of happiness sprang to Amanda's face. "I'm much better now speaking with you!"

"I haven't seen you in so long," said the old nanny, her happiness obvious in her expression. "How are things?"

"Things are fine."

"I hear you have a baby now."

Amanda quickly picked Spock up. The Master would be coming to train him soon, but for then he was playing with one of his many sensory toys at her feet. She put him to the screen and he gave off a tiny grin at the face of the lady on the other side.

Marta's face turned into an expression of pure emotional joy. "Oh, Amanda, the news reports have lied. He's perfect and he's beautiful!"

Amanda should have known they would take even that and run with it. "So now they're saying my son is ugly?" she asked angrily.

"You know how Terran-centric they have to be if they want to keep their jobs," said Marta.

Amanda sniffled and nodded. Marta was one of the reasons she did not come out a carbon copy of her own mother. She was one of only few women Amanda trusted, sadly, on the planet at that moment. "Where are you now?" asked Amanda.

Marta shrugged. "Not doing much. I lost my last position because I refused to take the children to the gladiatorial games."

"I'm so sorry…" Amanda said as the wheels in her mind turned. "So you're unemployed now?"

"I am."

"Then come to the embassy. I want to see you."

"Me?" she asked, shocked. "Why would you-"

"I don't have a nanny for Spock. And you're the only one I trust, Marta."

Her eyes widened. "You want me to-" Her eyes began to water.

"It'll be an adjustment for you here, but at least you'd be here for now. We're not going back to Vulcan for about three years, maybe two."

"I don't have enough money to make it here, Amanda," she admitted. "I live with my son and my income is fixed. You know how stingy Oscar can be."

"Then I'm sending someone to pick you up now. I'm transferring you to the transportation division. I want you here within 48 hours, Nanny Marta. Get your stuff in order. You're coming to work for me."

Marta smiled widely.

"Oh, and Marta, getting them to put you through to me by saying you were my mother?"

"Yes, Amanda?"

"Hilarious!"

####

Amanda's actual mother showed up that afternoon, though. The young woman was nowhere as happy to see her as she had been to see her old nanny.

She had one of the servants show her into her personal apartment on embassy grounds. Mrs. Grayson mother was continually looking around and about her everywhere she walked within the embassy. She was slightly horrified by all of the Vulcan art and architecture. She was even more mortified by the ancient Vulcan displays of armor and weapons.

The two did not greet in the way one would expect mother and daughter to after almost two years of not seeing one another. There was one almost nonexistent air kiss to the cheek and that was the end of that. They both sat in neutral positions, facing one another, but far enough apart to survey the faces of one another.

"You're looking good," her mother admitted.

"Thank you. You too, mom."

"I'll cut to the chase. The family is disturbed at your face being all over the media."

She rolled her eyes. "Well I didn't exactly want the media in my business, either."

"And your father!" she exclaimed, as she shook her head. "He is _livid_. He still doesn't want to speak to you, Amanda."

"So? The hell with him, too."

Her mother stood quickly. "You don't speak that way about your father, young lady!"

Amanda also stood up. "What are you going to do about it? You think you can slap this out of me, too? Go ahead, mother. This time, I _will_ slap you back if you touch me."

Her mother seemed to sigh in defeat and then sat back down as if the entire exchange had never happened. "Oh, sit down, Manda. I was just saying you should have more respect for your father. He's an important man."

Amanda sat down cautiously. "I've met many important men. It's no reason to think you're above reproach or decency."

"You're father is a paragon of Terran values!"

"Hmmm," was Amanda's only answer. She knew her mother knew of all of her father's shameful activities. So to her, one of two things were going on here. Either her mother believed her father was correct in his bad actions or she believed his actions weren't bad at all. And that made her very nervous. "If I need to be considered not a member of your family, that's fine with me."

"What do you mean, 'your family'? We're still your family. Don't you know that family is everything, Amanda?"

"I have my _own_ family now!" she shouted back.

She stood quickly. "This is why I thought I shouldn't come here."

"No, you shouldn't have!" Amanda agreed as she also stood. She was one breath from telling her mother to get out when Sarek entered the room.

Both women grew quiet. Amanda was ashamed at how angry she had gotten so quickly, but her mother was halfway scandalized and in a strange way star struck at seeing the ambassador. It was one thing to have a bad opinion about someone with a semi-celebrity status. But it was quite something else to be face to face with them. The ambassador was very tall and unquestionably good looking. "I think I see why I fell for him, Manda," her mother found herself murmuring under her breath without thinking.

"Lady Grayson," Sarek greeted her with his diplomatic manners. He bowed slightly from the waist since he knew the _ta'al_ salute would be completely lost on her. "I have quite looked forward to greeting you for some time now."

That quickly, her mother was six feet under the wall of Sarek's charm. "Oh my, Mr. Ambassador, it is such a pleasure to meet you!"

Amanda's eyes widened. Her mother _was_ star struck!

"I was just telling Amanda that even though her father has decided to stay narrow-minded, _I_ haven't. I've come to tell you hello and that I'd like to see my grandson from time to time."

Amanda's hands turned to fists and she jammed them up into her hips. "What?"

"Well he may be only half Terran, but he's still half _Terran_!" she said as if it were so obvious to anyone with sense.

Sarek responded, "Yes, of course." He turned to leave the room. "I will have him sent to you immediately, Lady Grayson."

"But he's in his studies," Amanda said, shocked at her husband.

"It can be interrupted for she who is his grandmother for at least a short time, can it not?"

Amanda wondered who this man was and kept herself riveted to the spot. Some part of her wanted to go and check him for fever. But then she remembered, he was, first and foremost, an ambassador. He most likely had encountered far worse Terrans in his time and had learned to simply deal with it. It made her feel worse to consider that. "Sure," was the only thing she was able to get out.

As the door closed behind Sarek, her mother sat down. "Well at least your husband knows the proper way to speak to me, which is more than I can say for _you_."

She saw she was being baited again and instead of rising to it that time, she took a page from Sarek's book of example and turned and pressed a button. "I'm having tea and cakes sent up, mom. Is there anything you want?"

"I just want to see my grandchild," she gushed. "I don't care what your father says, that baby is a part of me!"

And that, at least, made Amanda feel a little bit better.

Her mother had the most unexpected reaction to Spock. The baby was brought in by his father. Spock had only just begun standing while holding onto things the week before. Sarek placed him next to the coffee table where his grandmother was sitting. The baby put his little hands out and pulled himself up into a standing position. He turned and took a look at his grandmother and rewarded her with a great big drooling toothless grin.

Lady Grayson was done for. "Oh, by the Pantheon!" she exclaimed as she burst into tears. "He's just so damned _beautiful_, ears and all. Oh, he's beautiful, Amanda!"

She hadn't expected her mother to say that and she found her own tears leaping to her eyes. "Thank you, mom."

The older woman reached over and lifted the baby into her lap. He snuggled himself right into her bosom and relaxed there. "He knows I'm his Grammie!" Almost on cue, Spock began to giggle as he looked up at her. She looked over at her daughter. "I take back those awful things I said to you when I found out you were pregnant with him, you know that, Manda?"

She thought about all of those years and her mother's emotional leaps and bounds throughout. She was truly an unstable woman. Why did it take now for her to realize this? "Yes, mom, I know," she said. She resolved from that day forward to always try to take this newfound fact into consideration.

####

Mariana was leaving the hospital when she sensed that she was being followed. There were, at least, several other people in the parking lot area so she felt a small bit of relief. She turned to see that it was Jhuleem behind her. "What do you want?" she asked.

He stopped where he stood and simply stared for a few seconds. "I just want to talk to you."

"Okay, talk."

"Is this some kind of test you're performing?" he asked. "Are you just trying to see how much I can take before I lose my mind?"

They had been broken up, in her mind, long enough for him to at least have 'gotten it' that she was not coming back. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said.

"I think you do," he said. "There's no way some Vulcan took my place."

"Jhuleem, this isn't about anyone taking anyone's 'place'," she said as she wondered how in the world he had found out about Zurel. "This is about things not working out between us and the both of us moving on. That's all."

"Except the problem here is that you moved on incredibly _fast_."

"Maybe to you, I did. But when you broke my heart the way that you did, I went through a lot. And a lot of time has passed since then. Enough time for me to have realized some things and to have gotten over some other things. And that's the way things are, okay?"

"Look, I know what's going on. And I understand it, all right? I'm not going to fight your relationship with your Vulcan."

"You're not?" she asked.

"No, I'm not," he said. He stepped closer as she admitted, "I decided to marry the girl my family wants me to."

She did feel a tiny stab of hurt, but it wasn't nearly as painful as it had been the first time she'd heard of the other girl. "That's good for you," she nodded. "I wish you both the best."

"I already married her, by proxy, from afar."

For some reason, Mariana felt even better when she heard that, like a weight had been lifted off of her. "Wow, that's wonderful!" she exclaimed. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," he smiled. "So she's back on Cardassia now and won't get here for awhile. She has her own career to advance. And you're here without Zurel," he said as he seemed to be waiting for her to get some unspoken point.

Her stomach turned as she realized where this conversation was going. "Oh…"

"Yes, exactly," he said. "We're both here without them. Why should we be so lonely?"

"I gotta go," she rushed out as she began double-timing it to her shuttle.

"Mariana, wait! I'm not going to jump you in a parking lot!"

She turned and looked at him. "So what the hell do you want?"

"I'm just saying, why should we be without some kind of comfort? I still love you, I know you probably still feel some kind of love for me-"

Once again, she was double-timing it to her vehicle. "I'm leaving now."

"I'm just saying," he said as he followed behind her quickly. "You and I could be together just for now and when they get back here, we'll be with them and not be with each other anymore. This way everyone wins!"

"I don't believe I'm _hearing_ this!" she said as she reached the shuttle.

He stood just in front of her. "Listen to me!" he shouted. "I'm only saying that you and I were meant to be together and you know we were. What were the chances that you and I would meet after all that time on this planet of all places? You know how much I loved you, how much I still love you! You promised you would never leave me again!" he said, a pained expression on his face.

"Jhuleem, I'm only going to say this once. I don't believe in being with more than one person at a time."

"Oh, because you're just so faithful?" he asked, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Honestly, no!" she said. "I do it for _my_ sake because I can't do that thing where you juggle two people at once. I know plenty people can and do. I know I'm not one of them!"

"So then, fine! Leave him and come _back_ to me!"

"No!"

"Why?"

"You're married, and that's just for starters! That means something to me. And secondly, I-" She thought of Zurel and an emotion was knotted in her throat. "He would never hurt me. And that means a lot to me right now. He's a good man and that also means a lot to me."

"Tell me you love him and I'll leave you alone!"

"It shouldn't matter anything that I have to say to you about him or me or anything! The only thing that should matter is that I told you to leave me alone and that I don't want to be with you. We were over months ago and you know that. And it isn't fair for you to try to wedge your way back into someplace where you were kicked out. I've made room in my heart for someone else and you're trying to sabotage that and I can't have it! _Leave me alone_!" she shouted.

He stood back from her, hands up as if in surrender. "All right, Mariana. I'll leave you alone for now. But do you think he's being a saint, wherever he is? Do you think he spends his nights alone?"

She looked Jhuleem in the eye and said with all honesty, "I trust Zurel more than anyone else. I trust him more than myself, more than my own father. What does that tell you?"

"That tells me you trust him. But that doesn't tell me that you love him."

She didn't say anything in response. She only got into her vehicle and locked it behind her.

####

Spock went on growing in weight and height, milestones and knowledge. Amanda blinked and six months had passed. He was the only thing, by then, that made her wake up in the mornings.

Only two times during that period did Amanda bother to venture off of embassy grounds. Both times, she was assaulted by the inevitable sensation of someone being terribly out of place.

The first day she went out that way, she actually snuck off of embassy grounds in her most inconspicuous Terran clothing. She was met by one of the pamphlet sellers as she walked down the busy street. "Would you like to buy the latest Execution Pamphlet, miss? It's on real paper and you can put it in your collection."

She looked down at the pamphlet in his hand of the latest victims of the Empire. And on the cover she could see the dead face of a man who had finally found peace and rest after who knew how long he had been tortured for whatever brand of treason he had committed. She looked up at the face of the vendor and saw that already, he was wondering why she had paused. "I already have that one," she lied, seamlessly falling back into her old habits of survival.

He smiled quickly. "I see…"

She moved on as she remembered exactly why she hated living in the Terran world. It was one constant lie after another that exited her mouth. To have just told that vendor that she had already bought a pamphlet she would never in a million years purchase, all so he didn't inform on her. She wasn't ready to test the theory that she was covered by her husband's diplomatic immunity. She also didn't want to have her face pasted on yet another paper, since the constant gossip about her had moved on to someone else, finally. The last thing she wanted was the world coming down on her for being unpatriotic.

Amanda continued walking and decided to go back to the embassy. It had been a mistake to come out this way.

The second trip out of the embassy had been to accompany Sarek to a gladiatorial game. She had not wanted to go, but it was mandatory for everyone who set foot on Terra Prime to attend a game at least two times a year. And already, her six months there was almost at hand. So they went.

It had been a terrible time for the both of them for very different reasons. Sarek had just returned from a mission without his wife. The mission had been inherently dangerous and he had demanded that Amanda not go with him. Despite his ambassadorial title, the situation during the mission had degenerated into violence he had spent a piece of it literally defending his life and had returned home to recover from several injuries.

The thing that was the sticking point, however, was attending the gladiatorial games, she was in hell watching the violent aspect of it. But he…

His eyes had seemingly glazed over. He was unaffected by the violence, she assumed, thought maybe he had just found some mental trick to zone it out. But one tap into his train of thought and she realized he was entering his own form of blood frenzy. It was only his Syrranite upbringing that kept him from being whipped up into the hysteria of the masses about them. It was a side of her husband that she knew existed, but had never come face to face with until then. She was worse than shocked. She was horrified. And then she realized he had just returned from a serious battle situation himself. Had that somehow put him slightly off-kilter?

They went home after the games and Sarek put himself into a deep state of meditation. It lasted for hours longer than it should have. He emerged, his equilibrium intact, and the two never spoke of the blood lust she saw in his mind. She knew it truly was his nature and gave him serious credit for fighting it.

She was in a state of depression by the time the six month mark came and went. She wished she could see her friends, but she knew she couldn't yet. She was beyond tears and simply spent her days ensuring that Spock got the care, attention and education he should from Marta, the Master and any teachings given him by his father on Surak. She was ever the optimist and knew she couldn't remain miserable forever and held out for a time when she knew that that would not be the case any longer.


	31. OffPlanet

_A/N - I edited this so many times, I'm sick of looking at it, lol! If there are any errors, totally my fault since I couldn't take reading it one more time._

Off-Planet

It was less than one week after the stressful events of the gladiatorial games that Sarek received a new assignment. The most thrilling thing about it was his family and half the embassy staff would be accompanying him this time. Amanda was so excited about leaving Terra Prime, she felt as if she were vibrating.

The plan was to travel to and orbit the colony world of Darin Five on a special diplomatic luxury space liner, courtesy of the Darin, the ones Sarek would be officially working for. It was refreshing to consider, soon she would venture someplace that was known for its peacefulness and tolerance. As far as she knew her only role this time was to accompany Sarek to three official dinners, but even that was enough to make her feel like she had a life again outside of their home.

The day before they disembarked she was in a frenzy of supervising their packing, checking this and that crate or piece of luggage. She had to make certain she contained not only everything they used on a daily basis, but also enough items to keep Spock occupied. She also had to make certain she brought along the correct clothing, make-up and jewelry for the few times she would have to accompany Sarek down to the planet.

As she traveled from crate to trunk and luggage, giving directions as to where each thing was to be placed up on the ship that was already in orbit waiting for their luggage, a little blur of activity ran past her. "Spock!" Her son was quite mobile and he was mischief itself. Well past one year of age, his serious face stayed in place much of the time. Despite that, he was pure frenetic activity when he wasn't engaged in his mind conditioning with the master or being instructed in his academic studies by the tutor. "You know I don't want you running around while we make all of these preparations," she reminded him.

"I am going?" he asked a little too eagerly for what must have been the fifth time.

"Yes, my baby, we're all going," she said as she tried to pick him up.

But he squirmed to get away. "_Not_ baby!" he protested.

She let him go as her heart bled. He almost never wanted to be held these days. Only when he was upset or extremely tired would he consent to being held by her. "Well you should not be running indoors," she reproved, "or else I have to hold you like you're a baby."

"No more, mommy," he promised with serious eyes.

"Go to the Master. It's time for your mental conditioning. Where's Marta?"

"Over there," he pointed with his tiny finger.

"Tell her it's time for your mental lessons now."

He ran over to his nanny, "Marta! Lessons!"

The nanny smiled down at her little charge. "Come now, lad. We're going to see Mr. Sytrar."

"Yes!" Spock shouted enthusiastically.

Later that day when she went into their private Master Suite to finish packing several of her personal items, she did not hear Sarek as he walked up behind her. "Perhaps, Amanda, I should take you off-planet more often," he commented as he placed his arms around her waist. His hands grasped her hips and pulled her in close to him. She nearly jumped at the unexpected contact, but recovered quickly and then giggled as she practically melted into the front of him. She noticed he had been touching her much more often lately.

Sarek's usual pattern was quite predictable. He went through stages of sensual need. He could go days, even weeks, without touching her sexually. Then suddenly, he could enter a phase of weeks where he had to have her every single day without fail. The true test was when he was in that mood several times in one day for days at a time.

But lately he had not been following his usual pattern. Though he had been touching her very frequently, and sex was very much on his mind, he never went further than touches. She wondered what was stopping him from following through. It was almost as if he were afraid to become too physical with her, and it all started ever since he'd come back from that last accursed mission.

After Amanda had supervised all of the packing, everything was beamed directly from the embassy and up to the ship. It took slightly more than a day to get everything and everyone up onto the luxury liner and then they were on their way.

They arrived at Darin Five after approximately one week. Since they had traveled strictly with embassy and house staff, it was just a little bit boring to Amanda, but it was still nice being someplace else.

Once they arrived, Sarek began his duties immediately. Amanda was required to attend a meet-and-greet of their Darin hosts that first night. She was glad she would finally be getting out and about with others while not on Terra Prime.

The reason they were there? Three consortiums were courting the Darin to have mining rights to a particular asteroid field. The field was just inside the Darin Sol system and Sarek was there to represent them. The Darin People had a colony in the asteroid field in question and since their eco system would be affected by any mining that took place, they wanted to make certain the techniques used did not hurt their surroundings overmuch. Since they still possessed a sovereign government, they had a large say in who would receive final mining rights. The Empire did not care who did the mining so long as they received their substantial cut of the profits which the Darin had already promised. Because the Empire was backing them, each of the consortiums knew they could not simply walk in and take whatever they wished.

Sarek was there in the unique position as a go-between for the Darin and a barrier against any lies told by the three mining consortiums. It was one of the rare missions where he was going to need to heavily rely on his telepathic abilities solely for the sake of ferreting out half-truths. It was going to be mentally taxing.

For the initial dinner that evening, Amanda chose one of her more modest dresses and a light head covering. Since she was representing herself as the wife of Sarek -and she wanted to get a handle on the type of people they would be around- she decided to go with the safe option for then.

The Darin were a tall race of people with peaceful expressions who seemed to be in an almost constant state of smiles. It was rude, she discovered, not to smile on Darin. The only exception to this rule were Vulcans.

Amanda got herself comfortable with learning about the Darin and meeting their leaders who had much to say about exactly whom they were looking for in terms of who should receive the coveted mining rights. It was actually a pleasant evening. Their hosts were very charmed by Sarek's wife and gave her the highest compliment for their kind. "She has a very winsome smile."

Sarek acknowledged, "I have noticed that trait."

They returned to the ship and things went well enough for the next few days. Sarek was in constant go-between sessions with the three mining factions and the Darin. The promises of each of the consortiums would be given, the Darin would ask them whatever questions they wished answered and Sarek would also ask questions to draw them out further. He would then go behind closed doors with the Darin to tell what he was able to ascertain from the questions and answers and whatever else he was able to pick up with his abilities.

Things were just a little too peaceful and Amanda found herself waiting for the other shoe to fall. She always tried to maintain positivity, but she had noticed that every time this happened, something came along to mar the process. Little did she realize the trouble would be in her own home.

"Tears are unacceptable!" she heard an almost raised voice from the next room.

She sat up, groggy and confused. Marta was supposed to be with Spock that morning and so Amanda had slept in. She looked over at her side and saw that the bed was empty. Of course, Sarek was already up and down at the negotiations. Wait. Was that today? But wasn't that his voice from the other room? Why wasn't he down at the negotiations? And who was he talking to?

Her stomach sank as she heard Spock crying. She sat up quickly and stuffed her arms into her robe.

"What's going on in here?" she asked as she entered Spock's makeshift education room. Marta was standing off to the side, arms folded, looking daggers at both Spock and Sarek. Sarek was looking down at little Spock whom was standing there, crying his eyes out.

"The baby had a tantrum," said Marta as she gave the young man one more warning look.

Amanda looked over at Spock whom was already making his way to his mother while still sobbing, arms outstretched, obviously wanting to hug her. She was ready to put her arms out for him, but Sarek stood between them. Spock stopped in his tracks and cried harder, his little shoulders shaking.

Amanda's temper almost went off, but she held onto it for a few seconds first. "Marta, can you wait outside?" she said as nicely as she could.

Marta knew what that meant and the nanny practically ran out of the door as fast as she could for her advanced years. As soon as the door closed behind her, Amanda turned and gave her husband the nastiest expression she could. "Get out of my way, Sarek."

"The child must learn not to look to his mother for constant care."

"He's ONE!"

"There is no reason he should not develop in the same way as other Vulcan children."

She was very angry as the thought shot through her mind and then out of her mouth, "He's also Terran, you _jerkwad_!"

Distracted, Sarek wondered, "What is this 'jerkwad'? What does it mean?"

Amanda simply walked around her husband and picked up the bawling Spock. "Tell me what happened?" she asked her son.

Before he could answer for himself, "He had an illogical reaction to being told by Marta that it was not yet time to play a sensory game," Sarek supplied.

Spock then answered as he sniffled and stop-start answered, "I—w- want to p-play the g-game."

Amanda looked at the clock on the wall. "Spock, what does that chronometer say?"

"Time for game?"

"Are you telling me a falsehood?" asked his mother delicately.

His face fell. "Time for Master."

"Yes. It's time for you to go and get training from Master Sytrar and after that you're to go to your studies. If you do well in your studies, you can play your game then, but only if you do well. Aren't those the rules?" asked Amanda.

"Yes," he said as he began drying his tears.

"Do we obey the rules?"

"Yes."

"Go to Marta and have her bring you to the Master now or you'll be late. We'll talk about your tantrum later."

"Yes, mommy."

He promptly left the room without a backward glance at his father. The door shut and Amanda quickly looked over at Sarek with full anger in her face. "Did my ears deceive me, or did I hear you yell at my son?"

"He is also my child, Amanda."

"I thought it was a given, Sarek, we don't yell at children!"

"It is acceptable, however, to raise your voice at your spouse? That is not logical."

Amanda ignored the fact that he had just told her that something she had done was not logical and admitted. "All right, you're right. No one should be yelling at anyone."

"Then we are in agreement."

"In that, yes. But let me tell you something. The next time my son goes to hug me, get out of the way."

"He should no longer need such physical displays, Amanda. He needs the next few years of sensory development in a proper Vulcan manner. He cannot be used to having his mother soothe his illogical outbursts."

"Oh, Sarek, he's still just a baby!" she said, exasperated.

"He is also behind, developmentally, compared to other Vulcan children. Would you have him fail in our society due to your coddling?"

She became so angry, she could no longer think straight. "Screw you, Sarek!" shot out of her mouth. Having been around the negotiating table many years, Sarek knew exactly what _that_ meant. But before he could respond, "Sorry our son isn't _perfect_ the way you expected him to be!" spilled from Amanda's lips. "But the next time that happens where my son is trying to come to me and you block him, I will seriously hurt you!"

His eyebrow rose. It was surprising to him how Amanda, a woman who was fundamentally nonviolent, could be driven to violent actions and words where her son was concerned- or whenever he said the word 'logic' to her in connection with something she should not have done. He realized he'd done just that at the beginning of their disagreement and in front of their son. "Amanda, I do believe a misunderstanding has occurred."

She took a deep breath and knew he was attempting to make things better. But she found she still couldn't calm down. "I have to _go_ now since I don't feel very logical. That's probably where our emotional son gets it, from his Terran mother!" she said as she stormed out.

Thinking it over later in the afternoon, Amanda wasn't only upset at Sarek. She was upset with herself. Amongst other things, she had called Sarek a bad name in front of Spock. She thought about it and her mind was swamped with embarrassment even as she began to laugh a little. "I called him a 'jerkwad'." Though slightly amused, she was disappointed in herself.

She sighed tiredly. What was going on? It wasn't at all like him to yell at their son or even to yell at all. What was happening with him, now? She knew he had had no contact with T'Pau, so that threw that theory out. But he truly had not at all been acting as himself since he'd come back from that accursed last mission.

She looked at the time and realized that there was a dinner that evening with not only the Darin, but the heads of the mining consortiums and she was supposed to go.

Amanda got up and forced herself to get ready. She wore one of her prettiest, most expensive Terran evening gowns. It was a maroon dress of sleek, smooth, form-fitting fabric and she accented it with a necklace and earring set that was the exact blue of her eyes. Sarek had had them made for her not four months ago. She was wearing them in the hopes that the two of them could seriously discuss their problems concerning their son after the dinner was over with that evening.

She met Sarek that night and noticed his eyes lingered on the slight dip of the dress at the area of her cleavage. "Amanda, is it necessary to put yourself on display as such?"

She laughed. "Sarek, compared to the way the Darin women dress, I'm going to be one of the most covered women in the room. You never had a problem with me showing a tiny bit of cleavage back when I was your intern at special affairs of state."

"Simply because I said nothing does not mean a problem did not exist. I had no right to speak of it then therefore I did not. I was not your husband at that time."

She smiled up at him mischievously. "Well I stand by what I said before, Sarek. You've seen it for yourself, the Darin women are practically naked. Every part of me is covered in this evening gown, save for a tiny bit of cleavage. Would you have me forget that I'm still a woman?"

"That fact can never be obscured, my wife," he said as his eyes roamed her figure in the body skimming dress.

She looked at him strangely. Was he flirting with her before a diplomatic event? Between his touchy-feely ways for the past few weeks, yelling at Spock that morning and the way he was checking her out now- "Are you all right?" she asked him.

He seemed to 'snap to'. "I am within correct parameters. Let us go, Amanda."

By the height of festivities that evening, Amanda was wishing she'd listened to Sarek's concerns about the dress. One of the mining consortium's men had honed in on Amanda from the start of that evening. "Well, Mr. Ambassador," said the Terran male, "I had no idea you had such impeccable taste in women."

Sarek was not naïve. "She who is _my wife_, Lady Amanda."

"Oh, I had no idea," said the overly charming man that was unmistakably good looking. His hair was the color of a wheat field and his eyes were a deep shade of blue. "A pleasure to meet you, Amanda," he said as his hungry eyes held hers.

She thought to herself 'Is this fool flirting with me in front of my husband?' as she smiled benignly and said, "Pleased to meet you Mr.-?"

"My name is Thomas Ericson," he said as his hand shot out to shake hers.

Amanda she shook his hand and fell into diplomatic small-talk. "That is an interesting last name. I took a class some years ago having to do with Terran names and their origins."

"I know what you're going to ask and yes," he bragged so very obviously, "I _am_ a descendant of the explorer."

Amanda didn't believe that for one second, but she smiled anyway and continued her light conversation. She only halfway realized that her husband was growing semi-impatient as he continued to stand next to her.

When everyone was called in for dinner, Amanda was relieved to find that Mr. Ericson was seated way down on the other end of the table. But later in the evening, the time during which the Darin demanded that dancing must take place, Amanda was swept up into the fray with several of their females. Trying her best to imitate their moves, it all made almost no sense to her. She instead found herself halfway belly dancing to the music. The Darin were delighted with her all over again.

Sarek, however, was not amused.

Things went to a whole new level when Thomas Ericson breached the line between the males and females and began to dance his way through all of the women. He tried to shimmy up to Amanda's side since she wasn't far from where he had been originally, but the music abruptly stopped and the smiling Darin were no longer smiling so widely. "Men and women do not dance together," said their head dignitary with a smile that had become quite strained.

Amanda found herself wanting to laugh out loud, but she made certain there was no trace of it on her face. She instead looked around and did exactly what the other women were doing and promptly walked with them off of the dancing surface.

They all stood aside and watched Thomas Ericson receive the kindest tell-off of all times, but the gist of what was said was understood by all.

Sarek was strangely quiet as they went to beam back up to their ship for the evening. She thought he was just being pensive, but then realized, through their bond, that he was trying his best to hold onto his temper. She looked over at him just as the transporter beam took them.

Just as they rematerialized, _What is wrong with you lately?_ Came out in Amanda's mind before she could really think it over.

The transporter attendant nodded in greeting at them, but neither said a thing as they left the room and went straight to their quarters.

As soon as they entered, Amanda realized she was terribly thirsty and went to their carafe of water that was kept by their bed. "I do believe you are intoxicated," Sarek charged.

She turned around, water in hand and her mouth dropped open. "Oh my God. Did you just accuse me of being _drunk_?"

"Your behavior this evening was scandalous. I have never seen such a display by you. Therefore you must have ingested something that brought about such freeness of activity."

She wondered if they were both talking about the same place and time. "What was so scandalous about what I did?"

"Public lewdness is scandalous."

"I danced in public! That's lewd? That's _scandalous_? I've danced at embassy functions plenty of times, and so have you for the record! What do you call the waltz, walking in place?"

"You were not my wife previously. And at that time there was no Thomas Ericson present to appreciate your questionable talents. I warned you previously that the choice of your attire this evening could cause a reaction in members of the opposite sex, and if I am correct also members of the same sex, especially among the Darin."

Amanda's mouth dropped open again. "Questionable talents! Did I just hear what I think I just heard?" she asked in a warning tone. "You had better take that back, Sarek, I'm warning you."

Subconsciously, Sarek's memory was calling up a previous argument where Amanda had uttered those very words. But it was almost like his tongue was on automatic pilot and he could not understand why he could not control himself. "It was obvious to all in attendance that you were allowing yourself to be pulled into the dance with the Darin females, while wearing the offensive garment, simply because he was present, because you wished to have him see you move in that way."

Amanda couldn't believe herself even as she did it, but she quickly walked up to Sarek and poured her water over his head as she shouted, "Cool down, you hothead!" She slammed the glass down on their dresser and inwardly cringed. It was fortunate for her that it did not break. As she attempted to make it to the door since she had preemptively decided she was sleeping someplace else that night, she felt herself pulled from behind by the dress that so infuriated him. Then she heard ripping fabric.

She turned to confront his outrageous activity and just that quickly he backed her up against a wall and placed himself between her legs. "Would you like to strike me now, Amanda?" he asked, fire in his eyes as his body ground itself against hers. "Do so!"

She was pissed off enough that she complied and smacked him straight across his face. Before she could feel shocked at herself and the handprint beginning to form on his face, he was kissing her, hard and deep, his tongue determined to provoke more than simply violence from her. Her feelings of anger were still present but they were now mingled with arousal.

As he delivered very rough, passionate kisses down her shoulder he whispered in Vulcan, "You have called me 'hothead' in your tongue. I will now show you the true meaning of that word in mine!" and then he bit down hard, marking her shoulder first and then quickly marked her again in the area of her neck in a very obvious location.

She realized his rate of arousal was nearly out of control, but she was a little too distracted to give it much thought. He was projecting his lust into her as his hands buried themselves in her dark hair and pulled her face to his. His mouth found hers again, even more roughly that time.

She saw into his mind, saw he could not get enough of her breath, her taste, her skin. "Amanda!" he exclaimed as he practically dragged her to their shared bed. "Give me permission to have you how I will, tonight!"

"I give it!" she said breathlessly as she kissed him back just as rough, her teeth, tongue and lips colliding with his.

After quite a while later, the two were panting, bruised and bloodied. It seemed as if Sarek had snapped out of whatever had gone wrong with him on the inside. "Amanda, I apologize profusely," he said as he stood and then looked down at his wife. He cringed on the inside as he surveyed the damage done. There were marks up and down her arms. As he looked at the bites on her inner thighs, he almost became aroused again thinking of what he'd done after biting her there…

She was not complaining. "I think arguing twice in one day just sent us both over the edge, Sarek."

"I do not understand what is happening to me, Amanda," he admitted.

She suspected what was going on then but didn't say a word about it. "I want to say I'm sorry for earlier. I shouldn't have called you that name in front of Spock."

He thought back to earlier in the day. "Yes. The word 'jerkwad'. I understand the meaning of the word 'jerk' in the colloquial expressions of your culture, but what does the addition of the word 'wad' turn the thought into? What does that mean?" he asked with the most curious of expressions.

She would have laughed if she didn't feel so ashamed about it. "I don't even know how to translate it, but let's just say I wouldn't want our son repeating that as an insult to anyone."

He said nothing at first and she couldn't help but realize how juxtaposed this serious conversation was compared to the condition the two of them were in, post-sex bloodied, bruised and still naked. "Amanda," he said very delicately as he sat on the bed next to where she lay.

She knew that tone. "Yes?"

"May I ask you a careful question?"

"You may."

"Why do you refer to Spock as 'your' son?"

She sighed tiredly. Yes. She did often refer to him as that. "I can't help it. I carried him. I feel like he's very much mine."

"But if I pointed out that he carried more of my genetic material than yours, it would be inappropriate, would it not?"

"But I'm the one that almost died having him!" she protested.

"I do not dispute that, Amanda, however," he paused before going on, "we previously agreed that our son would be raised in the Vulcan way, did we not?"

Amanda thought about the agreement she'd made and her heart sank. She couldn't control it as the tears sprang to her eyes. "You just don't understand, Sarek. To me, he's still _just a baby_. And I know that as time goes on, he's going to touch me less and less and he's going to smile less and less and he's going to stop calling me 'mommy' and- He's not Terran, Sarek, I know that. But for now, he's as close to Terran as he's ever going to get in his behavior. Please don't take it from me so quickly. I know by the time he's three it's all going to be _gone_." And she was crying quite piteously by then, hands over her eyes.

His heart was struck. "Amanda. Our son shall change, you have accepted this already, have you not?"

"I have."

"And you are in a state of grief because of this?" he asked.

"I am," she admitted.

He sat looking at his wife as the realization dawned on him that this was the way Terrans dealt with a change they knew was inevitable. "I must meditate on this and on my recent unreasonable behavior, on all of it."

She understood that this was his way, that it was not an insult to her. As he walked out of the room to go and clean up and then meditate, he stopped in the doorway. He turned and looked her in the eyes. "I thank you for this insight, Amanda. It shall not be forgotten."

As soon as he was gone from the room, Amanda scrambled quickly to get cleaned up. She then made certain Sarek was occupied in an active meditation and then made her way to a communications console and encrypted the outgoing signal to T'Niye via supspace communication.

"Lady Amanda, to what do I owe this honor?" asked the healer and clan mother.

If it were anyone else, Amanda would have thought they were mocking her, but she knew T'Niye was sincere. "I think Sarek is about to Pon Farr. How do I confirm that?"

"The Master that travels with you will be able to tell simply from checking the bond via yourself. If he is, in fact, in the beginning stages I can make arrangements that shall be awaiting your return to Terra Prime."

"Actually we're closer to Vulcan right now. We're in the Darin system."

"You may have to divert to Vulcan on your return to Terra Prime, then."

"Thank you. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know what's going on."

Amanda put their temporary bedroom back together again. She couldn't believe how many things they had damaged! How were they going to explain the damages to the Darin? She sat down hard on their bed afterward. Though very tired, she was nervous and found she didn't want to sleep. If Sarek was Pon Farring, he was about a year early. She knew they did this thing 'approximately' every seven years, but she took for granted the word 'approximate' in almost every situation. This was one where she needed to understand that 'approximate' and 'literal' were not one and the same.

She really hoped he wasn't, though. Twice that night he had become so rough, her arousal was spiked with true fear. She wasn't ready for this, yet.

####

The next day, after having Master Sytrar check her bond, she called T'Niye on another encrypted channel, grim-faced. "Yes, it's true. He's in the early stages. He's so early he doesn't even realize it yet."

T'Niye nodded. "Yes. Usually the wife suspects it before even the husband. It also helps that you have had enough Terran female friends to warn you of the signs beforehand."

"Yeah, because without their advice, I'd just think my husband was losing his mind."

"In actuality, lady, he is going quite insane. That is the stark reality. However, I shall put everything in place so that you need not worry over your life. I can direct things to be done for you in advance. Do not be filled with anxiety."

Amanda sighed nervously. Her three friends married to Vulcans had all gone through this except for her. "It's my turn now, I guess."

T'Niye found herself needing to convey something to Amanda. "Lady, if I may…"

She saw the Healer wanted to say something. "Yes?"

"We often tell our young women the first time they encounter it that it is natural to be unsure of the situation, to hesitate before the den of madness. But with full honesty I can tell you that it brings an extra dimension of unity to an already harmonious bond that is afterward cherished by both parties."

Amanda's face betrayed her deep worry. "Thanks for that. I really do appreciate it. But what I don't understand is, why is it so _early_? Is this normal?"

"A continual emotional interference can make the cycle quite erratic in a male."

Amanda immediately blamed herself. "Oh goodness, is it me? Is it because he married someone so emotional and-"

T'Niye immediately said, "If there is anyone to blame, it is T'Pau. Sarek was temporarily emotionally destabilized last year, if you remember. So much so that he had to undergo mental reconditioning. The bulk of the problem lies there."

Amanda then remembered, "And that last mission…"

"What of it?"

"He had to defend his life, Healer. He wound up in hand-to-hand combat at some point. He actually came home with injuries as if he were a veteran! He's an ambassador, he should never have had to go through that."

"How long ago was this?"

Amanda thought of the timeline. "About more than a month ago. And then on the heels of that, we were required to attend a gladiatorial event."

"Yes," said T'Niye as she thought about it. "That recent experience of undergoing bloodlust paired with the mental destabilization of last year can indeed be enough of a catalyst to bring about the Time much too early."

She knew that that made sense. And she also knew it didn't matter how she tried to dissect it, the situation was now on her. "Well I'll see you when we get there," she mentioned resolutely.

"You are aware that I cannot officiate at Sarek's _kal-i-fee_. However, I can attend you physically ahead of time and give you the same technological implants given to both Dana and Maya. I shall also have Zurel, as head of his security, attend to the details of the cave to make certain you have all you need."

Amanda swallowed in fear at the word 'cave'. "Thank you so much, Healer T'Niye. I appreciate all that you're doing."

"It is my duty," the woman said simply.

As the call ended, it occurred to Amanda that she should have been able to have that very conversation with T'Pau. But she couldn't.

####

It took another two weeks, but the conference was finally over. Amanda made one last appearance with Sarek at one of the official functions. In light of his 'condition' she pointedly made certain to cover every part of herself and stay as far away from Thomas Ericson and the dancing Darin as possible.

Sarek, for his part, spent every available minute outside of negotiations in deep meditation. Two days before the end of his mission, he and Amanda had a most interesting conversation.

"There is something I must reveal to you, Amanda." Already there was the sheen of sweat on his upper brow and a look of severe distraction. Anyone that did not know him well wouldn't have noticed his heightened state of respiration. He had also not touched her physically since their last violent lovemaking session that night that she'd poured her drink over his head.

"I know, Sarek. I know," she said as she touched his hand gently.

He flinched away from her and she knew it was not because he did not want her touch. She felt upset with herself for forgetting that quickly that she shouldn't touch him.

He could tell from peering briefly into her mind, yes, she did know. "How long have you been aware?" he asked, openly amazed.

"That night we had that argument that turned into its own form of scandalous activity and lewd behavior."

His eyebrow rose. "I see."

"I know that that's not _you_, Sarek."

"I wish to apologize in advance, my wife," he said, his head hung in the nearest approximation of shame she would ever see him have.

"Sarek, why? This is natural, isn't it? It happens to each of you about every seven years and you can't help the way you are during that time."

"Because I will hurt you. And the things I shall do and say… they will all be true of my inner self, they will reflect my deepest thoughts that I never allow myself to venture saying."

She shrugged. "Like?"

"I will allow the madness to take me when I can withstand it no longer. And you, Amanda, I will do everything I have ever wished to do but have been uncertain as to your reception of it. We will copulate endlessly and when you think you can stand no more, we will copulate more."

Amanda remembered all the advice given to her on the pre-Pon Farr male, hard won advice from friends who'd gone through some serious trial and error and didn't show that his words had phased her. She didn't move any closer or further from him. "It will be what it is when it is," she said as neutrally as possible. "Until then, you have your duties, Sarek."

He bowed his head in acquiescence, in the beginning stages of being quite lost to logic.

After the conference was over, she knew it was going to take four days for them to reach Vulcan. Sarek locked himself into a section of the ship and orders were issued that no one was to go there except for Zurel. She was very afraid for him, that they maybe wouldn't get there in time. But she was reassured that yes, there was more than enough time.

She needed to speak to her friends now more than ever and decided to call them.


	32. Cave Mentality

Cave Mentality

"Hey, where you calling from?" asked Dana, eager-faced. All things considered, she still looked relatively healthy. Her face was a bit swollen and her facial features slightly engorged, but across a viewscreen the change in her face was the only thing Amanda could detect about her friend that showed her current state of being. She most certainly still had that beautiful pregnancy glow.

"How far along are you now?" asked Amanda.

"Ten full months!" she said. "I'm on bed rest but they say there's no room left in there for the boys so they're taking them out day after tomorrow. Well, where you are right now?"

"I've just gotten back to Vulcan for a quick stop-off. Can I come by?"

"You're at your home compound like right now?" she asked, surprised and obviously happy.

"Yes."

But Dana had detected unspoken words and gave Amanda the side-eye. "You've got that 'something to tell' look in your eyes. Come on by. I have _got_ to hear this!"

"I can't seem to find Maya or Sokam."

"Oh, don't worry. They moved from the old house. She's at work a lot these days since she does guided tours through the King Tut exhibit. While she's in tour guide mode she can't answer her PADD. I'm surprised she didn't tell you! Her Vulcan language skills are crazy huge now and she knows the insides of the old Egyptian history better than anyone else at the museum, so she wound up with a bunch of the tours. She gets off in like-" she looked to the side of her bed, "less than two hours."

"I'll swing by her place of work to go and pick her up."

"Well either Shin or Sherin are always with her and they have a direct line to one another at all times. Find one and he'll be able to find the other."

"Sherin?"

"That's this new guy – well he's not new anymore, but anyway, he's this new guy hired by Zurel to keep an eye on Maya while he's offworld. She felt funny, she said, having poor Shin attached to her hip all the time and wanted him to be able to 'get a life'." She giggled. "So go get her and then tell me why you have that look on your face!"

"Okay."

As the connection shut down, already Amanda was beginning to feel a little better. "I know I can do this," she whispered. But she still wasn't too sure.

####

Mariana was feeling the stress. Jhuleem just wouldn't leave her alone. It had been months, already, but he wasn't giving up. He was still sending her flowers, gifts and cards. The first time it happened she felt halfway touched that he still cared. Then another part of her rebelled against that thought. She took the flowers and immediately disposed of them and went on about her day.

The next few weeks, gift after gift poured in. The flowers she gave to sick patients in the hospital, the cards were burned and the gifts were returned to sender. She sent him a very short, curt note at one point asking him to please leave her alone. But he didn't.

She didn't want to tell Zurel about what was going on because she felt she could handle Jhuleem on her own. But things were getting complicated. They both worked at the same hospital and she actually did have to speak to him from time to time about lab results and patients. And as soon as work talk was finished, he was more than willing and ready to try and talk her back into returning to him. She would usually turn around and walk away on him, mid-sentence. He seemed to really enjoy the challenge and pursued her even harder.

She sat in the hospital that morning, tired and worn out with all that was happening. For not the first time in a while, she was angry with herself for getting kicked off of Terra Prime. She couldn't go back unless she had a pardon from the Emperor himself. She knew there was no way that would ever happen. But Mariana was most upset with herself because something she carelessly did in her past was barring her in the present from seeing the man she was very close to falling in love with.

It was funny to her, but she never particularly found Vulcans attractive. But there was just something about _him_. She sank down on a bench near her locker and looked as dejected as she felt. She honestly wanted to cry. Seeing Zurel on a viewscreen once or twice a week was getting damned unbearable. The thought of him not on the same planet as her was getting to be a bit much.

Her PADD chirped then. _Incoming message?_ She picked it up, looked down at the screen:

**Where are you situated, at this time?**

She grinned. She knew the cadence of that written word anywhere. _Zurel!_ **Hi, baby!** She typed out. **I'm at the hospital near my locker.**

**Is your shift near completion?**

She grinned from ear to ear even more. His precise grammar always make her chuckle. She loved the way that man spoke! **Actually, I'm done. I was about to go home.**

** Would you, perhaps, go by my estate as soon as you depart your place of employment? There is a gift there waiting for you. But you must claim it as soon as possible.**

He had never sent her anything before! She melted on the inside. **Ooooh, you got me a gift? Why didn't you just send it to my place?**

And there was a pause so long, so she knew that something was going on. **If I explain, then the nature of the gift will be revealed and I do not wish to have that happen yet.**

**Haha! You've got something up your sleeve, huh? Okay, I'm going there right now!**

** And your gift shall be waiting…**

####

Amanda and Maya arrived at Dana's place. Maya knew the passcode and let them both in. "She can't get up _at all_. She's on serious bedrest."

The two entered the little home. "Dana!" called Amanda. "It's just us!"

"In here!" she shouted.

The two of them went into her bedroom and saw her there in bed, propped up against so many pillows. Her stomach was **HUGE **and being supported by some special maternity girdle that took the weight off of Dana's lungs and midsection. "Oh my goodness!" Amanda said without thinking. "How in the hell are you still sitting upright?"

"Whatever, bitch," laughed Dana. "Get over here and give me a hug."

The two embraced and Amanda felt a little bit more complete. First seeing Maya and then Dana was filling the empty spaces inside her. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a damn Imperial starship," said Dana.

Maya placed herself in a chair almost next to Dana's bed and pulled one up for Amanda so she would be seated between herself and Dana. "You sit here. You have something to tell."

Dana agreed, "We know something is going on."

Amanda didn't even try to prologue what she was about to say. She plopped into the chair and, "Sarek's Pon Farring," shot out of her mouth on a huff of air.

You could have heard pottery shatter. Neither of her friends had a thing to say at first. Finally, "Um…you seem…surprised?" asked Maya delicately.

"He's early! He's a whole year early!" she nearly shouted.

"Early? Well, fuck _me_!" Dana exclaimed.

"Your language is abominable!" Amanda laughed.

"I'm on bedrest. You remember what this feels like!" Dana also laughed.

"I do. I remember throwing out a few choice ones whenever I wanted to get out of the house and couldn't."

The three friends sat there for a few seconds, not saying anything again. "Are you feeling any-" Maya paused for a second, "side effects?" she finished with a tiny shrug of one shoulder.

Amanda looked down at her feet, not wanting to meet their eyes. "Whenever I go to take care of anything that needs serious attention- linguistics translations, universal translator corrections -I can't get anything done. I'm so _distracted_. I know in the past few days it's gotten much worse. And I want to…well you both understand. I want to find him and rip his clothes off, but I'm controlling it. But another part of me is still _scared to death_. I mean, I could _die_! Is this what it feels like to be a male praying mantis?"

"You'll come close," said Dana indelicately. "But you won't die."

"How do you two _know_ that?" she asked, suddenly just outside of desperate. "I mean do you know that for an absolute fact? I have a son to take care of. I can't die _now_!"

"We both lived through it," Maya reminded her. "And don't forget, Patricia lived through it and she didn't have any interventions at all back then. T'Niye does great work and if your vital signs ever drop to dangerous levels, she'll transport right into the cave. She promised me that and she promised that to Dana. As far as I can remember, I don't think she ever had to, though."

"As far as you can remember?" asked Amanda.

Maya and Dana looked at one another for a brief second and a high blush could be detected on Dana's face as she said, "At the time, you're totally yourself just really…hot."

"You don't exactly have clear memories of the experience later," said Maya. "It comes back to you in flashes, sometimes in dreams. You get to hold onto pieces of the experience."

"Like traumatizing memories?" asked Amanda, horrified. "I have enough of those from childhood, thankyouverymuch! I don't need anymore!"

"No, no," Maya smiled as she thought back to Sokam's Time. "No, more like…more like flashes from a dream. Patricia doesn't have that feeling when she thinks of Soryn's time, but Dana and I do. Poor Pat remembers every second that she wasn't passed out and it was a nightmare for her. I suspect it has something to do with the stuff T'Niye mixes with the aphrodisiac to make the experience…I don't know, just as good for us. Did that make any sense?"

"Made sense to me," said Dana. "And trust me, once that extra stuff kicks into your system, you might try to hump the walls to get some kind of satisfaction! You're literally going to run to that cave to get things started. It's like…it's like this cave mentality kicks in and you're ready to do things you'd blush reading about on paper."

Both ladies were practically howling with laugher, but Amanda still looked horribly tense. "That is _not funny_. It's like being a virgin all over again," she muttered.

"We're sorry!" Maya said as she tried to stifle her giggles. "We're so insensitive." But she was still fighting her laughter.

"Just don't forget, day three tie him down or you'll never get to drink water, go to the bathroom, stretch your legs, nothing," said Dana. "I forgot and didn't tie him down till day four. I think that's why I had to stay an _extra_ day in the hospital. Best drugs_ I've_ ever had, let me tell _you,_" she laughed openly.

"Ohhhh," Amanda wailed. "I want to get this _over_ with!"

"When does everything kick off?" asked Maya.

"Tomorrow, thank goodness."

"I can't go," Dana pouted, her laughter finally extinguished. "I'm baking babies. Well at least while you're engaging in the activity that caused me to get knocked up with these twins, I'll be finally having them taken out!" She looked down at her stomach. "You two are getting evicted day after tomorrow! No more fighting for space!"

####

Mariana made it all the way to Zurel and went to his study. She saw a package sitting on his table. It was actually gift wrapped with a big golden bow on top of it! Someone told him to do that, she knew. Probably Amanda. She walked closer to the gift as the servant closed the door behind her.

As she reached out one careful hand to pull at the big bow on top of the gift, a feeling of anticipation rose in her stomach. Then a very distinct voice said, "I do believe it is customary to thank the giver first."

She whirled around and her eyes flew open wide as her mouth dropped open. Her heart jumped as she shouted, "Zurel!"

He never anticipated her throwing herself into his arms. The two had barely touched in the past. The last time she'd seen him, she hadn't been ready for this kind of lingering contact. Apparently she was now.

Their arms encircled one another, and he felt himself being sucked in by an excess of emotion. And it was causing him to want to do something he ought not.

Zurel pulled back unexpectedly. "I am overwhelmed," he found himself admitting. He was experiencing a rush from touching her skin so directly. He wanted more. "I must stop now or else I shall attempt to engage in shameful activity with you."

"And what's that?" she teased.

"I would wish to carry out the threat I often issue to you across the screen during our conversations."

"Oh," she said with a grin. "About turning me into a bad girl?"

"Precisely."

She shrugged. "It's about time someone did. Go ahead. Make me be _baaaad_," she joked.

"Mariana," he warned.

"Come on. It's about time I lost my virginity," she continued joking.

He knew her personality well enough to know she wasn't serious about engaging in physical activity at that time. But there was something there to consider he didn't know before. His pupils dilated as he asked almost reverently, "I previously suspected as much, have in fact heard that it was quite likely. But confirm this to me now. You truly have known no other man?"

"Well, no. I told you I never was with Jhuleem that way."

"The possibility existed that you had been with someone else," he said.

She shrugged. "Nope. That's what happens when you have five older brothers. Anyone that comes near you gets knifed."

"As is proper."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, you too?"

But something within him had changed. He knew what he had to do. "I have received reports from my agents that Jhuleem has been attempting to have romantic contact with you again."

She put her hands on her hips. "Reports?" she asked as she gave him an icy look.

"Did you honestly believe I would guard the House of Sarek and not make certain you were kept safe at all times?"

Her mouth dropped open. "Excuse me, buddy! But you do not have a right to keep me under surveillance!"

"I did no such thing. I simply made certain you were watched from afar to allow your continued safety. You seem to forget, this _is_ my line of work."

"Oh bullcrap!"

And he found himself taking her by the arms, pulling her close, looking down into her eyes with all seriousness. "Did you not agree we belonged to one another?" She saw a look in his eyes she had only ever seen whenever he thought of Jhuleem being anywhere near her. She knew that this was jealousy being restrained as carefully as possible. But it was still breaking through. "I have done _nothing _to interfere. I have only made certain you came to no harm. I did not intercept one missive, one gift, one item from the Cardassian."

"Well why didn't you?" she asked, truly curious and not as angry as she had been a minute before. "If I belonged to you and you're so pissed off about this stuff he's doing, why didn't you keep the stuff from ever reaching me? I know you could have."

He relaxed his grip on her arms. "I will not lie. Doing such a thing was on my list of possibilities. But I resolved that I would not at any time do a thing to force you to remain with myself and not return to him. Until we are bonded, I will not interfere in your wish to do a thing. My only right concerning you at this time is to voice my thoughts. Nothing more. Until you are my wife, I will never attempt to stop you from engaging in a thing."

She caught what he had said. "So then _after_ I become your wife, what? You turn into Soryn? Because what's happening with Patricia's a tragedy I never want to be caught in. Well that and I'd hit you over the head with something large while you were sleeping to make sure you didn't get up again before I escaped, so don't even try it."

He appreciated her stark honesty. "You are logical to ask such a question. I too would never wish to be caged. Since I have resolved to fight the instinct to keep you at all costs, I will tell you what you must know. The Vulcan male, from time immemorial, has had to fight his deeper instincts to keep his wife in a state akin to your artists' rendering of The Gilded Cage. Pleasant surroundings, everything at her fingertips, but never out of _his_ reach. I will fight that instinct so that I may keep whatever esteem you have for me. I would never wish to only keep you physically while your thoughts lie elsewhere. I would never wish to languish in ignorance of your dissatisfaction."

She thought about what he had just told her. And it showed her that he was aware of what he could become. "Well I guess it's no different than me realizing that if I don't watch it I can become a big-mouthed nag."

"Ah, yes, your tendency to engage in copious amounts of communication," he said without skipping a beat.

"Um, excuse me? Did you just say in Vulcan-speak that I have a big mouth?"

He knew then that it was time to manipulate the subject to his advantage. "Communication is vital, is it not?" he automatically said without a pause.

She was taken aback and wondered at his sincerity. "I guess so."

"Therefore, in light of this conversation, are you agreeing to become my wife in the near future?"

She knew when a fast one was being pulled on her. "Zurel!"

"I think it only logical that I state my intentions. I believe soon you shall become my wife."

"I have to consent, you know."

"So then you do not wish to become my wife?"

"I never said that."

"Then you do wish to become my wife?"

"Of course I do, but-"

"So we shall bond, soon?"

"Would you_ stop_ that!" she shouted. But she couldn't help but laugh. "Why are you trying to marry me so quickly?"

He seemed to be mulling over his thoughts before he spoke them. He stepped back from her, went and sat behind his desk as he contemplated her face. "I will once again speak a truth that you may be distinctly uncomfortable with. My instincts, to some extent, have begun to overtake me. There is another male near that can claim you and as such it has accelerated my true thoughts concerning you. I warn, from this day forth, I will do whatever it takes to make certain you become fully mine and to become the first and only male that has access to your body."

She felt a thrill shoot up her back as she sat down hard in a chair. "Wow," she said to herself and then continued speaking in Spanish, "I'm in an actual love triangle. As a kid, I was the awkward one. Whoever knew I'd turn out this_ hot_? All I need to add to this mix is guy number three and I'll be smoking!" She shook her head as she said, "Never heard of a love square, though."

He found a sound coming from his chest he almost couldn't control.

"Did you just growl at me?" she asked in Empire Standard, shocked.

"It was an involuntary reaction to the words spoken."

"But I said all that in Spanish!"

"I speak ten Terran languages."

She actually face-palmed herself. "Note to self. No jokes in native language while future husband is near."

He leaned forward, knowing they were stuck in a verbal loop, but not caring. "So you _will_ bond with me?"

"_Disco rayado_!" she exclaimed at him.

"Broken record?" he asked. "What is the true meaning of that?"

She practically laughed in his face. "Hahaha! Look it up. Old technology reference." Then she reached for the gift.

Playfulness overtook him as he pulled the gift out of her reach and went to walk away with it. "I still have not been properly thanked." She wasn't going to give up so easily and found herself tackling him from behind. But to him, her weight was nothing. He took advantage of the fact that her arms were around him, dropped the box to the floor and turned. He leaned into her space and they were wonderfully face to face. "You have inserted yourself in my arms again. Do you wish to bond at this time?"

"No, _Disco Rayado_, I do not. I _do_ want my gift."

The light of mischief lit his eyes. "And what shall I receive in return?"

She knew the game he played. And she liked it. "What do you _want_?" she asked suggestively.

Not bothering to ask, he reached down and took the kiss they both wanted.

####

Amanda felt like jumping out of her skin and the aphrodisiac had yet to be activated within her. She lay down again and curled in on herself, feeling a heat in her innards that was a tad embarrassing. She burned. She burned endlessly. And nothing she did assuaged the need. Perhaps they had waited too long. All she knew was she had gone to bed, still mostly in control of things and then had awoken in the middle of the night feeling like_ this_. She wanted…needed Sarek. NOW!

T'Niye had come and inserted all of the necessary tech that morning, but she had not acitivated it. Time trickled by and it was true agony. There would be no Sarek for at least another hour. Apparently, there was some problem.

####

He was already in the cave. It was where he needed to be, he knew that. He was attempting over and over to meditate, but it was not working. Master Sytrar had come to attempt to lead him in proper meditation, but even that did not help. The master looked over at Zurel and shook his head.

"Contact the clan mother and tell her to come in," Zurel said into his communicator.

As Master Sytrar departed the cave, T'Pau entered. "There is no reason for you to remain any longer," she said to Zurel.

"I work on Sarek's orders only, Elder," he said with respect. Though he would much rather have been back at his home with Mariana on her day off, he stayed where he should. Soon enough, he would have the rest of the day to entertain Mariana once Sarek was joined by his wife.

As T'Pau approached the man very close to _plak-tow_, an angry streak raced through Sarek and he stood upright while pointing one determined finger at her. "Take not one step further toward me, sorceress!"

Zurel's eyes visibly widened at what Sarek had just called his clan mother. T'Pau seemed not offended in the least. "Your state must be confirmed before she who is your wife may attend you."

"You will never touch my mind again, _Clan Mother_!" he practically spat at her. "You may contain the venom within yourself for that much longer, but it shall never touch me nor a member of my family, again!"

"This is not logical, Sarek."

"Would you wish to_ force_ your logic within me again?" he said with an openly evil smile. "I know of your ways, _wicked woman_!" His sharp angry eyes moved to Zurel. "Remove her from my sight this instant! Bring me Amanda!"

Zurel swallowed, his eyes still wide. "Elder, the fever has obviously lingered far too long. We must not allow him to suffer. Surely by now his wife now undergoes this, as well."

T'Pau turned sharply and began to walk away. The sight of it caused Zurel to recall the distinct memory of a Terran diplomat once saying 'well, I never!' and flouncing away at the sound of something preposterous. He supposed T'Pau never had encountered such anger toward her, least of all not from a son of her clan. The true irony was that because Sarek was in a state of Pon Farr, he could not legally or socially be held accountable for a thing he said or did. It was his only protection.

But Zurel knew the wily woman would find some way to make Sarek pay for this later. He would have to be even more on guard for him now.

Sarek, though, was oblivious to all forms of posturing and machinations. There was one thing he wanted above all else at that very moment. "_**Amandaaaa**_!"

####

Finally on her way to him, Amanda felt the activation of the tri-ox. It registered in her mind that, yes, the increased breathing capacity made a large difference. She took a deep breath of air, but it did not distract her from the pulsing want between her legs.

She was walking behind T'Pau's bearers, dressed, in her Pon Farr addled brain, in far too much clothing. She hoped she could keep herself from grinding up against Sarek the moment she saw him. Close to laughter she had to admit that Dana had been right. The walls had looked particularly scrumptious to her before she'd left. Fortunately T'Niye had promised to not activate the aphrodisiac until she was already on her way into the cave. Amanda was already too far gone to have that coursing through her system this soon.

The moment she came over the rise of the hill, their eyes locked before they could even completely make out one another's forms.

Finally, once they were close enough to see one another clearly, they simply stared at one another, both obviously fixated, breathing heavily, just restraining themselves from mingling breaths and touching one another. He was, fortunately, too engrossed in staring at Amanda to pay attention to T'Pau descending from the platform now placed on the ground.

He had also, apparently, lost the ability to speak by then. He looked at Amanda and wanted to greet her, wanted to warn her to leave while she still could, wanted to beg her to let him have her right there despite onlookers… There was so much he wanted to do with her…to her. His eyes closed hard and he dragged in another breath. He could smell her, she was so close.

T'Pau went to touch his mind and his eyes snapped open as he looked at her and growled. She dropped her hand and instead turned to Amanda. Before her hand reached out to touch Amanda's mind, Sarek could be heard growling again. Some of the onlookers looked at one another, surprised at what they saw. This was not unheard of, but it was still rare.

T'Pau beckoned forth her first cousin, an elder female by the name of T'Yuma. She was known for her especially mild personality. The very meek woman went to him and, "Kneel, Sarek," she said in her almost soft voice.

Obeying instantly, he leaned his head forward for his elder cousin to confirm his state. She reached out her hand and touched his mind, closed her eyes. Her hand dropped then as her eyes opened. "He burns," she said once to T'Pau and then returned to her place as a spectator.

_The drug coursed through her bloodstream and made her feel as if she would explode with want. Snapshots of the next few days would be all that remained of this. But while she underwent the experience, it was pure want, primal satisfaction and JOY!_

_ Riding, being ridden, being chased, pursuing, licking, sucking, biting, tasting, not one thing taboo. Pleasure even in pain, especially in pain! And through it all, the one thought corresponding between both their minds, meeting, building, spiraling out of control: More, more, more!_


	33. Then and Now

Then and Now

**Ten Months Later…**

Amanda stood in the transporter room, nervously excited in her anticipation. Two of her best friends were coming to the Vulcan embassy on Terra Prime to stay for awhile and she couldn't have been happier.

Spock stood properly by her side, still so very tiny. He looked up at his mother, halfway in anticipation himself, but hiding it very well. He no longer fidgeted or asked incessant emotionally propelled questions. And as predicted by Amanda, he had begun addressing her as 'Mother' less than six months before.

Spock remembered both ladies well. He remembered Dana and her husband Turan. But he remembered very well his 'Aunt Maya'. He would be pleased to see them all. If he used any other word than 'pleased', his father would not be at all pleased himself.

~#~

Maya moved little Temis over to her other arm and placed him on her hip. The ten month old was a very healthy boy that felt like a weighted brick. His twin, Savon, was nestled comfortably against Dana's side, his head on her shoulder. The boys were not identical in looks or temperament, but they were usually very agreeable toward one another.

Temis was stocky in build with the very dark hair of his father and the deep blue eyes of his mother. Little Savon was lean and already quite tall for his age with sandy hair and very dark eyes. Despite the variance in personalities, both twins had a mischief streak a mile wide and got into all sorts of trouble together. "What about when they turn one?" Maya asked earlier that day.

"Look out, galaxy," laughed Dana, exhausted.

Turan had qualified for a security position on the Vulcan embassy's grounds and immediately put in for it. Gratified at not having to remain in prison work any longer, he didn't hesitate to act once his wife agreed to return to Terra Prime for a short time. He was less than two days behind his family, having had to take care of business back on Vulcan for Zurel before he joined his wife. Maya happened to be returning, as well, to begin her studies at the University of Cairo. She pushed her departure date up by two weeks as a favor to her friends to help with the twins during transit from Vulcan.

Ready to beam down, then, each woman placed a baby on the transporter pad right next to her and had to move their hands away on the count of three. As soon as their hands moved away, the transporter technician beamed them down before the rambunctious crawlers could take off.

As they rematerialized, both ladies were still in a crouched position. They were able to immediately reach over and pick the children up before they could try to crawl and tumble down the transporter room steps.

They stood quickly while lifting the boys into their arms and took in Amanda and Spock standing there. "Oh!" Dana screamed a bit loudly as she looked at Spock. "Look at him!" she said in open shock. "He's grown so much in the past few months!"

"Look at _them_!" Amanda almost screamed as she looked back and forth between the twins. "The last time I saw them they were in incubators!"

Amanda hugged Dana and little Savon and then turned to Maya and Temis and hugged them. "Oh, I've missed you both so much!"

"Hello, Spock!" Dana said to him as she leaned over to get a closer look at the little proper man standing there.

"Hello, Lady Dana. You seem quite well."

Both ladies looked at him and found themselves giggling at his properness. "Do you remember me, Spock?" asked Maya with a tiny smile.

His head cocked to the side only slightly. "Yes, Aunt Maya. I have asked for you many times."

"Aren't you a sweetheart," Maya whispered as she smiled down at him and felt a pain to her heart.

But all little Spock knew was that she was holding another baby. "You used to carry me around like that, did you not?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "And that was because you couldn't walk yet. And now there you are, all on your own. You're not a baby anymore," she said more to herself than him. But he scooted next to her ever so subtly.

"This is going to be great!" Amanda exclaimed. "Where's Turan?"

"He'll be here in two days," said Dana. "He had to do some favor for Zurel."

"Well let me show you two to your rooms," said Amanda as she beckoned them to follow her.

~#~

Later that day after the twins had gone down for a nap and Spock had gone in for his studies, the three ladies sat outside on the terrace and enjoyed one of Amanda's homemade blends of iced tea. "This is really good, Amanda," said Maya.

"Thanks. So how's things back home?" She laughed as she realized, "How is it I'm calling Vulcan 'home'?"

The three ladies laughed as Dana filled her in on all of the latest news. "Patricia's little girl is just too cute. She's almost one and a half and she's already such a proper little lady. She walks carefully and everything, you should see her!"

"Patricia just sent me some new footage of her. She _is_ an extraordinarily pretty little girl! Do you think T'Niye gave her red hair on purpose? I know Patricia didn't ask for it."

"I don't know," said Maya. "But Pat did give T'Niye free reign with her genetic code."

"I think T'Niye had fun custom-making that baby," laughed Dana. "With the twins I told her to let them develop as naturally as possible. But Soryn! I heard that man was on the communicator to her constantly about how T'Zanne should be, genetics-wise. Patricia was more laid back about it and her looks. Apparently, she didn't know T'Niye was going to give the baby red hair and started bawling when she saw it! I don't know if it was from shock or horror. Patricia hated her hair color! But now since her daughter's hair is red it's her new favorite color!"

The three ladies laughed as Maya said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you! Mariana was at the birth and said T'Niye said the funniest thing! She said Soryn saw the baby and said, 'I did not request red hair' and T'Niye told _him_, 'You never specified you wished the child to contain black hair, therefore I improvised'." She got their impressions spot-on and it made everything that much funnier. The three of them almost got stitches in their sides laughing at that.

"That lady has a sense of humor, I don't care what _anyone_ says!" said Amanda, her stomach hurting from laughing so hard.

"Oh and Mariana, that girl is on her PADD every available moment messaging Zurel. It's the funniest thing!" said Dana.

"That's what that moonish look in his eyes has been?" exclaimed Amanda as they all laughed even harder.

But Maya knew the entire story and she was not telling.

Dana on the other hand was. "Well if you knew the whole story, you'd really laugh your ass off!"

"Oh, do tell!" Amanda said.

####

**Ten Months Ago…**

Zurel knew Sarek and Lady Amanda would be occupied for days on end. He had agents on the lookout to the entrance of the cave. Sarek's high profile was a passable excuse as to the reason the cave needed to be watched. It was truly a morbid thought to him that one's clan mother might not be entirely trustworthy. He was thankful, daily, that T'Niye was not only logical, but ethical, and that he had decided to allow himself to go into her clan as instructed by his father upon his death.

And now, this situation with Mariana…

She was angry with him. The only thing he could think, in his defense, was that it had all begun innocently enough. His head was pounding from his excess of the night before, but his ears were still ringing from her shouting at him. He had behaved very incorrectly, to say the least.

~#~

She had opened the gift and saw that it was a very elegant evening dress. "Oh, my goodness. This is beautiful!" she exclaimed. It was an iridescent green that almost matched the hazel of her eyes. The cloth gave off a subtle color change anytime it moved and she wondered where he had gotten the material. She was more than amazed at the unique quality of the gift and looked at him with a question in her eyes.

"I wish for you to accompany me. Perhaps we may partake of an evening meal together."

"Tonight?" she asked with eager eyes.

"If it is what you wish, then yes, tonight."

She held the dress to her and said, "I have to go home and get ready now! What time are you picking me up?"

They made their arrangements first and then Mariana practically flew out of house to go home and get herself together.

He picked her up at the proper time and took her to an exclusive mixed establishment. It was very quiet with muted lighting. You could hear a small bit of conversation from the occupants of the restaurant.

Their words flowed steadily and Mariana was just too thrilled. "I'm so happy to see you! You really surprised me today," she whispered. "I can't believe we're here together."

"I, too, am experiencing a heightened level of consciousness due to your presence."

"And how do I look?" she asked as she batted her eyelashes, fishing for a compliment.

He surveyed the beauty of her unique eye color, the extra lustrous quality of her hair and the care she had taken with her appearance. How could he convey, without an excess of words, that to him she was always stare-worthy. The word, "Adequate," was all he could manage to say.

She thought of all the time she put into her appearance and said, "Adequate? That's it?"

"I did not mean to give offense. What is the proper answer to such a question so that I may know in future?"

"I don't want to put words in your mouth if that's not your natural thing to say," she said with half a smile. "Besides," she shrugged, "it's not the same if I tell you what to say."

He realized, "You are disappointed." He visibly frowned. "I have hurt you."

She felt touched on a deep level to see his discomfort. "No, no! Don't worry about me! I'm going to be fine. I just need to learn how to- adjust to this- to us- to you and what you say and what you…don't say."

He thought about her words. Enough time stretched so that she assumed they were both past what had happened and then suddenly he said, "If you were to bond with me, you would know my emotions instantly. There would be no question, no confusion in your mind."

She swallowed back fear. "Okay, I know that, _Disco Rayado_. But then it would be the same for you, wouldn't it? I mean you would know what _I'm_ thinking and what _I'm_ feeling instantly. It's not like I could hold anything back, right?"

"From what I have ascertained, after some time you would learn to navigate the bond and understand how to withhold information that you deem private."

She swallowed back another wave of fear, this time it was smaller. "That's good to know." Their night at the restaurant continued.

They returned, at the end of the evening, to Zurel's home. He took her to his study and the two talked. He offered her an alcoholic beverage in the middle of their conversation, but she declined. "Is there some reason you do not wish to partake?" he asked.

"I used to drink just a little bit too much. I decided I would curb that for a while."

"So you no longer partake?"

"No…I mean, yes! I mean, I still _drink_ but not the way that I used to. Besides, who wants to drink alone? What about you? I would feel rude to drink in front of you."

He turned, went into his private cabinet and found a gift given to him by Dana a few months back. Upon the two of them entering his clan, Dana and Turan had sent around gifts to their new relatives. The gifts had been restricted to only those of the clan that they already knew. Zurel's gift from the couple had been two bottles of a wine beverage mixed with chocolate. "I have never had occasion to ingest this as of yet," he said as he showed it to her. "I too must admit, I did not wish to partake of it alone. Would you do me the honor of sharing it?"

She was taken aback. "You drink alcohol?"

"No, I do not. Terran concoctions are, for the most part, not intoxicating to me. In some cases, they are quite distasteful. However, I do not find wine distasteful. And chocolate is a substance that is intoxicating to Vulcans."

"I forgot all about that. I thought that was like a myth or urban legend or something, the chocolate thing."

"Urban legend?"

"We'll look that up later!" she said as she went to the other side of his study and began rummaging in his cabinet for wine flutes.

It was that quality she had of encouraging him to research things he was unaware of that caused him to appreciate her ever more. "Yes, we shall," he said as he accepted two glasses from her.

They poured and they drank and they talked. They lost track of how much they were drinking as they talked.

As the veil of alcohol consumed them both, Mariana giggled at the way he was starting to slur his words. "You are too _funny_!" she said as a heavy Spanish accent emerged.

"And the way you are speaking at this moment is arousing to my blood," he admitted.

It could have ended well right then if he would have had the presence of mind to have a driver escort her home. But he was just as intoxicated and he, in fact, did not have the presence of mind. It also didn't help that he didn't want her to leave. Ever.

"I want to go to sleep," she said out of nowhere. "Estoy cansado!"

"Accompany me. You shall sleep in my space."

Some non-drunk portion of her mind told her that that was something she had never done. But instead of thinking of it as a cautionary thought, she figured she would have a brand new experience under her belt. Sleeping in the bed with a male! "Okay!" she said a little too cheerfully.

He helped her to stand, but they both just about staggered to his bedroom and fell into his bed. They both immediately entered a deep sleep with strange dreams.

**The Next Morning**

Mariana awoke with a serious headache. "_Ayyyy_," she moaned. She didn't recognize where she was at. And then she realized she felt something strange from... What was that feeling? It was something unexpected, something different… She couldn't figure it out. What was that? She turned and saw that Zurel was next to her. "Zurel!" she shouted as she sat up quickly.

He sat up, just as disoriented. He had next to no memory of how they had gotten there. "Mariana?" he asked.

"What are you doing in my bed?"

"I believe you are in my sleeping space." However she had gotten there, he was quite satisfied. This was how things should have been, after all.

She looked around the room finally and her mouth dropped open. "Oh my goodness! And what is that_ feeling_ I have like…like…"

He saw she was fully clothed and knew they had not shared bodies. But there was also a different feeling between the two of them. And then he knew. His eyes widened.

She continued, "I feel like I'm feeling- what is that _feeling_?" It was persistent, it was seemingly never-ending, it was- She still couldn't isolate the sensation. What was it?

He swallowed as he stood quickly. "Mariana, I do not wish for you to become overly angry with me."

"I'm panicking, but I don't know why!" she was saying as she tried to figure out where the feelings of panic were coming from. "What is going _on_?" She looked down at her clothing. "I'm still dressed," she did a checklist in her head. "I'm not scheduled for duty until tonight-"

"I do believe in my intoxicated state I have-"

She looked at him, distracted from her checklist. "You have?"

He decided not to wait any longer and get the news over with. "I believe I have inadvertently bonded the two of us together."

She jumped out of bed and immediately the world was spinning, but she struggled to remain on her feet. "What?"

"It is not a thing that I have done on purpose. I assure you, I would never-"

"Bull_shit_, _Disco Rayado_!" she shouted. "You did this on purpose, I know you did!" And she promptly began grabbing things, throwing them at him and cursing him out in Spanish. "_Crees que soy un idiota, pendejo? El infierno con usted!_"

"I sincerely—apologize!" he said as he dodged item after item being thrown in his general direction. "I did not wish—for us—to become bonded—in this way! However, do you not think we should refrain from beginning our marriage with a domestic violence incident?"

She screamed her anger at him one last time and then began to stalk from his room, tears washing down her face. "You _tricked me_!" And there he was, still in her mind, still there, _still there_!

He followed behind her rapidly. "You can sense my emotions and you know I did no such thing," he said quite sternly.

She paused as she thought about what he had just said. She could feel him from the inside and knew instantly, yes, he was telling the truth. She sat down on the floor, put her head in her hands and let herself cry worse. "I can't be_lieve_ this!" she was wailing as her voice cracked. "I just did the equivalent of getting blasted and married via Elvis impersonator in Vegas!"

He knew there was nothing that could be said, so he simply sat down on the floor next to her. After a short time, she leaned into him and cried it out. "Mariana," he whispered. "I feel I must inform you, you do not need to remain married to me. What's more, our bond is unconsummated and it will, therefore, be quite easy to remove. You may go to T'Niye and have it dissolved, if that is what you truly wish."

As he said the words, she felt the stabbing pains that accompanied it. The feelings were sharp, intense, actually physically and emotionally painful. He was in true painful agony at the thought of dissolving the bond, she realized. He must have truly wanted this with her. But this was not how she wanted this to happen!

"I know," he said to her unspoken thought.

"Cut that out!" she smacked his arm, but still, she snuggled in closer to him, put her arms around him and found herself naturally melting into his side. "We need to figure out…I need to figure out what I want to do."

He removed his body from hers and stood. Though she truly belonged to him now, he decided he was not going to allow himself to get used to something that may not be permanent. "I deeply apologize for not being unable to-" he swallowed back distaste at having to admit, "control myself. I allowed myself to lose sight of my situation and became intoxicated. I have many agents, but it is no excuse for me to allow myself to lower my guard thus. It shall never happen again," he vowed. And on the heels of his words, he felt her dawning pain for him. She more than cared that he was deeply disappointed in himself. She wished she could take his disappointment away.

"Zurel," she said as she held back more tears. "I'm sorry I yelled at you and threw things at you. That was not mature of me, I know."

"I do realize that you were in a state of shock."

"I know, but still, I apologize." She stood and said, "I have to go home now and I have duty tonight. I'll think about this, you know, about us, okay? I'll call you after I get off duty."

"Yes, my wife."

She felt a thrill of something shoot through her at those words. And the emotion did not come from him. Her eyes widened as he smirked. The smirk said _I most certainly did notice that._

Instead of going home, she found herself going straight to the hospital because she'd decided to change there and then go and see T'Niye about what she should do. On her way to her locker, she ran into Jhuleem and she felt herself already rolling her eyes. With the influence of the bond with Zurel, a slight repulsion accosted her at the sight of the other man. As he came upon her, he looked her up and down in the almost form-hugging dress. He practically leered. "Well well! Where did you get that delectable confection _you're_ wearing?" he asked suggestively.

The months of him harassing her with cards, gifts and flowers, wishing he would just go away and join his wife on Cardassia already; the extra pressure of missing Zurel and then him suddenly showing up; being bonded to him after a night of not even drunken lovemaking, but drunken talking… It all came to a head at that very moment. "You think this is all about _you_? This dress is from my husband, _bitch_!" she said as she slapped the mess out of him.

####

As they were recovering from their intense laughter, Sarek entered the room and formally greeted them. "Lady Dana, you seem well."

"Hi, Sarek! It's good to see you again, too!"

He raised his hand at Maya, "Daughter of my House, Live Long and Prosper."

Maya raised her hand at him and responded, "Peace and Long Life, Sarek. You look well, too."

"My health is adequate," he acknowledged. He turned back to the other young woman, "Where is Turan, Lady Dana?"

"He'll be here in two days."

"And how fares Sokam?" he asked of Maya.

"He's fine. Since I'm here for the year he says he's going to take accelerated studies for at least six months."

"That is good," said Sarek. "And you have come to continue your education, have you not?"

"Yes, I have," she confirmed.

"I have taken the liberty to ensure your transportation to and from Egypt each day."

"You didn't have to do that, Sarek," said Maya as she shook her head.

"On the contrary, your safety is paramount to me. Where is Shin?"

"He decided to go and see his family while I'm here on embassy grounds. He'll be back in two weeks."

Sarek seemed taken aback. Why had he never considered the fact that the young man had a family up in the Canadian Provinces? "As is proper."

"Poor man, either he or Sokam were glued to my side for so long after the attack," she said with a huff of breath. "Don't worry, I'm okay," she said looking at them all. "I couldn't even talk about it for a while, but I'm much better about it now. So I told him to get the heck out while he could before my schooling started. It isn't fair to him, really, to give up his whole life like this."

"He is aware of his duties. And you are not to be concerned for such matters. You must remember, there are those who would wish to damage my house through you."

And just that quickly, he was off again. As he left the room, Maya whispered jokingly to the ladies, "Yes, dad!" and they burst into new peals of laughter.

The comment was not missed by Sarek who was strangely warmed by it.

####

**If You Were Wondering…back in the past**

"Zurel, I would speak with you in private," said T'Niye with a not-so-nice look on her face.

For the first time ever, he felt the sensation of her looking at him with disfavor. He did not like it. "Yes, Clan Mother."

She had come to his property early in the morning. Sarek and Amanda were still in the cave. Roughly 48 hours had passed since the incident with she who was obviously still his wife…but she hadn't spoken to him since.

The older woman followed him into his estate and sat in his study and at first said nothing. She simply sat there, looking at him. He realized she was waiting for him to speak. He felt the sensation of wanting to sweat, but none would come forth… he was not used to this… "I assume you are here concerning Mariana…"

"She has only just left and I have repaired the damage done."

"Damage?"

"Apparently, you did not conduct the bond properly."

He seemed taken aback. "I do believe you are missing key information."

"Yes, in fact, I am. For though it was obvious she was upset with you, she would not tell me the particulars of your bonding." Zurel felt warmed from the inside. She had not betrayed his lack of control. "She who is technically your wife is loyal to you despite the circumstances of your bonding. However, she who is Turan's wife is well aware of who I am to the family and has disclosed to me the true nature of the circumstances."

He was practically shocked out of his satisfaction at Mariana's loyalty toward him. "You ordered Lady Dana to tell you-"

"As was proper!" T'Niye nearly cut his head off with the mental smack that accompanied the words.

"You said there was damage?" he asked. "Is my wife well?" He stood, ready to leave his estate. "Where may I find her?"

"She is resting, now," said T'Niye. "I fail to understand her reasoning, but she has decided to not dissolve your bond."

Zurel sat down again, wondering why Mariana had not called him as she promised. She was choosing to remain with him, but she still wouldn't speak to him?

"She is confused," said the clan mother. She stood. "In future, you will summon a Healer before engaging in risky telepathic contact with any more Terrans. You are not telepathically gifted."

"Yes, I shall," he promised, head bowed.

"And furthermore…" her eyes squinted, "She is not truly your wife until you consummate your union."

Zurel's eyes widened. Was he simply reading too much into her words, or did his clan mother just indicate he should go and make it so?

####

Amanda was very happy to have two of her good friends back in her life, even if it was technically on a temporary basis. But there was another matter weighing on Amanda those days.

There was a female who would often come from the Betazoid embassy in order to deliver documents between the Vulcans and the Betazoid. She would come in her very short skirt and was openly flirtatious with Sarek in her conversations.

Her husband, to his credit, never showed any signs of liking said flirtations, but it was really starting to burn Amanda up about that woman getting into Sarek's face. The last incident that had happened, Amanda found herself standing on the balcony looking down at the two of them. She was holding back the instinct to go to the kitchen of the embassy, find the biggest, sharpest knife available, and- She didn't know where this part of herself had come from, but Sarek had noticed the thought. He turned and looked up at his wife as his eyebrow rose.

She didn't realize what he felt about her instinctual reaction until he came to her that evening about it. He thought she was about to be chided and upbraided.

Instead, he rushed into their room, closed the door behind him and said quickly, in Vulcan, "I did not know you were capable of such jealousy, Amanda!" as he pulled her into his arms and began kissing her as if he couldn't get enough of the taste of her.

They wound up having the most intense night of passion since his last Pon Farr. It didn't lessen her dislike for the woman violating her husband's personal space, but it helped just a little bit.


	34. Read All About It

_A/N - Small chapter, slow pace, but there were some things I wanted set up for the next few chapters coming. Also, the month of November is going to be CRAZY for me so I don't know how often I'm going to be able to update then, therefore I'm going to try and update as often as possible while it is still October. Your reviews have been very encouraging and they keep me going back to this story to write more and rethink things._

Read All About It

"Extra, extra, read all about it! Another Terran female is married to a Vulcan!" Dana laughed as she ran into the room with Amanda and Maya.

Both ladies mouths dropped open as Dana dramatically brandished her PADD, all while still wearing a huge grin. "Girls, look! I got my picture in the E-Net Dailies! I'm famous, bitches!" They both gawked at a picture of Dana and Turan. The couple were exiting the embassy grounds together, one twin each in their arms. "You should see the nasty comments at the end of this article! And oh, _Maya_! There's something in there about you, too. They don't know who you are, yet, but they know you exist."

"What?" asked Maya, shocked, as Amanda took the PADD and began reading from the article:

"Dana Philo, a twenty-something year old female, was charged two years ago with a Thought Crime violation and shipped off to the planet Vulcan. The charges were, ultimately, dropped and her honor restored. But not before she found love on the red sizzling hot planet. The two were reportedly married around the time that Terran marriage to non-Terrans became legal.

"According to our source, there is yet another Terran female who is also reportedly married to a Vulcan. She was first adopted into the House of Sarek and as a result of her better status made it into the University of Cairo."

"Oh no I did _NOT_!" Maya said, very outraged. "I got accepted into the university way before I was even shipped off to Vulcan or married!"

"Girl, it gets worse!" Dana said as she pulled her PADD away from Amanda. "You should see the stuff in the comments section directed at us. And by 'us', I mean all three of us."

Amanda looked over her shoulder and couldn't stop herself from reading:

"'These are some stupid females, marrying these guys and making these ugly mongrel children. What do they think they're going to get from these marriages? Pray that other nameless chick doesn't have kids with her Vulcan so she can get out easy! This one and the one married to the ambassador? Totally stupid. The other one, if she's still childless? Only halfway stupid. If you're reading this Halfway Stupid, get smart and get out!'"

Dana took over reading the next ones:

"'I don't see what the big deal is. So she married an alien. So what?'" and in response to that there was:

"'You're not seeing the bigger picture here. The more of our women that marry them, the more non-pure Terrans there will be running around!'"

"'Keep the Terran gene pool clean!'"

"'They just don't realize the problems they're bringing on themselves and people like _you_ are making them think it's okay to stay in these disaster marriages!'"

Maya, unable to stop herself, read more of the comments:

"'Why is this bullshit considered news? There are more important things going on in the galaxy!'" and in response to that:

"'What is wrong with people like you? Don't you see what this is leading to? This is the beginning of the end of the Terran Empire! They should all be shot for treason!'"

"'I give the marriages less than 3 years. I'm surprised that first one with that cold ambassador is still going!'"

"'Hey, girls, when you get tired of being ignored and/or discussing quantum singularities and probabilities, my name is J**** Singleton! Look me up! I'm always available to help out a lonely heart, bahahahahaha!'"

Dana read the next comments:

"'Get out while you can!'"

"'That must be some shitty sex.'"

All of the ladies paused at that one and then began laughing hysterically. "Oh, oh, they have_ no_ _clue_!" Dana gasped out.

"Ohh, my stomach hurts from laughing at that one," said Maya as she wiped tears of laughter from her face.

"Ladies," said Amanda, "let's go get some sandwiches or something. Presumptuous Idiocy makes me hungry."

####

Three days before she had to go in person to register at the school, Shin arrived at the embassy. Maya had her own suite of rooms and Shin went there personally to report to her. "I'm here, lady, ready to report!" he said with his signature boyish smile.

They gave each other a quick hug and kiss as she said, "How was your family?"

"They were all right. My mother keeps asking when I'm getting married or something."

"Well, Shin? I told you to go part time guarding me. There are plenty other guys to take up the slack now. Zurel's got plenty."

"Oh no, no. If something happens to you I'll feel totally responsible. I'm your shadow. Accept that."

"No, Shin. I order you to get a life now. You can stay with me when I leave embassy grounds and I'm only doing that to go to class. Otherwise, go and have a life! We're back on Terra Prime. At least spend the weekends with your family or something."

"Why don't you spend some time with your own family?" he asked.

"I'm going to go and visit my mom's family really soon. I just have to get started in school again first."

"And who's going to go with you when you do?"

"I'll take one of the other guards."

"Zurel's busy."

"I know he is. I'm used to Sherin now. He can come with me."

"And the people in your family are going to accept a Vulcan security man?"

She grinned at him. "You don't know my family. The women will spend the entire time whispering about his ears and how _cute_ they are!" she laughed.

He shrugged. "Well then I stand corrected."

"So you'll get your own life now outside of being my bodyguard?"

"Yes, I will. But first, I want to talk to you about something else."

"Go ahead," she said eagerly.

"Dana talked to me about the newspaper articles."

"Articles?" she asked as she stopped in her tracks. "Did you say that with an 's', as in plural?"

"Yeah, there've been more. I've seen a few of them myself."

"Ughhh," she said as she sat down hard in a chair. "My stomach hurts."

"You've been having those stomach problems again?"

"Yes. T'Niye says its stress."

"How have your meditations been going?" he asked. He knew she was about to give him the look of death, but T'Niye and Sokam had made him promise to make certain she meditated on a regular basis.

And she did give him the meanest scowl as she said, "Fine."

"I have a feeling you're not telling me the truth."

"Okay, fine." She admitted, "They're not going well. I have problems getting into it the way that Vulcans do it. It just- it just doesn't make me feel centered. I'm not a Vulcan."

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry to be bringing this up. I just think that I can help you out."

"You meditate, don't you?"

"Yes."

She asked, "Remember how relaxed Patricia got because you taught her T'ai Chi?"

"Yes."

"Can you do that for me?"

He smiled broadly. "Of course I can!"

"Do you think it will help my relaxation and my stomach problems?"

"It might."

"What about meditation? Like, maybe I can use it as a vehicle to relax first and then afterward I'll be able to meditate easier?"

"I'll put it this way. If you learn it well enough, you can reach a meditative state while you're doing it. You won't have to do anything else."

She frowned. "But I thought meditation was getting still, quiet and centered."

"That works for some people. It doesn't work for everyone. You ready to start now?"

"I most certainly _am_!"

"Get into comfy clothes, then. We've got work to do."

####

_The wind was warm. It was the perfect time of day. Twilight. The sun was neither strong nor weak._

_ As she rounded the sand dune, there he was. He was far enough away that she couldn't see him too clearly, but it was obvious that he waiting for her. Her heart quickened. Who was he? She had to know._

_ As she grew closer, he began to walk away. At first she thought he did not know her. Then she wondered if he even realized that she was there. But it occurred to her, he knew she was there. And he was retreating anyway. But he was not retreating due to avoidance. No! This was a game of cat and mouse, an erotic chase._

_ She had to know who he was and why was he here, of all places, in her dream._

_ "I'm dreaming," she whispered to herself in the dream as she became lucid. She stopped in her tracks as she began to take in her surroundings. "How do I realize that I'm dreaming?" she asked aloud._

_ He turned, but still she could not make out his face. He wore a hooded cloak that obstructed her view. "That is not the question that should be asked," his voice came to her on the wind._

_ She'd heard that voice before. Who was he? "What should I be asking?" she wanted to know. Whatever was happening was utterly amazing to her! It was the most excitement she'd seen in a very long time. She didn't want it to stop!_

_ "You should be asking yourself, 'What do I deserve?'"_

_ She swallowed hard. Whoever this was, he knew things about her no one else should… She thought she'd covered her tracks well enough, the few times she ventured out she pretended in the public eye as well as anyone could, acted like the content wife and mother and… there was no doubt in her mind, whoever he was, he __**knew**__!_

_ But some part of her still believed it was a part of her subconscious speaking to her, not a real person. So she spoke the truth. "I want to like my life again. I want to believe that my husband will change. I want to be more than just so-and-so's wife."_

_ "Patricia, wife of Soryn."_

_ "Yes, yes, that's it! That shit __**burns**__!"_

_ "It did not always," he said._

_ "No. It didn't always. There was a time I was proud just to be his wife."_

_ "And then?"_

_ She swallowed back her tears. "And then things happened. It was one thing on top of another and another and __**another**__…I believed we could fix it. I still believe we can fix it. At first he said he would, but now, he refuses to do so. He doesn't believe there's anything wrong between us. He thinks everything is as it should be."_

_ "You are unfulfilled," said the voice._

_ She admitted, "I am. But that's marriage. Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you—you tolerate one another." The man, whoever he was, began to walk away. "Where are you going!" she shouted as she began to try and follow him._

_ "You have lied to me. And I will not converse and hear lies."_

_ "All right, all right, fine! I'm miserable! I cry myself to sleep most nights and I wake up wishing I were dead! __**IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?**__"_

_ He stopped in his tracks then. "It does not have to be this way for you."_

_ She realized then. "Wait a minute…you're not a part of my mind."_

_ "I am not."_

_ "You're—you're someone else! You're a Vulcan! Who are you?"_

_ "Who I am at this time is unimportant. All you need to know is that if it is what you wish, there is a challenger who will heed your call and come to your aid. When you need me, you will find me. And I will serve you always."_

_ She flinched. "I'm no adulteress!"_

_ "I have not asked for your body."_

_ "Well what for, then?"_

_ "That is entirely your choice," he said as he faded on the desert wind._

Patricia sat up quickly in bed. This was the fifth dream in less than three weeks. She had no idea, before, that she was not having it with her own subconscious mind. But to consider that someone…some other male was following her dreams… Another Vulcan? Who in the world was interested enough in her to piggyback onto her REM cycle? And who in the world _could_? What did they call them? Hyper-telepaths? But why would one of them be the least bit interested in her? None of this made any sense.

Some part of her refused to believe that someone else was interested in her. She had to believe it truly was her subconscious mind, speaking to her, forcing her to admit just how miserable she truly was. She had to believe…

But so what? What then? She was in this marriage, no matter what. Whoever he was, if there was truly a 'he', he was going to be sorely disappointed.


	35. Family Drama

_A/N - More 'slow stuff that needed to happen' before what comes next._

Family Drama

Amanda sat up in bed that morning and heaved a deep sigh. Today was the day her mother usually visited every month to see Spock. She was glad that she had succeeded for the past three months in not getting into an argument with her toward the end of her visits. It was simply through the efforts of Amanda ignoring a lot of comments and pretending she didn't care she was being insulted. She was starting to want to learn how not to get offended at all at anything her mother had to say, but she knew that was nothing more than a pipe dream.

She finally stood up and went to meet the day. "Let's get this over with."

####

The Lady breezed in and doted on her grandson. The beginnings of their visits usually did go quite well.

"Grandmother, I wish to show you the new device that father has bought me to enhance my spatial acuity. May I go and get it?" asked Spock.

"Of course, little lamb, you can!" said his grandmother with a sweet smile.

He ran from the room a little too eagerly and Amanda couldn't help but think _Hope his father doesn't run into him in that state._

"So, Amanda, how's your husband these days?"

She braced herself for whatever was about to exit her mother's mouth. "He's fine, mom."

"He's much more charming than I would have ever suspected just from looking at him in a photograph. Well he doesn't say much, either, but when he does speak, his words are very purposeful."

Amanda looked at her mother as if she'd grown another head. "Do you currently have a fever of some kind?"

Her mother laughed. "Oh, heaven's no! I just wish you'd found the same man in a Terran package, but I can't blame you for falling for him. Your father on the other hand," she said with a wave of her hand. "Don't get me started on him."

"Please, don't," said Amanda halfheartedly. She looked down at her nails casually as if surveying whether or not it was time for them to be filed. Then, she mentally counted to five, the time she knew it would take for her mother to start talking about how disappointed her father was in her choices—_four, three, two, one…_

"You know, Amanda, your father had such high hopes for you. And he's just so _disappointed_. He feels he's failed you, you know."

She wanted to roll her eyes but didn't. She tried to keep her language neutral. "I accept that."

"Do you really, Amanda? Do you know how much you've hurt him, how much you've hurt your entire family?"

"I'm sorry everyone's hurt," was all Amanda said as she was determined not to get into another fight.

"Well I don't care what your father says, I'm going to keep coming to see that boy every month! Everyone needs a nana!" she declared.

Amanda sighed tiredly. "You're right about that, mom."

Dana came in just then along with Maya. Both had a baby in their arms. They both knew Amanda's mother had come for a visit and wanted to take some of the heat off of her. "Hello, Mrs. Grayson, how are you today?" asked Dana.

She did a double-take. "Oh my goodness!" she said as she stood and hugged each young lady. "Such good Terran girls," she said as she looked between them. "What is it about these Vulcans that they keep trapping our good Terran girls?" she wondered, truly confounded.

Dana saw Amanda was about to say something and quickly handed over Temis to Mrs. Grayson. "Here. Take a baby!"

"And who is this little one?" she squealed as she looked down at the baby staring up at her. "Look at those Terran blue eyes!" she remarked.

"And his Vulcan ears!" Amanda laughed.

"You behave, you," her mother said with one pointed stare.

As she looked back at the baby in her arms, all three girls started laughing very hard. Maya adjusted Savon on her hip and be began to whine. "I think he's ready for a feeding, Dana."

"I'll send for Zurel."

"Zurel?" asked Amanda.

"He wants to be the one to supervise everything that goes into the twins mouths."

Amanda sometimes wondered if their security chief was overly paranoid, because he also checked Spock's food before he ate. But she was thankful for how thorough he was.

Just then, Turan entered the room. "Our child is hungry?" he asked as he looked at Savon. He then looked over at the other twin. "Temis is not yet ready for his meal?"

Dana giggled as she answered both his questions back to back, "Yes and no." Then she introduced him. "Mrs. Grayson, this is my husband Turan."

"Well, nice to meet _you_," she said charmingly as she looked him up and down.

Turan bowed from the head once, "Ma'am," he said. "A pleasure."

As soon as he walked from the room, Mrs. Grayson looked over at Dana with a knowing grin. "That, my dear, is one good-looking specimen."

"Mom!" said Amanda, shocked.

"I'm sorry, but I could break my principles for a face like that!" giggled Mrs. Grayson like a schoolgirl.

Maya found herself laughing out loud at the older lady of a High House swooning over the Vulcan. Savon was at least distracted temporarily by looking at her laughing face.

Spock returned with his spatial acuity toy, just then. Lady Grayson placed Temis on the floor and the infant crawled straight for Spock. The little baby reached up at Spock with his hand and Spock briefly touched fingers with the toddling infant and continued onto his grandmother.

Just then, Savon began looking at Spock insistently and going, "Hu huh huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

Spock quickly stepped over to the other child and touched fingers with him. "He must have the same attention as his brother," said Spock as he looked at Amanda to clarify his actions.

"Spock, honey, you don't have to explain yourself to me," she said.

He nodded once and turned back to his grandmother. That little quality he had of explaining everything, she knew, stemmed from the fact that Sarek wanted to know his motivation for every single thing he did. It was just another one of those 'things' that pissed her off with her husband on a regular basis.

Mrs. Grayson remarked, "Well you might as well show me your husband, too, Maya. I want to know what you gave up your Terran ideals for."

Maya held in further laughter as she retrieved her PADD from a bag on her shoulder. Savon tried to grab it, so she gently placed him on the ground. The twins immediately found one another and began communicating in their own special language verbally and mentally.

Maya called up his photograph then handed her PADD over to the older woman. "Here. This is my husband."

Mrs. Grayson smiled up at Maya. "Well well. This one also has a nice face. And he has a tiny bit of facial hair. Makes him look devilish!" The three ladies only looked at one another. "He looks a little like Sarek. He's related to him?"

"Yes."

"Tall?"

"Almost as tall as my husband," Dana threw in.

Mrs. Grayson smiled at Maya again as she said almost conspiratorially to the girls, "I always did have a weak spot in my heart for the tall ones. That's what attracted me to General Grayson."

Zurel arrived then with two bottles. "The children are hungry?"

"Yes," said Dana. "Thank you for both bottles. The minute Savon sees Temis eating, he's going to try and take his."

Zurel nodded once at Dana and then exited the room.

Their attention was turned, quite quickly, to Savon attempting to take Temis' bottle. Temis began to wail as Savon smacked him in the head three times in rapid succession and snatched his bottle.

Spock went and immediately removed the bottle from Savon's hands and returned it to Temis. "This is not good behavior, Savon," said Spock as he held the infant's fingers.

"Yes," Mrs. Grayon threw in. "You're supposed to take it when no one is looking!"

The awful thing was, they knew she wasn't joking. Now Savon was wailing and Dana quickly stuck the other bottle into his mouth. Pretty quickly, the twins settled next to one another with their respective bottles. That quickly their feud was done as they nestled against one another and slurped contentedly.

"You know," Mrs. Grayson said with a sigh. "I don't care what their parentage is. They're just angels."

The three ladies looked at one another, halfway shocked.

####

"I can't believe this!" exclaimed Dana as she ran into the embassy's day room. They had been on Terra Prime for a little over a month with Amanda by then and they took their Saturday mornings together in the private day room Sarek had set aside for Amanda's usage. They usually just relaxed and drank coffee, swapped stories of what had happened the week before.

She turned on the mounted wall unit that they could access via their PADDS and keyed in the correct code from her PADD to call up the channel she wanted. "Look at this!"

Only Amanda had arrived, by that point. She knew Maya was most likely doing T'ai Chi with Shin and usually arrived about a half an hour after the two of them. "What's going on?" asked Amanda.

"This!"

"-and I know my Cassie died under suspicious circumstances," her uncle Ernest was saying in a special news report. He was surrounded by reporters from various news agencies from across the Empire.

"Mr. Demetus, are you implying the ambassador to Vulcan had something to do with your daughter's death?"

"All I'm saying is they conducted their investigation and it was ruled an accident, _of course_. Of course they're going to say that!" He charged on angrily, "I want the information from the investigation sent _here_ and I want an independent investigation- a _real_ investigation done by Terran officials. They'll get to the truth of this nasty situation!"

"Do you believe the ambassador will sanction such an action?" asked another reporter.

"Of course he won't," sniped Ernest Demetus. "Why would he? He has diplomatic immunity. He can just hide behind _that_!"

"What would be the motive for a Syrranite Vulcan killing…anyone?" asked an openly skeptical reporter.

"Alien sympathizing scum," Ernest said angrily and then spat at the reporter's feet. "My Cassie is dead, probably murdered in some bizarre sex scandal and you have the nerve to stand before me with that attitude? I'm done answering questions!"

And he was away in a flurry of anger and reporters shouting questions at him.

"What the hell?" Dana said, very angry. She cut off the mounted screen, shutting out the rest of the news report. "We made a deal! And he got the official transcript of everything, so why is he doing this _now_?"

"Dana, it's okay," said Amanda. "They're just words."

"Words can kill a house!" said Dana. "My family didn't wind up in financial ruin and lose its upper middle class status because of poor management. They lost it because a competitor lied about their product and the stock dropped out from underneath them and almost bankrupted them!"

Amanda sighed tiredly. "Don't you worry about this, Dana. Sarek will take care of it." She wiped her hands across her face and commented, "Makes me afraid to wonder what will happen next."

####

Sarek did not wait. He immediately called the Office of Terran Affairs to launch his own inquiry and facilitated the handing over of all documents from Vulcan to them. The official Terran investigation was on.

~#~

**Months Before… Back on Vulcan**

Amanda and Sarek's Time was finally through. Amanda had been put under observation in her desert home for a time and had been attended by both T'Niye and Mariana. It had provoked many questions in the young woman.

"Why does she have those injuries?" asked Mariana. It was not the first time she had seen such injuries. As a healthcare worker she was getting tired of receiving the answer of, "It is not spoken of," from whatever attending Healer happened to be on call. But this time it had happened to a friend of hers. And that answer was obviously about to exit T'Niye's mouth…

But the older woman paused. "You have yet to speak with Zurel," she realized.

Mariana was confused. "What does that have to do with my friend sitting in that room healing from-" she looked down at the MediPADD, "a broken clavicle, various cuts and scrapes, rockburn…_really_? Rockburn? How in the hell does one come across _rock_burn? A host of other injuries and an inflamed vulva? She has physical injuries consistent with being brutally raped, but she's got a stupid grin on her face… what the hell does that have to do with Zurel?"

T'Niye would not budge. "You would do well to speak with he who is your husband, and you would also do well to be careful of how you speak to me, young one."

Mariana felt something along the lines of shame. Not only was T'Niye old enough to be her great grandmother, but she was also Zurel's clan mother. And she was now married to Zurel. And that meant… "I'm sorry, Healer," she whispered. "I'm just afraid for my friend."

T'Niye paused a second. There was no use browbeating the young Terran. The woman was indeed very emotional and had been presented with something that didn't make sense to her. "Did Amanda seem distressed to you?"

"Except for a bit of pain, and thank goodness for pain meds, no! She looks higher than a kite. Keeps asking for Sarek, where he's at, what he's doing."

"Sarek is currently meditating. He will be in to see his wife within the next couple of hours. It is imperative that she rest."

"I agree," said Mariana.

"And it is also imperative that you go and speak to he who is now your husband."

"Oh, T'Niye!"

"If you insist on remaining bonded to him, it is only logical that you clarify the nature of your relationship. Many of the troubles I have observed in most marriages stem from communication issues. And do you truly wish to begin your marriage with a staunch lack of communication?"

She sighed and forced herself to calm down. She had to admit, "You're absolutely right."

"Then you will see him now," she said decisively.

"I'm on duty with you and-"

T'Niye took Mariana's MediPADD and scanned it. "As Amanda's chief Healer, I have given you clearance to depart now. As your clan mother, I am telling you to go at this moment."

"Yes, ma'am."

~#~

Zurel's heart beat faster. He was at the cottage he shared with Shin whenever they were back on Vulcan. His old partner was out with Maya at the time, so he had the place to himself. And Mariana was coming up the walkway. She looked nervous.

Before she could knock he opened the door and said, "I saw you approaching from afar."

She had to admit it was good seeing him…it was more than good, her heart was hammering a mile a minute and the mental connection between them was humming.

The door closed and there was an awkward silence between them as they just stared at one anthoer. "You have finally come to me," he said.

"You could have come to me," she said, full of attitude.

"Could I have?" he asked. "Perhaps you would have thrown more items at my cranium."

Mariana felt a zing of regret and shame. "I'm sorry I threw things at you. I was just shocked, that's all."

"I understood that. And as a result, I thought it best to wait until you came to me, until you were ready to discuss what it is that has happened between us."

She sat down on his very Terran couch and realized Shin must have been the one to buy it. "Look, I already decided some things, okay?"

He sat down and waited attentively. "Proceed."

She wanted to laugh, once again, at his very precise speech. "I decided that since you really couldn't help what happened, I mean who could have seen that coming, I've decided that I am definitely not angry with you about it. It wasn't your fault and I'm willing to move past that."

He admitted, "That is a relief to know."

She shrugged. "Um, the thing is I'm not quite ready to be married yet, but I always decided when I did get married I'm not getting divorced so- so I'm staying with you, but as far as I know until we consummate we're not like really _really_ married. So what are we, like, engaged or something?"

He said, "It is often phrased that being betrothed in a marital bond without consummation is less than a marriage, but more than an engagement."

She sat back and placed her head on the back of the couch, exhausted. "So some strange kind of limbo. Okay. Fine. I'm okay with that. So now um, could you please explain to me what you and I have anything to do with what's happened with Amanda and she's sitting over there in her house looking like the poster-child for domestic violence?"

Zurel closed his eyes as if he had only just remembered something critical. "In all this time, you still do not know?"

"Know what?" she asked.

He actually put his head into his hands then and said, more to himself than her, "She will surely leave me now."

She didn't know why, but she was suddenly afraid. "Zurel, you would never hurt me like that, right? Right?"

He had to admit, he was shocked that not one of the other females, not Patricia, Amanda, Maya or even Dana had told Mariana about Pon Farr. "They are much more discreet than I gave any of them credit for."

"You're scaring me!"

He only looked at her and said, "As you should be."

She swallowed. "So just get to it. Just tell me. Do it now!"

He looked at her, face obviously full of dread. "May I say, before I proceed to tell you of our shame, that this is not to be repeated to anyone else?"

"All right, fine. What is it?"

Mariana was stunned into silence. Precious little stunned her into silence. Zurel was nervous. He had told her everything about the mating drive, about the injuries inflicted on all of her friends, about the intervention tech T'Niye had come up with. But she was still just sitting there and not saying a word. He checked their bond and saw that she was honestly in a state akin to shock.

"So your people have been able to keep this thing a secret?" Her mind couldn't get over that little fact. "So no one tells."

"Will you?"

She was repulsed by just the thought of betraying him. "Absolutely not."

"Does this change your mind about the status of our relationship?"

She admitted, "No. You can't help becoming a maniac, right? And if I don't help you, you'll die, right?" She wrapped her mind around that fact. "Well thank goodness for tech, that's all I have to say."

"I shall not have this happen to me for a few more years, yet…"

"Wow, really?" she asked, relieved. "So I have some time to get used to the thought." She breathed in and out, feeling more and more relief as each second passed. "Okay. I'll be okay."

"As to the consummation of our relationship-"

"I'm not ready for that yet, either!"

"I am aware of that fact. However, I will warn you, Mariana. If I am so inclined, I shall come and claim what I wish when I wish it. I will give you time, but there is but so long I can wait."

She gave him a cryptic grin. "Oh, I see how it is. You're going to be one of _those_ husbands!"

"Clarify."

"The kind that gets his sex no matter what."

He could tell she meant to just tease, but he remembered his appetite with his former wife was borderline unnatural. "Yes."

"Oooh," she said as she folded her arms, her grin widening. "I knew you were hot for a reason."

His body language stiffened. "Continue speaking in such a way, and today shall be that day."

Mariana grinned, but she kept her mouth shut. "Let's go to dinner tonight. You leave soon, right?"

"Yes, I do."

"I'll miss you," she said, her grin turning sad.

"And your presence shall be acutely missed, my wife." He admitted, "It is not uncommon for a Vulcan couple to be parted, sometimes for years at a time, and then to reunite at some point in the future…"

"I guess it's easier to do that when you're bonded, right?" she remarked, not really looking for an answer.

"You may speak to me at anytime through it."

"I can?" she asked, delighted.

"Yes, you can."

"Then I will," she promised.

"And your dreams will become a thing to look forward to, I promise you that," he said, his eyes hot and devouring hers.

_I married a freak!_ She thought happily.

_Indeed, you did_ came the answering thought from Zurel as Mariana audibly gasped in surprise.


	36. Violence

Violence

Patricia watched her daughter, T'Zanne, finger-painting as they sat in the private garden attached to their home. Despite all that was happening, she was able to flourish a little smile at her daughter. Had they all begun this small? She couldn't shake the persistent thought that her child was _just so BEAUTIFUL!_ She was perfect and already so ladylike and more intelligent than Patricia could have ever wanted. It was the one bright spot in her life, the fact that she had T'Zanne. Sometimes she wondered if she'd traded in one thing for another. She had had a marriage before that was relatively healthy…difficult, but healthy. But now-

It was becoming more difficult for her to deal with the situation at home. Her father-in-law, Terek, had moved in with them less than six months before. A marriage that had been previously healthy, with the addition of a child, became much more difficult. But with the addition of the elder male, things were now catastrophic.

Terek was an aged man four decades shy of three hundred years. As a result of his advanced age and several injuries to the brain in his youth, he was in the middle of a serious condition. Patricia looked after him and her toddler every day, but the old man was becoming much more problematic in general. He had an ailment called Bendai Syndrome. Mariana had referred to it as Vulcan Dementia. But on top of the memory deficits, there were also verbal outbursts and emotional psionic transference issues with the older man. Since he was now unable to control his abilities, they prescribed drugs for him that were supposed to be able to dull his psi-points. It was not an exact science, though.

Unable to hide his inner thoughts, he was more than vocal about several things:

His Terran daughter-in-law was "distasteful to him". He did not even like the sight of Patricia so she tried her best when she didn't have to do things for him to stay out of his way. And his Terran grandchild was, in his words, "an abomination".

Soryn thought it improper to correct his father, not only because he was his elder but because he thought it illogical to correct someone for something they would inevitably say again. The thing that Patricia thought she would never forgive Soryn for was exposing them to his father on a daily basis once his violent rages began. He could sometimes become so agitated and aggressive that she was in fear of him striking her or their child. He did, at least, have moments of gentleness with T'Zanne until his dark side would rear its' head. But there was never any tenderness toward Patricia.

It stung her on the inside. She did everything for Terek. Cooked and cleaned for him, took him to his doctor's appointments, made certain he took his medications, even worried about and took care of him the time he came down with a serious virulent lung ailment. There was never a thank you from Terek, only complaints and condemnation. She knew he was mentally ill and for that reason tried her best not to complain. But every once in a while when it got to be too much, she would voice her frustration to Soryn. Soryn never said a word, he would only nod and continue on his way.

She was also no longer allowed to work at the school. Soryn thought that since they now had a child, her place was at home with that child. It was also her duty, in his opinion, that she take care of his aged father. When she asked Soryn, "When were you going to consult me about the change in my status?" he never answered.

Patricia sat in her garden and sighed, thankful for the almost mild day they were having. It was nowhere near as hot as it had been the past few weeks. T'Zanne's back was to her as she worked diligently on her painting. Since the child couldn't see, she allowed several tears to slip free. She wiped them quickly since her daughter had recently become very aware of her mother's changing moods. She forced positivity into her thoughts and tried to think of something else that made her happy.

She would make Soryn's plomeek that night the way he liked it with the special seasoning from the T'Klenim Hills and brew his favorite desert tea with the mint herbs added from Terra Prime. She forced her face forward and tried to assert within herself that things weren't all _that_ bad. Soon, Terek would die and…

Her faced paled and she was horrified. She wanted to slap herself. The old man may have been making her life a living hell and she wished she didn't have to deal with his mood swings, but thinking of someone else's death as her release in the near future was just plain cold-blooded, in her opinion. She was determined to stamp the negative thoughts out and deal with her life the way it was.

She stood and went over to where T'Zanne was quietly putting paint on her papers with her fingers. "Don't tell your father I let you do this," she cautioned.

"Yes, mother."

Patricia looked at the sweet little face of her daughter and her heart bled. She was barely a year and a half and had learned how to hide herself. The sight of her grandfather caused her to walk in the opposite direction and conceal herself until she could tell what mood he was in. Her father had also become an exacting man toward her. Already she was required to learn advanced mathematics and repeat back to him the history of Vulcan, and their family, from the time of the beginning.

Pat flip-flopped back and forth between wishing to get out and wanting to work things out. But she knew to just walk away would be wrong. She still couldn't find it in herself to do that.

Amanda saw the courier from the Betazoid embassy entering the Vulcan embassy. Her eyes squinted as she folded her arms. _If that woman gets into my husband's face again…_

She found herself stealthily following the female courier and trailing her to Sarek's office. The woman pressed the chimer and was given entrance by Sarek's secretary. As soon as she walked in, Amanda entered as well.

Amanda stood in the outer office with the courier and the secretary. The female Vulcan behind the desk merely looked back and forth between the two women, assessing the situation in her mind, but not saying a word about it. She pressed the intercom. "Ambassador, the courier from the Betazoid embassy and the Lady Amanda await your attention."

There was a pause. Even Sarek, who found no reason to look at a situation through a lens of emotion, knew there was some kind of test in this. "Send in she who is my wife, first," his voice finally came through the intercom.

Amanda smiled pleasantly at both females, but the Betazoid woman gave her a fake smile. "No matter, I'll _still _be here when you're gone."

The Terran woman said nothing as she entered Sarek's study. The door shut behind her and, "I want to talk to you," she hissed out, eyes squinting almost nastily.

"Amanda, there is nothing for you to be concerned about in this matter with Erani," he said, almost dismissively.

"Oh, who said anything about _Erani_?" Amanda asked a little too sweetly.

He knew he was on thin ice. It was times such as this one that he was grateful for the marital bond. He peered directly into Amanda's mind and saw exactly what it was she wanted. Maintaining eye-contact with his wife, He leaned forward and hit the intercom switch. "Send in the courier, at this time."

"At once, ambassador."

The Betazoid courier looked confused as she entered his office. But even Amanda did not anticipate what was going to happen next. Sarek turned his eyes to the courier and announced, "She who is my wife is has become unhappy with you violating my personal space. I also admit that I find it highly inappropriate for you to approach a man in such a way whom happens to belong to another. Therefore you will cease entering my space from this day forward. Is that clear?"

The courier began to sputter, "Wha—Who—What?"

"I see you have brought the appropriate documents. I shall deal with them now," said Sarek without pausing for one second to talk about the declaration he had just made.

Amanda simply smiled at her husband. "I'll see you later."

"Yes, my wife," he said as he reached out his fingers to her. "I shall see you during the mealtime." He felt one sensation from his wife at that moment. _Satisfaction._ She left the room then without a backward glance.

The expression on the courier's face said '_This isn't over, bitch!'_

Patricia lay down in bed, eager to sleep just a few hours before either her daughter or her father-in-law demanded her attention. Her head hit the pillow and she was instantly there:

_"You have come to speak with me again," said the mysterious man in the cloak._

_ "Yes," she said as she sat down. There was no more guilt on her part. The only thing she and the man in the hood ever did was talk. And she only sought him out when things grew to be too burdensome at home._

_ "You insist you will not depart from your husband."_

_ "It would be wrong."_

_ "Then why do you speak with me?"_

_ She quipped with a slight grin, "Because I can't seem to get out of the house."_

_ The male paused, said nothing at first. "You are forced to remain indoors at all times?" he finally asked._

_ It was her turn to pause. She knew she had been lying to herself, saying she didn't even need to go anywhere and that she was free to go wherever at anytime. She truly __**had**__ been lying to herself! "Yes," she finally admitted._

_ "I do not understand why you allow this treatment to continue."_

_ "The child is __**his**__! Their laws won't protect me if I leave with her! They'll just take her back and give her to him!"_

_ He nodded. "Untrue."_

_ "Untrue?"_

_ "Here the child belongs to the mother."_

_ She scoffed. "I'm an Outworlder. Who will __**give**__ me anything?"_

_ "Why must you be given anything? Why can you not simply take it?"_

_ She sat there, thinking. "Leave? Just…get up and leave? Just like that?"_

_ "Lady, I have only ever thought of your well-being. Do you not deserve more than what you have?"_

_ "What do you know about what I do and don't deserve?" She felt dream tears swimming in her eyes. "I was in love, once upon a time. But I see now that that sort of thing is a fantasy. None of us deserves love."_

_ "Is not happiness essential to one of your kind?"_

_ She smiled through her tears. "Yes, but we all have to make it for ourselves."_

_ "Then you must leave. If you wish to make your happiness, you must leave."_

_ She thought about it from time to time. "To leave…to leave…" But could she? "It would be wrong to leave…"_

Patricia was awoken by a very rough shaking of her arms. Her eyes opened to the almost angry face of her husband. "Soryn?"

"The words you speak, wife, betray you!"

She turned beet red. "I said something?"

"Do not feign ignorance toward me! What is the meaning of this? Your continual whispering of leaving? And your dreams being shielded- from _**me**_?"

For the first time ever, Patricia felt afraid of him. "I can't help what I _dream_!" she protested loudly on an almost wail.

"Your dreams are a manifestation of that which is in your treacherous mind!" he said as he grabbed her arms and lifted her almost roughly. "You will promise me now that you will never leave," he said. His voice was now cold as were his eyes and his expression.

Despite her fear and the fact that he was holding her arms in an almost vice grip she felt a blaze of deep anger in her heart. "With the way you behave toward me, treating me like your house captive, what makes you so shocked that I would _want_ to leave?" she screamed her pent-up rage into his face.

Before either one of them could believe it, one of his hands left one of her arms, heaved back and slapped her face quite swiftly. He was immediately grabbing her arm again with the same hand. "You are _mine._ And the child is _mine._ And you will _never_ leave. Is that understood?"

What bothered her the most, besides being slapped for the first time by her husband of so many years, was the fact that he was so calm about it. Something, some inner sense of self-preservation, told her to simply nod in acquiescence. "I understand," she bit out.

He practically dropped her back into bed and began to walk away. His last words to her before he left the room were, "Since you have caused me to strike you, I must go now and meditate to clean my mind of excess emotion."

As the door closed behind him, she sat back in half shock as she touched her face. Disbelief and horror sat on her as she wondered what she was going to do now. She was close to tears, but instead fed her emotions with anger, refusing to allow the tears to fall. Swift, unbending anger would become her ally now. Anything less would lead to her becoming weak for Soryn again. And she was never going to be weak in her want of him again.

Amanda caught Sarek on his way out to his interrogation session with the Office of Terran Affairs. The investigation had been underway since Cassie's father's accusations broke via the press. But she had something important to tell him.

"Sarek, there's been an incident on Vulcan, on the V'Tosh side!" she said hurriedly.

He stopped in his tracks. "An incident?" He pulled out his communicator and alerted his shuttlecraft operator to hold his shuttle for the time being.

He followed Amanda into the media room of the embassy. The entire staff were already there, watching a live newsfeed from Vulcan.

Their brand of journalism was extremely stark and reported simply the facts. "On the V'Tosh Ka'tur side there has been a riot undertaken by certain elements of the populace. The monastery in the Khetrekt Mountains are being protested as a deliberate attempt to convert more V'Tosh Ka'tur to the ways of Syran. The interpretation of Surak as set forth in the _kir'shara_, having been rejected by the V'Tosh Ka'tur, is seen as unacceptable in any form on the V'Tosh Ka'tur side. However, it is not understood at this time why the protests have manifested themselves at this time. The monastery has been in existence in that precise location for well over two centuries."

The news report continued onto other things important to Vulcan and the rest of the Vulcans of the embassy continued on their way. Sarek looked down at Amanda. "I must depart now, my wife."

"Wait a minute. That's it?" she asked, shocked. "They riot outside one of your monasteries and that's it? Aren't you going to get the monks out of there?"

"The monks are well aware when they begin serving on the V'Tosh Ka'tur side that their lives may be taken at anytime by one of their less logical and more violent contemporaries. I must depart."

As Sarek departed, Amanda realized she was not the only one standing there, still puzzled. Her eyes connected with Zurel's. "Why now?" she asked. "After two centuries, why are they protesting now?"

He shook his head. "I do not know. But I suspect what this that has begun is only the beginning."

"You think there'll be more riots?"

He never wanted to admit to gut instincts or intuition. So he simply said, "My people, without logic, are a most dangerous and volatile mass of thought. I believe a disease of paranoia has only ever spread that much more quickly once it has been released. Add in the factor of a telepathic population and the condition spreads with phenomenal rapidity."

She swallowed back fear. "In other words, this is going someplace not good, and fast."


	37. Do Tell

_A/N - This is not an action-packed chapter, more of a set-up for the next couple of chapters. Bear with me._

Do Tell

"The identity of the third Terran female known to be married to a Vulcan has finally been obtained. Her name? Maya Toussaint. All that is known is that she attends the University of Cairo," began the news editorial. "Her whereabouts are largely unknown since the university refuses to divulge information on its students, but it is suspected that she has permanent residence at the Vulcan embassy. During the young lady's stay on Vulcan, apparently, Ambassador Sarek took the young female from a house of no mention into his home as a so-called 'daughter'. It begs the question, why is Ambassador Sarek seemingly stockpiling Terran females? Does this situation have any connection to Hannah Cassandra Demetus' death? And what of Ms. Demetus' death and its direct causes? Was the initial ruling by the Vulcan hospital's coroner accurate or a deep-seated cover-up? At least that piece of the puzzle will be revealed soon since the Office on Terran Affairs will be making that ruling very shortly.

"As to the fate of Ms. Toussaint, time will only tell. The identity of her husband has still remained largely a secret. It is only known that he is a relative of the Ambassador currently not in residence here on Terra Prime. Two separate homes? If there was ever a situation that screamed 'marriage of convenience', this one definitely does. In the meantime, the Terran world will wait and watch to see the outcome of another one of these very unfortunate marriages."

Maya stood and watched the news report on a street corner in Cairo as it played from one of the overhead floating Broadcast Stations. She found herself stuck in place as her picture flashed up on the screen during the report. As she looked up and shook her head in disbelief, she crossed her arms over her chest in disgust and was grateful for her decision to wear a hijab to cover her head when she ventured into the streets of Cairo. She decided maybe it was time now to begin availing herself of the old style of placing a niqab over her mouth and lips to shield her identity from the world around her. At least in Cairo no one would look sideways at her for doing this. But she had no idea what was about to unfold back at the embassy once that news report aired.

####

"You are no longer to take the transporter from the embassy to the space station," were the first words out of Sarek's mouth. Maya had been summoned to his office as soon as she arrived home. Amanda was standing next to her husband.

"He's kidding, right?" asked the student of her friend.

Amanda shook her head. "No, Maya, he's not kidding and you know he isn't."

"Just because of a bad news report?" asked Maya, slightly exasperated and clearly upset. She had to finish her education, didn't she? How she was going to do that without the use of the transporters? She was almost on the verge of panic. But Maya tried to do what it was T'Niye had been teaching her. Instead of allowing herself to become emotional, she forced her facial muscles to relax as she took a deep breath in and out. She slowed her heartbeat and put her mind to questioning her way around the problem until a solution was found. "I still have to attend school. How am I going to get there without beaming up to the space station?"

"You will go via shuttlecraft," answered Sarek.

Amanda was the one that shouted, "_Shuttlecraft_? Sarek, do you know how long that's going to take?"

"Not unless I transport directly to the United African Embassy and then use one of their shuttles to get to school," Maya supplied. "And if they don't like that, can't we dock one of our shuttles there for my usage every day? You two have cordial relations from what I remember."

Sarek's eyebrow rose. "By using the embassy transporter and transporting directly to the United African Continent's embassy and availing yourself of one of their shuttles or simply docking one of ours there permanently, the trip to Cairo would be cut to less than twenty minutes."

Though having not become upset before, Maya couldn't suppress her reaction to finding a solution to Sarek's cut and dried decision. A very Terran wide grin appeared on her face along with the waggling up and down of her eyebrows as she succumbed to a slight hopping motion of excitement in her chair.

Sarek had only to say once in warning, "Maya."

The fidgeting stopped as the grin instantly ended, but just barely. "Sorry." But for some reason an inner hilarity was rising in her chest.

"That is better. Have you meditated today?" he asked.

"No," she admitted.

"That fact is obvious."

Maya felt as if she were about to burst into true laughter as Sarek's dissatisfaction at her behavior became more apparent. So she stood quickly and said, "I'll go do that right now."

As soon as she was gone, Amanda looked at Sarek with an icy expression on her face and asked, "What was _that_?"

"I do not understand. To what do you refer?"

"I understand Spock. But now you're telling _Maya_ how to behave?" she asked.

"I have been asked by T'Niye to make certain Maya learns to control her emotions and meditate on a daily basis. So have Shin and Master Sytrar. We are taking our responsibilities quite seriously."

"She's not a Vulcan, Sarek!"

"If she wishes to not accidentally kill again, she must learn to control herself to the fullest extent, positive as well as negative emotions."

"So this is T'Niye's doing?"

"Amanda, you seem to forget, Maya has made an agreement with the clan mother and is fully participating in her emotional overhaul."

She shook her head. "The way you reprimanded her, it just sounded like you were speaking to a child and not an adult, that's all."

He was taken aback. "In your opinion, I did not respect Maya's adulthood?"

"No!"

His eyebrow rose. "She did not protest my tone. In fact she seemed to heed it."

"Well, she-" Amanda floundered. "You don't understand how she _sees_ you. You're like this father she never had."

He understood, but his point of view was still unchanged. "Then it is only that much better that I be of the few that oversees her development."

Amanda just huffed, "Ugghh!" and walked out of his office.

###

At first when Maya began using the new route to school the press had a hard time tracking her movements. Not only had she picked up a new route, but Sarek had added an additional two guards to her detail. At first, she hated it. But Sokam, from afar, encouraged his wife to please take the precautions and she relented.

Since the University had its own set of detection systems, Maya was only allowed to take one guard in with her each day. That was either Shin or Sherin. They usually alternated duties. Both men were serious about their charge. And they both detected a problem they did not like.

"Hello, Maya," said a voice.

She turned to see Vic Smythe standing at her elbow. "Hey, how are you doing?" she asked. Class had just been dismissed and the students were trying to make their way out of the theater-style lecture hall while Maya was still seated, packing up her bag. She was in no hurry to go anywhere since she still had one more class that didn't start for over an hour.

"I was just wondering if you were aware, we have been partnered up by our teacher for assignments. I thought perhaps you wouldn't mind going out for coffee sometime soon to discuss our study arrangements?"

She hadn't expected to hear that at all. "Haven't you seen the news reports about me?" she asked with a tiny grin.

"Well you can't believe everything you hear," he laughed. "So maybe you and I could, you know?"

She had known Vic for years and knew what his angle was. "No, you can't believe everything you hear. But they are right about one thing. I _am_ married."

He shrugged. "I didn't say 'want to go and skinny dip in the nile?' Although, that would be quite foolish, what with that pesky crocodile situation."

Despite the inappropriateness of his joke, she found herself laughing. "Mr. Smythe—

"Vic. You can still call me Vic."

"- it's very nice of you to offer to take me for coffee. But with the press the way it is, even going out for coffee with a friend is dangerous right now. We should just study right here, in school, in the library if the teacher _has_ paired us up."

He detected doubt in her voice and shrugged again. "What, no coffee? Not even for a glass of water? I suppose marriage takes away thirst of all kinds?"

She had to admit, he was still very charming even after all of these years. And his smile was still contagious. "You're evil!" she charged with a wag of her finger, falling back into their old mode of joking. "I'll tell you what. Once the press is no longer interested in my every move, you can come to coffee with me and a bunch of my friends. Get to know them. Until then, we can study in the school library."

"Thought your husband was a _Vulcan_," he said in his laid-back way. "So who is that chap looking in the window at me as if he'd like to throttle the brain matter from my skull?"

She looked up and over at Shin staring into the little window on the door of the room. "That's my bodyguard. If you don't back up off me a little, he'll come in here and throw you over into the teacher's pit," she said with a mischievous grin.

"Just the one guard?" he asked.

"I have more," she said as she saw the room was almost clear and grabbed her bag. She began walking up the steps as Vic followed.

"Although I do quite agree, beautiful women are precious cargo that should be protected at all times, since when does a Terran need protection from other Terrans on her own home world?"

It took all of her might to keep her mind shield in place. She wanted to know his true motives for asking these things, but the Empire's buildings sometimes had hidden psi-detectors. There was still that one well-kept secret about herself so she decided not to risk it. "You don't want to know that!" she said with a wave of her hand and a grin. She decided acting ditzy was the best way to go about this one. "That information is so boring and matter-of-fact."

"Classified?" he asked with one last smile.

"Where I'm from, I'd have to tell you you're entering the 'nunyo' zone."

"Nunyo?"

"Nunyo business," she laughed as she opened the door and walked out of the classroom.

"Shall we return to the embassy, Lady Maya?" asked Shin.

"Of course."

"Wait a minute," protested Vic as he watched her walking away. "We're supposed to study today!"

"You didn't say anything about _today_. You have to make an appointment with me first."

"An appointment?" he asked, outraged but still smiling. "I suppose that shows whose come up in the world, doesn't it?"

"Good-bye, Mr. Smythe!" Maya called out over her shoulder.

###

"I don't like him," said Shin as they traveled in the shuttlecraft back to the UAC embassy. Both he and Sherin sat on either side of her as her other two guards sat up front and communicated, pilot to co-pilot.

"Do you refer to the Terran with the overly familiar manner and eager smiles?" asked Sherin.

"Yes, I do," said Shin.

"Then I, too, concur. I do not care for that individual and his interest in our charge."

Maya rolled her eyes. "Guys, listen, I know it's your job to babysit me all day but-"

"Lady, you know you are much more than an assignment to us," said Shin. "And if anything happened to or with you, I think Sokam would personally rip the scrotum off of each of us."

She tried to laugh easily as if none of it bothered her, but on the inside she hated having to be followed around constantly, her every decision seemingly scrutinized not only by the press, but also now her guards, Sarek, T'Niye, the entire Vulcan embassy… An aura of negativity was threatening to swallow her and her head was starting to ache. She wanted Sokam.

_You are unwell, Ashayam?_

Her insides melted. _Sokam…Sokam…_ she thought with a little too much emotion.

_Has something happened, my Maya?_

_ It's just all a little bit too much, that's all. I'll be fine. I have to go home and meditate and then I'll be fine._

She felt his pause before he asked_…you have found a method that serves you?_

_ Shin helped me figure out a Terran way that made sense to me._

_ That is welcome news._

_ What are you doing talking to me this way? Your coursework is done for now?_

_ I am capable, it appears, of keeping our bond open for pieces of time even while I am engaged in Healer Mentor training._

_ So early, already? You're doing great!_

_ I thank you, my wife. And please, though meditation is important, I ask that you also make certain you receive adequate rest. Your health is of paramount importance to me._

She closed her eyes and wanted to burst into tears. She could feel his deep concern for her, the sincerity of his words. She swallowed back her emotions and channeled them inward and back out toward him, directly to his mind. _I miss you with everything I am._

A kaleidoscope of emotion from them both met and exploded. They were both briefly awash in gooseflesh causing sentiment. _My Maya, my anchor, cherished above all others. Be well._

She opened her eyes and her headache was gone. She took a breath in and out and set herself to taking care of the rest of her day.

###

Amanda always seemed to call her at just the right times in her life. It was always a sign to Patricia that yes, things were as bad as they seemed. And here she was again, coincidentally calling when she needed her most.

The wife of the ambassador was shocked at the sight of her friend. Her red hair seemed lackluster and her eyes were almost dull with dark circles under them. She looked worse than exhausted. Amanda couldn't hide her concern. "Pat, what's happened?"

She tried to smile and a fake one broke through. "I'm just a wee bit exhausted," she admitted.

Amanda said, "When is the last time you saw T'Niye?"

"I'm not sick, Amanda," Patricia assured her. "I'm just stretched to my limit, that's all."

"Well what's going on?"

She tried to laugh. "Well, T'Zanne is going through a strange stage now. She's been having bad dreams about her grandfather trying to hurt her. The thing is he's only ever really hostile toward _me_. He's only ever _said_ mean things to her, has never acted on it."

"What about you?" asked Amanda, afraid of what she was about to uncover.

"What about me?"

"Has he ever acted on anything against you?"

Patricia went to shrug on a smile, but instead her eyes began to water and she stifled a sob. "People taking care of elders with dementia have been going through this for centuries," was all she would say.

She had a bad feeling as she asked, "Has he hit you?"

She shrugged. "He doesn't _mean_ to. It's no big deal."

Amanda couldn't remember the last time she became so very insenced as she did at that moment. "Dammit, Patricia, it _is_ a big deal! He's stronger than you and it doesn't matter if he's not doing it on purpose, it shouldn't be allowed to happen!"

_I guess I shouldn't tell her about the two times __**Soryn's**__ hit me…_ "Amanda, what can I do?" she asked rhetorically with a careless wave of her hand.

"There must be some kind of program that you can take advantage of! I can't believe the Vulcans wouldn't have some kind of visiting nurse service or something! And no wonder your daughter is having nightmares, she's watching her mother get abused by her grandfather!"

"It doesn't happen _every_ day," Patricia tried to make the excuse. "It's only…" She thought about how that sounded. "Oh my goodness, that sounds just _awful_!" she admitted.

"And it _is_ awful!" Amanda said, tears collecting at the backs of her eyes. She couldn't show them to Pat, not right now. "You listen to me. I'm calling T'Niye and I'm going to find out if there are any programs available to you. You shouldn't have to be going through this alone. You deserve help."

Patricia looked at Amanda through the screen and it was then that she realized how bad things had truly gotten. "Oh my goodness…" was all she could say as the tears began to roll faster. "Oh my goodness." The knowledge crowded in on her that Amanda did not realize just how bad things had truly become.

"You hang in there," she said. "I'm going to find some way to help you!" Amanda said before she cut the subspace connection.

As soon as communications were cut, Soryn showed himself. He had been standing just outside the communications room. "Is there some reason you betray the state of our house, my wife?" he asked.

She frowned. "My friend called to speak with me and noticed that I was tired and run down. How can she not, Soryn? I look terrible!"

"Being concerned with the physical aspects of one's appearance is indulgence in the illogical trait of vanity, my wife. I ask that you not indulge in it."

She wanted to cry worse. "I didn't think of it as betrayal, Soryn. I'm just having a little bit of a hard time on my own taking care of your father and our daughter."

"Had you not have persisted in wishing to bring about the hardship on yourself of offspring, you would not be undergoing these hardships at this time," he said. "Take care. Do not betray our house again."

She only nodded. "Yes, Soryn." Deep inside, she knew she wouldn't be able to tolerate this situation for much longer. She had finally had it. Something had to give.

###

"T'Niye, she looks awful! I refuse to just sit by and watch this!" declared Lady Amanda.

The clan mother sighed. Her duties as a Healer had slowly but surely gotten less and less as she involved herself more and more in her clan's business. She only went to the hospital, by then, whenever a confounding case presented itself or whenever a hybrid pregnancy of whatever species needed her help. And then there were these females, the Terrans trying to make their way in her world. "And you say she is being abused by he who is her father-in-law?"

"She tried to downplay it, but now T'Zanne's having nightmares from it! What must that girl have seen to be having nightmares?"

T'Niye in fact had not seen Patricia for quite some time… "Yes, I quite agree. I shall see to the Lady Patricia personally."


	38. Breaking Point

Breaking Point

"The official investigation into the death of Hannah Cassandra Demetus finds that the young lady in question did in fact lose her life in the manner originally stated, indigenous animal attack in the desert region of the planet Vulcan.

"Terran scientists conducted an independent evaluation of blood, skin and tissue samples extracted from the victim. The venom of the genus and specie of animal in said samples were at the levels consistent with the initial ruling of cause of death. Also, sand unique to the planet of mention was also found within the wounds. The scratches and teeth marks on the victim's body were also consistent with the original coroner's ruling of cause of death.

"Lastly, the personality of the victim and that trait of failing to follow the most basic of rules throughout her lifespan was taken into consideration during the investigation. The psychological profile is in fact consistent with one who shirks all authority and voices of warning. This tendency led not only to the Thought Crime that caused the victim to be sentenced to a life off-world, but also to her ultimate demise. It is not at all out of the ordinary for one such as her personality type to find end in such a way; death on a planet not of their origin via failing to know, ascertain and/or to heed the cautions of life elsewhere."

By the time the head investigator finished reading the opinion of the council of investigators, Cassie's father jumped up and shouted, "Traitors! Traitors! You're all _liars_! I _curse_ you! I _curse your names_! I appeal to the Emperor!" His voice had gone high-pitched by that point and spittle was jettisoning itself from his angry lips.

Sarek's merely stood with his usual outer air of coolness, turned and began to leave the hearing room along with his retinue of guards and staff.

"Ambassador Sarek!" a member of the press called after him as the Vulcan exited the building, "what is your reaction to the verdict?"

"The truth is confirmed, yet again. That is what is most important," he said as he strode past the press corp. They didn't have an opportunity to try and hound him for more answers, because the most press-worthy thing of the day happened next.

A foaming, spitting Ernest Demetus was being carried out of the Terran Affairs Bureau by the authorities. "I protest this! I protest!" he was shouting as he struggled against the hands of the two men hauling him away. "How dare you touch me! Don't you know who I am? I'm a _Demetus_!"

He was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric institute that very evening.

###

"What is it _now_?" asked Maya wearily as she looked up from her book. It had been even less than a bad day for her so far.

"Vic's here," warned Linanna. She was one of the few female students that associated with Maya by then. Ever since the firestorm in the press, the rest of them treated her as if she carried Ancient Plague. It hurt even more since she had known about a quarter of them for at least five years.

She nodded once in acceptance of the news of Vic's presence but wished he would not have come. Despite his sweetness and having also known him for years, he had become more than anything an annoyance. She noticed the looks given him by Shin. Sherin hid his dislike better, but even the Vulcan could not hide his careful surveying of Vic any time he stepped anywhere near Maya.

Her study partner for that day, Linanna, had briefly dated a Rigellian two years before. They were related closely enough to Vulcans to have the same jealousy problems, except they saw no need to control it. It was the thing that put a nail in the coffin of that past relationship.

Linanna had a love for all things non-Terran. The three of them were, in fact, in the same Advanced Xeno-Archeology class. The class was an elective. Maya had decided to take it anyway since she didn't exactly need it to further her studies in Egyptology. But it was an exciting area of study for her and an excellent addition to her knowledge of Intergalactic History.

"What's he doing here now?" Maya whispered to Linanna as they watched him saunter over.

"Fancy finding you here," he said as he approached both girls.

"It's my study day with Linanna. What's going on?" asked Maya as she noticed Shin only just hid the look of annoyance on his face as he moved close enough to get to her within seconds.

"I don't mean to take time away from you, Lina," he said to their mutual friend. "But I need to speak with Maya urgently."

She stood. "I need a soda anyway. You want anything, Maya?"

"No, I'm good," she said casually as she hid her disappointment at having their study time interrupted. She was annoyed and did not want to speak with him. But Linanna was already walking away. She decided to just forge ahead and deal with the situation. "What is it you needed to speak to me about?"

He sat down at the table and began removing his jacket as if he were making himself at home. Maya looked over at Shin whom then called her over to the sidelines. "Lady, if I may speak with you briefly?"

"Yes, of course," she said as stood and excused herself. She walked over to the guard and they stepped between two rows of library PADDS. "Shin?"

"Maya, this looks really_ bad,_" he said in a confidential tone.

She responded in the same low tone, "Well thank goodness you're here, too, to put out any fires of wagging tongues."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

"Well if you're not worried about my reputation-"

"This guy obviously wants to conquer your territory, if you get my meaning."

"_Vic_?" she whispered, incredulous. "I've known him for years and back then I never detected he wanted to do anything with me. He thought I was cute, but that was about it."

"Why do you sound so shocked?"

She most certainly could detect the man's interest in her, but since she hadn't peeked directly into his mind she didn't know exactly where his interests lay. "I have no reason to believe that. There is absolutely nothing special about me."

He shook his head. "Now I know you're crazy."

"What?"

"Maya, every man has his preferred cup of tea. And this guy obviously likes his short and sassy with a little sugar in it."

She looked over at Vic whom seemed to be browsing through some text. Things could always change toward someone else, she knew, though she didn't understand exactly why or how in his case. "I'll be careful," she assured her bodyguard.

She walked back over to the table as he sat waiting with a smile. And it was his most devastating smile. "About time you got back," he said.

She sat down opposite him at the table. "About that. Linanna is going to be back soon and we really need to continue our study time. So tell me what you came to say and then I'll see you about it during our scheduled study time tomorrow."

He leaned forward, arms on the table, hands stretched out as if he were about to touch her. Maya reflexively pulled her hands back off of the table and cringed on the inside as a slight feeling of dread overwhelmed her. Maybe what Shin had just said was true. "I wanted to say that I think you're a wonderful person and I think you and I could get to be very good friends, that's all," he said as his eyes held hers.

"Um…thanks?" But she knew that statements like that never ended there. Her stomach started to hurt.

"And I just wanted you to think about something. You and I have a lot in common and I think we could do a lot for one another." His eyes continued to hold onto hers, seemingly begging for her to make a connection he was reluctant to say out loud.

She sat back in her chair, feeling even deeper stirrings of being upset. Not just at him, but also at herself. How many years had she relied so heavily on her telepathic abilities that she had never bothered to learn to read body language? And now here she was, blind to what he was trying to say because she refused to touch a mind she didn't have to and subject herself to discomfort and also possible discovery if the building did in fact have a hidden psi-detector. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

He stood quickly, obviously impatient. "Oh, think about it. Your marriage can't be all that important to you!" he snapped.

She looked up at him and said in warning, "You watch your mouth."

"Come _on_," he said as he began putting his jacket back on. "You sit there and act as if you're just so_ offended_ when the fact is you're here, he's _there_, wherever 'there' is, who knows! Wherever it is, it isn't _here_…what in hell kind of marriage is that?"

"None of your business, that's what it is," she said as she simply sat back calmly in her chair and folded her arms.

He'd known her long enough to realize that that meant, to her, the conversation was done. "You just think about what I've said. I won't bother you about it when I see you tomorrow, so don't worry about that. But I want you to know, when you get tired of a one-way relationship, I'm your friend, I care for you and _I'm_ the one that's truly here for you and not him." Grabbing his jacket, he left, still angry.

She just shook her head as she muttered, "Asshole," under her breath. She knew that Vic's tirade had nothing to do with his caring about her. Taking a deep breath in and out, she put it out of her mind for the time being.

It was the most emotional control Shin had had to keep in a long time. Because he was standing there, outraged. He saw Maya's discomfort, knew she didn't exactly like what was happening but also that she didn't want to be considered 'rude'. What was it about females, he wondered, that made them think they had to put up with such bullshit?

He decided there was only one thing to do in this situation.

###

"The matter you have contacted me about, it is urgent?" asked Sokam.

Shin and Sherin simply looked at one another. Zurel was also present. "There is a male that is actively pursuing your wife," said Zurel without preamble.

At those words, Sokam sat forward and his eyes seemed to pierce through the screen. "And has he in any way physically touched she who is my wife? Is she well?"

"She's annoyed as hell by the situation, I can tell," said Shin. "Knowing her, she probably wishes he would either go back to their old friendship from years ago or she wishes he would go away. But now he's more than just a classmate, he's an assigned study partner. Apparently that is something that can't be busted up lightly in Academia, especially female to male in the Terran world, unless you want to be branded an 'unprofessional prima donna' post-graduation. You know how things are for Terran women. They're supposed to just take this crap and shut up, give the man what he wants. She's already walking a fine line as it is and can't afford to rock the boat anymore, so she's kept this to herself. He was more of an annoyance than anything else until today."

"The male has made his intentions known," Sherin added. "Shin was present for his foolish declarations. However, she would not allow the male to touch her when he went to do so."

"Do you wish me to declare your intent to call for a Kal-if-fee?" asked Zurel, uncharacteristically edgy.

"I suspect that that shall not be necessary," said Sokam as his mind was already beginning to dissect the situation. "You will leave the male to me."

####

They were alerted a mere twenty-four hours before the arrival of T'Pau's ship. "What is _she_ doing here?" hissed Amanda.

Sarek did not look pleased at all. "I do not know, my wife. She did not bother to inform me of her impending arrival until this moment."

The staff of the embassy found themselves very busy that day. No expense was spared and extra staff had to be hired to come in and make the embassy fit for a clan mother before she arrived in orbit and shuttled down.

Just hours before her arrival, Amanda went to go and get Maya to practice the receiving line that would greet T'Pau. But she went to her friend's rooms and found them empty of personnel. "Sarek," she said to her husband as she rushed over to him. "Maya and her security people are _gone_."

He only blinked two times and then asked, "What is the meaning of this?"

"Sarek, I don't know. All I know is she left a message in my inbox and that's _it_."

Sarek looked over at Zurel. "Estimated time of arrival of my clan mother?"

"Nine hours, thirty minutes, sir."

Sarek took one long look at Zurel. He wondered if the man knew something about Maya's departure, but he was saying nothing. He would address this later. "How long is the message, Amanda?"

"Not even four minutes."

"We will go to my offices and listen to it now."

"Sarek, the message was sent to me, not _you_!"

His patience was at an end. "I would hear that message, now, my wife."

She had half a mind to argue with him, but she knew beneath his exterior he was just as put out by T'Pau's unannounced visit and decided to just let him have what he wanted. She followed his quick stride up the stairs and into his office. Amanda pulled out her PADD and quickly accessed the message.

When it began, Maya was not seated. Instead, she was moving about her rooms, packing up everything she needed as quickly as possible. "Amanda, I don't have time for a long drawn-out message. I just want to say that I'm outta here. I've been meaning to visit my family anyway."

She sighed tiredly and then finally plopped down and looked into the camera. "I'm going to tell you the whole truth. Every time in my life I've had this…this _instinct_ and I've ignored it, something catastrophic has happened to me. The day I got into a shuttlecraft accident and spent months in electro-physio therapy for a back injury when I was younger, I never told you about that one, did I? The day I was raped, the day I stayed home with Spock and something told me to _not_ be there… I ignored the instinct every single time, telling myself that I was crazy, that, I can't tell the future, no one can as far as I know. But I'm not ignoring that part of me anymore. I'm embracing logic but that doesn't mean I have to go head first into a hurricane. Whatever this is, this time, I get this funny feeling here in my stomach," she said as she held her midsection, "it's coming for me personally and I can't be there to greet it. I get a feeling it's not entirely about T'Pau, but she's got _something_ to do with it.

"I can say this without malice because I no longer hate her. I understand _why_ she's done the things she's done, why she thinks she has to do the things she does. But at the same time, I have to protect myself. I'll see you again when she's gone."

She got up and continued packing. "Tell Sarek I-" she faltered, shrugged. "Tell him I'll be back after I've had enough time with my family. I don't think he'd understand the gut instinct thing. It has no grounds in logic and he just wouldn't 'get it'."

Sherin's voice could be heard off-screen. "My lady, we must leave in ten minutes if you wish to be clear of the embassy within the hour."

She looked over at him and nodded once. Maya then looked back at the screen. "My guards are with me. Zurel and now you are the only ones that know this, but all of them, including Shin, have a telepathic lifeline to me." She said one last urgent thing before she signed off. "This is the most important thing I'm going to say in this message. Don't tell that woman where the children sleep! Do you understand me? _**Don't Tell Her!**_"

As the message ended it engaged an auto-erase function that must have been programmed into it by Maya. It was meant to be listened to only once. She was learning quickly about house politics and not leaving behind evidence. Both Sarek and Amanda felt the sensation of cold go up their backs. "Why would she say that?" whispered his wife. "That thing about where the children sleep?"

"This is pertaining to the same woman who attempted to have Maya killed and our son removed from us by subterfuge. I am not surprised at Maya's seeming paranoia of this visitation by our clan mother."

"But she said 'children'. That's not just Spock she was talking about. Why would T'Pau want to do anything to the twins?"

"They are members of T'Niye's clan and the two clan mothers are still rivals."

Amanda quickly rushed from the room.

"Where are you going?" asked Sarek.

"I'm getting the kids out of here."

"Savon and Temis?"

"All of them," said Amanda. "Spock, Savon, Temis, the children here with their parents, even the Terran children, every last one of them have to go. This woman has gotten the better of us too many times for me to just sit back and do nothing. I'm not leaving this open to interpretation. I want every child off of embassy grounds before night's end."

"Have you given thought to where they will go?" asked Sarek.

"I'll figure something out. So long as they're not here!" she said over her shoulder as she stalked away, on a mission.

###

Patricia brought T'Zanne to visit with Mariana for the afternoon. The nurse had fun activities planned to keep the toddler entertained for hours.

But Patricia herself had been called in by T'Niye to receive a check-up. Soryn knew he couldn't say a word about his wife leaving to go and see her doctor. He knew if he blocked it, T'Niye would simply come to his home to examine her. He would have to be occupied in taking care of his father for that day instead of Patricia.

Once there, T'Niye asked her many pointed questions and then had run through several tests. The Healer was mysteriously quiet during the exam, more quiet than usual. Patricia wondered why, but didn't think about it for too long.

When the Healer had gone to put her hand to Patricia's face to check her from the inside, the Terran female shied away. The Healer said nothing, simply allowed one eyebrow to rise as she wondered what had happened to this one, Soryn's wife. "Do you protest the telepathic scan? You have never done so before."

Patricia thought of Soryn's warning to never betray their house. "I'm fine," she lied with a false smile.

T'Niye once again said nothing as she simply watched this woman carefully. There were other ways to obtain her information. "You will return here tomorrow to receive your test results. You are given leave to depart at this time."

After she walked out of the Vulcan Academy Hospital, she felt wonderfully free for the first time in months as she looked around her and then up at the sky, surveyed the busy city around her.

She turned and walked down the street, having the wonderful sensation of knowing she could literally go anywhere and do anything for the next three hours. She avoided thinking of home. Why spoil this time with reality?

There was someone coming toward her she had seen before…

"Lady Patricia," he greeted. His almost red hair had a halo in it from the effect of 40 Eridani A's sun.

"You're the agent!" she remembered him, then. "Zymak!"

"I am remembered by you?" he asked with contained awe.

"Yes, of course. You helped Maya! I'd never forget that!"

He bowed once. "If you would excuse me, Lady Patricia. I must go now. But perhaps someday soon we may speak on a more in-depth basis."

She was confused at why he would say such a thing, but some part of her wished she looked better that day and not so tired and run down. He was quite the looker himself. She shut out the shameful thought and smiled at him as she was about to bid him good-bye.

He pressed something into her hand before she walked away. "This is my contact information if you are ever in need, lady." He disappeared into the crowd.

She wondered if that was a trick that all agents learned, how to blend into a crowd. Because despite his height and hair color, she couldn't see him anymore. She looked down at her hand. He had placed a small, oval piece of tech into it, nearly off-white. It looked like a flattened almost concave shaped stone. It wasn't until you felt it you realized it was not hewn from rock, but manufactured.

Rubbing her thumb across and down into the concave indentation, his contact information appeared and then disappeared again. She suspected that it had been made only for her to access. She knew if anyone else touched this, swiped their finger across it, no information would appear. She then wondered how she could know that.

###

It was the fastest trip Amanda had ever put together. The diplomatic spacecraft usually given for Sarek's assignments was put together in haste and all of the children at the embassy were offered a chance to go on an educational exploration to tour scientific phenomena of several planets a part of their Empire. Vulcan parents being who they were, none of them could resist.

The Terran parents were told that since the Vulcan children would not be present on the grounds, the opportunity was being seized to fumigate the embassy for all pests. While the toxins could not harm adults, they were very unsafe for the nervous systems of children and it was advised that the Terran minors either go with the other Vulcan children on their space tour or for them to find some other safe haven for the time being.

Spock was sent on the tour with Master Sytrar, Marta and his own entourage of guards. Dana also accompanied them along with her twins and promised to keep Spock with her and her boys at all times.

"Your son is my son," she whispered to Amanda as her friend stood there with tears pooling in her eyes. Dana's former strength had returned and she kept her tears in. "I'll protect him with my life, just like I do my own boys," she promised.

"Go," said Amanda as she stepped back quickly.

"Mother!" Spock ran to her and slipped his little fingers into hers before he was hustled onto the transporter platform by Marta and Dana.

She could still feel the impression of his tiny fingers in hers as he beamed away.

###

Patricia awoke that night on the edge of a realization. She got up out of bed and put on her robe, went to the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea.

She sat there in semi-darkness as several facts presented themselves to her. Zymak. He was the one. He was the one in her dreams. He was the one that had been keeping her sane for the past few months. Why would he do that? What did he have to gain?

She looked around at the home she shared with Soryn. How had things gotten so bad between them? Why had it happened this way? And she also wondered, had she not have been shipped here on a Thought Crime, would Soryn and her have married, truthfully? No. She knew they would never have married. He was desperate and that was how they wound up together. She knew it was simply the possessiveness of the males of his race that forced him to keep a stranglehold on her now.

At one point they had truly loved one another, had built something real and solid. But now? Not anymore. It had somehow gotten lost, obstructed by time or circumstance, she wasn't sure. But somehow she knew they had to get back to what they had before!

In the meantime, there were questions in her mind. And it was time she stopped being afraid to get the answers. It was time to stop being afraid in more way than one.

The next day she awoke with a clear purpose and shielded her mind the way she had learned. She lied to her husband, right to his face. "I'm going back today to get the results of my tests." T'Niye had her results and she was going to get them, but she knew the older woman had not meant it to be used for her to meet another male. Patricia no longer cared. She had questions and she needed answers.

"Very well," said Soryn. "I shall bring T'Zanne with me to the school."

"That's fine. What about your father?"

"He will keep for at least three hours. I have been given medication from the doctors that will sedate him for at least that long."

She stood there at first, not able to speak. "How long have you had that medication?" she asked. She had become a master at hiding her true feelings and didn't show how pissed off she was at him that she had had unnecessary sleepless nights at times for his father's sake.

"For approximately four months."

She really did want to hit him. But she only smiled. "Well, glad it's here then."

###

She went to T'Niye's and got her test results. Her health was technically well, but she was in a deep state of stress.

She was informed by the Healer, then, about an option she didn't know she could collect on where her father-in-law was concerned. He could be attended by a student Healer toward the end of his education. They were available for up to four days a week. She knew Soryn would not accept that help, but said she would mention it to him. And she would. But that was not the reason she had come out that day.

She left the hospital and went to a public terminal, keyed in Zymak's information. He answered immediately. "Lady Patricia," he greeted. "Shall I have the privilege of speaking with you in person today?"

A hyperawareness hit her and she knew for a certainty then, he was the one that had been keeping her afloat mentally. "There are things I need to know."

"Yes, there are."

"What do I do?"

He sat forward and studied her face. She was swamped with exhaustion! But she was not his. "I would ask that you come to me, please."

"Tell me where."

###

They sat together, a desk between them. He was, of course, behind the desk, she on the other side.

Patricia didn't know how things would begin, but begin they would have to and soon. "I don't have much time to be gone."

"Ah, yes, he who is your husband," he said. Only his intense control from years as an agent allowed him not to betray exactly what he thought of the one who was supposed to be her husband.

"Yes, my husband," she nodded. She swallowed back a wave of fear. What if this agent looked her in the face and denied everything? But it was time for her to go out on a limb. "It's been you, all along, hasn't it?"

He knew to what she referred and he did bother trying to cover it up. "Yes."

She was overcome with emotion. The months and months of misery and sleepless nights! And when she did sleep, there was this person, that soothing voice in her dreams. Though nothing untoward had ever happened, the pure, stark emotion he evoked in her had to be wrong. "Why?" It made no sense why he of all people would even care enough to help.

"If I speak truth to you, will you keep confidence?"

She smiled down at her hands folded in her lap. "Asks the man whose been speaking to me in my dreams for months…and I haven't told a soul."

He nodded. "Fair enough." He sat forward in his chair and his movement was smooth, almost sensual. His eyes surveyed her face as he revealed what he knew. "I saw you many years ago. There was a connection between us. But when I went to enquire after you, you were already the wife of another."

Patricia didn't understand. "When did you see me?"

"Think back. Go back in your mind to the first time you landed on these shores."

She thought back to when she first got there as a prisoner from having committed the Thought Crime of giving that school assignment to her students. She hated those memories, barely thought of them. She looked up sharply. "You were there."

"I was there."

She frowned. "But Soryn came and got me a month later." She thought back some more. "I was supposed to go to the other side of the planet. I didn't know what that meant. But then I wasn't sent. I was waiting- What happened between when I arrived and then?"

"You were slated for the V'Tosh Ka'tur side of the planet. I saw you and was able to make certain you remained here, on the Syrranite side. My intentions were to meditate through my Time and then come and claim you."

"What?" she asked, shocked.

"I was successful in my meditations, was able to make it through the _plak tow_ and live. However I did not realize that there was another who knew you, who might perhaps send for you before I could. When I returned, I found that another had claimed you. He had also kept you as his wife. So I did not pursue. Honor is honor." His eyes continued to hold fast to hers, as if it were the only part of himself he could allow to touch her. "When I saw you again, you were pregnant. And your mind called to mine again. Your bond was not healthy, was not strong."

"Why would you meditate through your Time when you could have just-" she didn't understand. The thought of going through _Pon Farr_ again with any male was a dreadful thought, but she understood that it was necessary. Why would someone go through it without a mate on purpose, chance things that way?

"Without a mate in my mind, I was able to meditate, undistracted. Had there been the anchor of temptation within me, it was less likely I could have meditated through. And even if I were still able to do so, you would have suffered without my presence, might even have died. I would wish not to cause you pain, Lady Patricia, and most certainly would never do a thing to bring about your death. I did not truly know you then, but I watched you from afar afterward. Your husband's intent seemed honorable and as a result I resolved to say nothing, to do nothing and I ceased watching you. But to meet you years later and to know of your misery…if I am dishonorable to pursue you now, then I am dishonorable. But it is how it has been done here for centuries. Your bond is a gaping hole in your mind and it cannot be ignored by me any longer."

"So you expect me to just, what? Dump my husband and get with _you_? What kind of woman do you think I-"

"He has struck you, has he not?" he asked, his face gone hard.

She sat there and said not one word. She couldn't deny it but she couldn't bring herself to admit it out loud. "He's still my husband," she whispered.

Zymak leaned forward across his desk even further, his hands clasped tightly as they sat atop its surface. "My lady, even if you do not accept my offer of the Challenge, I would advise you to remove yourself from your home. Domestic violence on Vulcan is quite rare, but in almost all of the cases the woman does not emerge alive. You are in the beginning stages, have in fact been in the beginning stages for years. Do not allow this cycle to continue. Do not allow your daughter to believe this is the proper way for her mate to treat her when she someday bonds with another."

"Are you offering me your services at Soryn's next Kal-if-fee?" she nearly whispered, not believing what was basically being placed at her feet.

"I am," he said as hard deep emotion stirred in his eyes for a split second. "You are worth more than this."

Patricia felt simultaneously relieved and upset. She was horrified at herself that she had even considered letting someone else take Soryn's place. She didn't know what she was supposed to think, what she was supposed to do. She felt like she was being squeezed. She stood quickly, practically ran to the office door.

Zymak's body was right behind hers, his arms and hands reaching past her to cover the sensor switch, preventing her from activating it and therefore preventing her from leaving. "Do not, Lady. I do not wish for you to flee from me!"

She turned and looked up into his eyes, forced herself to calm down. She needed to think straight. "Zymak?" she whispered. She was very aware of his arms on either side of her, the intimacy of the positions they happened to be standing in and she was ashamed.

"Yes, my lady?"

"Despite whatever decision I make, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for- for being there for me." She knew she owed him at least this, her gratitude.

"I live to serve you. Only you."

Her heart sped up at those words. _What the hell am I doing?_ "I'm so confused," she said as tears leapt to her eyes. "I have to go now!" she said as she turned to leave again.

"Yes, of course," he said as he forced himself to move his hand out of the way.

She looked back at him once, wondered what it was about her that had attracted this male.

He couldn't help but to say, "Do not allow him to strike you again, Patricia. I will kill him if he does."

"How can you _say_ that?" she said as she turned to him again. "He's my daughter's father! He's my husband!"

"A Vulcan male does _not_ strike his mate! You are the reason he lives now and you are repaid with being ignored, overworked and subjected to_ violence_? When many still die now for lack of a mate and one who has one mistreats the one who is supposed to be cherished above all others? I cannot understand the illogic of that situation and I will not keep silent about it."

She saw he was sincere in his words, had become animated. She knew he probably hadn't shown this much emotion in years. "If I…if I accept your offer to allow you to be the champion at his next Kal-if-fee-"

"If after combat you wish to be freed, I will give you your freedom. It is not what I would wish, to allow you to go, but I will have you willingly or not at all."

She frowned. "How do you know you'll win?"

"I am a V'Shar agent. I will be victorious."

"And what if I ask you not to kill him?"

He had not counted on that fact. But he relented. "Then I shall simply wound him so that he cannot rise again. I will allow the father of your child to live."

Patricia found she couldn't say another word, found that they stuck in her throat, couldn't believe any of this, found herself simultaneously very attracted to Zymak and scared to death of him. Who the hell holds a torch for a woman for over _six years_? What the hell kind of psychopath was he? Was he so different from Soryn, after all?

She couldn't take it anymore. She pressed the release button and ran away from the conversation, away from him.

And he watched her go, forced himself to give her space to think about what it was she wanted. She had had enough of that in her current bond, being forced to fit into the mold of another. He would not put that on her.


	39. Jumble

_A/N - I was supposed to put this up last week this time, but I kept reworking it over and over. I've lost track of how many times I've changed this, added, deleted, one more time, one more time! I can't edit this thing one more time. I have it on good authority if I do, my eyeballs will come flying out of their sockets and stick to the computer screen with an audible 'SPLAT!'. And then where would we all be? I want to thank you all for your wonderful patience. You've been stellar. -_ J.S.

* * *

Jumble

Sarek awoke hours before his wife, as was his usual custom. But he was not at all looking forward to the day, or days, ahead of him. From the moment T'Pau entered and began to reside at the embassy the day before, his level of alertness increased exponentially. In addition to that, the breaking news story for that morning was the fact that T'Pau had come to Terra Prime.

It did pain him to realize that because Amanda did not at all enjoy seeing their family's business in the news, she would not enjoy this set of circumstances happening yet again. But he knew his wife would put on a brave impassive face so that she could be somewhat of an example for both Dana and Maya. But that was all it was for her. A face she put on for the outside world to see. His wife, he realized, had changed very much from the time she had married him.

His mind turned to the fact that they had gotten their son and every last child in the embassy away from the place because of T'Pau's visit and Maya's strange instinct. His hope for safety went with all of the children and especially that of his son. He hoped the trip scheduled for them went on long enough to prolong their absence from the embassy in a seemingly legitimate way.

Turan had stayed behind to do his duty but allowed his wife and boys to go on the sensory, as well as scientific, tour of the Empire worlds 'for educational reasons'. But Sarek knew Turan would soon be eager for the time when his wife and children would return home.

Thoughts of Sybok assaulted him, then. He had not even so much as been allowed to see the boy in person. He thought it strange that he was allowed to keep Spock and not his firstborn. He wondered if, when the child came of age, he would make the decision to contact his father. But Vulcan law was strict and exacting on these matters. So long as the mother's family on the V'Tosh side held to the mother's last wishes and demanded no contact, there could be no contact.

He realized his mind was being tugged in many different directions. That meant it was time for him to go and don his black robe. He went to his room and did so.

After making his way to the quiet spot reserved for his meditations he willed the disturbing thoughts away. He knew there would be time enough for disturbing things. For the time being since things were relatively peaceful, it was logical to allow peace to continue, unchallenged, until such time as turbulence came upon them.

###

Time passed. A day became a week and then stretched into a fortnight. Sarek's patience, though vast, was beginning to be stretched. T'Pau, it seemed, was not planning on leaving anytime soon. As he covertly watched his clan mother, he had an unspoken suspicion. She seemed to be watching things, as well. It was almost as if she were waiting things out. Waiting for what, he wondered? But he knew what she was waiting for.

Amanda had planned the trip to be at least three weeks long and, at the most, one month. He hoped T'Pau's patience would not hold out for so long, but he suspected that someone as wily and old as she happened to be possessed a patience that most likely knew no bounds.

His face was seemingly serene and blank as he sat behind his desk at the embassy. His attention appeared to be fully on the task at hand, fact-checking a dossier on an assignment he would have to travel to fulfill in six months time. But another part of his mind ruminated on the problem at hand. Too many members of his household were gone due to that which was T'Pau's influence. He took a tally in his mind of all of the absent members of the embassy so he could properly meditate on his thoughts later.

Of course, the children were still absent. Despite most of them being Vulcans, the very youngest of them still showed exuberance toward life not allowed their elders. And that lack of youthful ruckus caused a vacuum of energy that was deafening in its silence. Not one of staff member mentioned this lack of sensory output by their young; but they all, he suspected, felt the void.

He had also, strangely enough, begun to look forward to Dana's insights on the galaxy via her less than tasteful jokes. Maya's rapidly changing ways, including the quiet reflective silences she fell into, were now gone from them. Both young ladies had added a depth to the embassy previously unknown.

Lady Grayson, Amanda's mother, had also not come by since Spock was away. Though not at all the model of Terran excellence her daughter happened to be, her absence that month shone a spotlight on the vast difference in the house with so many of its occupants gone. It also laid bare the fact that Spock was the glue holding together the relationship between his mother and grandmother.

He knew it was futile to wish his clan mother away, so he did not. That would not have been logical. But life at the embassy, the way it was meant to be, could return to normal when she saw fit to depart. And he could do nothing more than look forward to that time when she favored them with her decision to leave.

###

Amanda suspected Sarek was in a serious slump. She did not enjoy her son or her friends being gone, but it seemed Sarek was taking things not as well as he could. He, of course, did not say or do anything different or out of the ordinary, and he would never say a word about his thoughts.

To an outside observer he was the same person he was every day of the year. But to she who was his wife, she noticed a difference from the inside via their bond. She knew better than to bring it up with him, though. If she did, he would simply look at her as if he didn't know what she was talking about. And at the heart of the matter was the fact that _that woman_ was still in the embassy!

T'Pau's continued presence made no sense. She had not at all announced her reasons for remaining. She had gone on several important matters of business to see the Emperor himself as soon as she'd arrived, but those meetings were now seemingly at an end.

If the staff felt any which way Amanda could not tell. The Vulcans carried on and did what needed to be done with an evenness of temperament that was pounded into their skulls day after day from the time they reached about one year of age.

But Amanda more than missed her son by that point. She also missed her friends and she missed those rambunctious twins. She missed all of the children that usually lived at the embassy. Though there were only about twelve children, total, Spock and the twins included, they were sorely missed by her. She wondered if the other Vulcans noticed their absence. She concluded that they had to have. They just weren't allowed to show it.

But that nagging question was still in the back of her mind. Why did Maya tell them not to tell T'Pau where the children slept? What was that all about? And would the children stay away long enough for T'Pau to finally leave so that they wouldn't ever have to find out what her real plans were concerning them?

####

Maya sat at a card table, her cousin Rema right across from her. They had been partners in card games for years and today was no exception. To the right and left of her were her aunt and uncle. It was the weekend and her family was doing what they did every weekend. Hanging out, cooking out on the grill and playing games.

Next to her table were a couple of her cousins playing a game of chess. At another table sat her grandmother and her uncle playing Andorian checkers. At still another table were more cousins playing a different card game.

She looked over her cards and made eye-contact with Rema and her cousin smiled. Rema's eyes briefly shifted over past Maya's shoulder. Maya turned and saw where her cousin's gaze had strayed. She wanted to laugh out loud. Rema, apparently, had a horrible crush on Shin. He was off-duty at the moment, sitting with other members of her family and playing cards with them. Her family had taken him in as if he were a lost son and fed him every chance they got.

The Vulcan security men were at first looked at wide-eyed by her family members, but at the word of her great-grandmother, they were welcomed into the fold. There were two renovated shacks at the back of the property and all of the security guys had been given both buildings to use as they saw fit.

At all times, Maya had a man watching her back. At that moment, it was Sherin. They also formed a perimeter around her family's property and did regular patrols.

Once the rest of her kin had gotten the memo that the Vulcans did not eat meat and would most certainly not smile on command, things went unexpectedly smooth. Her little cousin, Valerie, had attached herself to Sherin and would often follow him around and talk his ears off. The Vulcan, at first, would not even speak to the little girl. But her eagerness wore the security man down. Maya had seen the two leaving the dinner table the night before, Sherin's fingers wrapped around Val's. He had told her yet another story of Vulcan's past and the little girl had fallen asleep on the couch while listening to it. "Does he babysit?" her aunt Sheryl, Val's mother, wanted to know. She knew her little cousin had latched onto him because her father showed next to no interest in the child. The man never stopped working. So Sheryl spent a majority of her time with her immediate family.

The other two guards pretty much stayed out of sight. It was mostly Shin and Sherin that had weaved themselves into her family life.

Maya had forgotten how good it felt to just relax and be with them, be herself; to wear jeans and laugh out loud, climb trees. She had forgotten how good it felt to be teased by her uncles, to get into water fights with her cousins at the lake running through their property, to have her hair combed and braided by the other women, old and little girls alike.

Maya had also forgotten the funny feel of cutoff shorts and the sun on her face, long walks in the woods with her aunts, grandmother and her great-grandmother as they talked and passed on knowledge to her while picking herbs as she kept silent and listened.

When she had first arrived back home with them, she went to school from there and then when she would return home, she was very grateful to be there with them again. After a little more than a week she ceased going to school for a couple of days. She just needed some time off. She knew she would catch up again if she didn't stay out for too long. But she knew that life would intrude at some point and that she couldn't stay on her family's land forever. The only thing that would make it all 100 percent was if Sokam were there with her.

"How's Dana doing?" asked her aunt Lisa out of nowhere.

"Great," Maya said as she rearranged her cards carefully. "She has two boys now."

"I said that girl's hips was begging for twins!" laughed her uncle Roscoe.

"Don't make me go over there and slap you upside your big head!" laughed his wife, Lisa.

"And how's Amanda?" asked Rema.

"Fine, too. She's got her boy now."

"Lord, don't we _know_ it," said Rema. "Them horrible people talking crap about her that they don't even know _nothing_ about. All her business _stay_ up in the news. Ain't they got nothing better to do but talk about other people all day long?"

Her family was still very hurt over the way the media had basically tarred and feathered them all without knowing them personally. Her aunt Lisa nodded as she said, "I know, right?" She took up the cards and began to shuffle them, ready to deal another hand.

Solamor walked up to the table then, one of the junior security men that usually flew her shuttle. "My Lady," he addressed Maya. "You have a call from the embassy."

Her gut tightened. Real life had come to intervene.

###

Sarek almost didn't recognize her. "Live long and prosper, daughter of my house," he said as he saluted her with the ta'al.

Maya felt distinctly strange looking at Sarek over the line dressed the way she was…or wasn't. But it wasn't just about her clothing. She had gone swimming earlier that day at the lake with her cousins. Her hair was still in a mass of almost unruly curls. You could clearly see that her hair had become tinged red from overexposure to the sun. She wore a bright orange bathing suit halter top that showed her midriff and cut-off denim shorts that were still referred to as 'Daisy Dukes' in her family's neck of the woods. She was at first embarrassed for him to see her in this state of undress but then reminded herself that she was back home with her family, not on any official business and not expected to look any certain way.

She was truly relaxed and her eyes looked the least stressed that he had ever seen them since the two had met. He was so used to the Maya that kept herself looking groomed, manicured and everything in place, but this young lady looked almost wild. "I know," she said.

"May I ask what it is you 'know'?"

"I know I look like a woodland creature," she laughed almost nervously.

He realized then how much she had changed and adjusted simply to remain with Sokam, to remain in his world. "May I enquire as to your lack of presence here at the embassy?"

She was slightly confused. "Pardon?"

He came out plainly and asked, "When shall you return home?"

She swallowed back the retort 'I am home' because she knew he hadn't called to pick a fight with her. She was upset about a lot of things, but she knew it wasn't fair to take them out on him. "Sarek, I can't come back right now," she admitted.

"Maya, is the correct word 'can't' or is it 'won't'?"

She had never in the past resisted a thing he said. He was like that father she never had and didn't want to disappoint. But she knew the words she needed to speak were inevitable. At some point everyone rebels against a parental figure. "I'm an adult and this is where I want to be for now. Until _she_ goes home, this is where I stay."

"It is not healthy, Maya, to flee from things we fear. Our fears must be faced."

"This is not just about fear." She knew a part of her still feared T'Pau and didn't see the need to lie about it. She didn't hate her any longer, at least. "This is primarily about self-preservation."

"You suspect a threat to your being?"

She said with as straight a face as possible, "I'm going to be totally honest with you right now. I don't want to have this conversation. I'm going to say what I'm thinking, then I'm going to get told what I'm thinking isn't logical. I'm going to get offended and the conversation is going to end badly by me doing something dramatic like hanging up on you. And because of how stubborn we _both_ are, you and I won't be on speaking terms for a long time. The next time we see each other, it'll be awkward and I just don't feel like going through that. So why don't we both do ourselves a favor and simply not have this conversation?"

He was taken aback. He wasn't used to this Maya. "_Is there some reason thou hast evaded my question with circular reasoning?_" he asked in Vulcan.

She found herself automatically addressing him in Vulcan, "_I have my form of logic and it tells me that it would be better to speak of things with you in person and not at a distance. Unless we are face to face, I will say nothing more._"

But there was something else there and since she was not in person with him and she would not return to the embassy, he couldn't know it for the time being. "And is this the reason you have not been to class for the past week?"

She folded her arms as she put on a tough face and mentally dug her heels in. "I've been ill," she said, bold-face lying and then issued the cheapest cough she could manufacture.

"Maya!" he chided. "That is beneath you."

She actually shrugged. Between the paparazzi that had begun to chase her in Egypt, the bad news reports that were now insinuating she was having affairs with each of her security men, Vic Smythe dogging her every step and the Terran females of the university acting as if she were a leper, the world seemed as if it were closing in on her. "Sarek, there's a saying my mother has: 'When you begin having nightmares while you're fully awake, it's time to walk away for just a little while to get yourself together.'"

"But your education is your main motivation for returning to Terra Prime."

Her stomach began to ache for the first time in days. "I know."

"Have you been meditating?"

She could say with all honesty, "Yes, I have."

He at least was relieved to hear that. "Maya, may I remind you that gossip is not a solid reason to abandon your education?"

This, she was willing to hear. "Yes, sir."

"Will you return to school?"

It was the first time during the conversation she felt like crying. "If you want me to, I will."

He knew he should let her make up her own mind, but he could not allow this to stand. "You will return to school."

She hung her head. "I'll return to school."

"You are strong, Maya. You can withstand anything said that is untrue."

"Yes, sir," she nodded.

"Soon the press will tire of this and move on to something else. It is the way of things."

Was he trying to make her feel better? She had a tiny burst of laughter. "Okay."

"Be well," he said before he signed off.

Maya didn't quite feel like seeing anyone at that time. Instead of returning to her family, she went for a run in the woods.

###

Patricia woke up, still in a fog. She had asked Zymak not to come to her in her dreams anymore so she could have time to think straight. But Soryn, of course, was always there, as cold and demanding as ever. She hadn't realized how much she had grown to lean on the Vulcan agent just to deal with her husband, until his presence could no longer be felt by her.

She got up out of bed and saw that her husband had already left for his duties at the school that day. She was relieved. Living with him, let alone seeing him, had become a terrible hardship. She knew she couldn't stay sad about the state of their marriage forever. There were decisions that needed to be made.

She went to check on T'Zanne and found her already up in her room involved in one of her sensory games. "Have you cleaned your room, young lady?" asked her mother, suppressing a smile.

The pint-sized red head looked about her room, obviously trying to come up with a proper answer. "I engaged in the activity of cleaning my sleeping quarters precisely two mornings ago." There were two pairs of shoes, not at all together as they should be. Several little outfits were hanging out of her bureau and some of her toys were actually spilling out of her closet.

"And I can tell you did it two days ago. You probably did a great job. But how about you clean it this morning, too?"

T'Zanne was relieved it was her mother and not her father that had walked in on the state of her room. "Yes, mother. At once."

Patricia walked out of T'Zanne's and closed the door.

She walked down the hallway and went toward her father-in-law's room. She would deal with him first and then put some coffee on for herself.

He was usually up all night and should still have been awake, she knew. She pressed the special chimer that had been added to his door that was designed not to startle his nerves. "_Sa-mekh_, can I come in? We have to get you ready for your doctor's appointment today," she said through the intercom. But there was no answer. She realized then that he had not awoken her in the middle of the night ranting the way he usually did. She figured he must have been much sleepier than she supposed. She was glad the older man had gotten some rest. She often wondered what his personality had been like before this disease came along and stole it.

Patricia rang again, waited. The thing that caused her concern was she heard nothing behind the door. Usually he would at least rage back at her something along the lines of, 'get away from my door you outworlder harlot!' She had been upset the first time she heard that, but thinking about it later made her dissolve into a serious fit of inappropriate laughter.

She entered his room, hoping he hadn't fallen and hurt himself while trying to get up at night. But when she went in, he was still lying on his sleeping surface looking more relaxed and untroubled than she had ever known him to look. In truth, even in his advanced age he was still quite a handsome man. She was finally able to see the facial similarities between himself and his son as she drew closer to where he lay. But still, he hadn't stirred. The hair on the back of her neck rose. "Terek?" she whispered.

She cautiously walked closer and put her hand under his nose. She felt no breath exiting his body. Her eyebrows rose. Was he- "Terek!" she said, louder that time as she grabbed the front of his robe and shook. He still didn't move.

Patricia left his room immediately and contacted T'Niye. "I think my father-in-law is dead," was the first thing that blurted out of her mouth the minute the clan mother picked up her private line.

###

T'Zanne sat on her mother's lap while T'Niye and two members of the priestly class entered the older man's room. She confirmed he was indeed dead and one of the priests went to the school to retrieve Soryn.

Patricia remembered the last real conversation she had had with her father-in-law three days before. It started out in the predictable way, but turned strange toward the middle…

_He was having another bad day. All of his days, lately, seemed to be 'bad days'. "You are here for what reason?" he asked, trembling excessively._

_ "It's time for you to take your medicine," said Patricia, trying to be as pleasant as possible._

_ "I do not wish to do so!" he shouted._

_ "Sa-mekh, the Healers said-"_

_ "I do not care for the words of __**Healers**__. They all speak excessively of things they do not have thorough knowledge!" he bit out. "And YOU," he said…_

_ She sighed tiredly, knowing it was really about to begin now._

_ But something strange overtook him. "You," he said, his shaking beginning to recede as his vision cleared. His tone was suddenly mild. "Wife of my son, you must leave," he said with now haunted eyes. Eyes that held a self control she barely ever saw._

_ She frowned. This was new. He was trying to get her to leave his room by being nice to her instead of nasty? "Oh what did I do now?" she said, exasperated._

_ He nodded quickly. "I know my stability is spent. I am aware of that. Illogical a choice as you were, Outworlder or no, I would never subject she who was __**my**__ wife to what I have become, the things that I now do!"_

_ It dawned on her, then, this was him, as close to the real Terek as she had ever seen. He only ever showed this side to T'Zanne on his 'good days' and even then, the moment she entered a room, this person was gone for good. She simply stood there, eyes wide, not speaking, wondering when the spell would break._

_ "Old Terek's logic has departed, I know that is what they say," he said with a nod in a very conversational tone. "And they are correct for the most part. My logic is gone and the chronometer of my life has wound down to nothing. My time is spent just as much as my logic. And yet, so shall your time be if you remain here." He began to tremble and shake, again, "I have spoken! My conscience is clear. But you lack the proper thinking mechanisms and it is yet to be seen if you shall truly_ _**listen**__, idiot outworlder female!" he said, spittle flying from his mouth. "Get out, GET OUT!"_

Patricia's eyes widened as clarity rushed over her. Her father-in-law was saying she should leave what? The house with Terek still in it? Her marriage to Soryn? Was he telling her this because he honestly could not stand the thought of her as Soryn's wife or was it because of something else?

Soryn entered, just then, with the priest that had gone to the school to retrieve him. T'Niye walked out into the sitting area. "Shall one of the priests retrieve his _katra_ or shall I?" she asked the son.

"I shall do so," said Soryn. He only looked at his wife and child once and then entered his father's room.

###

T'Niye oversaw the transfer of Terek's _katra_ into his son, examined Soryn and then allowed him to leave at once to take it to Mount Seleya. As soon as he left, the clan mother Healer looked over at Patricia and at first said no words. She then looked down at young T'Zanne. "Child, you will go into your room and calculate for me the effect of T'Kuht's gravity on our tides and bring it to me once you are done."

"Yes, Healer," said the child dutifully as she scrambled down out of Patricia's lap. She stopped briefly. "Grandfather is gone?"

"His _katra_ goes to the Hall of Thought, child," said T'Niye. "Go now, do as I have said and then you may meditate on his death."

"Yes, elder," the child said and then left the room.

Patricia sighed. "You gave her a project for a reason."

"Yes, of course. It is simple enough, but it shall keep her occupied for the better part of one hour."

The woman stood quickly, began putting together a tea service. "I have refreshments, if you'll take them, Healer."

"Yes, I shall," she said.

She knew then that whatever the Healer was going to say was going to take time.

Once they sat down to the refreshments, T'Niye consumed half of her cup of tea and then said, "When is the last time Soryn visited with she who is his clan mother?"

Patricia nodded. "I don't know. I know the last time_ I_ saw her was during his Time about six years ago. I haven't seen her since."

"When is the last time your husband received a psionic health visit?"

Patricia smiled politely. "He doesn't discuss those things with me."

T'Niye took a sip of her tea and simply stared at Patricia over the rim of her cup. "Why did you not allow me to give you a psionic examination during your latest physical exam?"

She swallowed back a lump in her throat and shrugged as she tried to appear nonchalant. "I didn't think it was necessary."

T'Niye simply took another sip of her tea as she paused and came at the problem from another angle. "Are you aware that Soryn's clan mother is my second cousin on my father's side?"

Patricia felt distinctly uncomfortable. "No."

"I have known Soryn for many years. He is not the sort that should skip mental health visits."

"What are you saying, my husband is crazy?" she asked almost angrily.

"I say only that Soryn has a problem many Vulcans, particularly the male of our species, possess. He has a tendency toward obsession. For this reason those of his kind are encouraged to receive repeated mental adjustments over time so that it does not begin to interfere in their lives. And we now have added to the equation that he has lately been living with his father. Bendai Syndrome affects the emotional well-being of those around them unless there is another able to assuage their condition. Soryn could not possibly do so and take proper care of himself mentally."

Patricia simply couldn't grasp what the Healer was telling her. "Are you saying that Soryn's father's condition messed with his behavior?"

"I have only just finished assisting him to make certain his father's _katra _transferred properly and yes, he has been significantly altered mentally by living in the same abode as he who is his father. The problem, however, is the signature of his mental ailment extends back far beyond the time that his father entered the home. Soryn has had a persistent problem and has done nothing to have himself adjusted. That is also a recurring problem he has had for quite sometime."

She sat up quickly, realizing, "Are you saying Soryn wasn't well when I _married _him?"

T'Niye thought briefly of Sokam's situation but did not mention the other man's name. Sokam had a similar problem, but had been vigilant to make certain it did not overtake him. "There are many Vulcan males with the same disposition. But most actively seek out help to make certain the problem does not interfere with their lives. Soryn, however, does not. You must understand, I must speak with his clan mother and inform her that he has allowed his mental health to slip to sub-par measures once again."

She felt light-headed. "If he gets help-" She stopped. How much should she tell?

"He should do well with help and adjustments from a Master or a Healer, whichever fits his schedule. He is busy at the school, I am well aware. But it can be done on his timeframe. However, it must be done. Is there something more you wished to say?" asked T'Niye.

She shook her head quickly. "No."

T'Niye took another sip first and then mentioned, almost offhand, "There is a bruise that is no longer hidden by your tunic about the area of your collarbone. May I ask which member of your household has caused this?"

"Just my clumsiness," she answered reflexively as she pulled her nightshirt up to cover herself.

"As you say, lady," nodded T'Niye wondering why she would not speak the truth in this matter. "I must caution, however. What remains unsaid cannot be treated. I have a sincere wish that Soryn will do as is necessary. And if he shall not, will you do what is necessary?"

Patricia stood quickly. "I'm going to go and check on T'Zanne."

"There is no need," T'Niye stood. "I shall enquire after the child's calculations at this time. And then I must take my leave."

But for the first time in so long Patricia felt something along the lines of 'hope'. She was honestly sorry for Terek's death, but now without his psionic influence, Soryn could think clearly. And if his clan mother forced him to get help, things could perhaps go back to normal for them. She felt that maybe the decision had been taken out of her hands. She could get her husband back to where he had been before and they could go back to the way things had been before this nightmare had begun. She could remain in her marriage. She felt relieved.

* * *

_I have two more chapters ready to be posted, but I feel the need to edit them, ad nauseum. I will put up the next one, hopefully, very soon. I didn't want to give you just one chapter this month.  
_


	40. Avoiding Traps

Avoiding Traps

A sense of awareness like the flare of a beacon caused Maya to sit up quickly in the middle of the night. Sherin rapidly crossed the room from his station at the door and was immediately at her side. "My lady, you are troubled?"

None of them understood, not even Maya, how she happened to link each of the security men to her. The method she implemented was not a Vulcan practice. Whenever she was troubled, they all knew it. Where each of the security men already possessed a deep sense of loyalty toward the young woman, her linking them to her had only embedded it that much deeper.

"Get Shin for me, will you?" she requested in her usual way.

He turned to go and made his way to the door, but before he left he turned his head and advised, "Do not request me do a thing for you any longer, lady. It is time for you to begin giving me orders."

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she waved him off. "Sherin, that's not who I want to be, so forget it."

He turned back around fully. "You must learn to treat this as if it is your birthright. Vulcans do not possess Terran sensibilities. There is no sense of politeness, no taking things into account for emotional delicacy. You also continually speak to me as if we are equals; you speak to all of your security men as if they are your equals. We are not. You must always remember, you are above us, lady. You cannot be our friend and we cannot be yours. _To be taken seriously in the near future, for the role you have been chosen to occupy, you must order me,_" he said with the sternest look on his face.

She knew he was telling her the truth and he was sincerely trying to help her. But that didn't mean she had to like it. She swallowed back a heavy feeling of sadness and didn't allow tears to touch her eyes. "Get Shin. Do it now."

He nodded once then and left the room.

She collapsed back into bed and quickly wiped away the tears at the edges of her eyes. As soon as Shin entered the room, Sherin remained standing quietly at the side of her door. "Why didn't you tell me my husband has come to Terra Prime?" she said as she sat up again.

Shin looked temporarily confused. "He what?"

"I felt him arrive. I can feel him right now. He thinks he's shielding his mind from me, but I know he's here, on this planet. And I know it has something to do with something you two did. So? Anyone want to volunteer information?"

Sherin shook his head. She was still not giving orders. This was going to take some work.

Shin didn't seem taken aback. "My lady, if you say he's here, he must be. As to what we did to start this, I suspect he has come here to give a warning."

"A warning?" she asked, confused.

Shin looked back at Sherin with a '_you tell her'_ shrug.

"He has come to stalk Vic Smythe," said Sherin, uncaring of how she would take it.

"He what?" she said as she got out of bed quickly and thrust her arms into her robe. "And how in the hell did he find out about that asshole anyway?"

Shin confessed readily with a quick nod of the head and without regret, "Oh, we told him."

"You-" she was at a loss for words as she ran her hands through her hair which was still in slight disarray. "Are you two _crazy_? My husband is not '_all there'_ when it comes to me! What is he going to _do_?" she asked as she looked at Shin with big worried eyes.

He put his hands up in a '_don't look at me_,' gesture.

"What is he going to do?" she demanded of Sherin.

"My lady may not be able to take-"

"You had better tell me, you blabbermouth!" she ordered the security man. _Was that a smirk on his face? No, that was the lack of light playing with his features… or not. Hmmm…_

"The young man will learn what can happen when you trifle with the mate of another."

She sat down on her bed, the wind knocked out of her. "Whatever he does, I hope he gets off the planet fast afterward."

"Do not be concerned, lady. Sokam knows how to take care of this without killing. There will be no evidence of the impression left in the mind of this careless male."

She looked at the bedside clock. "4:48? What the hell. Might as well get dressed and go to school early. I've been told to go back, anyway."

The two security men looked at one another. Their lady had been absent from school for an entire week. It took this to get her to return?

####

**Hours Before, London**

Vicente Santino Smythe began walking faster. He had had a feeling all day that someone was watching him, maybe even following him. Now the streets were dark and empty. It was the a.m. in London and he had decided earlier that he was being ridiculously paranoid and nothing was going to deter him from his usual nightly activities! Adding to his befouled mood was the fact that he had not seen Maya for over a week.

She had been in school, but she had managed to slip away from him the week before on her way out of class. Her security men kept them at arms distance that last study date. They literally had a Vulcan sitting between them and another Vulcan sitting across the room from him, watching them closely as if waiting for him to do or say anything that gave them an excuse to exact some kind of retribution. Then she had disappeared.

He put in an inquiry to the University, lodged a formal complaint that he suspected she was missing. The University responded the next day that the Vulcan embassy had been in contact with her and knew precisely where she was. She was apparently alive and well, just not coming to school.

Vic tried to tell himself that what he had said to her that day about her husband had most likely hit a nerve. She was probably thinking of him too often and had removed herself from school, trying to be faithful to a man that probably ignored the hell out of her. It was only a matter of time until she realized she could do so much better than being second or third choice to a dispassionate Vulcan. He imagined he would be the one she ran to, then. He knew he could hide her in London until such time as this Vulcan, whoever he was, grew tired of searching for her.

But by 3 a.m. he was not at all thinking of obtaining another notch on his belt. He was thinking of the fastest route he could use to get home. He still couldn't put a finger on why he was feeling so spooked, he had seen no evidence of his recent paranoia; but as the night wore on, no matter where he went, no matter how populated the location, he felt as if he were being watched. It also felt as if this alarm anxiety was slowly beginning to increase in his mind since around the midnight hour.

He walked faster and almost made his way past the Thames trying to get back to his hostel. He knew he should have just gone home instead of staying on in the city!

Unseen hands grabbed a hold of him and pushed him backward, held him over onto the railing of the bridge. The feel of it dug into his back, but the hands that held him- He looked and looked, but _there was no one there_! And still, the unseen hands held him in place. He was worse than horrified with fright, didn't know how this was happening until the shadow of a person could be seen not too far away from him. "Who are you?" his hoarse voice could barely cross the distance. Somewhere in his nerve-splintered mind he understood that though the hands on him were invisible and unusually strong they belonged to whomever this person happened to be standing just a few feet away from him.

Sokam remained in the shadows, his anger burning, surveying the male that thought he could simply come and take _his wife_. He forced his anger down, kept his face obscured. "I am here for one reason." And then he simply stood there, saying nothing else, allowing time to drag on.

"Well good god, get on with it then, man!" snapped the Terran male.

"My point is well made," he said. He walked to the very edge of the shadow and turned his face so that only the outline of one of his pointed ears could be seen.

Vicente's blood ran cold. "Are you here to kill me?"

"Why would I do such a thing?" asked the inflectionless voice. "Then you will have learned nothing. No, I am here simply to warn you. There will be no more pursuit of her. Am I understood by you?"

"She is a free soul!" he declared halfheartedly since he knew exactly to whom he referred. He still held an ounce of self-respect. He wouldn't let this non-Terran intimidate him! "If she doesn't want you-"

"You presume much," he cut off his words and inserted his own. "She is mine. What is shared between us is impossible for you to have with her."

It was at about this point that Vic wondered, what had Maya gotten herself into?

The unseen speaker continued, "The next time you see her, you will speak with her solely on academic matters."

"You cannot keep her against her will-" he felt himself being lifted then, pushed further over and held just at the edge of the bridge, his lower back the only part of his body now in contact with it as his legs and butt dangled over the safe-side. The unseen hands seemed ready to hoist him over completely. Worse yet, now it felt as if his air supply were being partially obstructed.

"Do not temp me," the cold voice continued. "It is my right to kill you. It is in fact my _wish_ to kill you." Before he turned to leave, he said in parting, "Do not let this happen again."

Whoever 'he' was had seemingly disappeared. But there had been no transporter whine.

The unseen hands lifted him upward so that his body was fully on the safe-side of the bridge and then released him abruptly. The Terran male dropped and hit the ground hard. Vicente's feeling of terror slowly ebbed away and he wondered why he continually found himself pursuing women with jealous husbands and boyfriends. This last encounter was enough for him to rethink his usual modus operandi of finding miserable women in bad relationships and 'rescuing' them. It produced the best sex one could ever have, making it with a woman who was convinced you'd saved her life. But he knew it was time to wonder, was it really worth his life?

He wasn't sure whether he was ready to stop what he was doing in general, but this was the final straw in the case of Maya. Whatever trouble she was in she was going to have to get out on her own.

###

As Sokam left the area, he was thinking about his own situation with his wife. Whatever other male went near Maya with the intent of taking her away, from this day forward, would not be shown mercy. If this Vicente Santino Smythe came near her again, he would physically maim him. And if Agent Stilen came toward her again, he would issue the Challenge.

His mind began to search and he realized there was a way to indelibly mark her as his. And that was to impregnate her with his child.

###

Someplace, somewhere, time was ticking down. It was unheard, but it was happening. The methods of death on their planet had never been obvious or easily traced. This was no different.

It was time for morning ablutions at the tu'Surak monastery on the border of the V'Tosh Ka'tur side of Vulcan. It was a male order that had dedicated itself decades before to taking in young males and teaching about the benefits and ways of the deeper learning of Surak. It had become one of the leading havens for those who were contemplating leaving that part of the world and broaching a life on the Syrranite side. If there was any place to defect to the other side, this was in the top three. It was, in fact, the place that Sokam had gone through all those years before. It was the monks that sent him to T'Pau, his proper clan mother on the other side.

There were something along the lines of fifty monks that morning who had settled themselves in for early meditations. There were twenty more just on their way there when the blast from the bomb that had been transported in not an hour before began to explode.

The monastery was ancient. Though heartily built, no structure was expected to continue standing after such a blast. But 75 percent of it still stood.

Trapped amongst the rubble were the fifty monks that had settled in for morning meditations. It was speculated later that their discipline was so deep, they never knew what hit them. But at that moment they were broken bodies lying in rubble, the scent of copper and the color of green spattered everywhere.

Of the remaining twenty monks who happened to not be in the room that day, most lived. Only two happened to be just entering the room at the time of the blast. One was caught in the doorway as it gave and was instantly crushed. The other was just behind him and knocked backward by the blast hitting the wall just behind him. His death was not directly because of the blast, but because he had sustained injuries from hitting the wall and the resulting cave-in caused him to be crushed further.

The eighteen left over saw their predicament, that they were trapped and unable to dig themselves out safely. Having limited air and being faced with waiting for rescue, they all took their time and placed themselves deep into_ vitaya_. They knew if they were successfully recovered, a Healer could bring them out of it at some point. But as they lay on the floor of the broken monastery, they had caused their lungs and blood to stop just at the threshold of death and had walled themselves into their respective minds for the time being. They waited.

###

Everything had come to a standstill at the Terra Prime Vulcan embassy. All eyes were on the monitors. It was an ugly thing to see. A monastery that had stood for thousands of years, first to the old pantheon, and then moved over for use of those studying Surak, it sat in partial ruins. Whoever had bombed it made certain to bomb only a portion so that it could be rebuilt later. It seemed to make no sense to those of logical minds. Why structure a thing of destruction for a maximum body count, but minimal structural damage?

Vulcan news services saw no reason to edit a thing as body parts were being removed from the rubble. It was unknown at that time if there were any survivors.

Amanda found herself staring fixatedly at the screen. Sarek looked over at his wife and saw that she was handling the images quite well. She showed no emotion, had no outburst, saw no need to—

He was alarmed instantly as he checked her via the bond. She was entering a state of shock. The images on the screen were bringing back horrors she had witnessed being committed by her father in her youth. He rushed to where she stood and immediately moved her out of sight of the viewscreen. That was when he knew something was very wrong. Amanda did not object the way she usually would. She said nothing. She simply let him lead her away. She was almost robotic in her movements as they passed through the corridors.

He got her into their suite of rooms, just in time. Fortunately for him, he was still monitoring her via the bond and could feel what was about to happen next. He pulled her, quickly, into the bathroom and held her head as she vomited repeatedly.

With each heave, it was as if it purged her of the images she had just seen onscreen.

He turned on their shower and quickly put her in, clothing and all. She was shivering uncontrollably though the water was as hot as he knew she could stand it. He got in with her and rubbed at her arms and turned her face up to look at his. "Amanda…Amanda!" he said, beginning to panic.

Her eyes wouldn't focus at first. She was gone for a couple of seconds, didn't want to focus, wanted to stay in the nice numb place where she could just drift…

He shook her again. "Return to this place, my wife!" he was demanding.

And she snapped out of it finally, looked around, saw where they were, that they were both soaking wet while still dressed in the shower…the images were swirling in her mind and she put her arms around him, went to tell him how sorry she was about what had happened on his planet, but no words emerged. She found herself screaming into his chest instead.

##

Details began to emerge. Eighteen monks were found barely alive in the rubble within sixty hours of the attack. They were oxygen deprived and a day longer in those conditions would have led to their deaths. Had it not been for the trance-like state they put themselves into, they would have died hours before. But they were still alive.

A group calling themselves The Purge had taken responsibility for the attack. But they were not forthcoming with information. The only thing that was known was that they were a faction on the V'Tosh side that had been fomenting a push back to the old ways of pre-Surakian times. The mass conversion of people from their side of the planet was apparently happening too quickly for their taste and this was their response.

They wanted everyone on the V'Tosh side that was Surakian in any way, shape or form to get out or something worse would be coming their way.

"Sarek, I don't understand this," said Amanda hours later. "I never considered that this was able to even happen."

He was fighting his inner equilibrium since the attack. A planet that was so close to being united was now threatening to be torn apart after years of a tenuous peace. They had been forced to band together because of the Empire. They had been forced closer, still, due to the woman shortage after the plague.

He traced their trouble directly to T'Pau. Since she was the one holding all of the stockpiled females who were being revived little by little and only being given to Syrranites, conversions were happening almost daily as a result. The Purge felt threatened. This was their answer. They would not go quietly. No, the planet would feel their discontent.

"Any word from the V'Shar?" asked Amanda.

He sighed. "I do not understand the reasoning, my wife, but T'Pau will share no information."

She frowned. "No?"

He shook his head.

They both sat on their bed. It was night and neither happened to be under the covers. They were sitting on the bedspread dressed in pajamas like two kids at a slumber party. Both of them looked lost.

Her confidence in Vulcans was shaken yet again. This was not what she had expected from them, not even from V'Tosh Ka'tur. She had expected more and was once again disappointed. Had she been, all of these years, putting them on a pedestal in her mind? Did she truly think of them as better than Terrans? It was time for her to realize, she saw, that they were just people like any other people living in a universe where madness reigned.

"Yes, Amanda," he whispered. "We are simply people. We may show nothing and we may be good at seeming to be knowledgeable about all things at all times, but truly what do we know? What have we learned after all of this time, that we could commit such violence against our own simply for a difference in philosophy? Nothing. We have learned nothing."

She had never heard him this dejected. She found herself crawling to where he sat, didn't know how he would take what she wanted to do for him, the only thing she could do for him. She pulled his face into her chest and held him there. And he clung to her, hugged her close, inhaled her. He had her, for now. "Sarek you speak as if the entire planet is at fault for this. Syrranites didn't do this, it was a terrorist faction on the other side of your world that perpetrated this."

"Do you not understand, Amanda?" he asked as he looked up at her. "I meant my words to the joint council. Anything done on Vulcan by Vulcans, it is collective. This is a collective shame. This faction has gained power because we did not do what was necessary as a people. Once again, we are failing to stand together."

She knew what he was talking about. The Sundering. There it was again. The psychological ramifications…most people would never know or understand the mark on the souls of the Vulcan people that it had created. The Romulans seemed to hate their forbears so much so that they had attacked them and attempted to send a plague to decimate the female population.

And now, this crime committed by their own because of the dividing line on their own planet. "It cannot stand, Amanda. Times will change soon. It is a cause for concern," he said as he looked up into her face. "Things will not go well at home. We cannot return for some time. By my calculation, my planet is about to be plunged into violence it has not seen since the days of Surak."

She hugged him closer to her as he said, "The days shall have the color of green until this madness runs its course. And if I know their minds, they will pull the Empire into this dispute."

* * *

_A/N - I'm updating this story AGAIN tonight or tomorrow since the chapter is already written and has been edited over and over. I just need to go over it one more time before I post. Thanks for your patience in waiting for this story. You have all been very patient and I appreciate it._


	41. Unforgivable

_A/N - Warning: Stuff gets worse than ugly for a minute here. It doesn't get as ugly as it could have, but this is the mirror universe. You've been warned._

Unforgivable

Soryn had returned from Seleya some weeks before. His clan mother stopped by the school to examine him within the first week of his returning. He had consequently gone to a Master to receive training on how to mentally adjust himself.

It became apparent to Patricia that Soryn had improved somewhat, but not enough. He was still autocratic in his treatment of her. And she knew that the bombing on the V'Tosh side was going to reinforce his paranoid idea that his wife should be kept at home for her own safety.

She no longer needed to care for his father nor spend long hours with T'Zanne since she was no longer an infant. But he still had not allowed her to return to working at the school and was still having trouble communicating the most basic things that should be said between husband and wife. Fed up and bored, Patricia felt it was time to push things a little and figure out what was going on with her husband. She sent T'Zanne out to their courtyard to play so they could have a chance to talk. She had received a sehlat for the child after Terek's death and the animal did a wonderful job of guarding the girl as well as keeping her occupied for large tracts of time.

As soon as T'Zanne left the house, Patricia turned to Soryn. "Maybe we can speak with one another now? Just about a few things?"

"And this is necessary because?" he asked coolly.

"When is the last time we really spoke?" she asked with a small smile, trying to keep things light.

He honestly said, "I cannot recall at this time. However, I have noticed you never have need for idle talk. There is always a purpose for these wishes to communicate with me. State your purpose."

She smiled. "All right then. Will you be going back to see the Master again?"

He frowned. "I see no reason to disclose my mental conditioning schedule to she who is my wife."

"Well I _am_ your wife, so why don't you want to discuss this with me?"

"Because you simply do not understand, there are certain things that are not to be discussed, not even with a mate."

"It seems with you there is nothing that can be discussed," she said as she looked at him, tired of his not communicating with her. "So then if we can't talk about that, let's talk about something else. When can I go back to work at the school?"

He almost smirked. "The true reason for your discontent has emerged, I see. But you do not seem to understand, our child needs your presence in the home."

She shook her head. "You didn't discuss this with me, Soryn, you just made up your mind on your own."

"There was no need to consult you. I have the superior logic therefore these decisions should be left to me."

"Bull_shit_!" she shouted, having had it. "You know, I try my best not to get into arguments with you! When was the last time we had an argument, for real? A real one?"

"Do not test my patience, wife," he said with that dangerous look in his eye again.

She had seen that look before and was shocked to see it again. But Terek was dead! Hadn't he been reconditioned and mentally cleaned from those outside emotional influences? "You haven't been doing your extra mental exercises, have you?"

"What I do to ensure my mental stability is none of your concern!" he said, his cool exterior slipping.

"Oh, your anger is showing, how logical is that?" she shot back.

"You will not speak to me of this again," he said as he began to walk away.

"What will you do if I ask about it? You're going hit me again?" she challenged. "You think you can _tell_ me what to do? You think you can keep me here, in our home, indefinitely? Who does that to their wife, makes her a prisoner? Where is the logic in that?"

"A man with wisdom does that," he said as he turned and looked at her, held her eyes with a strong penetrating gaze. "Females must be reminded who it is they belong to."

She sat down hard in a chair. "You actually believe that bullshit," she realized. "How long have you been hiding_ this_?" But she thought long and hard. He had always, from the beginning of their marriage, took measures to control where she went, what she did. She mistook it for concern, for not wanting to lose her. And to some extent he had held a true regard and care for her for a time. But little by little, this person had taken over. And he had allowed it to happen. And so had she. But she knew this couldn't stand any longer. It was time for her to put them back to where they were before. "Soryn, you need to stop doing and saying these things. If our marriage is going to get better, things between us—they have to change!"

He stalked over to her, anger fully on his face. He grabbed her from the chair by pulling her up by her shoulders. "You will now tell me what it is_ I_ shall do?" he asked. "There can be change only if both parties agree and I do _not_ agree!"

"How long do you think we can stay this way?" she asked, in fear once again. His fingers digging into her shoulders hurt! She thought this part of him was gone! "Why would you do this to me? Why do you think this is okay? Why can't we go back to the way things were?" she almost wailed.

His right hand was in her hair then, yanking harshly. "I know what it is you need, _my wife_," he bit out.

A horrible premonition shot through her. "No!" she screamed.

"You wish things to return to how they were?" he asked, his voice a little too soft as his hand continued to maintain a serious vice grip on her hair.

She was being pulled along by him, a hand holding fast to her robe, his other hand yanking at her hair as he dragged her into their bedroom. "No!" she shouted again.

He released the front of her robes long enough to punch the sensor and the door shut behind them.

##

T'Zanne walked into the house and all she heard was her mother's screams. The child stood there, her hands over her ears, eyes wide, not understanding what it was that was happening. The large sehlat, then, went in front of the child and gently pushed her out of the doorway to the home, forced her back outside.

The little girl went outside, but only stood there in the courtyard while staring at the house and wondering, why was mother screaming that way? What was father doing to mother?

##

Patricia lay very still, unable to move. He had stripped her of her clothing. Her mental and vocal cries had thankfully caused him to stop whatever it was he was going to do initially. Something in him had made him stop. He was pacing back and forth now as if he were mad, as if he could not make up his mind about what he was going to do next.

Soryn, at least, was still dressed. He seemed to pull himself together mentally and was about to walk out of their bedroom. But not before throwing behind him, "No other male would wish to have you for his own. Remember that, my wife. You have a child with _me_ and no male would wish to take on the burden of the child of another. There is nothing else for you and it is not logical for you to expect more than that which you deserve. Speak not again of my activities, for they are _my_ concern."

After he had gone, Patricia limped to her wardrobe. He had hurt her in several places when he'd stripped her of clothing. He had also marked her with his teeth for the first time outside of lovemaking, and it hurt.

She went into their bathroom and at first could do nothing more than sit down on the floor, head in her hands. He had had rape in his mind, but he hadn't carried it out. She realized then she was bleeding at the spot he had bitten her at her collarbone. She wanted to get into the shower, but instead decided to wash the bite with water. It stung.

Tears began to roll down her face. At first she figured she deserved it for trying to get him to speak to her. Then another part of her intervened. _This isn't really my fault!_ But another part of her said it was and that maybe she might have deserved what he had almost not stopped himself from doing.

She sat down on the floor of the bathroom again and just wailed. It was truly over. She couldn't stay with him any longer. How long would it be until he really carried out what was in his mind that day? She had to get away just temporarily. This was too much. This she couldn't pretend had never happened.

She reached out mentally then, not knowing how to stop herself. _Zymak… I can't do this anymore. I have to leave. Can you get me off of the planet?_

_ I am here, Patricia. I will aid you._

_ I'm sorry, but I think it's right to tell you up front that I can't be with you. I can't. I just can't. I am so sorry!_ She was wailing as she hugged herself and rocked back and forth.

_It is understandable, Lady Patricia. That should not be your concern at this time! I will ask for nothing. There is only one thing I wish to do._

_ Please don't kill him!_ She could read his intentions, even from this far away.

The pause was undeniable. Finally, he relented. _I shall try my best not to do so, lady. I will have arrangements made to secret you away from the planet. But you must not return until his Time. Is that clear?_

_ Yes, it's clear._

The next thing she knew, T'Zanne was standing in the bathroom with her, the sehlat licking at Patricia's bite mark on her clavicle.

"Mother, what has happened?" whispered the girl who was still a toddler in years.

She looked up at the big dark eyes and felt automatically irresponsible for keeping her child in this environment. She swallowed back the last of her tears for the child's sake. "Mother fell down, sweetie, but I'm all right now."

"Did father make you fall down again?" she asked with her innocent wide eyes.

And Patricia found herself choking back tears.

"May I make you tea, mother?" was the next sensible question out of the girl's mouth.

She stopped up her tears and gave her daughter a shaky smile. T'Niye truly had made a miniature of her with this girl! "You can't even reach the heating unit, Suzy!"

T'Zanne qualified, "If I use a chair I can do so quite proficiently."

"That's all right, honey."

"Father has gone to the school. I saw him go. Shall I call Healer T'Niye? Your cut can become infected if it is not treated."

In a surge of unexpected feeling, Patricia said, "T'Zanne, go straight to your room right now and be very quiet. Yes, we are going to go and see T'Niye right this moment, but you have to be very still and very quiet."

"Yes, mother," said the little girl and then she ran to her room.

_I am coming NOW_ said Zymak.

_No! You can't—_

_ NOW!_

Patricia was up and out of the bathroom as quickly as possible. The pain in her leg was forgotten as she knew she had to get her child out of that house. She dressed in fresh clothes and then packed a backpack for herself as fast as she could. She checked their bond to find the whereabouts of Soryn, to make certain he was not returning to the house. But something had gone wrong in the bond. There was a hole there now. It was still intact, but it was damaged.

She went into her husband's study and took over half his data swipes, went directly into the net and converted it into currency. She dumped it into her private account from the jobs she had been doing on the side without Soryn's knowledge. She hadn't taken all of his money, but she'd taken enough to make sure Suzanne didn't need anything for at least six months.

"T'Zanne!" she said as she rushed into her daughter's room. "Help mommy pack you some clothes in my bag."

"Yes, mother," the child said quickly and a little too eagerly. "We are leaving, mother?"

She always said she would never lie to any children she had. And she had done nothing but lie to this child for months about everything. It was time that stopped. "Yes, we're leaving!"

The two of them had packed enough clothes for four days into her backpack and were out of the house within 20 minutes. She slung the backpack onto her back as she decided not to hide out in the open, but went and stood around the back of their home, watching the sky. She crouched down and whispered, "Don't make a sound, baby."

The child simply nodded once at her.

After a half an hour of hiding, Patricia saw Soryn approaching the home from her position and she immediately began to tremble. The little girl reached out and covered her mother's mouth with her hand and with her other hand she put one shushing finger to her little lips. "Shhh…" It cut her up on the inside to know, the child obviously understood what was really happening.

At first, Patricia felt Soryn attempting to find her through their bond. She saw him enter the home, then.

She waited exactly sixty seconds and then grabbed T'Zanne's hand. "Run, baby!" she said to the child as they took off. The poor child's feet couldn't keep up and despite the pain in her leg, Patricia reached down and grabbed the child up into her arms as she continued to run even faster, the backpack on her back slapping her alternately in the back of the head and in her lower back, weighing her down.

She saw the shuttle then, close by. And she could hear Soryn's voice, calling from their home. "Patricia! Return at once!" But she kept on running for the desert. She could then hear Soryn's feet behind her. And she could tell from the sound of him that he was catching up quickly!

Zymak landed the shuttle with the V'Shar markings on the side and let the exit ramp descend. He saw Patricia running with the child in her arms and he quickly left the shuttle. The agent simply stood there and squinted. At this rate, Soryn would indeed catch up.

The agent's face took on a very scary look and he lifted one hand and held it out toward the rival male. Immediately, Soryn was stopped in his tracks.

"What business do you have here, with she who is my wife, _agent_?" screamed Soryn as he struggled against the telekinetic hold.

"A Healer has bid me to come and escort her to her office for examination," was his cool answer.

"You shall do no such thing," said Soryn as he continued to struggle against the grip of the hypertelepath. "She is _my _wife!" But he was no match for the highly trained agent.

Patricia ran past Zymak then and straight into the shuttle. "Let's go!"

The agent was able to hold Soryn in place, mentally, as he ascended the shuttle steps, lifted the gangplank and closed the doors. He did not ease up his hold on the male until they were already well into the sky and going in the direction of Shikahr City.

Patricia felt Soryn attempting to access the bond. She was able to block him out so that he couldn't do so. She sat back in the shuttle and buried her face in T'Zanne's hair as she pulled the child close. "We're safe now," she whispered. "We're safe."

When they arrived at the Vulcan Academy hospital, Mariana was waiting to take T'Zanne. "Come on, let's go color!" she said enthusiastically to the little girl. The little redhead rushed off with her aunt eagerly.

After her psionic exam of Patricia, she examined and then cleaned and healed the bite mark that had been delivered as a form of punishment. "Lady, I strongly suggest several things at this time."

Patricia swallowed back fear. "I'm listening."

"You should not return to the marital home until he who is your husband learns to control himself better."

"No argument here."

T'Niye nodded. "Very well. I must tell you, I am under obligation to report this to his clan mother."

She looked at her, shocked. "What?"

"I cannot keep this hidden, not from her. It must be known what it is he almost did."

"No, you can't! Why? Nothing happened, he stopped himself."

"The fractured bond, if it remains untreated, will cause Soryn to degenerate much more quickly. He is also in close contact with minors on a daily basis and cannot be allowed near them in this dangerous mental state. There is no telling to what depths he may descend without being taken into custody. For their sakes, you must understand, his clan mother must remand him to a monastery for true mental reconditioning."

She understood then. She couldn't, in good conscience, get T'Zanne out of their house and then let him be around children of all ages after this without some kind of adjustments. "No, no, you're right. You're absolutely right. My reaction was selfish."

The healer paused and then asked, pointedly, "The agent, Zymak, how is it he has come to bring you here?"

She shrugged. "He knew what was going on for a while and he offered to take the challenge at the next kal-if-fee."

"There is no active state of adultery between you two. I have examined you mentally and I can certify that to Soryn's clan mother," said T'Niye. "As to the Challenge, in this situation it is more than understandable if you seek to undergo it during his next Pon Farr. It is your right. But I must caution you, if you choose a champion he is within his rights to keep you. And I sense you do not want to be kept by the agent."

Patricia shook her head. "No. I don't think I can do this again. I don't think I ever want to belong to another man again." She looked up at T'Niye. "I don't trust men anymore. Terran, Vulcan…they're all the same." She sighed. "But I have time to figure this out between now and then, I know. I'll figure something out."

"Then that is all that is important." T'Niye stood. "Come. We will send you to a secure facility for the time being and then we shall see about sending you offworld."

"Yes," she said as she stood. "Thank you."

###

Sitting in class Maya was, for once, not at all engrossed in the lecture. Her mind was on the attack that had happened on Vulcan. Sarek had told her to attend school that day anyway, but she found she couldn't get her mind around his words. This particular professor was nothing but a jerk-face anyway. She looked away from his bold gestures and did a double-take. Usually she could see Shin or Sherin's face looking through the upper glass portion of the class door but today she could have sworn she briefly saw Sokam.

It made her remember that she had seen Vic in school that day but he had pointedly avoided her. She was relieved to see he was still alive, but was really glad he remained on the other side of the room. It took a lot of pressure off of her having to behave in a friendly but disinterested manner.

Looking up at the glass she realized, no, she hadn't seen Sokam. She frowned. She supposed that because she could _feel_ him near, her mind was playing tricks on her. Where was he? It was so distracting, the thought that he could be somewhere near, so near. He had to have been reeling from the knowledge of what had happened on his homeworld. Why hadn't he come to her?

Would he simply turn around and go back home, his goal obviously accomplished? Maybe he would. As far as she knew, he still had a lot of training to undergo and he had no reason to linger on Terra Prime. She had no proof of this, but she had all but convinced herself that he was not going to see her before he departed for home. Those monks that had died, he knew most of them personally. Could she truly blame him for going home as quickly as possible to check on the ones who still lived? Though disappointment swamped her, she tamped it down with reason. She told herself she was being selfish. If he needed to go right back home to see to the monks, it was the right thing for him to do. They had been the ones who had helped him to his knowledge of Surak. He had served with them for a time before crossing the border.

Maya had situated herself off to the right and close to the door. She didn't want her luck with Vic being across the room to wear off. She had begun slowly packing five minutes before class was dismissed and when the professor let them know the lecture was over that day, she shot up out of her chair and out of the classroom door like the proverbial bat fleeing hell.

She saw Sherin waiting just outside the door and heaved a sigh of relief that she had gotten out of the class that quickly. "Let's go now," she said. "I don't want the halls to get too full."

They traveled out of the school as fast as possible. She always thought the policy of keeping Sherin with her was the thing that made her conspicuous. Her long flowing skirt and modest blouses as well as her hijab kept her anonymity very well, in her opinion. Without the bodyguard at her side, no one would ever think twice who didn't know her personally.

She quickly made her way to the parking area and double-timed it to her shuttle. But today of all days, Shin and her other two security men were outside the shuttle, not yet ready to leave. "What are you guys doing out here?" she asked, baffled by the change in routine.

"We've been asked to wait out here," said Shin.

Her heart quickened just a little. "By?"

The open shuttle door was then filled by her husband's form. "I am the one who has issued the order."

Maya remembered after less than a second that they were in public. "Wait here," she said to her guards as she entered the shuttle and allowed Sokam to push the button that auto-closed the door.

As soon as they could no longer be seen by outside eyes, she was in his arms and he was pulling down her head covering, his fingers running through her hair, his mouth eagerly kissing her lips as his mind cast into hers. "You may remove your clothing now, if it is what you wish," he said into her open mouth between heated kisses. His tongue found its way to hers and the kiss deepened as his hands slid down her backside and cupped her into the front of him.

The taste and feel of him was more than welcome after not having seen him for so many months, their bodies unable to join for so long. She was pushing him away after ten seconds. "You, sir!"

He sat down in a chair and stifled a smile. "What is it you wish to speak of, my wife?"

She missed hearing those words! But she was not smiling. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming here?"

"I wished to surprise you."

She gave him a 'look'. "You've never lied to me before. _Don't start now!_"

He realized then, she was becoming stronger telepathically. "You sensed me here?"

"I did. Since the moment you set foot on the planet! You've been here an entire day and you're just getting here _now_?"

He truly did want to grin then. "I was taking care of our interests," he said as memories of terrorizing Mr. Smythe entered his mind. His eyes grew hot again as he surveyed her, wondering if she still looked the same under all of the clothing she wore…

"And about _that_, what is it with Vulcans and trying to assert whose woman is _theirs_? I mean, what's up with that? You know I'm yours, you don't need to beat the hell out of anyone or kill them to keep me! There's been no challenge issued by me!"

"I did not assault your pursuer with my hands nor did I kill him. I simply emphasized that it was not seemly to pursue another man's wife. That is my right, is it not?"

She gave him the side-eye and, "Mmm_hmmm_," was the only thing she bothered to let out. He knew he couldn't convince her to allow him to touch her. Her face softened, though, as she reached out and took his hand into hers. "And I am so sorry about what happened back home."

He grew quiet. "I admit I have been attempting to push it out of my mind."

"Don't do that," she warned. "You have to meditate the first chance you get, all right?"

He shook his head. "I shall, my wife."

They hugged again, and this time it was filled with warmth more than anything else as she asked, "Are you going home right now? Do you need to get to the monks that are still alive?"

"They are being taken care of by Healers who know better than I what to do. I am not yet fully trained. My place, right now, is with you."

"The men are waiting. They have to be hungry by now." She hit the release switch and the four security men entered the shuttle.

The two that usually flew went straight up front. Shin and Sherin, however, looked at one another and then looked at Maya.

_Lady?_ She could hear Sherin's voice in her mind.

_Go up front with Shin. I'll be fine with Sokam here._

_ Yes, my lady._

The two men went up front.

###

It was a strange ride back to the African embassy to drop off the shuttle and then to go to the transporter station to get back to North Carolina and her family's land. Sokam kept using his lethal eyes to hold her to him. It was the thoughts he sent her way that turned into a problem. Things grew so intense, she found she had to erect a semi-shield against him.

Partway through their wait at the transporter station, she sensed his frustration and just looked over at him and halfway grinned, allowing her smugness to come through. He realized then that she was playing a game with him. He gave her one long, pointed look. The look held several shades to it, but the height of it said '_you will pay for this_'.

They arrived back at her family's land not too long afterward, but it seemed an eternity for Sokam. Her security men made way as she went to one of the renovated shacks, the one that she slept in at night. It was easier, guarding her this way, having her in one location and they on the outside. Whenever any of them had to sleep they would go into the shack next door and rest.

As soon as the room door closed, Sokam grabbed her into his arms. "My Maya, I need you," he admitted with burning eyes.

She relinquished herself into his keeping and they were wrapped up in one another within seconds, physically and mentally, desperately kissing, clothing being either removed or torn away. "Are you certain you want to do this now?" she asked him, thinking of what turmoil he must be in because of the attack.

"More than anything," he said as he pulled her even closer. "We will speak later. And I shall meditate after that."

###

The reunited couple lay in darkness. They'd spent hours in bed together. She couldn't remember the last time they had made love so often. "I ache all over now," she said with a most satisfying giggle.

"Forgive me. My sexual frustration has had no outlet. You have become an unfortunate victim of it."

She could feel his hand still stroking and kneading her hip and backside under the sheets. "You must have missed me."

"Yes," he saw no reason to hide it. "Every part of you."

She rolled over and scooted backward, placed her back against his front, felt him relax and practically melt into her. "We can talk now," she said, clear-headed for the first time in a while. "Are you sure you're all right? The bombing was terrible. I saw it on the viewscreen in the shuttle before I went into school. I was late to class, I was so wrapped up in the images. If it wasn't for Sarek calling to make sure I was in school, I don't think I'd have torn myself away from the screen."

He sighed. "I will be fine. I will meditate as you suggested. You are correct. I must deal with this." He held her close. "But there is something more you wish to say?"

"What did you do to Vic Smythe?" she asked.

"Do not speak his name to me," he said, not at all angry.

"All right, fine. What did you do to my classmate?"

There was a pause in the darkness as his fingers systematically stroked her shoulder. "I instilled terror in him any time a thought entered his mind concerning removing you from me."

She was actually impressed. "How did you do that?"

"Once again, a misuse of my education."

She sighed and her hand reached back, stroked the very masculine stubble on his face. "And how many men do you plan on doing that to that look at me sideways?"

"For those who look, I will simply have negative thoughts which shall be meditated away in due time. But for those who pursue, I will mentally terrify the non-telepaths and invoke the challenge for the telepaths."

She rolled her eyes. "Sokam, you can't do that."

"I can and I shall," he said. His tone said there would be no discussion about this.

She sighed again and turned over, looking into his face in the darkness. "I've missed you so much." Their lips found one another in a tender kiss full of unspoken feeling. He was ready to allow another lovemaking session to occur when his wife gasped, as if in shock, and sat up, said into the darkness, "I'm not on birth control anymore!" She was obviously a step away from panic. "We weren't even on the same planet and obviously I'm not doing anything so I stopped getting the shots and-"

"Where are you in your cycle?" he asked.

She thought back. "I'm not fertile right now. Or at least I _shouldn't_ be. Oh goodness, what day is this?"

"Then it is most likely fine."

She frowned. "That does not sound like you _at all_. You aren't ready for children!"

"I am no longer concerned about the timing of any children we may have."

She found herself laughing. "See, I'd like to_ live_, in case you forgot that your clan mother wants me dead if I breed with you. And she happens to be on the planet right now."

"I have not forgotten," he said. "She will not kill you. She will not know. I have a plan."

She shook her head. "Well since I'm not fertile now, it's all good. But before we do anything else, you're going to let me in on these _plans_ and I'm going to let you know what I think we should do before we proceed to try and make a person."

"So you are no longer open to the option of doing this immediately?" he asked, confused.

"No!" she said, a little bit angry. "You didn't want any kids yet so I went and made plans."

He could detect the anger in her voice. "Am I to understand you do not wish to lay these plans aside and produce a child with me as soon as possible?"

And suddenly, she saw through the reason he wanted a child now. She gasped, her mouth agape. "You want to lock me down!" she accused as she got out of bed quickly and began dressing. "Damn, my skirt is ripped!"

"My wife, I do not understand-"

"I thought you were above that sort of thing! But I see now that that is the oldest trick in any book, on any planet. Want the man or woman to stay with you for good, intentionally saddle them with people mixed with your DNA and theirs! I can't_ believe_ you weren't even going to tell me the_ reason_ you wanted to have children this soon!" She went into the drawer for a pair of pants. "We should have children because we want them together. You're supposed to want to have them because we love one another!"

He also couldn't believe she had gotten the reason from his mind accidentally. Failing to meditate for longer than a day had obviously made him mentally lax. "I should have communicated with you, wife," he admitted. "If you would please, return to bed and we will speak on this matter further."

"I need to go for a walk in the woods. I'm too upset right now. I need to calm down so we don't wind up fighting over this."

"Walking in a wooded area at night; is that not the beginning of many scenarios from your culture's horror films?" he asked in innocence.

She threw a pillow at his head and then left the room.

* * *

_A/N - I must confess, this is not the original chapter. It was changed over and over and over. I just couldn't bring myself to bring Patricia and Soryn's marriage to *that* point online. Because I did, originally. I wrote the chapter at first and saved it and then burst into tears. This chapter was the reason I stopped writing this story for MONTHS. I just couldn't do it. I came back and rewrote it over and over again. And this is where its at now._

_J. Shane  
_


	42. Pile it On

Pile It On

It was a secure channel the two talked on. "Can you believe that?" whispered Maya.

Amanda's mouth dropped open. "For real?"

"For real!"

"But Maya, You can't stay mad at him," she insisted.

Her friend sat back in her chair and gave her an incredulous look. "And why can't I?"

"Come on! You know you're letting your anger get in the way of seeing reason here. There's a bigger picture you're not considering."

"What part of that big picture? The one where T'Pau has me killed for getting pregnant or the one where my husband decided to make a person with me to cattle brand me as his forever and not because he loves me?"

Amanda groaned. "Well when you put it_ that_ way, I can see the reason for your anger. But try to look at this from his point of view."

She smiled as she looked at her friend's face onscreen. "You know I _must_ miss you, right? So go ahead and tell me about this point of view I'm missing."

"He's just acting on instinct. Human men- you tell them you're pregnant and according to what my old friends would tell me happened with them when they would let them know, the guys would get all nervous and start thinking about themselves and how much it's going to cost _them_ and- I mean some are really really happy about a new baby. I don't want to make it look like all Terran men are skittish on pregnancy. But some of the guys, I mean the ones that actually stick around, they go through these self-centric changes. You're the one whose body is being taken over and meanwhile he's out at 3 a.m. having beer binges half the time and the other half of the time he's sitting there whining about how much _his_ life is about to change. But with Vulcans, there's just this- this _thing_ that happens," she said as she remembered how Sarek was when she got pregnant with Spock.

"Thing?"

"They give you this look like- I don't know." She thought of how Sarek used to stare at her at times. "You're carrying the future of his family and he that part of it is in the front of their minds at all times. I mean, they really _look_ at you that way. And you're his, he already knows that, but once you're carrying his baby, oh my goodness, he really sees you like you _belong_ to him." Her face fell, "I'm not doing a good job of explaining this. I don't even know how to explain it without them sounding like psychos. But before T'Pau did that thing to his brain he used to just watch me with this look on his face like he couldn't get enough of looking at me walking around carrying his baby inside me. To them it's so primitive. It's there, too, when you nurse the baby and they watch. It's a mark of pride that they've made this person with you. When it comes down to it, they're all just a little bit crazy. I mean, we know that since we're bonded to them, but it has its advantages."

"Yeah, they are all a bit cracked," she agreed with a half smile.

"So he saw this as an opportunity to tell anyone else looking at you 'hands off'. It's really a Vulcan thing."

Maya put her head in her hands, tired. "And I thought Terran females were the only ones that engaged in reproductive extortion." She laughed at her very bad joke, obviously tired. "Amanda, I'm getting off this vid now to go talk to my husband. I just walked out on him, I was so mad. Thanks for talking to me."

"Tell him I said 'hi'."

"I will."

##

Maya returned to the shack and stepped into the room. Sokam was still there waiting for her to return. He had clothed himself for the most part, but he remained shirtless. He was across the room from her, trying to gauge her mood.

"Sokam, I'm sorry I wound up getting so angry with you," she said as she began to strip the used linens from the bed. "I shouldn't have left like that. I should have forced myself to calm down and talk about it."

He walked up behind her. "My wife, I apologize for my attempted deception. You were correct in your disappointment with me. I shall never again attempt to keep any plans concerning our family a secret from you."

She turned and looked up into his almost copper colored eyes. They always sucked her in. "Thank you," she said softly. She shook herself out of his gaze and finished stripping the bed.

He took the used sheets from her and put them into a laundry bag off to the side. "May we, perhaps, discuss children at this time?"

She was putting fresh sheets on the bed and paused. He was sincere. "And your plan to make sure T'Pau doesn't know?"

"Yes."

She finished making up the bed and then sat down on it. "I have to tell you the truth. I'm scared. I'm scared to really think about it. I really do want children, but there are no limits to what that woman will do. She _will_ kill me if she gets an inkling I'm even considering reproducing with you. I have to honestly say I don't think we should even talk about it while she's still here on Terra Prime. I know it's not reasonable or logical, I just get this feeling that now wouldn't be the right time to make any kind of plans on this."

He sat next to her and said with full sincerity. "To simply be here with you is a joy I must fully appreciate at this time. I will accede to your wishes. We shall wait to discuss this again when she is no longer on this planet." He lay back and pulled her down with him, held her close. "I shall remain with you on Terra Prime. I can enroll in a Terran physician's course for the year to augment my training at the Vulcan Science Academy. If I continue my mental studies with the Master at the embassy, I will continue to maintain and build upon the strict mental disciplines needed for my chosen profession."

"That's an option?" she asked, surprised.

"It is. And I shall avail myself of it so that we may not be separated again. I no longer wish to have us in two locations. It has become more than intolerable to me."

"But the bombing-"

"It is partially the reason I see the need to be with you at all times. For now I shall remain here with you. And when T'Pau returns to Vulcan, we shall return to the embassy, but only if that is what you wish."

"Yes, it is," she said as she absently stroked at his chest. "And I have to admit, I'd rather spend more time, just you and me, before we have children. Really, how much time have you and I had together? We've both been in school and working and we've been apart so much since we bonded. It hasn't ever been just 'us' together."

"You are correct, my wife."

"When will your training be over?"

"Due to my rapid mental progression in the Healing arts, I shall be finished with my training a full three years before I initially anticipated."

"How did that happen? Did you sleep at all after I left?" she asked, alarmed.

"Barely," he admitted.

She smacked at his chest. "That's not good for you!"

"It is difficult to sleep without you beside me. I found myself meditating for long periods of time and I worked until exhaustion forced me into a deep state of sleep."

She looked up into his hypnotic eyes. "You really couldn't sleep without me."

"I could not," he admitted. "And since I have confessed this much, I shall confess to more. This foolish Terran male I confronted is not the first incident I have had concerning you. I have threatened to kill Agent Stilen on more than one occasion."

"You're going to have to stop doing that, Sokam."

"I assure you, it is not an everyday occurrence. But you are correct. I shall work to temper that aspect of my personality. It truly would be more logical to do so." There was a small smile on his lips as he looked down into her face. "You have caused me to become better than what I was when first we met. Are you aware of that?"

Her face blushed madly. "Thank you."

"I wish to thank you properly, but I fear you are already most fatigued from our previous activities. You must rest."

"And you too," she said as she snuggled into his side.

They both drifted into a peaceful sleep.

##

The monks from the tu'Surak monastery recovered.

But another very tiny monastery deep within the V'Tosh borders exploded one clear morning killing every monk inside.

Two other monasteries, one on the border of the Syrranite world on the opposite side of the planet from the tu'Surak, and another massive one even older order than the tu'Surak, were bombed all within three hours of one another on the same day.

The monastery on the opposite side of the planet of the tu'Surak lost five monks who happened to be within the blast radius. The tu'Jarok monastery was so massive, none of the monks happened to be in the area of the explosion or its shockwave. They all, mercifully, lived.

The devastation of that day seemed to be nightmarish and it went on even further when the passenger intake area of the spaceport on the Syrranite side suffered a massive explosion at the height of midday killing nearly two hundred passengers. Five hours after that, the joint council chambers just barely missed being eradicated. V'Shar agents discovered a bomb there that had yet to detonate. Their squads were able to defuse it and take it in for study.

But the most devastating attack of all occurred just as evening fell. The school for the most promising young minds that adjoined the Vulcan Academy of Sciences was reduced to rubble and ashes by a blast so hard it shook the surrounding area and caused glass and support structure rocks of buildings to shatter. There were no students there at that time, but the message was understood by all. Leave the V'Tosh Ka'tur side or we will target your children next.

##

Everyone's eyes were glued to the screens in the embassy. The Vulcan newscaster of course showed no emotion, but there was an intense look to her face as she said, "The Purge has accepted responsibility for these attacks. They say their goal is to, quote, 'Galvanize the planet into shaking off the shackles of logic and returning to our true passionate roots.' Scientists on the V'Tosh Ka'tur side of this world have speculated that Vulcan's meager resources becoming scarce before the projected timeframes are a result of not only too large a population but also the current ruling council kow-towing to the wishes of the Empire."

The newcaster droned on as Zurel and Amanda looked at one another. They were both equally horrified, but only she showed it.

"There is something I must do," he said to her and then he turned and quickly left the room. She turned back to the screen and simply stared, not believing what her adopted planet was turning into right before her eyes.

Amanda quickly left at that point and went into her private chamber, put in a coded subspace call. It took a couple of minutes, but she finally got through to them. "Communications for the _Renault_, here. How may I direct your call, Lady?"

"Can I speak with Dana Philo right now?"

"Certainly," he said. The call was rerouted.

Amanda swallowed back fear as she waited a couple of minutes. Dana's groggy voice came on the line. "Amanda? What's going on?" Sounds of her shuffling to turn on the view screen could be heard.

"Dana, whatever you do, don't take the kids to Vulcan, all right?"

"I know about the attack on the monastery. I was already thinking about not going because of it."

"Dana," she said as the truth hit her. "It's so much worse than that, now."

"What?" she asked as she was finally waking up fully. She found the switch and activated the screen, could see the look on her friend's face. It was white as a sheet.

Amanda sobbed out, "They hit three more monasteries earlier today and now more monks are dead!"

"What?" she asked, horrified.

"And they hit the public transit side of the spaceport in the afternoon, Dana. Syrranites are being targeted and killed! Almost 200 people are dead! They tried to blow up the council chambers but the V'Shar caught it and damn it, they bombed the goddamned children's section of the Vulcan Academy of Sciences," she found her voice finally rising as hysteria hit her. "They're ready and willing to kill children!"

"Oh my God!" she shouted.

"Keep that ship away from Vulcan! Most of those children are Syrranites!"

"I'll order a course change. We're coming back to Terra Prime now. We'll take the children to Howe Caverns or something if T'Pau is still there, all right?"

She calmed down a little. "That's fine." But she was still shaking.

Dana asked the question Amanda hadn't found the strength to voice. "This was one of the last sane places in the universe and its falling apart? Where are we supposed to go? Where are we supposed to find a place to raise these damned kids _now_?"

##

T'Pau was worse than 'not pleased'. Her staff were rapidly packing all of the possessions she had saw fit to bring with her to Terra Prime. "We must leave with haste," she ordered them as she walked about, surveying the quick work they were making of things.

Sarek stood by her side, unaware of exactly what they were supposed to do under the circumstances. The media was practically camped outside the embassy's doors, waiting for a statement, any statement, from her or the ambassador.

"It is unimportant to speak with them," said T'Pau. "The one I must meet with before I go home to attend to things is the Emperor himself. He must be assured that we will get the V'Tosh Ka'tur under control."

"Yes," Sarek agreed. "His Imperial Majesty is much more reasonable than the previous emperor. He will give us a certain amount of time to have the situation placed properly in hand."

"You are most correct, Sarek," she agreed as she lifted a PADD and began checking things off on it. "We must do so with haste. An emergency meeting of the council is waiting for my voice and I must make it back to Vulcan within 30 hours. The emperor has agreed to see me today and then I must immediately depart."

But neither spoke what they were thinking. They knew if he thought it was necessary, the emperor would land troops on the V'Tosh side of their planet to contain and then occupy it. And even though they had a bitter past and bad blood between them, the last thing any Vulcan wanted was empire troops starting a war that would turn the entire Empire against their planet. The average Terran already didn't trust the fact that they were telepaths, but add uncontrolled violence into the equation? His mind grew fatigued thinking of what the average citizens would be pushing their emperor to do because of this latest wave of things happening on his planet.

An unexpected question was leveled at him then by T'Pau. "Where is she who is your ward? I have not seen her my entire visit."

Sarek weighed his words carefully. "Maya is aware of your distaste concerning her lack of house and decided to leave to spare you having to deal with her presence."

T'Pau knew exactly what that meant. This girl had the nerve to be unwilling to see_ her_. She was distinctly dissatisfied by this turn of events. There were things she wished to confirm about the young Terran, mentally, on this visit. "I have received very positive words about her from the Master you keep here, that this Maya is growing in talent and telepathic ability? She is also, reportedly, open to logic?"

"Yes, indeed," said Sarek, unwilling to say more about Maya. He wished she would change the subject and threw out the only thing he knew that would force her to do so. "T'Niye has done well with her education both mentally and in logic as well as Vulcan history, ways and customs."

T'Pau inwardly bristled at the name of the rival clan mother. "I shall depart soon. You may tell her that when next she arrives on Vulcan, I expect her to report to me for examination."

"Yes, I shall tell her so."

Within two hours, the clan mother left to see the emperor. Straight from there, she boarded her private vessel and, with haste, returned to Vulcan.

###

Sarek, Amanda, Maya, Sokam and Zurel waited in the transporter room. Within five minutes, all of the children and adults were beaming back into the embassy.

Amanda's face was covered in tears as her Spock ran to her. He abruptly stopped in his tracks. His face looked up at his mother, eyes drinking in her features. He lifted his hand to hers. "Mother, it has been too long," was the only thing he said.

She took his little fingers into hers and sniffled, "Yes, it has, little man. Too long."

Sarek was more than satisfied to have his son returned to him and to hear the chatter of little voices around him in the transporter room. "My son, you shall give me a complete oral report of all that has taken place since you left."

"Yes, father," he agreed. "We engaged in many scientific investigations on many worlds," he said with a tiny lisp. "I have already made several written reports about my studies, as per your request before I departed."

"I shall also read them, my son," said Sarek.

It was just good to have them all back, safe, in one piece.

"I shall depart now," said Zurel.

"Where are you going?" asked Amanda.

"To do what I should have done six months ago."

##

Mariana had taken a room at Zurel's estate since the two of them had been bonded. It was late in the evening and she was about to settle into bed.

The attacks that had happened had shaken her up on the inside. She had been called in to work on the many victims from the intake section of the spaceport. She had spent days covered in the blood of every kind of citizen from the empire, holding their hands, and clutching the fingers of dying Vulcans as they breathed their last. At first numbness had overtaken her. And then in the middle of the night she found herself wailing into her pillow after a particularly vivid nightmare. The hospital had given her the full week off afterward. T'Niye knew what Mariana was not saying. This was too much for her. She was close to quitting nursing yet again.

She had finally gone back to some form of normalcy, but she suspected she would not feel safe again for a long time given the political climate change there on the Syrranite side.

Mariana sat in bed brushing her long dark brown hair. If she started losing hair again from the stress of the job, she knew she was definitely leaving. But her hair seemed to be remaining attached to her skull for now.

She was startled to see the door opening since the servants usually alerted her before entering her personal chambers. But it was not a servant walking through the door.

Her eyes grew wider and wider as she saw the long limbs and angular features of Zurel entering their bedroom. She hadn't realized just how much she missed him until he was standing there before her.

She ran to him and sobbed into his chest. "What are you doing here?" she kept asking. "What are you doing here?"

"I have come for you," he said as he held her face in his hands.

She felt him then, in her mind, as his eyes fastened onto hers. "But I can't go to Terra Prime," was the only thing that found her lips as she realized what was about to happen. But it was fine with her. She wanted to feel something more than fear and hurt and grief.

"We will speak on that later," he said as he lifted her into his arms and took her into their bed for the first time.


	43. What You Think You Know

_A/N - This chapter isn't heavy on any kind of 'action'. There's lots of talking and it's a long chapter. Boring, I know! But these things must be said in order to continue the story._

* * *

What You Think You Know

"I think if they can't get their shit together we should just send troops there and bomb them all straight to hell," said John Granger, one of TalkLive's panel members. "I mean, am I right or am I right?" he asked the live audience.

The audience responded with raucous sounds of approval as another member, the very flamboyant Erick Hargrave, quipped, "Oh _please_! Seeing the events of their past, and now their present, getting bombed is _no big deal_."

Everyone laughed at that as another member, Amber Stone said, "Everyone talks about their strengths and their abilities like they're these indestructible beings. But we've seen from the latest events, weapons are the great equalizer."

"Are you all actually advocating killing all Vulcans, even Syrranites, for the actions of their violent brethren?" asked panel member Marcus Berratus.

"A Vulcan is a Vulcan," said John Granger. "At least those V'Toshers are out in the open about what scum they are. It's the Syrranites we have to worry about. We don't know a damned thing about them, what they're planning and what they really think and feel," he said with passionate conviction. "They act like they can control everything happening around them so much and now come to find out, they can't even control the events on their own planet!"

"I tell you what," said Erick Hargrave. "This bombing stuff is a front. I say it's a grand inside job."

"Oh, for real?" asked Amber. "I'm sorry, but I can't even agree with that one."

"Think about it! They bombed everything and everyone else. Of course, they're not like Terrans where they're going to respect each others' lives! But they didn't bomb the children? What kind of crap is that? That's so obviously an inside job. Real terrorists don't spare children!"

"Okay, now you're going into some serious conspiracy theory shit," said Amber Stone as she shook her head.

"Why do you _watch_ this crap?" asked an exasperated Amanda as she sat down to breakfast. The last thing she wanted to hear while eating a meal was this terrible talk about her adopted people.

Sarek answered, "We need to be aware of what the Terran world is truly thinking, Amanda. We must be prepared at all times for all eventualities no matter how unpleasant it may be to hear it."

She couldn't argue with that logic, but it didn't mean she had to stick around for it. "Well if you'll excuse me I'm going to have breakfast with the girls. It's Saturday morning and for once Maya is free."

"I shall see you later, my wife," he said as he sat in rapt attention and memorized every inflection of every word said by each of the panel members as well as the reactions of the live audience.

##

"Well?" asked Amanda and Dana as they looked at Maya excitedly.

She shook her head that Saturday morning. "No. I'm not pregnant." To her own shock, Maya found herself tearing up and then her shoulders began to shake as she started crying.

"Maya!" Dana said. "No, oh God, please don't cry!"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Amanda asked using the line Maya always used with her.

"I just- I shouldn't even be upset," she admitted. "I don't know why I'm upset. It's not like it was on my timetable for now."

"You have a right to feel however you feel," said Dana.

She sighed and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I cried," she said as she wiped her eyes. "I know it wouldn't be in my best interests to have any children right now anyway."

"Especially with everything that's been happening," said Amanda. "We're scared to death for the kids we've already got."

"And T'Pau will kill you if you do get pregnant," Dana reminded her.

Maya started laughing through her tears. "Shut up, guys," she laughed even harder and then all three of them were laughing.

"Oh, I've got gossip, _gossip_!" said Dana exaggeratedly, trying to get Maya's mind onto something else. "Speaking of creating things while horizontal, guess who finally did the deed!"

Amanda laughed as she said, "Oh, it is so obvious you're talking about Zurel and Mariana."

"It's about time!" Dana said as she nodded rapidly. "Oh to have that first time with a Vulcan all over again," she said and then sighed.

"Well everyone's back with their significant others," said Amanda. "Except for Patricia. She finally left Soryn."

"What?!" both Maya and Dana exploded at the same time.

"He lost his damn mind- literally. And not in the Time of Mating sense, either," Amanda informed them.

"Well we all saw him going down that path," said Dana on a sad sigh. "But it's still depressing anytime I hear about a marriage breaking up, especially the kinds that we all have. There are barely any of us as it is. We've already got so many strikes against us. But we're supposed to be in it with each other against the world, you know? So for it to come from within the marriage? That's seriously discouraging."

"Her Thought Crime isn't lifted. She can't come back here, so where is she now?" asked Maya. "You know she can't stay on Vulcan. The moment he can, he's going to go looking for her."

"Zurel took Mariana to Terraso Segundo and they took Patricia along with them. They're sharing a place for now since Mariana's Thought Crime is still in effect and she can't come here either. It's only two days away by warp drive, so Zurel will be able to go there once or twice a month and spend some time with her."

"That's good," said Maya. "They have each other and you know Mariana's attached to little T'Zanne."

"I wish they could be here with us," said Dana.

All of the ladies agreed almost sadly, but said nothing else on the subject.

Turan stuck his head into the room at that point. "Ladies, the special council has convened and shall issue a statement within the hour. We must all attend. Lady Amanda, you are to stand with Sarek at his side while he takes questions from the reporters after the statement."

All three Terrans quickly stood, leaving their breakfasts sitting right where it was, half eaten. Amanda quickly made it past Turan and out of the door. As Dana reached her husband, she put out her two fingers and paused there with him as their fingers met. He looked down at Maya and stopped her before she could leave the room. "I must inform you both," he said.

Maya and Dana both looked at him, askance. He obviously didn't want to tell them what he needed to. "Turan, what's the matter?" asked Maya.

He looked down at his wife. Dana now looked concerned. "Whatever it is, we won't slap you, Turan. You're just a messenger," she tried to joke.

He swallowed. "You must put in your first public appearances this day."

"Just like that?" Dana halfway protested.

Maya felt like someone had taken her, shaken her and then spun her around in rapid circles. "But it's too soon. And why now of all times?"

"I am more than simply a messenger. I regret to inform you that it was my idea as well as Zymak's that you should do so."

"Now_ I_ might slap you!" declared Dana to her husband.

Maya found herself having to hold in laughter. "I'm sure you and Zymak had a really good reason for suggesting this."

"You had _better_ have a good reason for suggesting this!" Dana charged.

"Zymak thinks that for the sake of Vulcans watching the press conference here and back home the two strongest clans must be represented in full. The S'Chn T'Gai are overwhelmingly represented here at the embassy. But-" he paused.

"But T'Niye's clan is not," finished Maya. "The S'Vth T'Len have no one here but you and Dana." The rest of the piece of the puzzle fit into place in her mind at that moment. "It's because she took me to Mount Seleya, too. That's why I have to go out there today. I understand now."

"But you do not yet understand my reasoning," said Turan. "The press have maligned you publicly. There have been allegations cast about your true role in Sarek's House. They are suspicious of Vulcans and our motives, all that we do, especially Syrranites. They find our natures too closed. If you stand at your husband's side, they will know your true role in the house is as Sarek has stated, his ward and wife of his kinsman."

"At least we _hope_ they'll think that," said Maya as she nodded. "But I would appreciate being seen in public with Sokam and at least having that rumor put to rest."

"Go now and ready yourself," he said.

"Good luck!" Dana called behind her on her way down the hall. "Here I am, feeling badly for Maya. I have to go get changed and trotted out in front of the press, too. Ugh!"

##

Amanda was sweating. She had never had to attend one of these press conferences before as far as Vulcan was concerned. Sarek had always done these things on his own. She was, however, used to being in view of the press since she was the daughter of one of the highest generals in the imperial fleet.

She had already jumped into the shower and put on fresh robes and wore the standard of both The House of Sarek and the S'Chn T'Gai.

Marta came in and asked, "Will Spock be attending?"

"Absolutely not!" she said.

"Very well, Mandy," her old nanny smiled at her. "Don't be nervous. You'll do just fine."

"The good news is I don't have to say anything. The bad news? I know the press corps are going to be asking me questions. When I don't say anything in answer it's going to be construed as one of two things: I'm an aloof bitch or I'm being mind controlled into submission… well I can be quite a bitch when I have to be," she tried to joke, but the laugh never escaped her. She wasn't feeling very good about this at all.

"Wife?" Sarek said as he showed up at the doorway, "you are ready?"

"Yes," she sighed nervously.

"We will hear the statement of the council, first. You will, therefore, have time to compose yourself further. And also Maya and Dana shall be accompanying you. You will not be the sole Terran on the platform with me today."

"For _what_?" she asked, horrified.

"Maya is of my house and clan. It is important that she stand with Sokam at this time. And Dana is a member of T'Niye's clan. She will stand with her husband. It is imperative they are represented."

"I grew up in the public eye so I know what it is to be photographed and to deal with the press. I know how to wear a benign smile on my face. But not them! They aren't ready for this."

"They shall have to be. What is, is and this is necessary."

Amanda shook her head as she put her fingers in his. "Let's go and get this over with."

##

They all stood together, ready for the speech from Vulcan's council chambers. Amanda noticed, briefly, that Maya wore the standards of both the House of Sarek and the S'Chn T'Gai clan just as she did. But the clasp holding her head covering closed was a small metal insignia of the S'Vth T'Len clan. Sokam stood next to his wife, held her fingers in his. His eyes lingered on Maya's side profile for a second before he turned his attention to the view screen they were all waiting for to activate.

Dana was further in the back of the room with Turan, one squirming twin each in their arms. She wondered if they would bring the babies out with them when the press asked Sarek questions. She doubted it, knowing the kind of mother Dana was.

The insignia of the Joint Council of Vulcan High Command appeared on-screen. That sign was the precursor to the statement that was about to be made in the next two minutes. Whoever made the announcements about the latest wave of violence had been most likely picked by the Joint Council to do so most likely because of advanced age.

Sure enough, an aged council member who wore the robes of a V'Tosh clan appeared onscreen and immediately began to speak, "Citizens of the Empire, whether you be Vulcan, Terran or any other people under his Imperial Majesty, the Emperor, may he live long and prosper, I speak to you on this day on behalf of the Joint Council of Vulcan High Command.

"I am councilmember Taranon, and I deliver this statement to you this day on behalf of that joint council, being duly elected and accepted to this position precisely 60 years, three months, one week and five days ago:

'The joint council and the people of Vulcan are taken unawares and astounded at the recent violence that has marred our world. Many years ago a partition was put in place on our planet to ensure that those who wished to follow the philosophy of Surak could do so in peace. For those who did not wish to follow his words as precisely, or in fact at all, the partition made a place so that they could live and be together and not suffer the effects of full conversion or pressure to convert. Until recently, this partition has been nominally successful. Those who did not wish to remain on either side have not been prevented from leaving and joining their brethren on the other side.

'Recently, a faction calling themselves The Purge has come to our attention as the originators of this disruptive and life stealing violence. The goal? To galvanize the entire planet into returning to the wholesale violence of our past.

'The Joint Council reminds the average citizen that though the Syrranites have respected the wishes of the V'Tosh Ka'tur over so many centuries and have not gone on a campaign of forced conversions, it would seem this faction, The Purge, wishes not to respect the wishes of those who hold to Tu-Surak, or The Way of Surak. It would be logical at this time to point out several obvious facts: Nearly 70% of this planet's population espouse to the ways of Surak or are in the process of converting to the ways of Surak. This means the portion of the population that wishes to hold onto the past of our warrior ways has starkly diminished over time. It is not logical to force a majority of a population to return to ways they do not wish to see or act upon again.

'Since it is the wish of the council to hear the voice of the people, we shall announce a date for elections. Each citizen over the age of ten years will be given a vote to determine if we should allow a return to our past ways or if we should continue in the way that things are at this moment in time. From the outcome of that election, the council will then make its decision.

'For the time being, because the violence of our world has been so swift and unyielding and those not of our world found themselves caught in the last attack at the space port, martial law is being enacted by his Majesty, the Emperor. It is only logical that the needs of the many be protected from the wishes of the few.

'The Joint council supports this measure since it will free up our internal agents to investigate and pursue those guilty of so many innocent deaths. Citizens of Vulcan, we ask that you cooperate to the fullest extent possible. Though there shall not be many troops on the Syrranite side of the world, rest assured the V'Shar shall always have your best interests in mind. A curfew will be set in place after the next two standard Vulcan days so that you may attend to whatever adjustments must be made to your schedules to ensure the transition to martial law is as smooth as possible. We ask that you take advantage of this gap in time wisely.

'When order is once again established on this world, the empire's troops will withdraw from our soil which is only logical. This concludes the statement by the Joint Council of Vulcan High Command."

But the councilmember did not deactivate the link or step away from the podium. Instead, he faced the camera and said, "I, councilmember Taranon, wish to make a statement of my own at this time.

"I have lived on Vulcan my entire life on the V'Tosh Ka'tur side of the partition. Until the attacks I never considered the true meaning of my life or those who have come behind in my lineage. I am old and I reflect much in my old age. And I have decided that from this day forth I shall pursue a full conversion to Surak. The events that have unfolded due to the violence of The Purge has shown me that survival can be had only with the full banishment of violence. I thank you for your time. Live long and prosper," he said with his hand in the ta'al and then he left the podium. The view screen deactivated.

Amanda's mouth almost dropped open in shock and she looked up at Sarek. "What the-" she whispered. But she couldn't find words to express her shock over everything she had just heard. She shook her head. "Martial law?" she whispered. "By the empire? Until further notice?"

Sarek was not surprised. He had begun calculating these odds, among many others, in his head the moment the first of these attacks ripped through his world. But what would they have to do to get things under control in order to make the empire's troops leave? That concerned him very deeply.

##

All of the children were quickly secured in their nursery schoolroom along with Nanny Marta, the Master and a slew of bodyguards.

The embassy was then swept and cleared to receive the press in the barely used press room. The podium was already set up for Sarek to begin receiving questions, but none of the embassy staff or living occupants was yet present. They were waiting for the various members of the press corps to finish entering and setting up their respective equipment.

The members of Vulcan's embassy staff that would attend the conference were on the other side of a curtain, not yet ready to go out there and be seen. Dana and Amanda watched Maya standing with members of her security as Shin and Zymak spoke to one another about something. Sokam then appeared and the other two men disappeared along with the rest of her security.

It was time, then, for them all to go out on stage together.

"Let's go do this dog and pony show," Dana said miserably.

##

The moment everyone walked out in front of the press, the Terran wives could feel the suspicion and hatred oozing off of most of the press corps toward the Vulcans. Sarek approached the podium while the rest of the staff attending the conference took their places and remained behind him.

Amanda stood just off to the right and back of him, two security men on either side of her. Various personnel from the embassy were there and off to the far left was Maya standing next to Sokam, her face not exactly emotionless, but it was calm. Dana stood on the opposite side of the stage with Turan, her hands clasped behind her back lest the fumbling of her fingers betray her nervousness.

Pictures and instaReel were being taken as Sarek stood there and composed his thoughts for five seconds. "Members of the press," he began, "I am certain you have viewed the same statement by the representative of Vulcan's Joint High Command. If there are questions at this time, I am open to answering them to the best of my abilities. Keep in mind, however, that I am not fully privy to all information held by my government."

The press line immediately began shouting for attention. Sarek extended his hand to a man directly in front of him and nodded.

"Mr. Ambassador, how do your people feel to be occupied by the Empire?" was the first rapid question thrown his way.

"As for the members of the V'Tosh Ka'tur side of the planet, I cannot speak for their particular mood. However, the Syrranite's will allow what is necessary so that the threat to our planet may be removed."

"But you didn't answer, how does that make you _feel_?" the man persisted.

"We do not discuss such matters, even among ourselves since we do not feel," Sarek said dismissively and then motioned to another man off to the right of the stage.

"Mr. Ambassador, your planet is about to be occupied. Is there no outrage that these aliens are coming to trample on your soil?" asked the next reporter.

"Outrage is an emotion," Sarek answered. "You may ask the next question," he nodded at a young lady in a long skirt.

"We can't help but notice today that you have brought out the Terran women that live here at the embassy. Is there a reason for this?"

"They are here to show support to their husbands."

"Would they be willing to answer a few questions for us today?" asked another man without having been given permission to speak first.

Sarek answered, "Our wives are here as a show of support and they are not at this time prepared to answer any questions."

"Lady Amanda!" another pressman shouted from the back, "What is it like to live with people that don't feel or show anything?"

Sarek immediately said, "She who is my wife did not come here this day to answer any questions," in his usual cool manner. "Are there any further questions about the statement offered this day by Councilmember Taranon?"

"Do you think the violence of The Purge will spill out onto the rest of the galaxy?" asked a sober looking young man with serious eyes.

"Your question is logical," Sarek complimented him. "Since the The Purge cares solely about Vulcan and its concerns, there is no reason for them to spread violence elsewhere. If their aim was to have Vulcan destroyed then they would follow through with such foolish actions. I have no reason to believe they have that aim. Next question?" he pointed at another reporter.

"What is Vulcan doing to find these terrorists?" asked a petite lady reporter with medium brown hair.

"I am not a member of Vulcan's intelligence community, therefore I do not know what steps they are taking at this time to track down the perpetrators of these heinous deeds. However if I were aware of the exact methods, it would not be at all logical to air that methodology in finding them, would it?"

Some of the press actually laughed out loud at that answer. Several more questions were asked including some of the press corps that became insistent that they be allowed to ask the female Terrans questions during the conference, but in the end they left without what they truly wanted. To hear the Terran women speak directly to them.

##

It was late. Amanda was finally asleep. She had been agitated all day, but she had been unwilling to discuss her emotional state with him. He supposed, at first, she was upset because of the excitement of the statement made by the joint council and the press conference afterward. He knew, though, by the end of the night, she was truly troubled by the press and their curiosity about her and her friends.

He made his way down to his office where Zurel was waiting along with Zymak. The agent had arrived at the embassy the night before and had been waiting to speak with him in private ever since then. Now he had the time.

As soon as he entered, Zurel activated a dampening field around the office so no listening devices could penetrate or even function from within the field itself.

"Do you think this precaution necessary?" asked Sarek.

Zurel only nodded once and then looked over at the agent. Zymak nodded at Zurel in return and said, "Your wife, Lady Mariana, and the Lady Patricia are well. I was able to briefly see to their welfare before I warped here after leaving Vulcan."

"I thank you for that courtesy," said Zurel.

Sarek asked, "You have news of your investigation into my concerns?" he asked.

Zymak did not want to be the one to deliver what needed to be said. "I have been able to conduct my own investigation into the case of your deceased sister. And I have determined that her death was in fact an accident. T'Pau did not kill the child or have her killed, though her actions did lead to the hastening of her death in that she sent her far from home with no hope of return. Since the child was of heightened telepathic ability, she was given to that other clan in return for certain things. But since she did not live, T'Pau was never able to reap the benefits of the child's betrothal.

"The other clan was not at all cruel toward T'Maya, but they were quite cold and dismissive toward her and oftentimes left her on her own for long periods of time. The male given her as a bond mate also did not ever attempt to contact her telepathically since he was a mere boy of 7 and did not at all see the need to do so since he still resided with his family and peers. Hypertelepaths as children need specialized care and she was not provided with this care. I do not fully know whether these are the reasons that led to her attempting to cross such a vast desert on her own. It was a journey of nearly four weeks and she was able to survive the first fourteen days on her own. I am sorry to tell you of these things."

But it was what he had wanted. Answers. And now he had them concerning T'Maya. At least that part of him could rest now that he knew that she had not been killed on purpose by T'Pau. "And what of our Maya now? What of T'Pau's role in her being injured in her own home?"

Zymak's eyes took on a strong cast. "T'Pau is directly responsible for what happened, but I have no solid proof. I have only what I took from the mind of another while he was sleeping."

Sarek should not have been shocked that the agent was able to do such a thing. "Do you have any further information concerning that?"

"At this time, I do not. I only know that she should stay clear of the clan mother until such time as she no longer deems her a threat. She must, however, redouble her efforts at controlling her emotions since T'Pau will attempt to use them against her soon. I can give you no more information than that."

"If there is some further threat-" Sarek said, unable to understand exactly what the agent was trying to say.

"It concerns our planet," said Zymak. "I am still an agent of the V'Shar and I have an oath to uphold. And until I resign my commission with them, I shall protect the secrets of our world."

"This has to do with the attacks, does it not?" asked Zurel who had, up till then, been quiet. "You are aware of something critical."

"I am," Zymak did not deny it. "And so is the council. And I have been sworn to silence by them as have all the V'Shar and so I shall say nothing. And given my training, the information cannot be taken from me even by force. I do not agree with not speaking of what I know, but I must maintain my honor in this way and say nothing at this time while I remain an agent."

"You know who they are," said Zurel in almost awe. "You know who is responsible for the attacks."

"What the V'Shar knows and does not know is not up for discussion. What we uncover, we deliver first to the council and they issue orders. We then follow those orders."

"This is a dangerous business," said Sarek. "Are you certain you wish to remain within their ranks?"

"I have no choice. Until what must happen occurs, I can do no other than be what I was trained to be," he said with true regret in his eyes. "After all has happened, I may then leave safely with no threat to my life."

Zurel and Sarek simply looked at one another. "The life of an agent," said Zymak, "is fraught with peril at every turn. It is the life that was chosen for me at a very young age by he who was my father. Very much in the way of your T'Maya who was given because of her gifts, I also was given. And I have willingly given of myself to my detriment at every turn for my planet and people, both Syrranite and V'Tosh Ka'tur. The only warning I may give you now is that things on Vulcan, life as we know it, shall soon change drastically. But when the change occurs there will be no questions left in anyone's mind, and the Empire's troops will be able to withdraw once and for all."

"This change," said Sarek, "it will be permanent?"

"Indelibly permanent," Zymak said, trouble concealed within him.

* * *

_A/N - I am working my tail off to make certain to update twice in November, maybe even three times. Things are coming to a head and I'd rather have it available to the readers sooner rather than later. This part 2 of my Mirror tale is almost done. I'd like to give a hearty and true thanks for all who've come along for the ride! - J. Shane  
_


	44. Before the Storm

Before the Storm

**Months Later**

While they were walking to the transporter room together Amanda was very aware of Maya's guards all around them. "Now you're leaving," Amanda said. Her sadness was so obvious it was almost palpable.

Maya almost smiled, but it was more of a grimace. "I wish I didn't have to. I'm on my way to go and see Patricia and Mariana for a couple of days before Sokam and I continue on to Vulcan."

"He's coming with you?" asked Amanda, surprised.

"Yes. Zurel is coming with us, too. I guess he wants to see his wife," she finally gave off a sincere but naughty smile, a knowing look in her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure he wants to 'see' her all right," Amanda said with a 'look' of her own. The two laughed for a couple of seconds almost like they used to back in their college days. Amanda felt an emotion strike in the region of her heart, a strange sensation. It was the first time she had seen Maya truly laugh like this in such a long time and now she was going away. She could no longer lie to herself. Her friend was not the same anymore. This girl standing with her right now had turned a lot more serious as time passed and Amanda knew she would become even more serious, yet. She had to be. They had gotten word from a source that T'Pau was having Maya watched by unknown insiders at the embassy. The only time her friend let her hair down was when she was alone with her friends. But out and about? Never.

Although it had been months since the press conference, all three Terran ladies that lived at the embassy had been under a media microscope since then. Word had gotten back to them by Amanda's mother, of all people, that the Emperor might want to see them all sometime soon. According to Lady Grayson he was 'particularly interested in Amanda'. But time passed and nothing had come of the information. There had been no official summons to his court. They had all calmed down on the inside by then.

Both Maya and Sokam finished their classes on Terra Prime and tarried at the embassy an additional month before Sokam was called back to Vulcan to begin an initial internship at the Vulcan Academy Hospital. He was set to start in three weeks time. They decided to drop by Terraso Segundo to visit the other Terran ladies first.

"I'm not so eager about going back to Vulcan under Imperial Martial Law," Maya admitted on a half whisper, serious again.

"I heard it's not as bad on the Syrranite side."

"I don't even want to imagine what's happening on the V'Tosh side," she answered silently as she stole a look back at Sokam whom was speaking with Sarek.

Amanda knew then what Maya must be thinking about. "I forgot Sokam's immediate family is still on that side of the divide," Amanda said, eyes wide. "Are the empire's troops misbehaving over there?"

"The V'Tosh Ka'tur are aware of how to protect themselves. They stay behind their compound walls and never send the women out. That's simple enough. But the problem is when the troops pick on some roving band of young men or when some band of young men goes out and intentionally picks at the troops. It's a recipe for disaster because of course violence breaks out in those situations. Sometimes the young men are killed and sometimes the Empire's soldiers are the ones that get it. It's happening too much, though."

It nauseated Amanda to imagine the turf wars and reprisals going on at that moment on the V'Tosh Ka'tur side.

Maya continued, "The V'Shar let the top brass of the military know, under no circumstances would they tolerate Vulcan women being touched by empire soldiers," in a whisper. "And they said they wouldn't tolerate any of the females alien to Vulcan being touched against their will, either, not even Terran females. Rumor has it one of the top brass protested this policy and reiterated the Empire's motto that 'rape is the right of occupying soldiers'. He was supposedly visited with brutal horrifying nightmares for days until he relented. Of course they had no proof that it was any of the V'Shar that did this to him. After every test they could perform they have no way of corroborating that the nightmares weren't naturally generated by his own mind."

"What do _you _think?" whispered Amanda.

"Tell me what you think after you hear this one," Maya whispered. "There was a Terran female who was raped by three Imperial Soldiers not two weeks ago on the Syrranite side in a Terran club. After she reported the attack to the authorities the V'Shar visited her and went into her mind to see exactly what happened. When they saw it was truly an act against her will, the Terran soldiers involved were found dead the next day for no physical reason whatsoever. They just stopped living, their hearts no longer pumped blood to their organs and everything just… failed. There hasn't been an assault since. But the soldiers are now even more paranoid about Vulcans."

"Because how dare they not allow rape on their soil, right?" said Amanda angrily. "And these 'rumors' you hear? Where do they come from?"

Maya smiled quizzically. "I get them from a certain agent with reddish hair."

"Zymak?" whispered Amanda. She had noticed Maya had been speaking extensively with him, as well. "I don't get a chance to talk to him often. What do you know about him?"

"He's freaking gifted," Maya whispered as she shook her head with true admiration. "He and Sokam have formed some kind of deal with Sarek. I don't even know what it is. I tried to find out, but that stuff is under some kind of weird psi-lock-and-key in my husband's brain. I don't even think T'Pau could get in there if she wanted to. I suspect Zymak did that on purpose so I wouldn't know," she grinned.

"What do you think it's about?"

"I think it has to do with this whole business with T'Pau, but I don't know for sure," she shrugged. "I know I'm looked out for and that helps in some ways, you know? A guy like Zymak watching my back? Between him and Sokam's psi skills and Zurel's diligence," she laughed, "I'm blessed."

"So you're off," she sighed. "Do me a favor. Call me and tell me how Patricia seems to you when you see her, all right? I'm worried about how she's doing on the inside with all of this that's going on with her husband."

"Patricia?" Maya shook her head. "I have a feeling human nature is hard to break through. And statistics say she might stick with an old horse."

She was struck by how cold her friend sounded bringing up something like statistics in this situation, but she disregarded it. "I believe she'll go back with Soryn," said Amanda. It was obvious she was a little bit angry about it, too.

"If it were Sarek with those issues," asked Maya, "if you knew they could supposedly make him 'better', could you leave for good?"

Amanda felt a tad uncomfortable as she remembered all of that time Sarek seemed to be not himself. She came very close to leaving him during that time. But she hadn't. What if he had put his hands on her like Soryn had done to Patricia? And then he got better through intensive healing techniques? What then? "Good point."

"I just think that the earlier you are in a relationship, the easier it is to walk out. But time goes by and you have all of this history and after the stuff hits the fan you have a choice to make. Most people are going to go back to the devil they know than the possible unknown of the future alone. I don't agree with it, but it is human nature for us to stick with what we know."

"And let's be frank here and speak aloud about the very large elephant in the room. Patricia's not too bright," Amanda said.

Maya's mouth dropped open.

"Come on. Who are we kidding?" Amanda continued. "She's great when it comes to facts and her education is top notch, but she doesn't possess much common sense."

"You're really mad at her. You really do think she's going to go back with Soryn, don't you?" asked Maya.

"Hell yes, I'm mad at her!" hissed Amanda. "I know what I'm looking at when I see her. I love her _so much,_ but instead of changing her life I'm afraid she's going to listen to his song and dance when he catches up to her."

"We don't know that for sure. The future hasn't happened yet."

"And if she does go back with him, _you_ won't be angry with her?" asked Amanda.

"I don't know," she admitted. "We never know how we're going to feel until something happens."

"Well it's the kids that always pay," Amanda said, concern in her eyes. "T'Zanne is stuck in the middle of all of this and whatever Patricia decides is going to affect that girl for good or for bad."

Maya agreed, "When kids are involved, everything changes."

They were at the transporter room then and all parties were concluding their good-byes. The two ladies embraced as Amanda felt a fresh pang of hurt that Maya was leaving. "Dana is leaving next week, too," she sighed.

Just then, Dana rushed into the transporter room. "Maya!" she called to her. "I almost didn't make it. Temis decided to pour mixed plomeek and pea soup on Savon's head right when I was about to walk out of the door," she laughed. The two ladies embraced and Dana had tears in her eyes, though they didn't fall. "I won't be back on Vulcan for a long time. Funny how I'm going to Terraso Segundo next week just when you're leaving," she said to Maya.

"We'll all be together again someday," Maya said as she smiled sadly and looked between two of her friends.

"When do you think the five of us will be together again?" asked Amanda sadly.

Maya shook her head. "Who knows."

"This is one crazy ass galaxy," Dana commented. "It'll be a miracle if any of us survives past the next five years."

The three ladies laughed a little, but all of them had been thinking along the same lines lately.

###

Amanda was already on edge over a week later. Dana had left three days before and she sat looking out of the window of the embassy at the skyline of San Francisco. She thought back to her advanced physics class from her college days, wondered about the theories of time and space and alternate dimensions and realities… even other universes. She found herself wondering if there was a copy of her out there somewhere in a universe just like this one, a perfect copy but just a tiny bit- different.

A strange chill overtook her at that moment and she felt as if she saw someone move out of the corner of her eye. She turned quickly, expecting to catch just a glimpse or outline of that copy of herself, but there was nothing there. The chill didn't leave and she finally shuddered. Then, the chill was gone.

She crossed over into the school room and almost teared up thinking of the twins, saying good-bye to them. They were such cute babies! They had waged a reign of terror everywhere they went in the embassy. A trail of destruction followed everywhere they happened to go, from broken items and ripped papers to soiled clothing. Whoevers soiled clothing!

Spock entered the little school room then, looking so very proper. He was about four by then and she wanted to burst into tears and hug him. That sort of activity had been discouraged by Sarek lately. She knew Spock had to develop normally. He was already behind in a few noncritical areas of his development, but that seemed to be all Sarek ever noticed.

"Mother, you are perhaps thinking of the twins," he said with a little too much insight.

She realized then that the only reason he knew that was because he was also thinking of them. "Yes, perhaps I am," she said, not wanting to lead his emotions one way or another.

His small face screwed up into a grimace. It was one of the many cracks in his little façade that showed through on an almost daily basis. He was just too small to carry out a completely straight face at all times. "They are gone and so is Dana and Turan." He paused for several seconds. "And Maya. Sokam and Maya are gone," he said. His lips were in a definite frown pattern.

"I'm sorry, son," was all she could think to say without pulling him into her lap.

"I remember when Maya used to take care of me. I miss her."

Amanda's eyes widened involuntarily. She knew what Spock had said was very taboo. "Spock, you have to be careful about what you say and who you say it to, all right?"

"But you are different from the others," he observed as if it were the most obvious thing. "You are 'Mother'."

Her heart broke from the inside. Never had she wanted to hug her son more than at that moment but once again she refrained. "Yes, I'm your mother. You can tell me anything you want to and I won't say a word."

She sat down so she was closer to his level without touching him.

"I- It is-" He paused, trying to find the right words. "The day is-" He seemed to be struggling very much. "It's-" He looked horribly frustrated then as his frown deepened. "I don't know!" he almost shouted, so frustrated with not understanding exactly how to express the situation.

Amanda tread carefully as she always did with her son. "Spock, when you see people for a long period of time, it's natural to expect to keep seeing them. That's the way the mind works. And when these people go away or you leave them your mind still expects to see them but they aren't there."

"Mother, that is not logical. You cannot expect what is no longer there."

"And yet you do," she said with a half smile.

"I do," he acknowledged with an almost ashamed look.

She sighed. "How about you speak with the Master about this and he'll help you figure out how to explore these thoughts and then put them into their proper places?"

"I shall, mother!" he said almost excitedly. "Then I shall say for now that I miss everyone and then I will go to the Master and speak with him about it!"

"What is this you are saying, my son?" asked Sarek as he walked into the room, his face stricken into a straight mask of hardness. Spock looked as if he had been caught with a stolen diamond necklace in his clutches. Amanda immediately moved to stand between them, but Sarek was already in the room orbiting her position and looking down at their son. "You will never use such language again."

Confused, Spock asked, "What am I supposed to do when I speak with the Master?"

Sarek's eyes almost widened, but they didn't. "You speak with the Master about such things?"

Spock had an instinct that he maybe shouldn't answer that question so he stood mute.

Amanda saw the entire situation, one that had begun so positively between her and her son, turning into a contest of wills between father and son.

"You will answer, Spock," said Sarek.

His soon looked up at him as his face turned conflicted and dark. "I shall _not_!" the boy spat out at him.

Sarek said with warning in his voice, "Spock."

"I will tell you _nothing_!" the boy exploded.

"You shall cease and desist, my son."

"No! I shall _not_! I will do whatever I wish and _you will not stop me!"_ Spock was screaming by then.

Amanda had never seen Spock become this way before, especially not with Sarek. "Spock, sweetie!" she said as she looked at him with shock.

"I'm _leaving_!" their son shouted. He was shaking by then and a little sweat had broken out all over him. Before he could make it to the door of the school room, Amanda grabbed him and pulled him close to her and he clung to her as he shook hard. Finally, he inhaled sharply and on an exhale, he began to cry but he was also screaming his frustration.

Amanda couldn't believe the amount of inner rage pouring out of her son. She could actually feel his emotions leaping out of his body and into hers. He was so very _angry_! "Spock," she soothed as she rocked him and hugged, "shhhhh…"

Sarek simply stood and watched as their son quieted down little by little. After a time, he approached them and put his hand to his son's temple, projected _calm_ into him.

Spock finally stopped crying and regained some control over himself. His mother wiped his tears and then stood back and let him stand on his own. "Father," he finally said, almost calm again, "I will not do this again."

"No, you shall not, my son."

"I will go to the Master now, mother."

She only nodded once, not wanting to say a word. She never knew the right or wrong thing to say in front of Sarek when it came to their son.

As soon as Spock departed the school room, Sarek turned and looked at his wife. "That was shameful!" he nearly hissed.

"Which part? The part where you bullied a four-year-old and put him into an emotional corner and caused him to have a massive meltdown or-" She thought about it. "No, that was the only shameful thing that happened here today!"

"Amanda," he said.

"What?" she asked, angry with her husband. "It's like- it's like you have no concept of what it is to be four! Your memory is so much more advanced, can't you remember what you were like at four? I can remember myself at four! And I'll tell you this, the only thing I remember is stark confusion over the world around me!"

"I did not suffer such outbursts."

"You were also not half human. That poor kid is trying to figure out his place in this galaxy and I think it's driving our son just a little bit insane." She thought of the twins, Temis and Savon, and how when they began a screaming outburst it could last for hours. The poor half Vulcans seemed to be exploding out of their skin half the day. "These half Terrans children are trying to figure themselves out. We need to stop insulting them by trying to pretend we know exactly what they're going through or we know exactly how they should be behaving. This is unexplored territory, especially when we cross them with Vulcans!"

"He is to be raised as a Vulcan, Amanda, and once again you are interfering with that process."

"I just sent him off to the Master!" she shouted. "If that's not encouraging a Vulcan upbringing, I don't know what is! What more do you _want_?"

Sarek stood there and said nothing at first. He thought of what Amanda had just stated and acknowledged, "Yes, you did send him to the master."

"And I was in the middle of a very positive conversation with him about the situation when you barged in and mucked it up."

His wife walked away, angry with him, still. But there was a question in Sarek's mind. How was his son able to confide in a Vulcan Master and not his own father?

He thought back to the way things were between his father and himself. He did not speak to his father overly much when he was younger. He had memories of an overbearing personality imposing his will at all times and realized that perhaps he was becoming the same way with Spock. He was going to have to find a way to encourage his son's Vulcanness without bringing up his human heritage or giving him the impression that he must speak exactly what his father wished him to say at all times.

Sarek's insides sank as he also remembered that his Amanda was, once again, angry with him.

###

Hours later Amanda sat grading papers. She had taken on a couple of Terran students who were sincerely interested in learning the Vulcan language. There were only four of them, but to her it was a wonderful feeling to have a job again with Terrans that didn't see her as some kind of traitor.

She heard footsteps and looked up. Sarek was approaching her position. She continued to sit behind her desk. The embassy had provided her a small room of her own to teach her classes from since it was in the pursuit of Vulcan knowledge. She simply sat there and saw his contrite face as he continued to approach. "May I help you with something?" she addressed him as if she were addressing a potential student that entered her classroom.

He placed his hands behind his back and declared, "Amanda, my wife, I wish to say I am aware of my actions today. You were quite correct."

Her eyebrows almost broke off of her face as they lifted, she was so surprised at his words. "What?"

"I overreacted. The reason is unimportant. My reaction was not logical. My overreaction caused our small child to become hyper-emotional. He is still under the age of seven and it is not uncommon for Vulcan children to be given to excesses of uncontrolled emotion at his age. And you were also quite correct that sending him directly to the Master was the correct thing to do. The longer he lingered with such emotions in his system, the more likely the build-up and subsequent rage. My reaction wasted precious time he could have been being attended to properly by a Master that has been shaping children for over a century."

If you pushed Amanda off the chair with one finger at that point she would have gone down like a ton of bricks. She was actually dizzy at her husband's declaration. "You're saying it's your fault?" she tried to clarify.

"Yes. I shall go and apologize to our son as soon as he exits his session with the Master. And then I must meditate to discover the source of my overreaction so this incident does not recur."

She watched her husband turn and walk toward the door. She was still more than shocked as he left the room.


	45. Terraso Segundo

_A/N - I admit, this chapter is a bit soap opera-ish and full of dialogue and talk talk talk... But I felt it was vital that Patricia had a turn to talk some stuff out! _

* * *

Terraso Segundo

Two months later a very thrilled Amanda was on a ship. Since three of her friends, Mariana, Patricia and Dana, were still on Terraso Segundo, she decided to take Spock with her to go and see them. Sarek encouraged her to take some time for herself since they were not scheduled to go on anymore diplomatic missions for at least six months. So she took that first month off to go on hiatus and see her friends. She knew that afterward they must make a three month detour to Vulcan but she did not know why. Sarek had been tight-lipped about it so she didn't pry.

As soon as she beamed down from her ship with Spock directly into Mariana and Zurel's home, the moment she materialized she was swamped with hugs from Mariana and Patricia. Dana stayed back a little since she had seen Amanda much more recently than either of the two other women.

"It's so good to see you!" Mariana was saying. "Oh my goodness, you look great Amanda!" She looked down at the solemn little boy. "It's been so long since I've seen you. You're still so tiny, but you look like a proper little man already!"

"I thank you," Spock said formally.

"Good to see you again, Amanda," said Patricia, "and you, too, Spock. When T'Zanne comes out of her study room she'll be able to spend some time with you."

"That will be agreeable," he nodded formally.

Amanda saw her son was trying very hard to keep the straight face. She was convinced it was the reason he was having so many meltdowns.

"Come give me a hug, you!" Dana said to Amanda.

The two hugged and Dana told both newcomers, "The twins are down for a nap. Zurel did me a favor and knocked them out with that magic Vulcans do with kids and he's giving me a break."

"I, too, find that I am fatigued," Spock admitted.

Amanda smiled down at him. She knew he was maturing very much if he could admit that. "Would you like to have something to eat and then Zurel can help you to rest?"

"I believe I shall achieve a state of rest sufficiently on my own, mother," he said. "But thank you for the offer. And yes, I should like nourishment at this time before I rest."

Mariana called an older servant her husband's family had kept for over a century. "T'Reyn, will you take Spock for something to eat and then show him to the rooms he and his mother shall be using while they stay?"

"Yes, madam," the older Vulcan said politely. "Come this way, young man," she said to the boy.

He followed the servant out of the transporter room. "I have studied the schematics of this place," they could overhear him telling her, "and I am already aware of its layout."

"That is commendable," they heard her respond.

Hours later, after the sun had set and all of the children were tucked in bed asleep for the night, the four women sat together in the private kitchen of Zurel and Mariana's Terraso estate.

"So where did Zurel get this little gem?" joked Amanda as she motioned around her, indicating the house.

Mariana smiled. "Over half of it was already built. When he purchased it and did his security sweeps, he had more built on the outside for security reasons. He's so thorough when it comes to that!"

"That he is," nodded Amanda.

They were all interrupted by a very loud yawn by Dana. "I'm so sorry, guys!" she said, on a little laugh.

"We're not entertaining enough for you," laughed Patricia.

"I'm sorry guys, I'm just—I had a nap and everything and it just wasn't enough," she admitted.

Amanda looked at her strangely. "Is there a reason for that?"

Dana shrugged and a grin broke through. "I have to go back to Vulcan in about three days. I just found out I'm pregnant again."

"What the hell is she, some kind of Vulcan breeding baby machine?" Mariana muttered. "I'm never going to hear the end of it now from Zurel!"

The other ladies laughed. "Was it planned?" asked Amanda.

"No," she admitted with a shrug. "After having a set of twins from Turan I never thought I'd even get pregnant again. This hybrid pregnancy thing seems to be so hit and miss."

"I haven't been able to get pregnant since I had Spock," said Amanda with a shake of her head.

"Neither was I," said Patricia. "I mean it took forever to get pregnant with T'Zanne and—well it's not like Soryn and I are even together for now."

It was the first time she had acknowledged out loud to them that she had actually really left her husband. "Do you want to talk about that?" whispered Dana.

Patricia seemed to be swallowing back emotions for a minute or two and then finally she got out, "I left him months ago—It's been almost a year?" Tears filled her eyes. "I miss how he used to be, how we used to be together. But that person he was toward the end, I don't know that person," she shook her head. "I'm just going to put it all out on the table. I know you all know, but I'm going to say it out loud. He brought his father into our home. He had the Vulcan equivalent of dementia and he used to verbally abuse me and T'Zanne. Sometimes he would hit me. It psionically spilled over onto my husband and then my husband was hitting me!"

Her eyes were filled with tears again and they were spilling over as her mouth trembled. "So I said to myself at one point, 'you have to leave. You have to leave'," she shook her head. "But I didn't at first. And then finally when I did, it was almost too late. I stayed too long. I didn't see that until later. I made so many mistakes and so did he. And now—I got a call from them a week ago and now they're saying that he has been fully mentally cleaned. He did what he was supposed to this time and stayed with the healers the way he was supposed to that first time and he let them scrub him fully internally or whatever you call it," she said on a short burst of laughter as she was crying.

They didn't expect Mariana to speak. "I had an aunt. Her husband would hit her. You can't go back to him, Patricia."

The redhead nodded. "I know I shouldn't. I know I should _not_! But isn't marriage supposed to be serious? Aren't we supposed to give it our all? That last time, when I tried to make it work, he hadn't done what he was supposed to do then. What if this time he will do what he's supposed to do? But then this other voice in my head says 'don't trust him. Don't do it! Don't bring your daughter around _that_ _man_!'" She shook her head, "But he never did anything to hurt her. She has a right to see him, I know that. And I have to take care of that since he is certified by the healers to be well enough to parent her again, but I don't seem to have the energy to deal with all of this right now."

"So then don't for now," said Amanda. "If you don't want to deal with it, don't deal with it for now."

Patricia laughed as if she hadn't heard a word, locked in her own monologue. "You want to hear the punch lines, ladies? There's three."

"Three?" asked Amanda.

"Ever since he's been certified 'fixed', our bond has almost reestablished itself," she cried worse. "And I can feel it like a drum in my head beating continually. His Time is in less than three months! And I'm sitting here and all I can think about it is like, 'for real? Now? I have to deal with this now?'"

All three ladies looked at her, shocked and horrified. "Oh no," whispered Amanda. She remembered Patricia's relaying of that first Pon Farr with Soryn. She had to be terrified.

"T'Niye has that tech now, remember?" Dana reminded her.

"I know," Patricia nodded her head. "I've tried to think about this as reasonably as possible. So here comes punch line number two." She wiped her eyes and tried to smile. "Zymak has offered to be my kal-i-fee champion if I want it."

"Get the _fuck _outta here!" jumped out of Dana's mouth. And then she covered her mouth and sheepishly said, "Don't tell my husband. I promised not to swear while I was pregnant."

The other ladies laughed almost uproariously. It was a much needed tension breaking laughter amidst all of Patricia's confessions that night. "Well don't tell _my_ husband I said this," said Mariana, "but that Zymak is fine as hell!"

All of the ladies nodded in agreement. "We've all got crushes on him," said Amanda, "including Maya!"

Patricia took a clearing breath of air and exhaled heavily. "It's so good to be with you all. But would you like to hear that last punch line now?" she asked quietly. All of them nodded and waited. "I'm pitiful. Because I have no idea what I want to do," she admitted. "Do I go back with him and give it one more try? Do I let Zymak be the champion and let him release me like he says he will if I want? Do I go with Zymak for good afterward and confuse the hell out of my daughter?" She shook her head. "I know she's watching me, waiting. And whatever I do, she'll learn a lesson from it. And what lesson am I going to be teaching her? If I stay with Soryn am I teaching her to give a man chances over and over who hurts you? That's the lesson I learned from my own mother," she finally admitted.

"Oh, Pat," whispered Amanda. The pieces of some strange puzzle fit together in her mind then as to why Patricia was the way that she was and she suddenly felt terribly for being so critical toward this woman.

"Yeah. He hit her all the time. I just didn't want to face those memories and then one day it was me." She shrugged. "I NEVER wanted to be like her. And then I became her." She looked terribly confused and conflicted. "So then if I don't stay and I let someone else come in and knock him out and then I walk away, do I teach her that someone else has to solve my problem for me? Or is that okay? And can I still teach her that she has to stand on her own after all? Or do I go with Zymak and teach her that a woman has to have a man at all times? That she can't take care of herself? But she's not Terran, she's a Vulcan. And she needs to learn early that she is the one that holds the power in the relationship with a Vulcan male? How can I teach her that if I haven't fully learned it myself?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself on that account," Mariana butted in. "You know how rough it is in the Empire without a male protector, no matter where you live. In Terran society they'd be on you like wolves! You took me and Zurel's invitation for that reason. There's no shame in that. And you know you'll always have a home with us."

"This woman," said Patricia as she looked over at Mariana fondly. "After all this she still has the nerve to babysit T'Zanne when I go out to teach here on Terraso Segundo."

"You have a job?" asked Amanda, shocked.

"I sure do," Patricia said halfway proud. "It's temp. It'll be over in a month when the kids are out of school here, but I have a job. I didn't want to stay here rent-free," she admitted.

"I already told her to take that money and save it for T'Zanne," said Mariana.

"I took enough of Soryn's money when I left," Patricia laughed. "That's in an account for my daughter so he can't touch it according to Vulcan law. She's the sole female child from her grandfather's line and that's it. The money is hers for good." She sobered up. "The future is almost on me. And I still don't know what I'm going to do."

"What do you want, though?" asked Dana.

"I want things to go on the way they have been for the past couple of months. I actually kind of like myself again," she admitted. "I like taking care of things and not having to consult anyone and at the same time I miss Soryn. I miss having a complete family of my own. I miss sex!" she admitted out loud as she laughed.

"Then give the agent a spin," Mariana encouraged.

Patricia shook her head. "At this point in time, I don't know if I can. What if he's just as bad as time goes on? Soryn started out wonderfully. And I don't know that I can take one more possessive Vulcan male telling me what to do. And I have to admit it, but I didn't have much success with Terran men, either. They're just as crazy, they're just more in your face with it. I don't know if I can trust myself in the same room with my husband. Huh! Picture that. He's _still _my husband."

"Take a solid month and just really think about it, all right," Dana encouraged. "Think about all three alternatives and their possible outcomes, and every permutation of an outcome. Decide from that what you want to do."

"Excuse me, she should so not even consider going back to Soryn," Amanda said.

"It's not your marriage so it's not your decision," Dana said.

"How can you say that?" asked Amanda, horrified.

Dana sighed. "When I was trained in the building blocks of counseling I came from a rare school that encouraged the one with the problem to lead themselves to the solution. Most counselors on Terra Prime would tell Dana to go back to her husband. Most of them are also male. They would say, 'stop making him angry. Stop making him hit you. And if he does from time to time, you can take it.' Then there's that small coven of counselors from the man-haters that would say to not only leave, but also make him die and make it look like an accident." The ladies laughed, but Dana shook her head. "You think I'm kidding?"

They all got wide eyed, "For real, they would say that?" asked Mariana.

"They would say that," Dana nodded. "So the philosophy_ I_ was taught was to always remember not to make the decision for the client, because the client is the one that's going to have to live the reality they pick, not me, not you," she said to Amanda. "The aim is for both the husband and the wife to emerge alive, together or not. It's for her to figure out through her own deductive reasoning what she needs and wants to do. If someone else gives her the answer, it defeats everything and it puts her into a loop of letting someone else make her decisions for her. She's smart enough to make her own decisions and we have to respect that."

Patricia then admitted, "It's funny, but even T'Niye—I spoke to her about Soryn being healed. She won't tell me what decision I should make. No one will tell me what I should do. And I've avoided speaking with Zymak since everything went down that day I ran out on Soryn. I'll give him credit, he's given me the space I've asked for. But I shouldn't be surprised. The man is an agent. I'm sure he's perfected patience to some kind of science."

"You'll figure it out," said Dana confidently. "Just don't be afraid to figure it out."

Patricia turned to Mariana. "What happened to your aunt, the one whose husband used to beat her?"

Mariana grew a little teary eyed as she looked down at her hands. "She died."

"How did she die?" asked Amanda, already knowing the answer, still attempting to drive her own point home.

The dark haired beauty sniffled. "_He_ killed her."

###

"You are troubled," Zurel said as his wife lay down. It was late. She had finally returned to their bedroom around 2 a.m. and had a quick bath. He pulled her close and into his arms, placed his face in her hair, inhaled. He never grew tired of the scent of her, any part of her.

She ran a hand over his warm skin. "Yeah, I'm troubled."

He picked it out of her mind easily via their bond. "Patricia."

"She-" Mariana took a deep breath in and out. "She doesn't know what to do. Soryn's Pon Farr is soon and she said their bond is strong again, but she doesn't know if she wants to stay with him or stay away from him or-" she shook her head. "I hate him."

He sensed she truly meant it. He knew his wife was given to very extreme emotions, but still hearing the words and the accompanying feelings from her was almost a bit of a shock to him. "My wife," he said, obviously surprised.

"I'm sorry. But I do hate him. I hate what he did to her. I hate that because he was such a jerk his daughter is looking out of a window for him all the time. When I babysit her, she looks out of the window because she's either afraid her mother won't come back or she's looking for her father to come and see her. I just hate him for what he did to his family."

"How do you know what the child searches for out of the window?"

"My cousin used to do that when she would stay with us when my aunt and uncle were on the outs. He would beat her and she would come stay with us. And Belle would look out of the window and I'd ask her, 'what you looking for'? And she would sometimes say, 'Mami' when her mother would go to work or sometimes she'd say, 'Papi' when her mother was there. And she just wanted both of her parents under the same roof. She didn't understand why they weren't together. She was just a baby, still."

"And you see this in T'Zanne?" he asked, seriously sympathetic to the emotions swirling through his very volatile wife.

"Of course I do," she teared up. "And I hope she can see him sometime soon because he_ is_ her father she wants him and she needs him but at the same time, can he be trusted? Who's to say he won't destabilize within weeks of them getting back together when the stress of being married and running the school and being a parent starts to get to be too much. Who's to say it doesn't crack him again? The guy is a nut job."

"Mariana!" he chided her. "You forget that Sokam also has severe mental deficits. At least he did. His association with the healers and the V'Shar seems to have helped him somewhat."

"According to what I know Sokam spent years in monasteries trying to control his problem. He acknowledged he had a problem and because he acknowledged it he was able to do something about it. Soryn denied it to the very end. I heard from T'Niye- you know this is confidential, I can tell you but not anyone else- but when they went to go pick him up, Soryn was raging that there was nothing wrong with him. Even as the healers went in and saw the hole in his psyche that was about to kill him if it wasn't fixed he insisted he was fine and in control of himself! Can you imagine that? It took three _months_ for that douche-bag to admit he had a problem."

Zurel said then, "I have missed your colorful phraseology and wording."

Mariana had to giggle at his serious playfulness. "I always miss you. I wish we didn't have to be apart anymore."

"You may get your wish."

"Oh?"

"All citizens of Vulcan have been called back."

"What?" she asked.

"We must all return. The council has set a date to announce not only the election results, but also their plan to unify the planet. For some reason we must all be there to hear it. I do not understand why we must physically be there, but we must."

She shook her head. "Something is wrong."

"Yes, my wife. Your instincts are correct. There is something about this that is extraneous. And yet I cannot see why."

She saw then that he was the one that was now troubled.


	46. Ultimatum

Ultimatum

Since all citizens were called back to Vulcan to hear the decision of the council, all of the ladies still on Terraso Segundo, Mariana, Amanda and Patricia, mobilized and traveled together. Dana had gone back weeks before due to her new pregnancy.

For the first time ever, Vulcan embassies the galaxy over stood starkly empty. Vulcans living or working offworld did their utmost to make it back in time to hear the word of the council from their home soil.

As for those who had worked hard to establish true colonies full of mostly Vulcans, they saw no reason to return since it was no longer, in their estimation, their place of birth. They saw the planet of their origin as nothing more now than another cog in the machine of the Empire and silently kept their decision to themselves to not return.

###

"And we wondered when we would all be together again," Amanda smiled over at Maya.

Sarek's home compound had been opened up and the family was back in residence. They were hosting everyone else that day. Maya and Sokam had been the first ones there. Mariana, Zurel, Patricia and T'Zanne had arrived together.

They looked over at Spock and T'Zanne conversing politely together in precise Vulcan. "They're cute together," whispered Maya with a grin.

"I tried to find out if he—you know? But he keeps calling her that word in Vulcan, '_Krei'_."

"Cousin," said Maya. "If that's how he sees her now-"

"-no bonding those two together," Amanda finished sadly.

Dana arrived then with Turan, the twins and T'Niye. The healer was keeping an especially close eye on the Terran female. It seemed every complication she didn't have had before had suddenly caught up with her. They had already had to adjust the genetic code of the child she was carrying three times. She even had antibodies from her last pregnancy that activated and began to wage some kind of war on her internal organs. Dana looked as tired as she felt. Gone was her healthy glow from when she had been gestating the twins.

She was given a comfortable place to sit and rest in Sarek's home as they waited for the election results and word from the council. Turan and Maya fielded the rambunctious twins so Dana wouldn't have to get up even once. Since the pregnancy had gotten worse, Maya had been at Dana's house whenever she wasn't at work or with T'Niye. Just as she had been with Spock, Maya was turning into another aunt to both boys. Sokam had also gotten in on the babysitting action. Whenever he wasn't at the hospital, he was at Dana and Turan's house helping out with the twins, as well. Maya was kind of glad. He had patience with the children she had not expected to see. He was trying to prove, she knew, that he was ready to become a father. As a healer he also had special insights into how to calm the raging hybrids' anger whenever they began to rage.

The logo for the Joint Vulcan High Command along with a countdown appeared on-screen. Things would begin in half an hour's time.

Everyone carried on low-key conversations, but you could feel the nervous anticipation in the air. They all knew that something big was going to happen that day, but not exactly what. "Of course the vote is going to come out that no one wants to go back to the way things were in the past," said Amanda.

"As it is," commented Turan, "nearly 80% of this planet is or has already declared they have decided to become Syrannite. I have given this much thought. This vote was not truly necessary."

T'Niye looked over at Maya. She, as usual, kept quiet every time they began discussing the planet's affairs. But she had seen it in her student's mind. She suspected something and was keeping it to herself. T'Niye was also highly suspicious, but she too kept silent. If what her student suspected came to pass, Maya was more ready than she knew to begin raising a child of this world. But T'Niye knew she still lacked the confidence to raise the future of a clan.

The conversation trickled down into an uncomfortable silence five minutes before the logo onscreen morphed into a view of the inside of the council chambers.

###

This time it was T'Pau who delivered the words of the council. And her words were in Vulcan, not Empire Standard.

There was also no interpreter or interpretation. Whoever wanted to know what was being said would either have to wait for closed captioning on a later re-broadcast or they would have to have an interpreter already on hand to tell word for word what was being said. This was the first time that the joint council had done such a thing. In the past, they either delivered their proclamations to the population in Empire Standard or they delivered it in Vulcan with an immediate translation on-screen via dubbing or in words scrolled beneath.

"Fellow citizens," she began, "it would not be logical to employ the use of too many words to say the things that need be conveyed at this time.

"The votes are in. The planet, at this time, is solidly established as 69% Syrannite and 31% V'Tosh Ka'tur. This statistic does not include those of the V'Tosh Ka'tur who have already pledged themselves to converting or who have already taken steps to begin converting to becoming Syrannite. Despite this, the vote shows that a mere 15% of the population wishes to return to a warrior class. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. That is only logical. As such, the population has spoken.

"This choice, if it were a simple matter, would end at this time. However, it is not. Terrorist factions have pushed us to consider all options. And now we must stand together, united. This joint council, the military as well as the agents of the V'Shar wish to convey one final fact and it is not up for discussion. In order to foster true ongoing peace, the planet must become wholly Syrranite within the next five years. Those who do not wish to do so are free to leave.

"If, however, the violence of terrorism continues, it is agreed that for the sake of peace all who cling to the V'Tosh Ka'tur way of life will be deported off-planet. That is all. Live Long and Prosper."

And she turned and walked off of the podium. Every Terran in Sarek's living room, save for Maya, sat there, mouths agape, not believing what they'd just heard.

"Did she just say," began Dana, eyes wide, "that they're kicking the V'Tosh Ka'tur off the planet? Did I hear that wrong? Is my Vulcan that horrible that I misheard her?"

"No, you heard right," said Maya. "If the terrorism doesn't stop, they're kicking them all off of the planet."

"Can they _do_ that?" asked Amanda, shocked.

"They didn't say they were killing them," said Patricia. "They're just asking them to leave." She thought about that for a second more and then said, "Wow. They're getting evicted from their own planet."

Mariana was still dazed. "What about the V'Tosh'ers that aren't violent and just want to live and mind their own business." She shook her head. "What about them?"

"Knowing T'Pau, she's going to make sure they all have to leave," said Amanda as she also shook her head. "Mark my words. That woman's going to get rid of every single person that's not a Syrannite."

"But how?" asked Dana, incredulous. "How in the world can they _do_ that? Force people to convert? Kick them out if they don't? Do you know how much manpower that's going to take?"

Finally, Sarek spoke up. "The V'Shar have ways. They have psionic weapons and devices in their arsenals to track down those who fail to control emotions. The council was- cunning in how they implemented this. I did not understand, initially, why they were taking months for the vote to be announced. This day has brought understanding to the seeming slowness of this announcement and their requirement that all return from off-planet. They were most likely mass producing Emotion Detectors and have probably already mounted them throughout the entire planet."

Maya had already suspected ahead of time they would do something like deport the emotional off-planet. She had not, however, suspected they could actually detect emotion with tech. Zymak's insistence in working with her all of those months ago suddenly made sense. She turned and looked at T'Niye. _What clan is the agent Zymak a member of?_

T'Niye looked at her student, impressed. _He is, in fact, my distant nephew. He was given to the V'Shar by his parents to see to our interests. And you are needed by us, therefore your progress needed to be accelerated. I gave him leave to undertake this on my behalf while you were offworld…_

In a detached way Maya observed that she was nothing more than a political pawn. She had, she knew, put herself into that position and did not want to allow feelings of disappoint to swamp her. But to have it confirmed-

_But you have become so much more, can you not see that?_

Maya turned and looked at the older woman. She could see it, yes, she was more than just a pawn with a womb to this woman now. Her womb was necessary to bring about an alliance that had been pointedly avoided for centuries. And something about her telepathic abilities needed to be passed on to whatever offspring she made, she understood that now, too.

T'Niye noted that she had a slightly more difficult time accessing Maya's mind than she used to. She also noted that the Terran had learned to keep her face neutral. Apart of her on the inside saw the tragedy of what this woman was becoming to fit into a society that was not her own. And yet the mystery remained, what was she? What was that part of her DNA that they could not decode? What lurked in her cells, waiting to possibly unleash itself on its enemies?

Maya turned and went into Sarek's kitchen leaving behind the still on-going conversations.

###

"You knew," T'Niye said to Maya as she followed her into Sarek's kitchen. "You knew weeks ago that this would happen."

"I suspected," said Maya, straight faced. "They aren't the same."

"And yet you said nothing."

"It's better to keep silent about your suspicions until you have facts to back it up."

Her teacher was also highly satisfied by that answer. "Explain your logic to me, how you deduced the possibilities."

Maya looked down, still not wholly confident where Vulcan psychology was concerned. "T'Pau is first and foremost for this planet. But she is, above even that, a Syrannite. She's been into doing whatever it takes to ensure the population that is Syrannite remains that way and the part that isn't has to convert. It's happening much more quickly than any of us anticipated, but for her it isn't happening quickly enough- at least on the surface that's how it _appears_ to be." As she looked into her mentor's eyes and continued speaking, she became more confident. "Really, it makes sense when you think about it. She's actually wanted them to leave from a long time ago. So she was just been biding her time. This terrorist stuff was just the excuse she needed to galvanize the planet against them or get the last of the V'Tosh Ka'tur to reconsider dumping emotions."

T'Niye wished to know, "And your opinion of this?"

She shook her head. "I wish I could tell you what I think of all of this honestly. But there is still some part of all of this that doesn't add up. We're missing a very large chunk of important information. And without that, I can't give you a solid opinion. I can hypothesize, but if there are holes in your knowledge, down the line your hypothesis can turn out to be very wrong. And this missing information is too big."

Her eyebrow rose. She, too, had been thinking the same thing. There was more to this than met the eye. But what that was remained concealed. "Yes. I too fail to find the full facts of this situation." The older woman couldn't help but note that the young lady in front of her had learned to separate her emotions on the subject of T'Pau. She wondered if Maya realized how quickly she had been accelerated. "You have another thought?"

Maya looked up at T'Niye. "I do. But it is not at all based on logic or fact. It's based on the one hand from pure instinct and from the other, the lens of history. I've been a history major for years. It's what I do. And I don't care what empire you're from or what species or race you happen to be, there's a pattern of behavior that people happen to follow. Even here on Vulcan, after an in-depth study of your history, I began to see a pattern of predictable behavior in your populace from the old days before Surak. And something is there. I see something coming that is devastating. It doesn't make any sense why I think something else is coming, but I do. I _feel _it. I feel the hackles on the back of my neck stand up every time I think about it. Something is coming."

"And this thing?" she asked, despite the fact that these thoughts were not based on logic.

Maya wondered why her teacher was entertaining these thoughts with her, these thoughts based on instinct. "It's bad. It's going to be very bad. And worse yet, I think it's planned."

"And you think?" T'Niye encouraged her.

"I think it's going to be bad enough that if it isn't aggressively dealt with there's the unpleasant reality of the Empire coming here and wiping us all out no matter who is who. And that's going to be the thing that gives her the excuse to really turn the heat up on the other side even sooner."

Maya shook her head. Something was bothering her and she didn't know how to put it into words. "On the outside you would think 'well that's just people. People under pressure do horrible things.' So I feel like they'll do something awful and it's going to get the attention of the Empire. And it's going to look like 'if they can't have things their way, they'll sink things for everyone else. You'll have a return to the warrior days, all right, because Empire soldiers will _really_ be crawling all over the place then!' But every time I run the scenario over and over in my mind it doesn't make sense to me that they would intentionally pick a fight like that." She shook her head. "They know that the empire would irradiate this entire planet before a rebellion got out of hand. That's what doesn't make sense to me in all this! Something here is very wrong. And I can't see what it is."

T'Niye saw that her student had become more sure of her words as time passed. She was ready for the future. "Well done."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. If the V'Tosh Ka'tur faction has their way, there may not be a future."

"There is a future," T'Niye assured her. "It simply is not the one that most people anticipate."

* * *

_A/N - I'm trying my best not to leave you guys hanging! I know it was a small chapter, but it didn't feel right to add another thing to it for now. I'll update again very soon since the rest of this story has begun to harass me about being told._


	47. Tagged and Collared - Snapshots

_This small chapter is literally made up of snapshots._

Tagged and Collared - Snapshots

**One Month Later**

From the moment Maya's eyes opened that morning, a terrible feeling of doom weighed on her, sat in her chest. She sat up in bed quickly, followed her instincts. She put in a call to T'Niye. "Today," was all she was able to get out past the heavy feeling in her chest and throat.

"What is 'today'?" asked the clan mother.

"Something terrible. It's already begun. Today. Right now."

T'Niye knew her student was not making much sense. But she also knew there was some ability locked inside her mind that she had yet to harness. "I shall come to where you are."

"No," she said. "You'll be needed elsewhere." She swallowed back bile in her throat. "But something is wrong. And it's happening _now_."

###

_Vulcan_

_V'Tosh Ka'tur section_

_Air Traffic Route to the Syrannite Side_

_Flight Highway 2, Section 4_

_Status: Closed – Patrolled by Imperial Security Troops_

Lieutenant Ernesto Glasceu and his partner, Ensign Morton Plisk, were on patrol in their hover. The normally busy sixteen lane airway was now closed. No one had any idea of when it would reopen.

As usual, Glasceu had become complacent since there had been no activity for quite some time for that section. And as usual, he was bragging about his sex life. "So I told her the next time she shows up wearing_ that_, there ain't gonna be no warning, I'm just gonna rip it right off her and-"

"What the fuck is_ that_?" exclaimed his partner, wide-eyed.

A shuttle shot by them. Glasceu had only just caught sight of it as it bore down and then passed them. He punched the accelerator of his own vehicle and began a frantic chase to attempt to catch up to and overtake the high speed vehicle in violation of this air space.

"I don't know about this!" Plisk shouted as he tried to stabilize the shuttle. It was bucking wildly in the wake of the other vehicle's output. "We should radio ahead, call this in!"

"Dammit, this is supposed to be a no-fly zone!" Ernesto Glasceu exclaimed as he tried to keep up with the shuttle.

"How the hell are we supposed to catch that?" exclaimed Morton Plisk.

"I don't know, but HQ is going to have our heads if we don't," he answered as he pulled up the targeting software and tried to get the other shuttle into its crosshair sights.

"We're supposed to call this in!" protested Morton Plisk once again as he copiloted the military shuttle. "They didn't say nothing about shooting nothing down when they gave us our orders!"

"What the hell they give us phasers on this bitch for if we ain't supposed to use them? I know what I'm doing!" said the Lieutenant to his subordinate. "If we call it in you can't stabilize our vehicle and help target. We'll flounder _and_ we'll never catch them cause they'll get away to the other side where we got no jurisdiction!" he said as he began bucking shots at the other vehicle.

Plisk took one last look at the communications console and briefly considered calling it in, anyway. He knew, though, that the very large lieutenant could most likely knock him out with one good punch just for attempting to not listen to him. The man would probably also kill him while he was unconscious and claim he was the reason they had not caught that shuttle. No superior was going to ask about a lowly ensign. They'd just scrape his carcass up off the floor of the shuttle and put someone else in his place the next day. So he pitched in on his side and began helping him target the other shuttle better.

"There it is!" Ernesto crowed triumphantly as the targeting device began to beep indicating that it was in perfect line of sight to be shot down at that time. Glasceu fired.

###

The children were about to enter school for that day. Just twenty-five years before, Sokam had attended the same school. The little Vulcans paused at the doorway as they saw only one thing. There was a blinding flash in the morning sky. It looked like the atmosphere was about to catch fire. A mushroom cloud billowed outward and upward.

Before the curious young minds could begin to understand what was happening, they felt a burst of heat. Every one of them vaporized almost instantly.

###

Zymak was visiting V'Shar headquarters within the Ministry of Security. He was waiting, along with several of his other fellow agents, to put in their monthly reports of tasks completed on behalf of the council. They all sat, waiting, either working on personal projects or engaged in business related conversation with one another about some particular case when one of the rarely ever seen code lights began to flash. Ever since the attacks had begun, though, the lights had become nearly commonplace. They all wondered, what now?

The internal alert color, though, was flashing white. They had never seen that color before in all their years. Could it be?

"There has been a nuclear attack within V'Tosh Ka'tur borders. It is suspected at this time that it was most likely an accident," said their superior, "since telemetry reports indicate it detonated in the atmosphere and not on the ground."

Everything within the headquarters had already ground to an instant halt the moment the lights had begun to flash.

"That cannot be," declared Stilen, the only agent able to find his voice. "Since the latter days of Surak such a thing has not been instigated here, on our world, by our own kind."

"We have received preliminary reports," Sumar confirmed as he exited the communications room. "And yes, the attack was nuclear in nature. Though it was not, apparently, a fusion device, it was nonetheless devastating in nature to the surrounding regions. We must make the parts of the planet in danger ready for the accompanying fallout. The effects shall be felt over ten percent of the surface within hours if cleansing procedures from the spreading radiation cloud and fallout medication is not dispensed immediately."

The other agents sprang into motion, attempting to collect information and form teams so as to report directly to the council to receive orders. Protocols for this sort of thing were set in place and memorized, though none ever thought they would be needed.

They did not allow themselves to think of what this all meant at that time. They knew the fallout was going to be bad, and not just from the radiation itself, but with the Empire, as well.

###

_Sokam!_

_Maya… Maya… my mother, my father, my __**entire family**__, my old neighborhood, all of the cousins I grew up with- They were within the immediate blast radius. They are all gone._

She could feel the deafening shock coming through to her from Sokam. He was rudderless and raw. She knew he was presenting a neutral face to the world around him, but on the inside, he was floundering and in the grip of an all-encompassing grief. She didn't know what to do to alleviate that loss. _I wish I could take your pain away! I don't know what to say._

_I must go to the area just outside the blast radius to treat patients. I shall have the proper medications and an enviro suit so you will not need to worry about my safety. I do not know when I shall return..._

_You do what you have to do to help your people. I understand._

…_I thank you for your understanding my wife._

_When do you leave?_

_Within the hour._ There was a hesitation in his mind before he admitted, _I wish to see you before I depart._

_I'm coming to you right now._

###

When the external sensor reports of the solar surveillance cameras from space were obtained they realized that the vehicle carrying the nuclear device was on the by-way headed for the Syrannite section. Within days, a solid date was put into place so that those who clung to their V'Tosh ways would have to leave.

###

Amanda watched the newsfeed as her heart broke. Vulcan had formed a special all Syrranite police force. They were combing the V'Tosh side unaffected by radiation, section by section, literally going from house to house asking the heads of house to pledge to convert. If they did so, they signed a Promissory Document of Conversion.

It did not end there, however. The signer and every member of his household were inserted with a nano fragment. The ones who received these fragments didn't know exactly what they were for, but it sealed it in the minds of all who received it. They would have to live up to their promise to convert or be forcefully expunged from their home planet.

As for those who did not promise, at first nothing happened. But more weeks passed and then they were collected and taken to Vulcan's space station. There was not enough room for them all. The council did not care.

###

Sarek wished to speak on behalf of the V'Tosh Ka'tur now on board the overcrowded space station. Zymak knew the sort of man he was, that he would wish to advocate for them. So he took it upon himself to visit Sarek late one night.

Amanda was already asleep in bed as was young Spock. "Good evening, agent, what brings you here at this late an hour?"

Zymak did not stand on custom. He simply came out and said what needed saying. "I beg of you, ambassador, say nothing to T'Pau of the people aboard the space station."

Sarek shook his head. "How can I not? Am I not Vulcan's ambassador, overall? I have been put into my position to not only speak for the Syrranite, but for the-"

"They are soon to be declared a non-people, ambassador, both Syrranite and V'Tosh Ka'tur. The council will soon declare the planet 'Vulcan' and nothing else. You will find yourself on the wrong side of a losing battle concerning those who have decided to remain with our old ways."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wished to clarify before going on, "You agree with these measures?"

"Agreement has never been a precept of being a V'Shar agent, only action in accordance with the wishes of the council."

Sarek took that to mean that no, Zymak did not agree with the way these people were being treated. "So I shall say nothing?"

"If you speak, ambassador, remember this. Your wife, your son, they are vulnerable to the council, especially he who is your son. Do not forget, though your wife may be protected as the daughter of a general, they are aware that your son is not seen as a good thing to most of the Terran world. No retaliation would befall them for their treatment of him. He will have no protection."

Sarek sat down as if the wind had been taken out of him. From all he had seen that had happened, yes, the council would turn on him if he spoke up this time. Why had he not seen that before?

"Times are difficult," Zymak said, knowing Sarek's thoughts. He seemed to be weighing his next words carefully. "A day has dawned for us that we have wanted for many centuries. It is finally planetary unity. But at what cost?"

Sarek shook his head. "We are not unlike the Empire in our dealings, after all."

Zymak's grim face stared back at him with nothing more to say.


	48. Under Pressure

Under Pressure

Patricia had awakened earlier that morning and made certain she had T'Zanne up and ready to attend the school in the city. She knew her daughter was excited about being admitted to the school, though the little proper thing would never state it as such. She had been rigorously examined by the administrators despite the assurances of T'Niye that the child was developing quite normally. And the administrators themselves remarked that the little girl showed 'amazingly precise understanding of proper behavior despite the disadvantage of her Terran half'. Patricia had the sensation of wanting to put a fist through the eye of the administrator that had said that, but she instead smiled graciously and thanked them as she ushered her daughter out and assured them of her early arrival the next day for school.

She wondered why it was that Spock and Dana's boys seemed to have anger problems. At first she was glad, and proud, that her daughter knew how to behave instinctively. Then she became worried that her daughter, so like a Terran female, had learned early to hide her true feelings behind a mask of compliance. Seeing it from that point of view she didn't like that one bit, but neither of the girl's cultures was tolerant of misbehavior in females. Boys could do as they liked, but not the girls.

They were still on Vulcan and she was trying to decide if, for the sake of T'Zanne's education, they should remain there for good. She knew with the way things were going politically it was seen as correct that she was endeavoring to raise her half Terran child solely as not just a Vulcan, but as a Syrranite.

She also knew that Zurel's estate, where Mariana had begged her to remain, was impenetrable. The man definitely had a gift for security.

After taking T'Zanne to school and then journeying back home to the estate, she was so off guard that when she went to open her messages her eyes opened wide to see one waiting for her… from her husband.

Looking at his face on her PADD waiting to have the message accessed, she just sat there and stared. She couldn't help but still love him. They had spent years together and made a child. From his appearance, she knew he had apparently truly gotten himself together. But she shook her head as she realized that on the heels of that love she felt for him came the sensation of a wrenching knot in her stomach. It turned and grew tighter and tighter still with each passing second. That slight thrill of love mingled with the unmistakable stirrings of fear and uncertainty was being shadowed by some other emotion, one she couldn't identify. Whatever it was, it wasn't pleasant. She forced herself to 'press the damn start logo already' and listened to what he had to say.

"Wife," he addressed her coolly, "I am aware that you may not wish to see or speak with me at this time or any other. I wish to inform you that I am now acutely aware of the error of my ways. I am aware that due to the fact that I did not seek and maintain proper mental health, I did not treat she whom was supposed to be most cherished by me with utmost care and due diligence or respect. But I must inform you that I approach my Time quickly. You have not severed our bond and I therefore must conclude that you wish to proceed at some point in the future to begin anew. Can it not be now, at this time, that we enter my Time with the express purpose of reconciling our family? My daughter is in need of her father and you are in need of your husband as I am in need of she who is my wife. Patricia, your presence is _needed_, as a result you _must_ attend me."

The message ended then and she felt an even larger lump in her throat. This was the man she had married. But she could also detect something more beneath the surface. She knew it wasn't out of the ordinary for a male during his time to be demanding. But even that small amount of demanding during his Time made bile rise into her throat.

"You okay?" asked a voice from seemingly nowhere.

Patricia jumped and almost screamed before she realized that it was just Mariana. She sat down with a relieved huff and exhaled heavily, her heart still beating crazily from the sudden excitation.

"Oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that!" Mariana said as she sat down next to her friend. "What happened to you?"

The redhead sighed tiredly. "I just got a message from Soryn."

"So it's started already?"

She nodded. "Yep. And of course I'm being told I _have to_ attend him."

Mariana really didn't want to make her decision for her. She remembered what Dana had said and realized that she was right. Patricia had to live this and had to do this for herself. "What did you decide?"

She shrugged. "I at first thought 'okay, maybe we can work it out', you know? Now I'm not too sure about that at all. I mean, you see a message from a guy-" she faltered. "It was just a _message_, he's not even standing in front of me and I got a little sick on the inside from seeing him and hearing his voice." She swallowed. "I might have an anxiety disorder if I have to start seeing him every single day again! I have to go see Zymak."

"So you're going to kal-i-fee?" she asked, trying not to sound hopeful.

Patricia, however, didn't answer.

###

Amanda barely ventured outside since everything had happened with the unpledged V'Tosh Ka'tur being sent up to the space station. Sarek could read her from the inside. She was truly fearful of being apprehended on the streets and carted off along with their son. He could detect shadings of what life was like for her before on Terra Prime. And now, this second home for her was tainted. She now felt nothing but fear here.

He had explained to her that since she was not a Vulcan she was not required to become a convert of Surak, nor would she ever be required to do so.

"Yeah, well what about Maya?" Amanda said, a little bit angry.

"What of my ward?" he asked.

She swallowed back tears. "T'Pau had her picked up for 'examination'. Whatever the hell_ that_ means!"

A weight of dread plunked into his stomach. "When was this?"

"She told me yesterday that she had to go today."

"She was already a student of T'Niye. She had already pledged to learn the ways of Surak and emotional control. She is liable under the new law to be examined."

"And that's all right with you?" she snapped.

He knew she was under a great deal of pressure. She truly thought that at any moment she would be apprehended from her home. Though things had, in his opinion, gotten out of hand concerning the V'Tosh Ka'tur, he knew T'Pau wouldn't touch Amanda. It was Spock that had him concerned. But to tell her that, he knew, would raise her anxiety level to a point that could truly make her ill. "My wife, perhaps you should take rest for now-"

"I don't need _rest_! I need things around me to start making sense again. What the hell happened here?" she asked, honestly crestfallen.

"Things have normalized for the time being," he tried to hedge.

"Yes, and the space station has emotional Vulcans popping out of the windows, there's such a lack of space up there. Oh and by the way, a ship is on its way to pick them up and deposit them who the hell knows where! And Sokam's entire immediate family has been nuked to ashes! He's still over there now treating victims in an enviro suit. People are still dropping like flies, the ones with radiation poisoning that they couldn't get to in time. Maybe to expedite matters your government should just kill all of them now and get it over with? Wouldn't it be more logical to just get it over with? That sounds like something your new government would do! But, you know, life just goes on as usual, right?"

It occurred to him then that Amanda had not cried since the bomb had gone off. She had gone silent and her emotions had bottled up, at first. Like the pressure cookers used on many worlds, she was finally beginning to blow.

Sarek thought, at first, her non-reaction was commendable. He realized, then, that it wasn't good for her to not react. It meant something was very wrong and what happened was having trouble processing. How had it taken this long into their marriage for him to realize these things? "Amanda, I am truly sorry things have come to pass as they have," he said with all sincerity while looking into her eyes. "My people are not perfect, that you know."

Hearing him say those words took the wind out of her and she just shook her head, a lot of her anger dissipating. But her sadness was overwhelming. "I thought I found someplace sane. You know? But this place is infected by the Empire, too. I don't know why, but I just expected more here." She thought then she should have known better. The fact that when she'd first arrived on the planet the council had been sanctioning the use of Terran females in such a terrible way- "I should have realized before that no place is immune, no place that they've touched with their dirty blood-soaked hands. But I didn't see it. I didn't." She took a clarifying breath and exhaled on a sigh. "I see it now. I just hope Maya comes out okay in all this. She's with T'Pau now."

He nodded. "As do I."

Sarek knew having his wife branded a V'Tosh Ka'tur and shipped off-planet could be the final straw for Sokam. The young man was very telepathically gifted and he feared for anyone caught in his path.

###

"There's someone here to see you," said the young trainee to Zymak. The nearly red haired agent turned and saw the Terran female Patricia. He knew why she was there.

He beckoned her over. "You may come to my office."

They walked into his office. The door closed behind them and he sat behind his desk. Patricia remained standing as she looked out of the window of the high rise. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice," she said while not looking at him.

"You have decided to reconcile with your husband," he said.

She laughed. He obviously had kept his talents out of her mind. "Thanks for respecting my privacy and not taking the answer out of my head yourself," she said sincerely as she folded her arms. She sighed heavily. "At first, I _was_ going to go back to him. And then I wasn't. And then I was. And up until yesterday I had kind of talked myself back into getting back with him. I told myself all sorts of things and I had all kinds of excuses."

"And these excuses were?"

She turned and looked over at him. "My daughter has a right to a home with two parents, right? And being married is a promise you should keep. All of these other extra excuses I won't even get into while I'm here."

"But you have changed your mind yet again."

She shook her head. "I'm so stupid. I thought I could get back with him after all that had happened between us."

The agent steepled his fingers. "Lady, if you are in need of my services to be your champion-"

"There's just so much stuff swirling in my head. And once again, I've got to tell you the complete truth. I'm broken. There's something in here that is broken," she said as she pointed first to her chest and then her head. "I don't think I should be with you or anyone else for a very long time. I need to be okay with myself before I want to be okay with anyone else. And if I can't do that, then I'm just opening myself up for more problems. I see it now. I didn't before, but I see it now."

He knew what that meant. He would not obtain her as a wife, after all. He forced himself not to dwell on that. "I shall release you, if that is what you wish. However, there are formalities that must be attended to ahead of time if you decide not to reconcile with he who is your husband and if you also decide not to allow me to be your protector. If you wish to retain custody of your daughter, you must have a clan backing you."

She nodded. "Okay. I'll take care of that."

"Lady, you know that should you change your mind-"

"I know," she said. "I know. But I don't want to feel indebted to another man because he _saved_ me. That's what happened with Soryn. He saved me from life in jail from a Thought Crime. And then the bond is something that is so all-encompassing," she said as she remembered how it felt in those first days after waking up in the hospital, post-Pon Farr. "As a Vulcan, you must take it for granted. But as a Terran-" she looked out of the window again as tears sprang to her eyes, "-oh my goodness. There's this feeling, this _thing_, always there, holding you close from the inside."

She wiped her tears quickly. "I've had months to think about this. I realized why I was so vulnerable to it and why I fell so hard. My parents didn't- my father wasn't interested in me. He was there, in the house, he could just care less that I was in the home with him, too. And my mother was always so eager to please him she didn't care what her children needed. And it made me so _hungry_ to be loved. So I'm walking around with, basically, a hole in myself, with an empty heart. And it should have been filled by me somehow. But instead I spent my time when I was on Terra Prime, hopping from guy to guy. And it was never enough. And then, bang, I'm here. A person like that? You get a dose of Vulcan love." She shook her head again.

"It was like a drug addict stumbling across the pure product after years of substandard street junk. You know the pure stuff can kill you, but you just keep going back for more. And even as you're sitting there, knowing it isn't healthy, you just let the current take you and one day you wake up and you're drowning. And it's your fault. And you know it's your fault. And it takes something extreme to wake you up and stop yourself from drowning. You can be my lifeline, Zymak, but once I hit the shore, I have to go home alone."

"You do not have to!" he insisted as he forced himself to remain seated. "It is not necessary. It is not our way," he said, eyes finally pleading.

"I'm not saying 'never' to you. I'm saying 'not now'." She struggled to find the words. "You need to understand Terran women better before you enter into anything with me. Just because you can look directly into my head doesn't mean you 'get' me and what makes me 'me'. I finally understand something about the Vulcan male. And what I understand is that from the beginning I have to be firm and right now, that's not me. Not with a man I like or I'm attracted to. And you'll wind up walking all over me and I'll let you and things will go to hell for me again. No. Not again. I'm not putting my daughter through this_ again_. Doing the same thing over and over and hoping for the best doesn't work."

He saw what she was trying to say. "Lady, you are attempting to learn logic."

Despite her tears, she was then laughing. "I think I've been insulted and complimented at the same time."

"I did not mean to offend."

"I'm joking," she smiled sadly. "The definition of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting a different result. Going back to him would be insane. So I'm stepping away for good from him. And I'm walking away alone, no husband, no relationship more than just friends, not right now. Can you accept that?"

"I do not wish to, but I do wish to heed your wishes and respect your decisions, therefore I must accept it."

She nodded. "Then it's done. When I'm called to him, how do I get in contact with you?"


	49. Worth

_A/N- In the interests of PUSHING myself to continue (and finish) this story, here is this chapter, errors and all. Not much happens here, but it sets the scene for the next chapter which is already almost done. Life's been hard for me lately and the mirror universe is not good for you when you're battling hard times._

* * *

Worth

Zymak was awakened in the middle of the night. He thought at first it might be for the situation involving Patricia. But he was temporarily confused as he heard Stilen's voice come through his comm. "How may I help you?" he asked his fellow agent.

"My presence in deed, voice or word is unacceptable to the husband of Maya. So I have contacted you at this time because I wish for you to deliver a message to her from myself."

Zymak's impatience wanted to rear up. He did not wish to deal with Stilen's obsession with a female disinterested in his advances at this time. But he asked, "And that would be?"

"I am sending you a document. It is encrypted and it will destroy itself within three minutes of your decoding it."

He sat up then, fully awake. This was important. "I shall attend this now," he promised.

He received and then decoded the document in his tiny living space. His eyebrow rose at the information. True to what was said, the message began to disappear even as his eidetic memory captured what was stated.

T'Pau was obviously not taking it well that she had been unable to attain her goal in the form of entrapping Maya in some form of improper thought. In that way, she would have been able to ship her off-world, never to be seen again. But T'Pau had not realized how strong Maya was going to become or how quickly… until now. The clan mother now realized the Terran was a true threat to her goals on many levels.

According to what Zymak had read in the document, T'Pau had decided she would not suffer her presence any longer. A powerful off-world telepath had been contracted to kill the female that, from her point of view, stood in her way.

###

"I do not understand," said Sarek to Zymak the next day. "What is it that has happened to cause this amount of vitriol toward she who is my ward? She cannot be a true danger to the clan in any way since Maya holds no ill will toward any so far as I am aware."

Since Sokam was still on the other side of the planet treating patients from the nuclear fallout, Maya had gone to Zurel and Mariana's for the time being in order to stay with Mariana and Patricia. Amanda had gone there that day, as well, with Spock. It had given the two men a chance to speak to one another unimpeded. Zymak did not want to take the chance that he was being watched, so he did not wish to approach Maya directly.

"You are aware that all Terrans that have pledged to learn the ways of logic were called for examination, are you not?" asked the agent.

"Yes, of course," said Sarek. And he had been deeply concerned. On some level he knew T'Pau would attempt to be rid of her via this 'examination'. But she had gone the day before and did whatever was necessary and then he had heard nothing more of it. She must have passed inspection. "It went well, did it not?"

"For her, yes."

Sarek's brow rose. He barely used that gesture, but he was truly confused. "I do not understand your meaning."

"I was present for her examination. She did more than well enough for _it_. But it was not all that took place on that day."

Sarek was asking quickly, "Allow me to see for myself what took place." He knew what could happen to someone mentally up against T'Pau and could not believe it had not occurred to him that it might be the clan mother _herself_ examining Maya, touching the girl's mind. It brought back negative memories for himself being forced to accept T'Pau's will and he was not comfortable with what his ward may have gone through.

"Yes, I shall share what happened freely," Zymak acquiesced. Sarek went to kneel before him, but the hyper-telepath simply shook his head. "Touch is unnecessary for me since we are both well and in health."

The two stood together and watched as his premises shifted and faded. The memory began to unfold and the room around them morphed, changed into Zymak's point of view of that day.

_Maya had arrived to the examination wearing the robes of the S'Chn T'Gai, but also she wore a sash for T'Niye's clan denoting her student status._

_ The room she stood and waited in was colorless and devoid of all else._

"T'Pau had us watch from outside the room in the double reflective glass for a total of one hour and fifteen minutes," Zymak clarified. "Most of the other subjects were kept waiting a maximum of ten minutes. T'Pau seemed to wish to… unsettle the Terran."

_And Sarek saw T'Pau in the memory. She simply sat there and watched as Maya pulled out a PADD and began to work. Since there was no chair in the room, the woman paced back and forth as she read over her notes on something from work. They could hear her whispering in an old dead language none of them knew, trying to decipher some puzzle or riddle. She shook her head once, twice a third time. Finally, she nodded, began to tap furiously on her PADD. She had obviously worked out whatever it was that needed doing._

_ But it was not Maya that interested Sarek during that wait, it was T'Pau. The woman simply sat there and watched the Terran as if she were studying a foreign specimen that should be dissected._

_ "It is time," T'Pau finally said to Zymak._

_She stood and he followed her into the room. To his alarm, three others entered the room from another door, as well. Sarek immediately felt deep stirrings of stark discomfort in his mind. Those three had been the same that had helped T'Pau in her subjugation of his will._

_ Maya turned off her PADD and placed it in the bag she wore at her side that appeared to be nothing more than a cloth attachment to her robes. "Clan mother," she greeted her with the ta'al. "I am here for your inspection as per your request." Sarek noted that the language spoken by Maya had been Vulcan._

"Did any of the other Terrans examined speak Vulcan during their examination?" asked Sarek.

"A few," said Zymak. "But none with this proficiency."

_Sarek noticed T'Pau's eyes squinted by just a fraction. She thought the girl using the Vulcan language was a calculated move. And he realized then T'Pau's true problem. Her machinations were so pervasive, plans within plans, that it did not occur to her that someone like Maya would do something simply because she thought she should, not as a plan of attack or a precursor for some form of attack. She would always assume the worst of anyone foreign to her way of being and existing._

_ "As you have noted," said T'Pau, also in Vulcan, "there is no surface to recline or sit on in this place and we have kept you waiting a substantial amount of time. Are you certain you are well enough to proceed?"_

_ "I was not aware there was a choice," Maya answered with a straight face. "We will do this __**now**__," she said very simply._

_ This rubbed T'Pau the wrong way and Sarek knew that Maya had said that on purpose, at least._

_ "Submit your mind your mine," T'Pau demanded._

_Sarek felt himself becoming more disquieted as Maya walked to the clan mother and knelt down before her and inclined her head to T'Pau's hand._

_ T'Pau placed her hand on the girl's face and closed her eyes. Within sixty seconds, the clan mother opened her eyes and looked at Maya as if she were disgusted. "You will open all to my perusal."_

_ "I have done so," Maya insisted._

_"There are areas that are unreachable for my inspection."_

_ "They are the areas of my mind that are deemed private and untouchable by my subconscious. I cannot control their availability. In order for one to gain access, you would literally have to break in and then I would be damaged beyond repair."_

_ "So be it!" T'Pau declared and then used both hands on Maya's face. She seemed to be gaining something she wished to know, but it came at a price. A trickle of blood began to ooze down T'Pau's face from her nose._

_ Zymak stood off to the side, unwilling to intervene. He had melded with Maya often enough to still have a small tendril of himself inside her mind, watching. And she was still unharmed. T'Pau on the other hand-_

_ The clan mother dropped both hands from the Terran's face and realized she was bleeding. Her face changed just the slightest. "We shall determine what you keep behind those walls."_

_ "It is not anything substantial," Maya shrugged. "My everyday life, my beliefs on logic and order are there, open for your perusal. Those are the things up for examination, aren't they? If you want to know what's behind the wall, I can simply tell you. But I can't lower it. That's not the way my mind is made."_

_It was the innocence on her face that was causing T'Pau's insistence. She was convinced this young woman was deliberately keeping things from her. She looked up at her three accomplices who had, until then, remained still and silent on the other side of the room. They now began to circle and close in on the young woman. All four of them simultaneously touched Maya's skin at different points._

Sarek's stomach began to lurch as he watched this attack occur.

The group of five closed their eyes and Zymak could feel the chipping away on the inside of Maya's mind, what she jokingly referred to once as her 'internal involuntary firewall'.

"What is happening?" Sarek asked.

Zymak said, "She seems to have grown a natural protection of some sort. I believe it originates from whatever species it is that lurks within her and she truly has no control over it. It is simply there. It formed about the time she began to realize that she was in true danger months ago. Whatever it is, it has a two-part function. While it protects her, it takes power directly from whoever is trying to forcibly break in. While they try to scale the wall, it leeches their energy little by little and it makes her wall even stronger."

Sarek looked at Zymak, openly shocked. "This is not your doing? Or T'Niye's?"

He shook his head. "No. She possesses an inner shield she did not have previously. And though I shall admit that T'Niye is able to gain access behind that shield as well as Sokam, I have only been able to walk within it once. But I came away slightly damaged for a short time. It is only because she trusts me that I did not suffer what you shall see _they _are about to."

_The first of the other three, the weakest, stumbled backward clutching his head as blood poured out of his nose. The other two intruders were not far behind as blood began to leak from not only their noses, but also their eyes and ears. T'Pau, by then, had stopped her part of the meld, more blood trickling down her face. She turned and looked at Zymak. "Agent! Use your gifts. Decipher what you will."_

_ Zymak didn't need to touch anyone to have mental contact with them, but he walked directly to Maya and touched her face._

Sarek suffered a disorienting jolt as he realized he was being pulled directly into Maya's mind with Zymak for this part of the memory.

He could see Zymak of the past in there speaking with an internal manifestation of Maya. _ "You are unharmed?" asked the agent._

_ "I'm all right," she assured him, a smile on her face she would never show T'Pau._

_ "The wall-"_

_ "It's a little chipped, but its fine," she waved the concern off. "Once I get some sleep, it'll go back to normal."_

_ "She has demanded I walk behind the wall."_

_ "You can if you want to. I trust you."_

_ "It is not right," Zymak protested. "The wall is there for a reason. This is unethical."_

_ Maya laughed at him in her mind. "Since when did an agent of the V'Shar care what's unethical to do or not do?"_

_ He knew she was right. He had done plenty of things he was not proud of all on the orders of the council. But this he couldn't do. "You are vital to the future of my clan. I ask you to please harm me when I approach the wall."_

_"Oh hell __**no**__," she exclaimed, very much her old self from two years before._

_ "You must do it."_

_ "I can't. I can't harm you deliberately. Not you or anyone I trust. But you're an agent, think about it. You can simulate that harm on yourself."_

_ He thought about what she had said. "You are correct," he corroborated._

Once again, there was a disorienting spin as Sarek saw himself standing outside Maya's mind again, looking at the proceedings.

_"Behind the wall," reported Zymak, "is her bond to Sokam and her plans for the future. But I was unable to obtain those plans."_

_ There was a thirsty look in T'Pau's face as she ordered, "You shall try again."_

_ Zymak put his hand to Maya's face yet again, but there was no shift back into her mind. Through sheer will Zymak caused himself to begin bleeding from the nose and one eye._

_ T'Pau was less than pleased as the agent's hands fell from the Terran woman's face. "I was unsuccessful."_

_ The clan mother stared the girl down hard. "What do you keep behind the wall?" she wondered aloud._

_ "Shall I be examined for logic this day or another?" asked Maya sincerely._

_ "I shall do so at this time," said Zymak._

_ "You shall not!" T'Pau interrupted. "I shall do so." She looked at her other three accomplices that were still recovering from various states of bleeding. "Leave at once!" she declared sharply at them._

_ The three left, but Zymak remained in the room._

_ "You are not needed here," T'Pau exclaimed._

_ "The V'Shar have asked me to remain and obtain the report as well."_

_ T'Pau looked at him with a warning in her eyes. "Does Sumar still entertain that he shall obtain this Terran as an agent at some future date?"_

_ "I am unaware of what it is my superior presumes to wish for a future time. However, I am under orders and I obey my orders to the best of my abilities."_

_ The examination itself went well. It was a benign question and answer process that Maya passed easily since she showed no outward excessive signs of emotion._

"That was ALL that was required?" asked Sarek incredulously. "T'Pau was not supposed to invade her mind, after all?"

"That is something she took upon herself to do," Zymak confirmed. "No other Terran that reported for questioning underwent such an examination… or shall I say, attempted examination."

_At the end of it, Maya simply bowed briefly. "Peace and long life to you, clan mother," she wished her before departing._

_ T'Pau said not one word in return._

###

Sarek and Zymak sat in their respective minds again. Sarek was exhausted. If Zymak was tired, he couldn't tell. "Did T'Pau say nothing after her departure?"

"Nothing at all," he confirmed.

"And now she wants her dead." Sarek shook his head.

"I cannot understand the full ramifications of why she would wish such a thing. Would not the young lady birth strong resilient telepaths for _your _clan? If I were the head of a clan, I would order her to produce offspring as soon as possible for just such an outcome. Most certainly a woman of that worth in the past of our world would have been encouraged to make as many children as possible to spread her unique abilities through our gene pool."

"The problem, Zymak, is that the first one of her offspring must be given over to your clan, one T'Pau sees as a true rival for power over the council. And Maya is not a Vulcan. What if she is only able to produce the one offspring?"

"This is most likely T'Pau's mindset," Zymak agreed. "I had not considered that angle." He knew he must be preoccupied very much not to see that angle on his own. "She would consider it folly for the woman to produce only one and then have the abilities shared between her clan and mine."

"We must not allow this death to happen," said Sarek.

"Of course we must not. However, I am unfamiliar with this killer that has been contracted. There was no information on him in the V'Shar database."

"I would not ask you since I know you are undergoing some things of a personal nature at this time," said Sarek, "and Sumar's interest in Maya is professional but Stilen-" his voice trailed off.

"No, he is not to be trusted where the Terran female is concerned," Zymak agreed. "However, he did ensure we knew of the threat to her person."

"That interest was personal for him, not truly for her sake."

"That is true." He was suddenly tired. "I shall speak with Zurel about her further security and perhaps ask that she remain there with he and his wife for the time being since his complex is very well secured."

"I agree."

##

After speaking with Zurel regarding Maya's security precautions, Zymak was able to attain a full measure of rest, at least, when the call he had been waiting for finally came in. Patricia was now in need of him to be champion at her soon-to-be ex-bondmate's kal-i-fee.

He stood and readied himself. It was going to be a more than interesting day.

* * *

_About three or four chapters left at this point! Will update again this week or the next.  
_


	50. Kal-i-Fee

Kal-i-Fee

Standing at the Kal-i-fee grounds, Patricia gave off the appearance of waiting patiently as Soryn's clan mother arrived and preliminary formalities were seen to. She was very anxious and afraid on the inside, wishing she could distance herself from this entire process. But as soon as he arrived, Soryn's eyes were there, fixed on her position. She just restrained herself from pursing her lips and folding her arms at him.

Despite her anger and disgust toward him, she still in some part of her mind gave thought to perhaps reconciling. But she looked up and around, saw her friends standing together in a cluster not too far away. And Zymak had come, as promised. She realized she was backpedaling mentally not only because she was nervous, but because some small part of her still imagined she owed her daughter a matching set of parents.

Whatever was going through her mind, just as Soryn walked toward the gong to strike it and confirm his ownership of her, Patricia's feet moved almost of their own accord and she found herself making it there before he could. She stuck her hand out quickly and shouted into the air, "Kal-i-fee!" She felt a shiver go up her spine as the look on his face turned toward her with such violence and outrage.

Before he could lunge for her, one of his family guard ran over and blocked him directly. She felt justified in her decision, then. It was not the first time her husband had looked at her with such violence. As far as she was aware, they still would not want to hurt you directly, even in the state he was in. They supposedly only wanted to hurt a potential rival! Not Soryn, apparently. No, he had a deep problem within himself. "Well good riddance to you, then," she found herself muttering under her breath.

His clan mother asked, "You protest Soryn's ownership of you as mate?"

"Yes," she said in a shaky voice.

"Who shall champion you?"

Patricia had to fight her inner tendency to back down and go with the easy choice. Some part of her insides were insisting she apologize for starting such trouble and go along with what Soryn wanted from her. But she pushed past the instinct and walked across the sands of the desert, stood directly in front of Zymak and pointed with a hand so shaky she hoped no one noticed. "Him. This is the one," she forced out the words.

"Do you protest this?" the aged clan mother asked of the agent.

"There is no protest. I shall be the one," he confirmed as he felt the angry eyes of Soryn finally shift over to him.

"Very well," said the clan mother as she had her bearers carry her backward a little.

Patricia found her legs had turned to jelly. It took all of her energy to scurry out of the way as one of the guardsmen approached Zymak and placed a sash around his waist.

"Combat shall proceed for possession of the Terran female, Patricia, mother of Soryn's child," announced the clan mother formally. Once she was settled and out of the way, she called out for the first weapon. "Bring forth the _lirpa_!"

Both weapons were presented by the guardsmen of Soryn's clan.

"Wish I had popcorn," Mariana whispered to Dana on one side and Maya on the other.

Amanda, standing on the other side of Maya, opened a zip-up bag she'd brought with her and pulled out a huge tin of caramel corn. "Did someone mention popcorn?" she whispered to her friends.

All three ladies looked at Amanda as if she had lost her mind. "No, you did_ not_ just pull out _caramel corn_," Maya exclaimed on a whisper while trying to keep a grin off of her face.

"I've decided that if everything is going to hell, I'm going to have fun on that ride whenever possible," said Amanda as she dug her hand into the mass of popcorn and pulled out a heaping handful. "Now let's do something I've always wanted to do. Sit back and watch a long-deserved beat down while eating popcorn."  
The other three Terran ladies looked at one another, shrugged, and dug one hand each into the heap and began to munch as they watched.

Sarek had the urge to inform the young ladies they were being highly inappropriate. But since they were literally the only guests at this kal-i-fee, he didn't see the point of doing so. He let them eat without saying a word as they all turned their attention back to the two men now circling one another on the floor of the desert.

Patricia didn't know exactly how to feel as Zymak moved in toward Soryn and struck him relatively lightly across the shoulder with the blunt end of the_ lirpa_. She honestly didn't want anyone to get hurt, but she wondered why Zymak was not moving in quicker to lay him out.

After awhile, watching the two combatants, she began to see a pattern developing. Soryn was in a state of madness, so of course there was no strategy on his part. But Zymak was little by little striking Soryn in seemingly noncritical areas. It was an attack designed to weaken him in the long run.

When the allotment of time was up for the_ lirpa_, the clan mother called out for them to be taken away and the _ahn woon_ was brought out.

Zymak took hold of the rope-like weapon, twirled it much like a lasso and let it loose to grab a hold of Soryn's right upper arm. The angry man in the throes of Pon Farr charged straight at the agent then, tired of his toying with him. Zymak seemed to anticipate that attack, though, because he simply stepped out of the way at the very last minute. As soon as Soryn hit the end of his tether, Zymak pulled hard and quick with both hands on the tether. Everyone in attendance inhaled sharply as you could see Soryn's shoulder get yanked out of place. His shoulder was definitely dislocated as Soryn went down on one knee, half howling. He was still in a state of madness, however, and pushed past the pain, stood up and barreled straight for Zymak, the _ahn woon_ still wrapped around his arm.

The agent literally lifted one leg and kicked Soryn straight in the chest with the flat of his foot and knocked the wind out of him, putting him flat on his back, dazed. Though Soryn was a strong male, he had not spent all of his youth in the rigorous training that Zymak had. The agent went and stood over the fallen male and delivered a strange and debilitating form of nerve pinch to Soryn's chin. With a scream, the man in _plak-tow_ was rendered unconscious.

Off to the side, Mariana's mouth dropped open. "Like for real? We didn't even put a dent in this popcorn!"

"Shit was over in 90 seconds," quipped Dana quickly as they all strained to hear what would happen next.

The clan mother even seemed halfway surprised. "You have not killed your opponent."

"Is death truly necessary?" asked Zymak, knowing it was not.

Not answering, she then asked a different question. "The woman is yours. Do you wish to take possession at this time?"

He paused before answering as he looked over at Patricia. She looked truly uncertain as she realized that Zymak was thinking of all possibilities. In this moment, she was his. Fully his. He reveled in fact for all of 30 seconds. "The woman may become mine or go free if she so wishes," he finally answered.

Patricia heaved a sigh of relief. By rights she knew the agent could have taken her that day whether she liked it or not. But he had stuck to their agreement. She looked over at the clan mother. "I will go free and take my child with me."

The older woman nodded, "You may remain within my clan since Soryn has perpetrated the worst of circumstances causing you to wish to be free of his care."

Patricia had _not_ expected to hear that at all. "Oh!" she said, surprised. "If that's the case, I'd like T'Zan to keep her clan and her father, if that's possible."

"Once he has finished the proper training to realign his logic," the clan mother said, "I shall allow him to see his child. But not before then. And yes, she can remain with her clan in name and with you, her mother, for the time being."

Patricia read between the lines. As soon as they deemed Soryn mentally fit, they would ask her to hand her daughter over if she wasn't remarried. She wondered why the clan mother would give her advance warning. She realized then, his own clan mother had never cared for him in the least. In all the time they had been married, when had she ever seen her? Only when Soryn degenerated into a state of abuse toward her. She always assumed it was because he had married her, a Terran, that the clan mother had not come around, but perhaps that was not it, after all! Mentally floored, Patricia kept these realizations to herself. She was going to have to tread carefully now.

##

Zymak returned to V'Shar headquarters and sat down behind his desk. He was, if he used a Terran word to equate his state of mind, gutted. He could not believe he had not taken advantage of this opportunity to take the woman he had wanted for years. But some part of him knew, if he broke their agreement, she would never trust him and would never give herself to him completely. She would always be searching for a way to leave him, whether she realized it or not.

No, he would wait for Patricia to be ready for whatever happened naturally between them. And he would give her time. He had patience, that was a certainty. And he had been allowed to show his intentions in public for her that day. The news would spread and no one would dare touch or go near her. She would be protected in more way than one.

As for each of the Terran females, he had a reason to protect them all. For Patricia, it was obvious. She would someday become his fully and voluntarily. As for Maya, she had been foreseen by his clan mothers, current and past, to be vital to the future of his clan. So he would of course always protect her. Mariana and Dana were his kinswomen now via their marriages and he automatically would always keep an eye on them.

Amanda. She was the complication in all of this. She was caught between so many dangerous lines that were held back only by several tenuous threads. She had borne a son to Sarek and T'Pau saw her as something important because of her father's position in the Terran world. She was a Grayson and that was a feather in T'Pau's strange cap. But she was no kinswoman of his in any way. The only importance she held, truly, was that she was sincerely not like most Terrans he knew and Sarek had become a friend to him over time. He felt a strange sense of obligation to make certain nothing happened to Amanda Grayson.

His thoughts returned to Patricia and he still could not believe that he had allowed her to go free. He placed his head on his desk and wondered if he had, after all, made the correct decision. It did not matter, he concluded. The moment was past, the decision already made. Time would show him if his decision was correct or not.

For now, his vigilance for each of the Terran females would be the thing that kept him occupied in his spare time. For now.

##

Everyone had gotten together later on that week at Mariana and Zurel's. There would be yet another proclamation made by the council. They all had a feeling what that proclamation was, but it was mandatory for all households to view it. Literally everyone must tune in and indicate who was present at each residence to view the proclamation. It was a way, everyone knew, for them to keep tabs on who was loyal and who was not.

Everyone in Zurel's house that day was accounted for that was present. All of his servants, all of the Terran females and their husbands -excluding Sokam since he was still across-planet serving the sick- and Zymak had come that day. It was not out of the ordinary for him to be there since he was in Zurel's clan. The clan mother, T'Niye had also elected to come that day as well as Sarek. They all knew T'Pau would view it as a snub that Sarek and Amanda had chosen to view the announcement with a different clan than his own. But it no longer mattered to him. It mattered that his wife no longer felt safe anywhere near T'Pau, especially where Spock was concerned. And Maya most especially was not safe anywhere near T'Pau since the woman had gone to the trouble of attempting to rub her out of existence before she could produce an heir.

The logo of the council morphed and onscreen appeared their representative for that day. The councilwoman chosen to speak had once been a V'Tosh Ka'tur, but not anymore. Everyone who saw her face could tell she was straining to maintain control of her features. It would take some getting used to, they all knew, to not show what they were feeling. She nodded once at the screen, serious-faced. You could tell she was inches away from giving off a smile but only just held that back.

"'Greetings from the Joint Council chambers. I deliver the news that at 0500 hours this morning the last of the unpledged V'Tosh Ka'tur were delivered to the space station orbiting our world. This council declares the planet, effectively, cleansed. We trust that soon there will no longer be a need for Imperial forces to remain on our soil. We have most assuredly taken care of the primary threat. And that threat was the fact that we were not unified. Now that we are, we will proceed into the future together, a cohesive, efficient people that can further the interests of the Empire from hereon out. Live long and prosper.'"

Everyone in the room sat there, dumbfounded. "I was not aware of any 'last shipment' of such," said Zymak quizzically.

"You mean the V'Shar weren't even involved in it?" asked Mariana, surprised.

"No," he said honestly. "I am not at all aware of this."

Everyone was truly surprised and confused then.

They were all not in a festive mood after what had happened and everyone dispersed from Mariana and Zurel's quite quickly.

As everyone else made their way home, T'Niye and Zymak decided to go with Maya to discuss some things with her since they were not at all secure just yet that she was safe from some kind of deportation. She intended to return to Mariana and Zurle's for the night, but first needed to pick some things up from her home since she hadn't been there in days. Even with her security men, they did not feel secure enough to let her go on her own. So Maya and all of her security men as well as the clan mother and the V'Shar agent piled into a shuttle together to run over to her place.

They made it across town without incident. On their way out of the shuttle, they walked into the gate of her home and just as it closed behind them, stepping out of the shadows was a man none of them had ever seen. He wore a light grey cloak that halfway obscured his face as he stepped toward them. Everyone around Maya realized that this was most likely the one that had been sent to kill her. How had he gained access to her inner gate?

Her security men attempted to grab her and pulled her back toward the gate so they could get her back into the shuttle, but the stranger stretched out one hand and all of her security men dropped in place, instantly unconscious. The three remaining adults, Maya, T'Niye, Zymak, simply stood there, confused at first, knowing that whoever this was that had this kind of power could do just about anything at this point. Zymak stepped forward anyway, directly in front of her, as did T'Niye.

"You cannot have the Terran!" declared the clan mother.

The man pulled down his hood. He was no Vulcan. He appeared to be Terran himself. "Your allegiance is staggering," he said almost scathingly.

Maya was trying to walk around them both and Zymak did not understand why. He put out an arm to block her passage. "Lady Maya, do not-"

"Have you been sent to kill me?" she asked him belligerently.

His eyes locked with hers and he seemed to be drinking in the sight of her. "I have been sent for that purpose, yes."

"Why would you take a contract to kill your own child?" she asked angrily.

"You are certain?" whispered T'Niye to Maya. "This man is your_ father_?"

"That's my father," she whispered back to her. "I don't know how I know, but I know."

"Kill you?" he asked. "I've come to take you where you belong. I've come to take you home."

* * *

_A/N- Only two chapters left to this story!  
_


	51. Telling It All

Telling It All

Maya, up until then, had done a very commendable job with her emotions. She had at least learned to mask what she had difficulty controlling. But the torrent of anger and confusion she felt as she stood there looking at the man that had, to her point of view, abandoned her- She was seething. Both T'Niye and Zymak felt it. And she was ready to charge at her father and have a few choice words with him.

"Maya, no," Zymak was still holding her back.

"Let her come to me," said the man who still had not given his name. Physically, he looked nothing like Maya. He was tall with almost silver hair, but a very young face that housed deep dark eyes.

"You think you can just show up here, like this!" she shouted at him as Zymak continued to stand directly in front of her, blocking her path. "I'm not going _anywhere_ with you!" she declared as she peered around the agent who refused to move out of the way.

"It is imperative that you hear all of my words," he said. And there was nothing apologetic in his manner. He waved one hand up and around himself and some kind of bubble of energy appeared as if from nowhere and encased all of them in it. "No one outside of this sphere can see or hear anything that is said here today between us all."

The three of them that were still conscious looked up and around, terribly confused. And unnerved. "Did you hurt my men?" Maya asked accusingly as she kneeled down to checked on each of her security guards.

"You are panicking," declared her nameless father quite casually. "I sense they are tied to you. You should still be able to feel them, within your mind. Therefore, you must be panicking."

She flashed him the angriest face then. "What do you know of it?"

"I can feel everything you think, but only if I allow myself to do so. I willingly give you your privacy, my child-"

"Your child? Your_** child**_?" she spat the word at him. "Sarek has been like a father way more than you have."

"Sarek thinks you're his sister, reincarnated," he said calmly, simply to watch her reaction. "He doesn't see you as his child, he sees you as a younger sibling. You may be his ward, and I admit he will protect you with his last breath, but it would be an action seated in guilt, nothing more, because he did nothing to prevent her death."

Maya was floored by that accusation. But she wouldn't say anything one way or another since Sarek wasn't there to defend himself. And then she thought, so what if she reminded him of his sister? So what?

"Magnanimous of you," her father said.

"You said you'd give me my privacy," Maya scoffed. "So much for that."

"I did not read your mind. Your face said it all."

She just looked at him, wondering what would come out of his mouth next. "So you expect me to just what, up and go with you?"

"Maya," he began as he stepped closer.

"Do not come any closer to her!" Zymak said.

"Speak again, and I'll end your ability to speak until we are done here!"

Maya put a hand out toward the nameless man as she stood from checking her men. "Don't you dare hurt Zymak. He's done nothing but protect me since the day he met me."

And the strange man stood there, looking at Zymak as if he were staring into him. "That, he has," he realized. "I commend your loyalty to my daughter. Not that it is only through the goodness of your heart, but you genuinely have a regard for her as a person. Congratulations. You've just earned your life." He turned and looked at T'Niye then. "And you, clan mother," he simply nodded. "Your place in my child's life is also genuine, though it did not begin that way." He sighed, but it was difficult to tell if it was done out of tiredness or exasperation. "Maya, I won't do anything to you or to them. First, I want to give you an explanation as to why I left you on Terra Prime the way that I did."

"And answer my questions?" she asked, hedging for information.

He could sense it, she was already trying to emotionally distance herself from him. And deep inside, it saddened him. "Give me a chance, Maya. I didn't leave because I wanted to. I was called away. And it was, at that time, against my will. By the time I woke up and realized where I had been yanked to, simply because of who I am, I couldn't get back. I wanted to come and get you but I was unable to leave until recently."

"So what are you? Who are you really? Because you're not the man my mother thought you were. You don't even look like the man in the photographs. How did you do that? And do you know I knew you were alive all of this time?"

He shook his head admiringly. "I know."

"Do you know I feel like I lied to her all of these years? She thought you were dead!"

"You had no proof," he said as he shook his head. "And if you told her I was alive, would she have believed you?"

Maya knew that that was totally accurate. "No."

He waved his hand and a chair appeared from nowhere. "As to what I am, the Empire hasn't encountered my people yet. They will in the near future… in fact, your little Spock will with his Captain when he's older."

The three adults looked at one another. "Captain?" asked Maya. "What the-"

"You didn't hear that part. To tell you something you still won't understand, I'm half Organian. My father did something he shouldn't have and he got booted out of their ranks for a time, met my Terran mother, made me. When I was born I was taken immediately into their ranks. When I came of age I was allowed to go among humans for a time to find out for myself who and what I really wanted to be. When my time limit was up… it was up. I was snatched back by them and I had to leave you behind. They refused to allow me to come back and get you until you were old enough, strong enough to come and be with us. You no longer need that human body. Let it go! Shed it! Come with me!"

She didn't want to, but a spear of pain hit her in the chest. "I can't just walk out on my husband. I happen to love him very much and he needs me. I need him, too."

He sighed tiredly. "So you're determined to stay here, in the mortal realm, allowing them to dictate your life, to make a child with them, to become something more to this world which isn't even yours? This place- this place is not deserving of you and what you will become. And T'Niye is descent enough, I will contend that, but do you realize what it is she _expects_ of you?"

And there, in his eyes, she saw it. She didn't want to see it, but she did. Concern. Deep concern. He didn't want her to stay here. He really wanted her to come with him. She felt her lip trembling. The last thing she wanted to do was love him. But she already did. "Go away," she sobbed.

"No. I refuse. I'm not leaving until I give you what you need. If you insist on staying here, you're going to be protected." In his hand appeared a chain of something that looked to be made of glittering crystals intermingled with a pale metal and a deep green substance. "Put this on. It will protect you from T'Pau."

Zymak stood aside then and let her reach out to the man in the chair. Maya had the necklace in her hand, but he still held it in his as he stood. Her eyes lifted to look up into his. "Just say it once," he begged. "I just want to hear you say it once."

She looked up into his eyes. Standing so close, she could feel the **power** emanating from him. "Dad."

He let the necklace go then and his hands reached across to cradle her face. "You have amassed too many enemies in powerful places. T'Pau is not the only one," he said as he looked down at her.

She pulled away from him then put the necklace around her neck. The thing began to morph and blend and then melt into her skin. She looked at him, alarmed.

"It's supposed to do that," he said nonchalantly. He seemed to turn stern then. "You listen to me, girl, and you listen well. You are still here because I allow it and because you must come with me voluntarily. I cannot interfere in the things that happen in the material world. The only reason I can come here now is because of you. The moment your life is in irrevocable danger, I will come and I do not care who they are that threaten you in this reality, in this galaxy, in the finer workings and points of this universe, I will snuff them out."

"But the necklace-" Maya began, confused.

"It is a means to an end, nothing more. It will change you in some ways and yes, give you protection, but any form of trickery can usually be overcome with even the most determined modicum of thought." He paused for a couple of seconds. "And the shame of it is, as powerful as I am, I cannot stay here with you to protect you. It is forbidden by them," he nearly spat with anger. "But someday something will happen and you will want to come with me. In the meantime, whenever you wish it, whenever you need me, I will come."

"But I don't even know how to-"

"I will know," he said with a quick nod. "I must leave soon but first I must speak with your T'Niye. Now go to sleep."

Maya slumped into his arms, unconscious and he lifted her easily. He seemed to just stand there and watch her face for a couple of seconds as Zymak and T'Niye waited him out. They knew if he changed his mind and took her, there was nothing they could do to prevent it. "The last time I held her like this, she was still nothing more than a human baby," he muttered to himself. "And now here she is, all grown up, ready physically and psychologically to produce offspring. The thought is almost horrifying."

He looked up then and his eyes locked with T'Niye. "I want to thank you, sincerely, for all you've done for her. You've prepared her better for life among my father's people than anyone else could have and yet she's not ready to go. It may take a century or two before she is truly ready." He looked down at the unconscious young woman in his arms. "But I have seen the stream of time and she doesn't have that long to make up her mind… at least not here."

"She wishes to remain with he who is her husband," said T'Niye.

"Her husband is a male who will never reach his full potential because he allows emotion to get in the way. Your kind was correct when they realized that that will cripple you every time. I can turn my emotions off when I wish it, but he cannot. He has great potential and yet he will never reach it if he does not learn to manage his emotions better than he does now." He turned and looked over at Zymak, a small smile on his face. "You on the other have fulfilled some of that potential. Another century and you may be considered for something more."

"With respect, no thank you," said Zymak.

Maya's father laughed as he gently handed the unconscious form of his daughter over to the agent. "That is why I like you. Ever truthful."

He looked off to the side as if he were temporarily distracted. "My time is nearly done here. But first I must convey to you both a few pertinent facts." He turned his attention back to T'Niye. "The T'Pau of this universe is evil and wily. The terrorist organization, The Purge, it is all her doing. You have no proof of that, however, so you won't go spouting off that accusation just anywhere, I am aware of that. But know that she will do whatever it takes to shape this planet into the place she wishes for it to become. You have the curse of a mortal with future sight and you know that her plans will someday backfire on her in ways that she least expects. Wait her out. You have the ability to do so." He looked over at his daughter once. "She is tied to you in many ways. So I must make certain you are able to remain here for longer than you would have originally and in your correct mind." He reached out a hand and a wave of energy transferred from himself and hit T'Niye in the chest.

The clan mother gasped once, but remained standing. Her eyes were wide, but there was no expression on her face.

The nameless man sighed almost painfully as if it were becoming an effort to maintain his presence there. "Protect my child. Sarek cannot be allowed to do so for soon his hands will be full in more way than one and his loyalty is too divided." He looked over at Zymak. "You are the only one capable of keeping her out of enemy hands for the time being." He looked down at Maya being held by the agent. "Soon she will come into her own and she will be unstoppable. You've made it possible," he said as he looked at T'Niye, "for her to have such abilities and remain among the material world."

He looked at Zymak then for the last time. "You knew it all about T'Pau. But you are a protector of this planet, first and foremost, is that not so?" He laughed once as he began to turn brighter and his form began to condense into a ball of pure light and energy. It condensed even more and became a point of light.

The small point of diamond light went then and hovered over Maya for a second. Then it quickly went to T'Niye and flashed once briefly in the area of her mind and then it disappeared.

When he left, T'Niye looked positively horrified at what she now knew. She quickly scanned the security men. Yes, they were alive. She scanned Maya. She was alive, as well, but there was some slightly different activity in her brain. And then T'Niye scanned herself.

"What is it?" asked Zymak.

She wouldn't say. But her medical tri-corder indicated that her cells had been set backward by nearly 70 years. Physically she looked the same, but internally she felt the difference. There was an energy there that had begun to wane nearly 25 years before. It had returned. "I will be fine."

"You were given information, were you not?" asked Zymak.

She simply nodded. "Maya may have attracted some enemies, indeed. But my concern is a piece of the future I could not ascertain. He clarified what I could not tell. It is Amanda! The emperor will summon her to him soon."

Zymak looked terribly troubled. "Amanda?"

"Not this year, but perhaps the next. It will spark something that may yet narrowly be avoided. And General Grayson, her own father, will be the catalyst. I cannot see more than that, but there is trouble coming for her."

* * *

_A/N - Just one more chapter to go for this part of my tale. Yes, there's a whole lot that needs to be resolved and I cannot believe I'm saying this, but down the line I am going to have to write a Part 3 to this. It's difficult writing in this universe, but I guess I can't leave tales untold and questions unanswered, right? So stay tuned for the very last chapter of Boundaries of Logic.  
_


	52. Unified

Unified

It took a lot of work, but Amanda found herself able to put one foot in front of the other every day thereafter.

The planet had been pronounced 'cleansed'. Half of the V'Tosh Ka'tur up on the station had already been ferried away by a convoy of sympathetic Andorian merchants, two Bolian ships and one Imperial starship whose captain had been assassinated after that mission was over. There would be a colony established by the displaced Vulcans on an uninhabited island of Terrasso Segundo. The other half of the V'Tosh still up on the station had the choice to convert, but most still refused to do so.

There was talk of them willingly becoming miners on T'Kuht and establishing permanent living quarters there. They wanted to be as close to their planet of origin as possible, even if they could never return.

The only good that came out of everything was watching the Empire's troops depart Vulcan in well organized waves. Within four months, they were back to the usual number of Empire troops on their soil.

All of the ladies sat together in Amanda's new greenhouse. It was very peaceful there with all of the greenery. There was a mini fountain almost in the middle of it and stone benches had been placed here and there.

"Can you believe the last bit of crazy as of yesterday?" asked Dana. Her stomach was swollen with the baby girl she very much wanted. She looked wan and ill, not at all healthy. But she was still in possession of that animated personality as she with a large pillow at her back while she leaned on the wall.

"Hmm," said Amanda. And then she entered sarcasm mode, "The planet is cleansed, yay! And oh, look, it's no longer broken into sides, oh yay! Diversity no longer exists!" She angrily began combining a liquid plant food formula. "And oh, by the way, since there are no more V'Tosh Ka'tur, everyone's a Syranite, isn't that wonderful!?"

Mariana threw in, "What about dissolving the joint council so now it's just Vulcan High Command?"

Patricia shook her head. "I still can't believe they made T'Pau the head of Vulcan High Command."

"_I_ believe it," Amanda scoffed.

Dana asked, "Maya, honey, you okay?"

Maya was sitting near the fountain, just watching the water trickle. She had been very quiet for weeks now. Shin, Sherin and even Zymak had been paranoid about her for a good week after some event had taken place that none of them knew about and was being kept very hush hush. But Sokam had returned home and she seemed better after that. For a short time.

She looked up and at all of them in the room. Things had changed. She was no longer aware of time the way everyone else was. Whatever her father had done to her, she was having difficulty processing everything around her. She was going to have to go away soon so she could get used to the way she was and take things step by step and reintegrate the information that seemed to be coming at her even faster than usual. "I have to go."

"Now?" asked Mariana.

Maya laughed a little. It was a sound she almost never made as of late and it startled them. "I'm sorry. I mean, I have to go on some kind of a—a long vacation, I guess you would call it that. But I'll be back in time."

"In time for what?" asked Amanda.

"The trouble that's coming," she said casually. It was the reason she didn't speak much lately. It was difficult for her to separate what she should say and what she should keep to herself. She had become, in a word, 'weird'. But she knew these ladies would understand…

"Trouble?" asked Mariana. "What trouble?" She had watched her friend revert back to the way she had been when she was younger and still trying to figure out how to filter the world around her. It had been a sad thing for her to see. But Mariana knew Maya would figure it out eventually. At least in public, Maya was able to put on an impassive face and not speak. Maybe going away was just the thing for her to do this. But now she was talking about trouble?

"Next year," she said matter of factly. "But I can't see it all right now."

"See what?" asked Amanda.

Maya looked over at her. "Danger. Amanda, you're in danger. When he calls you, don't go. Don't go."

"Who?" asked Amanda as the hair on the back of her neck stood up as a fear she did not understand gripped her.

Maya shook her head a little too casually. "I don't know."

"Zymak and T'Niye are saying her brain activity has stepped up exponentially," said Mariana. "She's going to have to go to one of the monasteries and get some help from one of the Masters that train V'Shar agents. They think he'll be able to help her get a hold of things after a while."

"It won't take long," said Maya. But it was obvious she was functioning on a different wavelength from everyone else in the room. She seemed to be there but not there. "One foot here, one foot there," she said simply. "That's what's going on."

Dana's eyes teared up as Amanda sat down hard on a stone bench. "Dammit."

Maya looked over at her then. "Don't worry, Amanda," she said earnestly. And for a minute it was the full and whole Maya speaking to her. "I'll be back. I'll come back in time to help you. And I'll be fine." Then she went back into half-phase mode. "Things are different now. I can feel it." She pointed to herself and then hit herself in the chest. "I can_ feel_ it." She hit herself in the chest even harder then.

Mariana immediately grabbed her arm. "Maya, stop it."

She looked over at her then, tears in her eyes. "I have to go now, don't I?"

"It's time," said Mariana as her own eyes filled with tears.

Maya stood then as if nothing had ever happened. "It was nice seeing you all again! I'm leaving now. I'm going on vacation!"

Mariana walked with Maya out of the greenhouse. Dana and Amanda were shocked. They looked over at Patricia. They knew she had seen way more of Maya since she had been living at Mariana's for months. "What happened?" asked Dana.

"Something happened, I don't know what. It was from that day when the last big announcement was made when we were at Mariana and Zurel's. She was fine at first but then… she slowly started becoming… like that."

"When did the worst of it set in?" asked Dana.

"About a week ago she got really weird. She doesn't try to hurt anyone, but sometimes she'll zone out for a minute or two. At first, Mariana thought she was having seizures, but they realized that certain parts of her brain have activated that just shouldn't be working."

"How's Sokam taking this?" asked Amanda.

Patricia sighed. "He seems to be able to go into her mind when this happens and help her put herself back together for a few hours. But it's not enough for the long haul, so she's going to the monastery, the hidden one that even the council isn't aware of its location. Zymak says he's confident that she'll be fine, she's just going to need deep intensive sensory and synaptic work for weeks, maybe even months, but then she'll get a grasp of things and she'll be fine. It just looks worse than it really is."

"Where's Sarek?" asked Dana as she realized he was nowhere to be seen.

Amanda looked even more tense as she sighed. "T'Pau has summoned him."

##

Sarek stood at the door of T'Pau's home, once again with an entourage of security at his back and front. When it came to this woman, he would no longer be caught unawares.

Her door opened and her servant stood there and beckoned, "Enter, Sarek. T'Pau awaits you."

He did so. As soon as he walked into T'Pau's home, he wondered why he had been summoned there of all places. His security men were around him, but that still didn't make him think anything positive was going to come out of this meeting.

She sat in her common room with a young boy as they worked at some task on a handheld PADD. He looked to be about ten years of age. Something about the child tickled the back of Sarek's mind.

"That is more than adequate. Your education was not neglected," she murmured to the child.

He frowned as he stood there and stared. Something about that boy's face was familiar. "Clan mother?"

T'Pau stood. And though her face was clear, there was an air about her of… triumph? "Sarek, you are here. I have saved a child of our clan from the ravages of the V'Tosh Ka'tur. He shall remain with me so that I may see to his proper instruction."

Sarek halfway frowned. And it hit him then who the child was. His face was a unique blend of his own and his deceased wife. And he could see more than a passing resemblance to Spock. So she had attained his son, after all! "Sybok," he halfway whispered.

The boy's eyes lit up as he looked at him. "Father?"

"And now you may leave," T'Pau said a little too calmly.

"Father!" the boy exclaimed, obviously affected by this turn of events.

"This is uncalled for, T'Pau!" Sarek said. "I can bring the child home with me and-"

"You shall not," she declared. But she did not see the look of anger the child was directing at her. "Sybok is very talented and needs close supervision. Depart from my home immediately so that I may continue his instruction."

He felt the sting of something worse than defeat as he took one long look at the boy. He was about to turn and depart. But he heard a voice in his mind then…

_Father, I will not forget this day, that you came to bring me with you and __**SHE**__ would not allow it. I will not forget this._

Sarek turned and looked at the boy again, stricken. He was a hyper-telepath under the tutelage of T'Pau. "Good-bye, my son."

What would she shape him into? Only time would tell.

-The End… For Now-

* * *

_A/N - Anti-climactic ending, I know! One more part to this tale still needs to be told. This story wrung it out of me so it's going to take sometime for the creative energy to build up again and for me to return to the brutality that is the Mirror Universe.  
_

_I'd like to give a very large and warm 'thank you' to everyone that stuck around during the telling of this tale, parts 1 and 2. I had a lot of ups and downs in my life while writing this and the reviews are the things that kept me coming back to this story to get it out there! Without fans, it's only halfway worth writing these things down and working them out._

_For my most persistent reviewers, some of whom left a review on almost every chapter, thank you SO MUCH:_

_Lori Jean, VickyFromGreece, LKalomi, NyotaRules, AashleeElizabeth, fanficfan71, Ahlysha, jackiemack916, maigonokaze, mvw, uw80, Rashida7777, binaW, maba7x, sherry15, purplefrosterlover, aaliyah...  
_

_If I missed any of my persistent reviewers, please forgive me. I am sleep deprived!_

_But I honestly appreciate every last review I get! So thank you to all of you, even the unnamed here, because your review might have been 'the one' that made me get up and do another chapter.  
_


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